


When Your World Is Ripped Apart

by Jld71



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Bottom Jensen Ackles, Bullying, Depression, Established Relationship, Graphic description of medical examine, Graphic description of rape aftermath/effects to the human body, Homophobia, Hurt Jensen Ackles, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Consensual, Protective Jared Padalecki, Rape, Shy Jensen Ackles, Top Jared Padalecki, Violence, graphic description of rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-30 11:02:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 116,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19851808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jld71/pseuds/Jld71
Summary: Jensen is a shy, insecure and bullied sixteen year old. He has no friends; he prefers books and drawing to people, until he meets sixteen year old Jared who moves three houses down from his. Jared is outgoing and instantly takes a liking to Jensen who only sees Jared as eventually being one of his tormentors when Jared finds out that he’s gay. Jensen desperately tries to get Jared to leave him alone. Jared refuses to give up on Jensen; standing up to those who have bullied Jensen in the past and announcing to everyone that not only is he gay, but he’s in love with Jensen. Jensen takes a chance on Jared and not only finds a friend, but a boyfriend and eventually a husband. They’re happily married, until one night when their world is ripped apart by an act of violence.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Do Not Re-Post Without My Written Permission - Only To Be Posted On My AO3 Or LiveJournal Accounts.
> 
> Written for the 2019 J2 Big Bang  
> Beta: jj1564  
> Artist: bluefire986  
> See the art work here: https://bluefire986.livejournal.com/20250.html or https://archiveofourown.org/works/19846882

When Your World Is Ripped Apart

Jensen worked for Morgan Publishing as an editor and artist; it was a job he loved having developed an appreciation for the written word at a young age. The company was owned and operated by the chief executive, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who preferred to be called JD. Jensen worked on editing manuscripts for new and established authors. He also created original art for the book covers as well as art that graced the pages of the story. Jensen’s team consisted of Mark Pellegrino his boss who oversaw the department he worked in, Misha Collins and Genevieve Cortese. The team he was on dealt with Romance and Mystery stories. He loved a good romance, just as much as the next person and enjoyed a great mystery even more, but he had been wanting a change, especially after working on his team for the last three years. He enjoyed working with Misha and Genevieve; they had become fast friends inside and out of work. They had bonded over the fact that they worked for Pellegrino; Mark was not someone who was easily pleased and he seemed to be the one who took credit for others’ work, claiming he had been the one to mentor the author when he hadn’t even laid eyes on their manuscript prior to the finished version being submitted to him for his approval. Jensen didn’t mind that, it was the norm in several industries. He just hated his boss. The man rubbed Jensen the wrong way. The man could never seem call him by his actual name, it was always Jen or Jenny, at least when others weren’t around. No one, not even his husband Jared, called him Jen and anyone who knew him, knew enough to never call him Jenny. And, it seemed that Mark was always leering at him. Or at least that’s how it felt to him. Misha and Genevieve had even made a few comments about how Mark always seemed to focus on him. They had even offered to run interference on his behalf when Mark was around. 

“Hey, Jensen, Mark’s in a mood today,” Genevieve had warned as he walked past her desk to his office, the one he shared with Misha. 

“Thanks,” he replied quietly, hoping to get to his desk before Mark stepped out of his office and noticed him talking to his teammate. It wasn’t that their boss didn’t allow them to speak to each other, he did, how could he not? Jensen and Misha shared an office; they were always speaking to each other, helping each other out when it came to dealing with a particularly difficult author or manuscript. Plus, Genevieve was the first person you walked by on the way to Mark’s office or the one he shared with Misha. There was always friendly banter going on between the three of them. Unless Mark was in a mood. Which apparently today, he was. 

“Great,” he mumbled as he took his seat and sipped his coffee. Mark was in a mood which meant that everyone needed to tiptoe around him.

“What’s great?” Misha asked as he made his way over to his desk. He eyed Jensen and waited for the younger man to elaborate further.

“Mark’s in a mood, according to Genevieve,” Jensen replied. He shrugged his shoulders and gave a little grimace. 

“Oh, boy,” Misha stated as he rolled his eyes. “Let me know if you need me to be your bathroom buddy.” He meant it as a joke, but it seemed that when Mark was in one of his moods, he always targeted Jensen. Mark would yell at Jensen, dump more work on him and then demand his undivided attention. He had suspected for a while now, that Mark harbored an unrequited crush on Jensen. He knew Jensen was happily married to Jared and never even looked at Mark in that manner. In fact, he didn’t think Jensen knew anyone else existed aside from Jared when it came to flirting. The green eyed man only had eyes for his husband. Maybe that was why Mark was the way he was when it came to Jensen. Jensen didn’t “harmlessly” flirt with him or anyone, and he had noticed Mark attempting to flirt with Jensen on more than one occasion. Jensen was just oblivious to it, or he chose to ignore it. 

“I think I’ll manage. We just have to get through the next hour, unscathed and then it’s Rosey’s goodbye party,” Jensen responded and then ended their conversation in favor of getting some work done.

“Well, the offer still stands, my friend,” Misha stated quietly and turned his attention back to the chapter he had been working on.

Michael ‘Rosey’ Rosenbaum, who worked for Felicia Day on her team and had accepted a position with another publishing company in New Your, leaving his position open. Felicia’s team handled the Science Fiction and Fantasy division in Morgan Publishing and Jensen would be lying if he said it didn’t interest him to be part of that team. The move to Felicia’s team would give him a chance to work on projects he had never worked on before, along with creating art for these stories. Felicia’s team consisted of Danneel Harris, Tom Welling and Mike before he had decided to leave. If he did put his name in for a transfer, there was no guarantee he would get it. He hadn’t discussed it with Jared. Sure, he had mentioned it in passing, but he hadn’t sat down to talk it over with Jared like he normally would have. 

“Jensen, my office,” a male voice called out.

Jensen startled when he heard Mark’s voice. He looked up to see his boss standing in the doorway. The man looked angry and it seemed to be directed at him. He had no idea why. As far as he knew, he had been working steadily, producing the artwork required of him as well as meeting all the deadlines Mark had set for him with the manuscripts he had been working on. “Sure,” he breathed out as he stood up from his desk. He gave Misha a backwards glance before he followed Mark to his office. He saw Misha’s blue eyes meet his and Misha had a look of concern on his face; he was sure it matched the one he wore on his own face. Genevieve was at her desk, watching them as he trailed after Mark. “Is something wrong?” he asked as he followed Mark.

“Shut the door,” Mark said in an even tone as he took his seat behind his desk. With steely eyes, he watched as Jensen turned and closed the door but remained standing next to the door. Jensen looked at him with those big green eyes and he wondered what they would look like when Jensen was down on his knees sucking his cock. He forced himself to remain quiet when all he wanted was to groan at that thought. Then he was hit with a spike of anger at the thought of Jensen down on his knees sucking Jared’s cock. He didn’t care if Jared was Jensen’s husband. He just had to prove to Jensen that he was with the wrong man. 

Without a word, Jensen did as he had been told and then stood there, his hand still on the doorknob as he waited for Mark to say something. 

Mark leaned back in his chair and regarded the man standing in his office. Jensen had the greenest eyes he had ever seen and they were set off by his long dark lashes. He had high cheekbones and a defined jaw that gave him a delicate look. His cheeks and nose were sprinkled with copper colored freckles and his lips were full and sensual. Jensen’s body was lean but muscular and he liked the idea of having Jensen writhing underneath him. He liked the timid way Jensen had about him. He could only imagine what it would have been like if he had been the first to bed the younger man. He would have enjoyed hearing Jensen’s moans of pleasure laced with pain as he took him for the first time. He felt his cock twitch with that thought and he had to dig his nails into the palm of his hand to stop himself from moaning. “Jen, there’s a rumor that’s floating around that since Rosenbaum has vacated his position, you have your eye on it. Is that true?”

Jensen just stared at the man for a moment in stunned silence. It slowly dawned on him, this was what had caused Mark’s mood “What?” he finally asked. He shook his head. “I don’t know what you heard, or who you heard it from, but it’s nothing more than a rumor.”

“Jenny, tell me the truth,” Mark said in a tense voice. He looked at the younger man and fought the urge to stalk over there and grab him, press him up against the wall. He wanted to hear the gasps and moans that he would pull from those damn sinful lips. If Jensen requested a transfer, it would ruin all his plans; all the fun he had planned for them. He had been planning things for a while now, he just needed the right opportunity to present itself so he could finally show Jensen how they belonged together. How it was him and not Jensen’s husband who belonged with him. 

“It’s Jensen and I just did,” Jensen finally gritted out from behind clenched teeth. “Is there anything else we need to discuss?”

“No,” Mark bit out. “Just make sure I’m the first one you notify if you do decide to request a transfer. You owe me that.” He gave a wave of his hand, dismissing Jensen from his office. He watched as Jensen jerked the door open and practically fled from his office. “Playing hard to get, Jenny,” he murmured to himself. “Game on.” A malicious smile formed on his lips as he sat back in his chair and pulled up the vacation request that Jensen had sent him. He knew Jensen and his husband were waiting for the birth of their newest family member so they could fly back to Texas. He had heard Jensen and a few others discussing his sister-in-law’s pregnancy and how he couldn’t wait to get the time off to spend with Jared. Well, that wasn’t going to happen. He had the capability to deny Jensen his request. It looked like Jared would be flying back to Texas without Jensen. He picked up his phone and made a few calls, insuring things would be in place to keep Jensen here, without his husband. Jensen would be all alone and he would be here to comfort the younger man. It was good to be the boss, Mark thought to himself.

Jensen yanked the door to Mark’s office open as fast as he could. He needed to get away from the man as fast as possible. He made it to the breakroom, hoping he hadn’t missed the send-off for Michael. To his surprise, he hadn’t. As he entered the room, Mike looked up from cutting the cake everyone had pitched in to buy him and gave him a grin.

“Jensen, thought you were boycotting my leaving,” Mike chuckled.

“Never, I want you to leave. Remember, I was the first person to offer you help in packing up your office,” Jensen said with a laugh. He walked over to Mike and gave the man a hug. “Seriously, you’ll be missed. I’m not sure by who, but someone with eventually miss you.” He heard others laughing as he pulled away from Mike. 

“Cake?” Mike offered Jensen a plate with a slice of cake, but ended up handing it off to someone else when Jensen refused it. “So, you’re gonna apply for my position.”

“It was you, wasn’t it,” Jensen accused the man and watched as Mike threw his head back and laughed.

“Guilty,” Mike admitted and then saw the angry look on Jensen’s face. “What?”

“Pellegrino called me into his office and told me he had heard a rumor about me requesting a transfer for your position,” he said and didn’t bother to hide the anger in his voice. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make things difficult for you. But you should put in for it. You’d be great,” Mike responded before someone called him over to wish him good luck.

Jensen just stared at the man. “Unbelievable,” he muttered to himself as he grabbed a cup of coffee before he left the breakroom.

“Hey Jensen, can I talk to you for a moment?” Felicia asked as she followed Jensen out of the breakroom, hoping to speak with him away from the crowd that had gathered on Mike’s behalf.

“Sure,” he responded, taking a sip of coffee from the cup he had just poured himself. “About what?” he asked.

“Well, I’m wondering if you’ve thought about requesting a transfer. I’d really like to have you on my team. I think you’d fit in well with us; your talents as an editor and artist would be great to have. Plus, I think you’d really enjoy the change of pace.”

“I’ve thought about it, briefly, but . . .” He shrugged his shoulders non committedly. He had thought about it when Mike had announced his departure but had opted to dismiss it. Now, with the way Mark had been treating him, he was starting to give it more thought. Maybe it would be a good change for him. 

“Well, give it some more thought, please,” Felicia said as they parted ways.

Jensen sipped his coffee while he sat at his desk, trying to decide if he really wanted a transfer. It would make his life easier; he wouldn’t have to deal with Pellegrino and he liked the idea of working in a new genre. By the end of the day, he had sent Pellegrino his request for the transfer from his team to the empty position on Felicia’s team. He hoped things worked out in his favor as he packed up his laptop and went home. 

As he waited for Jared to return home, he thought about what he was going to say to him. Usually they sat and talked about decisions that would affect them as a couple. Today, he had gone ahead and made a decision without Jared’s input. He knew Jared would understand why he had done what he had, he just didn’t like the idea of not having Jared backing him and Jared’s support in his decision, when he had sent Mark his transfer request. Yes, he could have waited until he spoke with Jared and maybe that was why he was feeling like he had done something wrong; something that would upset Jared. But, after Mark confronting him, accusing him of something he had no knowledge of, he had just had it at that point. Maybe, even if he didn’t get the transfer, Mark would stop treating him like he had been. He pushed those thoughts from his mind and focused on the salad he was putting together. If he didn’t, he would probably end up cutting his fingers. Then where would he be? An artist without the ability to draw until his fingers healed. No, he didn’t need that. He needed to be able to draw in order to relieve some of the stress he was under.

“Jensen?” Jared’s voice called from the living room.

“Kitchen,” he answered as he finished the salad and placed the cutting board and knife in the sink.

“Be there in a minute,” Jared called out as he hung up his jacket before he made his way into the kitchen. He leaned against the doorframe and watched as Jensen stood at the sink, washing whatever he had in his hands. At that moment he was overcome with the desire to bend Jensen over and push into that tight ass of his. 

“Hey,” he said as Jared joined him in the kitchen.

“You make household chores look so damn sexy,” Jared husked out. He could feel himself getting aroused just from watching Jensen move. 

“I do?” Jensen asked as a shy smile played across his lips. He watched as Jared closed the distance between them, a hungry look in those hazel eyes as Jared watched him. 

Jared reached out and pulled Jensen into his arms. “Yeah, you do,” Jared murmured against Jensen’s lips before he kissed him. Jensen met his kiss, Jensen’s soft lips pressing against his before he opened his mouth to him, and he licked into Jensen’s mouth. He swallowed Jensen’s moan as he sucked on his tongue. He bit down on Jensen’s lips and heard Jensen’s breathing quicken. “What’s for dinner?” he whispered as he nosed along Jensen’s neck. His large hands ran up and down Jensen’s back before he brought one up to run his fingers through his cropped hair. It always amazed him that Jensen’s stubble was a reddish-brown color in contrast to his light brown hair.

Jensen tried to focus on Jared’s words, but he was too caught up in his desire for Jared. He leaned in against Jared, trying to get his husband to kiss him again. He felt Jared’s lips against the shell of his ear and then Jared’s words as he asked his question again. Jensen closed his eyes, trying to even out his breathing as Jared licked his earlobe. “Ste . . . steaks . . . marinating,” he managed to stutter out as a tendril of want slithered up his spine. He leaned his head against Jared’s shoulder, his breaths panting out as he felt Jared’s arms tighten around him. 

“Can they wait?” Jared asked in a heated voice. 

“Yes,” Jensen breathed out.

“Good, cause I can’t,” Jared rasped out and then spun Jensen around so his body was firmly planted between Jared’s body and the counter. He reached around Jensen’s waist and worked the button and zipper to his pants open and then dragged Jensen’s pants and underwear down past the globes of his ass. He leaned his body against Jensen’s, grinding his still clothed hard cock against Jensen’s ass. “Feel that, that’s because of you,” he whispered into Jensen’s ear. 

Jensen caught his bottom lip between his teeth as a soft mewl escaped his lips. He closed his eyes and leaned back, his head resting against Jared’s shoulder. He felt Jared’s fingers on his hips, pushing up his shirt and he shuddered as the cold air touched his heated skin. He felt Jared’s lips press against his neck before Jared bit down on the sensitive skin. 

“Don’t move,” Jared commanded as he pulled himself off of Jensen. He took one last look at Jensen to see him leaning up against the counter, his arms supporting him as he stood there with his head resting against his chin, and his pants open, resting just under his ass. Looking like that, Jensen was a picture of sin. He admired the creamy white skin of Jensen’s ass before he disappeared from the kitchen to retrieve the one thing they both needed. Luckily, he only had to make his way into the downstairs bathroom to get the lube that he knew they had stashed in the bottom drawer. He quickly returned to the same sight he had left and a sly smile made its way across his lips. As he entered the kitchen, he worked his jeans down, not wanting to waste any more time.

Jensen’s breaths were coming in hard pants as he waited for Jared to return to him. He could only imagine what Jared was doing and hoped it wouldn’t take his husband long to make his way back to him. Even though Jared was the only other person in their home, he felt exposed and began to blush. His eyes were still closed and he tilted his head when he heard the sound of Jared’s footsteps approaching. He gasped when he heard the sound of Jared’s zipper being worked down and his breath stuttered in his chest. The sound of a bottle being opened cut through the rushing sound of his blood pulsing in his ears and then he felt Jared’s muscular body pressing against his again.

“Fuck, look at you,” Jared drawled as he pressed his erection between Jensen’s ass cheeks. He rutted against Jensen before stepping away and coating the fingers of his right hand with lube. He slid his fingers between Jensen’s cheeks and heard Jensen gasped as the cold lube made contact with his heated skin. Slowly, he teased Jensen with his fingers, running the pads of his fingers over Jensen’s sensitive rim.

“Jared,” Jensen gasped when Jared’s slicked fingers dipped between his ass cheeks. The coldness of the lube was a stark contrast to the warmth of Jared’s flesh. He pushed his ass out, trying to get Jared to give him more than just his fingers rubbing his rim. He wanted Jared’s fingers in him or better yet, Jared’s cock. “Jared, please,” he begged and was rewarded when one of Jared’s fingers breached him. His back arched and his mouth opened in a silent moan as Jared worked his finger in and out of his body. 

Jared distracted Jensen by trailing kisses along the back of his neck as he withdrew his finger and then pushed back into him with two fingers. He heard the strangled moan of pleasure escape Jensen’s lips and his breathing quickened. He felt his cock twitch in response to Jensen’s moan as he scissored his fingers, stretching Jensen open before he added a third finger. He nosed at Jensen’s neck, feeling the shudder that went through his husband’s body and hummed in satisfaction; he was the one causing this. He was the one making Jensen fly apart. That knowledge only fueled his intense need to be in Jensen; to take his husband any way he could. He groaned at the sight as he looked down, resting his forehead on Jensen’s shoulder, to see his fingers moving in and out of Jensen’s ass. “You should see yourself, taking three of my fingers,” he rasped out, his voice broken from the fight to hold back, to not pull his fingers free and push his throbbing cock into Jensen’s tight ass without thoroughly preparing him.

Jensen’s eyes fluttered closed and he trembled at the featherlight kisses Jared ghosted over his skin. He felt like he was burning from the inside out from Jared’s touch. His hands scrabbled over the counter, searching for something to anchor himself to as Jared worked him open. Jensen was panting, open-mouthed as Jared spoke to him. “Jared,” he managed to wheeze out before he whined when he felt Jared’s fingers withdraw from him his body. His eyes snapped open as Jared whispered into his ear.

“What do you want? Huh, tell me,” Jared said coyly, knowing full well what Jensen wanted; what he wanted to do to Jensen. He heard the slight whimper that escaped Jensen’s lips from not having his fingers or cock in his ass.

“Please . . . please, Jared,” he begged.

“Please what?” Jared purred against Jensen’s heated flesh. “Can’t give you what you want, what you need until you tell me.” 

“You, need you,” Jensen groaned in frustration. “Please, Jared, fuck me,” he finally begged. He was too far gone with desire for Jared to worry about how he sounded; how desperate he was for Jared.

“Since you asked so nicely,” Jared husked out as he slicked himself up and pressed the head of his cock against Jensen’s rim. With one push, he slipped inside and they groaned in unison. He teased Jensen by slowly pushing himself into Jensen’s tight heat, making him groan. When his hips were flush with Jensen’s ass, he stilled his movements, giving Jensen a chance to adjust to being split open by his cock. He gave a roll of his hips and heard Jensen’s gasp then smiled, knowing he could finally move. He pulled out, leaving just the head of his cock in Jensen’s hole before he pushed back in forcing Jensen up onto his toes with the angle he had the smaller man at. 

Jensen’s eyes rolled into the back of his head as Jared breached him; splitting him open in the most delicious way. “Yes,” he called out as Jared’s hips snapped forward and he arched his back, taking more of Jared into him. He writhed in pleasure under Jared’s thrusts as his prostate was hit dead-on. He leaned back into Jared’s chest, his left arm snaked back around Jared’s waist, anchoring his body to Jared’s. 

Jared’s hips snapped forward, driving himself into Jensen’s tight channel, pulling a pleasured scream from Jensen’s lips. He rocked his hips back and forth before pulling out and then slamming back into Jensen’s hole. He growled in Jensen’s ear as he quickened his pace. He pulled the back of Jensen’s shirt down and ran his tongue over the exposed skin before he latched onto the patch of freckled skin and sucked until he left his mark on Jensen’s body. He needed to mark his husband’s body; wanting everyone to know that Jensen was his. It was a primal need, but he didn’t bother to fight it. 

“ _ JaredJaredJared _ ,” Jensen chanted as he felt the familiar tingle of his building orgasm at the base of his spine. “God, yes!” he cried out as Jared pounded into him, hitting his prostate over and over again until he came. He dropped his arm from Jared’s waist as he went boneless; the only things keeping him upright were Jared’s body and the counter he was pressed up against.

Jared grabbed Jensen’s hips and pulled him back onto his cock as he chased after his own orgasm. “So good,” he mumbled into Jensen’s sweat-coated skin. He thrust, once, twice and then he was coming deep in Jensen’s ass. He lazily rolled his hips, fucking them both through the aftershocks of their orgasms. He let go of Jensen’s hips and with his left hand, turned Jensen’s head so he could kiss his lips. “Love you,” he murmured against those sinful lips and then smiled when he saw the blissed out look on his husband’s face.

“Love you, too,” Jensen panted and blinked several times, trying to clear his vision. He let out a low moan as Jared pulled out of him. He looked down at himself; his pants were splattered with his own come and he could feel Jared’s come leaking from his ass; he was a mess. A giggle escaped his lips as he tried to pull his pants up. He had to brace himself against the counter to keep himself from falling over. He was still feeling pretty boneless after his orgasm, but did manage to at least get his pants up and around his waist. 

“What?” Jared asked as he spun Jensen around and planted another kiss on his swollen lips. 

“I’m never gonna look at this kitchen the same way again.” He stretched himself up to kiss Jared again.

“Go start the shower while I clean up in here,” Jared suggested and then pushed Jensen toward the doorway with a parting pat to Jensen’s ass. 

“Will you be joining me?” Jensen called over his shoulder as he started up the stairs.

“Shortly.” Jared made quick work of cleaning the kitchen cabinets, counter and floor where they had just been before he took the stairs, two at a time to get to his now naked and wet husband. 

After their shower, they dressed in sweatpants and t-shirts and made their way back down to the kitchen. Jared pulled out the steaks and got them ready to go under the broiler as Jensen set the table and grabbed the salad. 

As Jensen sat at the table, his plate pushed off to the side, he looked fondly at his husband and prayed that what he was about to say would be met with Jared’s support and not anger. He cocked his head to the side and tried to recall the last time Jared had been angry with him; he couldn’t and hoped his winning streak would continue tonight. He reached over and grabbed Jared’s hand. “I have something to tell you.” He took a deep breath and waited for Jared’s response. His green eyes took their fill of Jared; the man was only a few inches taller than him and had more muscle mass on him. Jared worked out daily to maintain the body he had achieved. In Jared’s line of work as a detective, his imposing height and build could be used to his advantage against criminals. He was broad shouldered, with well-defined arms and a powerful chest that tapered into a trim waist and his legs were long and muscular. But, Jared had a soft side to him, one that Jensen saw every day. Jared’s hands were large, larger than his own, but Jared had never used them to hurt him. Those hands would cup his cheeks gently as Jared pulled him in for a kiss. He loved to run his fingers through Jared’s soft chestnut colored hair that curled just under Jared’s chin. Jared’s smile lit up the room and Jensen loved the sound of his baritone voice, especially when he was laughing. But it had been his dimpled smile accompanied by those tilted eyes that had caught his attention when he had first met Jared. Jared’s eyes were intriguing; they were a swirl of blue and green mingled with gold. His green eyes were nothing compared to Jared’s hazel eyes as far as he was concerned. He loved everything about Jared, right down to the little mole on the left side of his angular nose. Jared’s voice pulled him from his observation of Jared as he sat next to him at their kitchen table. 

“Okay, what is it?” Jared asked as he narrowed his eyes at Jensen. 

“I know we usually talk things over before we make any decisions that will affect our life together . . .” He dropped his eyes to look at the table and felt Jared’s hand squeezed his own. “I told you about Mike leaving Morgan Publishing for another publishing company in New York. And, with that, his position is vacant. I sent Pellegrino my request for a transfer. I put my name in for Mike’s position. Please don’t be mad,” he asked quietly of Jared.

Jared reached over with his free hand, placed two fingers under Jensen’s chin and gently lifted Jensen’s head so that they were able to look at each other. “I’m not mad. I’m happy that you decided to take that chance. You know I’ll support you, no matter what. I just want you to be happy.”

Jensen felt his fear subside and he smiled at Jared. “Thanks. I don’t know if Pellegrino will approve it,” he said with a shrug, “but, Felicia asked me to consider it, and I did.”

“Well, I’ll keep my fingers crossed.” Jared stood up and grabbed their plates. “Come on, let’s clean up and then we can crawl into bed. I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of tired.”

“Yeah, I wonder why,” Jensen replied with a chuckle as he picked up the empty salad bowl and walked over to the sink. “Do you think you can control yourself while I wash the dishes?”

Jared blanketed Jensen’s body with his own and whispered into his ear, “Yeah, I can always dirty you up again in bed.” 

“Are you saying I’m easy?” Jensen asked in mock indignation.

“No,” Jared replied as he placed a kiss against Jensen’s neck. “I had to work very hard to get you and keep you. And, there’s no way in hell that I’m ever letting you go.” He rubbed his fingers over the bruise he had gifted Jensen with from earlier. 

Jensen winced at the sensation of slight pain that Jared’s fingers caused when they rubbed over a spot on his neck. “Did you . . . did you give me a hickey?” He turned to look at Jared with wide surprised green eyes.

“Maybe?” Jared offered. “But, since you can’t see the back of your neck, you’ll never really know for sure, will you?” he said as he backed away from Jensen.

“I’m gonna kill you,” Jensen said hotly.

“You just threatened a police detective,” Jared countered back. He heard Jensen grumbling as he turned away from him to finish washing the dishes while he wiped down the table and stove. He turned back to see Jensen leaning against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest. “Am I forgiven?”

“Maybe, as long as no one else will be able to see said hickey,” Jensen grumbled.

“No one but me will be able to see said hickey,” Jared assured Jensen and then grabbed Jensen’s hand, pulling him behind him as they made their way up the stairs to their bedroom. 

The ringing of their home phone woke them from a restful sleep. Jared rolled over, flicked on the bedside lamp and reached for the phone. “Hello?” he answered in a gravelly voice. He sat up when he heard his mother’s voice.

“Jared dear, it’s Mom,” Sharon Padalecki said from the other end of the call. “Sorry to wake you, but I have some news,” she said excitedly.

“Jared,” Jensen called out in a sleep-filled voice as he opened his eyes to see his husband sitting up.

Jared mouthed ‘Mom’ to Jensen and continued to listen to his mother’s excited voice. “What? When? How’s Megan doing? A girl?” He looked down at Jensen, saw that his green eyes had gone wide as he only heard the one-sided conversation. “Hold on Mom.” He covered the phone with one large hand. “Megan gave birth. It’s a girl,” he said excitedly to Jensen before turning his attention back to the phone and his mother. Megan had decided she wanted to be surprised by the sex of the baby and not find out until she gave birth. “Yeah, work knows I had planned on coming out when the baby was born. It’ll take me a few days to transfer a few cases. We should be able to fly out on Thursday. I’ll let you know for sure. Give everyone our love, talk to you soon.” He ended the conversation, replaced the receiver in its cradle and turned off the light. “A girl; we have a niece,” he said as he threw an arm around Jensen’s waist and pulled him close. “Can’t wait to see her.”

Jensen snuggled into Jared’s embrace. “A little girl who is going to be so spoiled. Did they name her yet?”

“Yeah, they named her Alisa.” He kissed Jensen and then settled back into his pillows as he drifted off to sleep followed closely by Jensen.

Jensen walked into work with a smile on his face. He and Jared were uncles, again. Jared’s older brother, Jeff and his wife Veronique already had a little boy, Tyler. He couldn’t wait to meet their new niece. All he had to do was get Mark’s approval for his time off. Both he and Jared had prepared their places of work for the upcoming birth, it was just that neither of them had known when Megan was going to give birth. Apparently, last night was when Alisa decided to grace the world with her presence. 

He sat down at his desk, pulled out his laptop and sent his boss his official request for time off, starting on Thursday through the entire following week. That would still give him plenty of time to work on editing the manuscript he had been given last Friday before he had left work for the weekend and still get the art markups done for the author he was working with on the art he was creating for author’s upcoming book. He was confident that everything would work out in his favor. His confidence began to waver when several hours had passed and he hadn’t heard from Mark. There were two hours left to his work day when Mark finally requested to see him. He pushed himself back from his desk, gave Misha a hopeful smile and disappeared down the hall to Mark’s office. He stood in the doorway of Mark’s office and waited for Mark to look up and acknowledge him. His heart was in his throat when Mark looked up at him with a predatory smile on his face. He knew instinctively that things weren’t about to go his way. 

“Mark, you asked to see me?” He stood in the doorway, not daring to enter the man’s office. There was something about the older blond man that set him on edge. He had caught the suggestive looks that Mark had thrown his way. It made him uncomfortable. He had also heard the rumors swirling around Mark that he had tried to seduce several past and current team members. He had thought he was safe from any of Mark’s advances when he had let it be known that he was happily married. He had thought the wedding ring he wore was enough of a deterrent. He even had several pictures of himself with Jared or just Jared on his desk. Mark had also blatantly come out and asked him out for drinks; just the two of them, under the guise of getting to know each other better and for Mark to find a way to really utilize his talents. He had balked at the idea; telling him that Jared wouldn’t appreciate the fact that his husband was out having drinks with another man, even if it was just for his boss to get to know his employee better. Mark had backed off after that, to Jensen’s relief. 

“Ah, Jenny, there’s my favorite team member,” Mark purred.

“It’s Jensen,” he responded in a tight voice. 

“No, I like my special little pet name for you, Jenny.”

“It’s inappropriate, Mark,” Jensen bit out. 

“Oh, please, it suits you.”

“Was there a reason you called me in?”

“Yes, you asked for the next few days off. I’m sorry, but I have to deny you the time. We’re very busy here right now,” Mark responded with a smirk. “The deadline has been pushed up.”

“Since when? I haven’t even finished editing the final version of the story. I just got it last Friday. You told me I had four weeks to work on it before it was due back to the author.” Jensen felt the anger rising. This ass was denying him vacation time that he was rightly due. “I can’t possibly work on that and come up with art for the other story I’m working on.” He knew he sounded like a petulant child, but he had been looking forward to getting away from work - well, mainly his boss - and spending time with Jared and their family.

“See, all the more reason why you can’t afford the time away.” The smirk grew wider on Mark’s face. Jensen hadn’t even seen that coming. He had just given Mark the reasons he needed to deny him his vacation time. 

Fuck, he had just walked right into that one. “I can work on both while I’m away,” Jensen pointed out. 

“No can do. Time is of the essence and the clients want to have sit downs with you. Maybe you can postpone this little trip with the husband.”

“I can’t. It wasn’t planned, but Jared’s sister just gave birth. We really wanted to meet our new niece.”

“I feel for you, Jenny. Really I do, but tough decisions have to be made. Family or your job. You have people counting on you here to get the job done.”

“It’s Jensen,” he gritted out. 

“What’s it gonna be?” Mark asked sarcastically.

Jensen angrily eyed his boss. He knew what Mark was doing was the equivalent of blackmail. All he had to do was go to JD himself and he would be given the time off that he wanted, but that would backfire on him in the long run. Once he returned from his vacation, he’d still have to work for Mark and his boss would most likely make his life a living hell. Unless he was actually granted the transfer he had requested. “Looks like I’ll be staying.”

“That’s the right answer,” Mark said as his smirk grew into a wide smile.

“I also put in the request to transfer to Felicia’s team. I’d like a chance at working with her; working on different projects. Have you looked that over?” he asked, feeling trepidation growing in the pit of his stomach.

“I’m mulling it over,” Mark said as he took his fill in of Jensen standing in the doorway. He picked up a folder from his desk, thumbed through it trying not to look obvious as his thoughts turned to what he wanted from Jensen. Maybe with Jensen’s husband gone, Jensen would be lonely. He had been trying to find a way to get Jensen alone for some time now. He was convinced that given time and the opportunity, Jensen would see how charming he was; that he could get Jensen into his bed. The man standing before him always made his dick twitch and he wanted to bury himself into that fine ass. At first he had put those thoughts aside when he had noticed the wedding ring on Jensen’s finger. But, when he had seen the picture of Jensen’s husband, he had begun to actively pursue Jensen who had either been oblivious to him or was playing hard to get. Maybe it was jealousy at seeing what Jared looked like that fueled his desire to bed Jensen. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter. He was determined to have Jensen. Being able to deny Jensen his vacation; separate him from his husband had been just what he had been looking for. Before Jared returned home to his little husband, he was going to sink his dick into Jensen; whether he wanted it or not. 

Mark smiled at this thought and then turned his attention back to Jensen. “I’d hate to lose such a valuable member of my team. Besides, it’s not like taking Rosenbaum’s position boosts your pay or standing here within the company.”

“I’m aware of that. But, like I said, it would give me the opportunity to work on different projects, with different authors, and create art that I haven’t done before.” The man was insufferable, Jensen thought to himself. He was also a lecherous weasel who made his skin crawl. 

“Well, we’ll just see what happens over the next week. If you make me happy,” Mark looked up at Jensen and gave him a leering smile, “with your work, you might just get what you’ve been hoping for. Now, I have a few things I have to deal with. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“No, Mark. Thanks for your time,” Jensen said managing to keep the bitterness from his voice and turned to leave the man’s office and return to his desk. 

“Oh, Jenny,” Mark called out and watched as Jensen turned back to him. He licked his lips and then smirked at seeing the look of anger on Jensen’s face. “I’m here if you need anything. Help with your work, a sounding board if you need to talk, or maybe someone to keep you company when your husband is away.”

“Excuse me?” Jensen responded. “I don’t get your meaning.” He was hoping he had heard Mark wrong, because he had never given Mark any indication that he was interested in spending time with his boss. Ever. He tried his best to not spend time with the man while they were at work. He never went out for drinks with the team if Mark was going. He certainly didn’t want to spend time with the man while Jared was away. 

“You know, if you need someone to talk to; have a drink with or dinner. It can get lonely when your significant other is away for any length of time.”

Jensen rubbed the back of his head, trying to think of a way to let the man down without angering him. “Uhm . . . Thanks but, I’ll probably be working a lot, taking advantage of Jared being away so I can meet these new deadlines,” he said and left Mark’s office before the man could offer him anything else. He suppressed the full body shudder of disgust as he passed Misha and walked back to his desk. 

Misha turned and regarded at Jensen, a quizzical look on his face as he made his way to the breakroom to grab a cup of coffee. Knowing that Jensen had just come from their boss’ office, he took pity on the younger man and poured Jensen a cup. He walked back to their shared office space and placed the hot liquid down on Jensen’s desk. “What did Mark want?”

“He denied my vacation,” Jensen grunted out. “Said the deadlines on my projects had been moved up. Total bullshit.”

“You could work from home,” Misha offered.

“Yeah, I tried that. Mark said he had set up meetings with the authors. They want to meet in person to discuss any changes and the art.” He slumped down in his chair. “I was just looking forward to getting away with Jared for a few days. This totally sucks,” he brooded as he chewed his bottom lip. Now he had to tell Jared the news that he had to work. 

“What aren’t you telling me?” Misha questioned. 

“Nothing,” Jensen gritted out and then turned away from his friend and coworker to try to concentrate on his work. Thankfully, Misha dropped any other inquiries into his meeting with Pellegrino. An hour later, Jensen sat back in his chair and rubbed at his eyes. He read over the comments he had made in regard to the story he was editing and groaned. The comments were snide and unprofessional. “I need to go home. I’ll pick this up in the morning,” he said as he saved the comments and noted where he had left off. He pushed himself away from his desk, grabbed his laptop and placed it in his messenger bag. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He gave Misha a smile and walked out of their office. He passed Genevieve and Danneel on his way out and waved goodbye to them both before making his way out to his car and home. 

He sat in his car, taking several deep breaths as he tried to rein in his anger. He just wanted to hit something. Not something, he wanted to hit Pellegrino in his face; wipe the irritating smirk off that man’s face. Now, he had to go home and find some way to break the news to Jared that he wasn’t able to go back home with him; to meet the latest addition to their family. He had been so happy thinking about the fact that they were taking time off together, that he never thought for one moment that it wouldn’t happen. With the hours that Jared worked as a patrol officer and now as a detective, they didn’t always get to spend a lot of time together. More often than not, Jared was working when Jensen had time off. The weekends sucked for him, missing Jared while he was on a case. Unfortunately, criminals and their victims didn’t seem to care that he didn’t get to spend as much time with his husband as he wanted. 

Jensen knew it bothered them both, but he didn’t blame Jared. Jared was doing what he loved, what he had wanted to do since he had been a kid. And the man was great at his job. He would never demand that Jared give that up or put him first. It would only drive a wedge between them and weaken the strong foundation they had built their relationship on. Plus, he himself worked crazy hours at times. He loved what he did and Jared supported him just as much as he supported Jared. There had been many lost nights and weekends when he had stayed late, gone into work early or had to leave Jared to deal with a publishing crisis; usually last minute changes the author was demanding, either in their work or the art that he had created for their story. Jared just went with the flow; understanding that it was his job to sort the mess out and it only made him love Jared more. With a heavy sigh, he jabbed the key into the ignition and listened as the Impala’s engine purred to life. He pulled out of his parking spot and headed home, still wondering what he was going to say to Jared once Jared was home. 

Jensen pushed open the door to their three-bedroom home, never so happy to be away from work. While he loved his job, he hated his boss. Nothing was going his way, he thought to himself as he placed his keys and cell phone on the entryway table. He never failed to smile at the piece of furniture, knowing it was more than just a table. It was a cleverly disguised gun case for Jared’s police issued firearm and badge. He had had it made as a gift for Jared when he had not only passed his detective exam, but had landed a position in the same police station he had been assigned to fresh out of the academy.

He toed off his shoes by the front door, placed his laptop on the kitchen counter, left his messenger bag next to it and climbed the stairs to their bedroom. He stripped off his work clothes and donned a pair of worn and faded jeans and a t-shirt he had kept from college. It still fit, but was streaked with paint. He breathed a sigh of relief at being in his comfortable clothes. He walked across the hall to the third bedroom of their home, the one that he and Jared had turned into his home art studio, and breathed in deeply; feeling some of the stress from his day begin to dissipate from his body. He loved this room the most out of all the rooms in their home; it was because Jared had been the one to suggest that Jensen needed his own room to create art in. They shared the downstairs office, but more often than not, he found himself in here, working from home on manuscripts, so Jared had his own space to himself. It didn’t seem right that he had his own art studio and also the shared office. Jared never complained, but it was the least he felt he could do for Jared, especially when Jared needed to decompress after a brutal investigation. 

The art room contained several easels; some in use, some not. The room also contained a drafting table with a shelf on either side and he was able to tilt the desktop, which had a large drawer underneath to store anything he needed. He had picked out a padded stool on wheels to go along with the sleek gray metal table. The table was situated under one of the two windows so he could take advantage of the natural light when he was working. One wall held a large storage cabinet with drawers on the bottom that held most of his art supplies. The shelves were a pull-out style that made it easy for him to find what he was looking for. There was also a smaller mobile art cabinet stored next to the larger one that he used when painting; pulling it over to the easel he was using at the time. Both pieces were also gray, matching his drafting table; he loved this room. Right now, he had some time before Jared would be home. He could sketch, paint, create until then. He could and would lose himself in his art, knowing Jared would eventually come and lure him away with the promise of food, or kisses or even sex. Not necessarily in that order, or all in one night. He was hoping for all three tonight. But, once he told Jared his about being denied his vacation, he would probably be lucky if Jared fed him a crust a bread and some water. He pushed all his thoughts away, picked up a fresh blank canvas, placed it on his empty easel and began to paint in pinks and purples. 

It wasn’t until he felt arms around his waist that he put down his paint brushes. Soft lips nuzzled at his cheek and he leaned into his husband’s large, muscular body. “Hey,” he said softly, not wanting to break the mood between them just yet. “Glad you’re home.” He stood in Jared’s embrace as he looked at the painting he had created. He had created a whimsical tree with meandering branches containing pink and purple blossoms that filled the canvas. 

“It’s beautiful,” Jared murmured in his ear. 

“Thanks, I hope Megan likes it for Alisa’s room. I hope it goes well with what they have in the nursery. I know they were keeping everything neutral since they wanted to be surprised.” He looked at the painting; maybe he should create another one in neutral tones, but he really liked what he was looking at. It had been created from his heart for a little girl he hadn’t met yet; one he wouldn’t be able to meet for some time. 

“I’m sure they’ll love it. Besides, you know Megan will want you to paint something just for Alisa’s room when we’re out there. And, I’m sure everything will be pink by the time Megan brings the baby home. You know how she is; everything will be done up for their little girl.”

Jensen twisted himself in Jared’s arms so they were face to face. “Um Jared, about that, Pellegrino denied my time off. I’m sorry, I can’t go.” He braced himself for Jared’s reaction.

“What? Can he do that? I thought he knew that you were planning on taking time off when the baby was born.” Jared’s eyes darkened as he spoke. He wasn’t thrilled about this turn of events. He had been able to work things out with work; moved some of his cases on to other detectives and Chad would be able finish up on the ones they were close to closing. He had booked their hotel room and a car. All that was left was booking a flight for them. 

“Yeah, he can. It sucks, but what am I gonna do?” He shrugged his shoulders. “I could go to Morgan, complain or request that he approve my vacation time. But, then when I got back, it would only be hell for me with Pellegrino. Plus, apparently there have been meetings with the authors set up. Ones I have to physically be there for. I need to play nice with him. I put in a request to transfer onto Felicia’s team. I need his approval for that.” 

“Then, I’ll tell Mom that we can’t come. We’ll plan something in a month, when we know he can’t deny your vacation. Hell, maybe you won’t even have to worry about it. You could be on Felicia’s team and she loves you; practically would do anything to make you happy.”

“No, you go. I know you can’t wait to meet Alisa and you’re dying to see your family. Don’t cancel because I can’t go. I’ll just use the time you’re away to get as much done as possible. Then maybe I can take a few days off when you’re back. Show you how much I really missed you,” he waggled his eyebrows and ground his hips against Jared’s. 

“You can show me that every night,” Jared responded heatedly as he leaned forward and captured Jensen’s lips for a dirty kiss. He heard Jensen moan and smirked at Jensen’s reaction. “I’m gonna miss you. This will be the first time in a year since we’ve been separated. Hated going to that conference without you.”

“I know, you wouldn’t let me out of bed for the first twenty-four hours that you were back. I was exhausted. But happy.” He grinned at Jared as he pulled away to deal with his art supplies.

“I don’t remember hearing you complain. If I remember correctly it was more like, harder Jared, fuck me harder.” He pulled Jensen back against his body; with Jensen’s back to his chest and bucked his jean clad hips against Jensen’s ass. “And something along the lines of, mark me up, show me who I belong to.” He bit down on the skin at the junction of Jensen’s neck and shoulders. 

“Oh, I wasn’t complaining, not in the least.” His breath hitched when Jared pulled him back against his warm body. “And you can do all that again when you get back.” He groaned when Jared bit his skin. “And we can have phone sex.” He cocked his head, giving Jared better access to the column of his neck. 

“Tease,” Jared said, kissing along the taut skin before he let Jensen go.

“Not teasing, promising,” Jensen chuckled in response to the pout he saw on Jared’s face as he looked over his shoulder. “Gotta clean up before my brushes dry and become useless.”

“Wouldn’t want that.” He gave Jensen’s ass a playful slap. “I’m gonna start dinner. Book my flight and call Mom, let her know the change of plans. Are you sure you don’t want me to postpone the trip? I don’t mind.”

Jensen shook his head. “No, already told you, don’t. Just take lots of pictures.” He turned from Jared and began to collect his brushes to bring into the Jack and Jill bathroom that the second and third bedrooms shared. He was still thankful that the bathroom had a large counter and double sinks. He was able to keep his cleaning supplies neatly in a basket on one side; claiming one sink for him to use to wash his brushes off in. He ran them under the water and then began to thoroughly clean them with a brush cleaner before placing them in a bin holder so the bristles wouldn’t get bent or damaged. Jared had gotten him two of the plastic circular multi-hole organizers for Christmas a few years ago. He used one to dry his brushes in and the other to hold his pencils in; whether they were colored, charcoal or graphite, they were always at his fingertips. Next he washed and dried the acrylic paint palette he had been using before returning it to his supply cabinet. Satisfied that his studio was the way he liked it, clean and orderly, he flicked off the light and went to find Jared. He walked into the kitchen; following the sound of Jared’s voice.

“Yeah, Jensen won’t be able to make the trip. His boss denied him the time. Something about needing him there. I offered to postpone the trip, but he said no. I’m flying out on Thursday.” He paused as his mother said something. “No, I already have a room booked and a car rented. When I land, I’ll grab my stuff and be over. Then we can go to see Megan, David and Alisa. I gotta go, Jensen’s finished with his painting and dinner’s nearly done. See you soon. Love you.” Jared ended the call, got up and went over to the stove to pull out their dinner; frozen pizza. 

“Oh, I see nothing but the best for me!” Jensen joked when he saw what Jared had made them. 

“Better than nothing,” Jared shot back as he cut the pizza and placed two slices on a paper plate for Jensen. 

“Thanks,” Jensen said as he grabbed the offered food and placed it on the table. He grabbed two beers from the fridge and sat, waiting for Jared to join him. “So, how did your mother take the news?”

“She’s not happy, but she understands. Have you told your mother yet?” Jared asked and smirked when Jensen groaned. “I’ll take that as a no. Someone’s gonna be in trouble. Well, at least I’ll get to be their favorite when I show up for dinner. Seems almost fitting, seeing as how you seem to be my mom’s favorite,” he said in between bites of pizza.

“Have I told you how much I hate you?” Jensen asked with a scowl. “Besides, I can’t help it if your mom likes me best. It’s my charm.”

“Yeah, we’ll go with that,” Jared shot back with a smile. “Seriously, how do you think your parents are gonna take the news?”

“Not well. I know they were looking forward to seeing us while we were out there. I’ll call them after dinner.” 

Their conversation was cut off by the sound of their landline ringing. Jensen answered it, dreading who might be on the other end. “Hello?”

“When were you going to call and tell me you weren’t able to come home for a visit?” Jensen’s mother’s distraught voice questioned. 

He covered the receiver with one hand and looked over at Jared. “Your mother works fast. I blame you for this.” He turned his attention back to his mother before Jared could respond, but he could hear Jared chuckling in the background. “Hi, Mom. I was gonna call you after we finished with dinner. No, don’t worry about it. Jared can just make me something later.” He heard Jared scoff, but chose to ignore him. “Look, I know you’re disappointed, so am I. I’m pissed that my boss did this. But, what can I do? Jared’s still planning on stopping over and eating you and Dad out of house and home, like always. No, Jay offered to postpone the trip, but I said no. It’s Megan’s first. Wouldn’t be fair. We’ll just have to plan another trip so I can meet my new niece. Jared flies out on Thursday. I’ll tell him to call you before he drops by so your fridge is well stocked. Talk to you later, love you too.” He ended the call, grabbed his beer and took a long swig before sitting back down to eat his cooling pizza. “Hey,” he whined when Jared grabbed his plate.

“Just heating it up. Consider this me making you something later.” He plopped the plate in the microwave and reheated the pizza before returning it to Jensen. “There, good as new.” 

“You owe me,” Jensen said around a bite of pizza. “You should have known that your mother would have called mine as soon as she hung up the phone. They are best friends.”

“Something that you’re also well aware of.”

“Still blaming you,” Jensen shot back.

“I promise to make you forget all about it,” Jared said before raising his beer to his lips.

Jensen watched as Jared stretched his neck back, exposing his skin; his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. All he wanted to do was lick that skin; taste his husband. Jared knew what he was doing; distracting him from being mad at him. But, they both should have realized that as soon as Sharon Padalecki hung up with her son, she would have gotten on the phone, calling Donna Ackles. And if things had been reversed, Donna would have done the same. The women had become best friends upon meeting nearly twenty years ago when Jensen and Jared had met in high school during their sophomore year. 


	2. Chapter 2

He still remembered it like it was yesterday, the day he had first set eyes on Jared. It had been on a Friday afternoon. He had only gotten home from school when he had noticed the moving trucks parked three houses down from his. He stood on his front steps watching as the trucks were being unloaded before he shrugged his shoulders and reached out to open the front door. It wasn’t like whoever was moving in would really have much effect on his life he thought to himself as he closed the door. His mother, Donna, who would normally have been at work had decided to take a vacation day. She had already been home when he had walked through the front door of their home. He was about to climb the stairs to his room when his mother called out to him from the kitchen.

“Jensen? Is that you?”

A smile came to his lips. His first reaction was to ask who else it could have been, but he bit back that retort, not wanting to be disrespectful to his own mom. “Yeah, it’s me,” he called out.

“Good, come here for a moment,” Donna had replied.

With a sigh, he dropped his backpack by the stairs and did as she had requested of him. He really just wanted to disappear into his room. He felt the itch to draw and he hated the fact that his mother was taking that away from him. “Hey, Mom,” he said as he stood in the doorway. The smell of apple pie hit him and he took a few more steps into the kitchen. “Are you baking an apple pie?” he asked, barely containing his desire for a slice.

Donna looked up from the pitcher of lemonade she had been making and smiled at him. With a chuckle, she responded. “Sorry to disappoint you, but that and the lemonade are for our new neighbors. It’s just a little something to welcome them to the neighborhood and I’m going to need your help carrying everything over to them.” She saw the slight scowl on her son’s face and smirked at him. “I think they have a couple of kids around your age. It might be nice to have someone on the street to hang around with.”

“Yeah,” he responded halfheartedly. He and social awkwardness were on a first name basis. Hell, they were actually the best of friends. Add to the mix that he wasn’t liked, at all, meant that by Monday, the new kids wouldn’t be caught dead within a fifty mile radius of him. Oh, and did he forget to throw in the whole, he was gay thing? That just made the entire ‘let’s be friends’ scenario a bust. But, he refrained from voicing his opinion. His mother did always tend to look on the bright side of things. 

“Cheer up, sweetie. This could be a good thing for you. Just give them a chance. They don’t know anyone here yet. You’ll be the first person they meet. First impressions are so important and I have a good feeling about this. I think something wonderful is about to happen to you,” she said with a wink. 

“Okay,” he had replied with a shrug of his shoulders. What else could he have said at the time? 

The thing was, she had been right. Not, that Jensen would have ever admitted that to his mother. He was sure that if he had, she would have held it over his head until the day she died. Not, that he was wishing her into an early grave. But, her headstone would have read:  _ Donna Ackles, beloved daughter, wife and mother. And Jensen, I was RIGHT _ . Yes, she would have had that engraved all in capital letters, just to prove her point to him, and the world. 

Jared, his parents and two siblings had moved from San Antonio to Austin when Gerald Padalecki had been transferred; taking on a managerial role for a local tax firm. The Padaleckis had moved in three houses down from the Ackles’ family home. She along with Jensen had watched the moving trucks disappear from the driveway before Donna had placed the pie in Jensen’s hands and grabbed the pitcher of lemonade she had made as an afterthought and walked down the sidewalk to introduce herself and her son. 

Donna’s knock on their front door had been answered by a tall and well built kid with a mop of chestnut colored hair that kept falling into his eyes. “Hi,” the kid had said when he answered the door, with a small smile on his lips that began to grow, showing his dimples when his eyes had landed on Jensen. 

“Hello, I’m one of your neighbors, Donna Ackles and this is my son, Jensen.”

“Jensen,” Jared had said as if he was trying out the name, letting it roll off his tongue. “I’m Jared. Jared Padalecki,” he had said, never taking his eyes off Jensen. 

“Jared, who’s at the door?” a female voice had called out. 

“Our new neighbors, Mrs. Ackles and her son Jensen,” he had replied as he swept his hair out of his eyes, finally allowing Jensen to see the swirling colors of blue, green and gold in them and then stepped aside as his mother approached the door. 

“Hello, we don’t mean to interrupt. I just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood. I’m Donna Ackles and this is Jensen. I figured you might want to take a little break, have a piece of pie and some lemonade later,” Donna said, offering the pitcher. 

“Please come in. You’ve met Jared, my middle child. I’m Sharon. This is so sweet of you.” She turned to Jared. “Why don’t you take Jensen and the lemonade into the kitchen,” she said as she opened the screen door, holding it for them to enter. 

“Thank you,” Donna said with a smile as she entered the home, followed closely by Jensen.

“Come on, Jensen. Kitchen’s this way,” Jared said as he took the pitcher from Donna’s outstretched hands. “What kind of pie is it?” he asked, leading Jensen further into the house and away from his mother.

“A . . .apple,” Jensen had stuttered out.

“My favorite,” Jared had replied.

“Mi . . . mine, too,” Jensen said awkwardly, looking down at his sneaker-clad feet. 

“You’ve got really green eyes. Don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone with that color before,” Jared said as he set the pitcher down on the counter. He reached out and took the pie from Jensen’s hands, placing it next to the lemonade. “They’re the color of the greenest grass I’ve ever seen. I like them. They’re pretty.”

Jensen felt like he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t know how to take Jared’s words. But, if the kid had said something nice about his eyes, he should only return the compliment. “You’re eyes . . . they’re different, intriguing.” He offered a weak smile to Jared, knowing he sounded awkward. He didn’t have the greatest social skills. He didn’t speak to a lot of people or have many friends, and after meeting Jared, he was pretty sure Jared would probably be part of the ‘in crowd’ at school come Monday. There was no way Jared would want to be friends with him. He was an outcast. He excelled at schoolwork, not sports. He loved books; preferring them to people. People let you down, made fun of you or delighted in tormenting you, but he could lose himself in a good story, read the same book over and over again, finding something new in it every time he picked it up. Right now he was reading J.R.R. Tolkien’s  _ The Hobbit _ for the third time. He was even creating illustrated scenes from his favorite parts of the book. 

That was the other thing that set him apart from the kids in school; he loved to draw. He had been caught drawing the kids in his study hall. Not the kids specifically, but the room and the kids sitting at their desks. He had come away from that with a black eye when one of the jocks, Tyler, had taken offense of it; calling him a creeper, destroying his sketchbook and his pencils. He had just been killing time; his schoolwork was done and he had been trying to create a portfolio in case he decided to pursue art in college. He had tried to explain that to the jock and his friends, but it hadn’t gone well for him. So, he had stopped bringing his sketchbook and pencils to school after that day. Since that day, a month ago, he avoided everyone, sitting alone at lunch, usually in the library and trying not to partner with anyone unless he was forced to when it came to school projects. His last lab partner in Biology, Justin, had bailed on him, leaving him to do all the work and then had taken half the credit for his work. 

Thankfully, he was saved by the sound of his mother’s voice calling him. “Jensen is great in school, straight A’s,” she beamed at Sharon and Jared as he and Jared walked back into the living room. “I’m sure Jensen would be happy to show Jared around school,” she offered.

“That would be great, since we don’t know anyone here. Maybe they’ll have a few classes together. Jared’s a good student and he loves sports,” Sharon had responded, sending Jensen’s stomach plummeting to his feet. Because, of course Jared would like sports. He should have known just by looking at Jared’s muscular body. Jared would be turning his back on him as soon as they stepped over the threshold of the front door of Westlake High and in no time becoming one of his tormentors. He groaned inwardly, but forced a smile on his face. 

“Be happy to,” he said softly, looking anywhere but at Jared. He was caught off guard when an even taller, older boy bounded into the living room followed by a younger girl.

“This is Jeff, my oldest and Megan, my youngest. Jeff just started college, pre-med. Megan is three years younger than Jared and Jeff is four years older.” The two greeted the Ackles, but remained silent as their mother spoke again. “Do you have any siblings, Jensen?”

“No, ma’am,” he said as he looked over at Jared’s sister and brother, wondering what it would have been like to have a brother or sister to have in his corner; to turn to when things got too difficult for him to handle, to have that companionship that he longed for. 

“What grade are you in?” Jared asked, cutting through Jensen’s thoughts.

“I’m in tenth. I’m . . . I’m a sophomore,” he said as he toed the hardwood floor of the living room.

“Cool, me, too,” Jared said as he rocked back and forth on his feet. “We can hang out.”

Jensen just nodded his head in response, knowing Jared was just being polite in front of their mothers.

“Well, let us get out of your way,” Donna had said. “But, feel free to stop by this weekend. I’m sure my husband, Alan would love to meet you all. We’re having a few neighbors over on Saturday, nothing special, just a get together around four for drinks. I hope you’ll join us,” she said and then turned to leave. “Jensen, let’s get out of their way so they can unpack.”

“It was nice to meet you,” Jensen mumbled over his shoulder as he followed his mother out of the Padalecki house and back to his own. “I have some homework,” he said and then disappeared upstairs to his room. 

The Padalecki family had shown up at four on Saturday and ended up staying for dinner. To Jensen’s confusion, Jared had seemed to decide that he wanted to spend his time there with him. All he could do was grin and bear it. Jared was a guest in his home; nothing more and it would have been rude of him to ignore Jared. His parents had raised him to be polite and he couldn’t, wouldn’t disrespect them. And after Monday, he wouldn’t even be that once the kids at school got their hooks into him and warned him all about Jensen and how weird he was. By, the end of the night, Jensen found himself enjoying Jared’s company, his laugh and his smile. He had to keep reminding himself that it was only because Jared didn’t know the real him. Once Jared found out all about him, Jared would have nothing to do with him. But, it was nice while it had lasted that day. Jared had asked to see his room, but Jensen had managed to distract him. He didn’t want Jared in his room, seeing his books and his art. It was private and the only place in the world he could go and shut out the rest of the world. They had played a few board games so that Jared’s sister and brother had been included, and he found that Jared wasn’t a dumb jock. 

That was what he had kept telling himself as they climbed the front steps to their high school. He walked Jared into the main office and stayed with him until the principal had called him in to her office. Principal Mills was a no nonsense type of person. She was strict, but fair. She had actually relented when Jensen had begged her not to make a big deal out of the black eye he had sported after the incident with Tyler and his followers. The punch to the face had hurt, but having Ms. Mills step in would have only caused him more beatings and tormenting at the hands of Tyler, Josh, Ian and the rest of the football team. It had been bad enough that they had destroyed his sketchbook and all the work he had put into it along with the expensive charcoal pencils his parents had gifted him with for his birthday only the month before. He didn’t need to borrow more trouble.

“Hi Jensen, how was your weekend?” Ms. Mills had inquired.

“Good,” Jensen had responded. “I . . . um . . . This is Jared Padalecki. He’s new?”

“Thank you, Jensen, I’m aware of that.” She had offered him a sympathetic smile knowing how hard he was trying not to draw any more attention to himself than was necessary. She knew Jensen was shy and had become more closed off after the last incident of bullying where he had walked away with a black eye. She felt for the sixteen-year-old boy. She had wanted to read Tyler, Josh, Ian and the rest who had been involved in harming one of her students the riot act. She had wanted to see them in detention for the rest of their time at Westlake High, but surprisingly, Jensen had stepped in and asked her to let the issue die. Against her better judgement, she had. She had been able to see Jensen’s point of view; that it would only cause him more harm than good if she had pursued it on his behalf. She did have a meeting with the boys and their parents to make it understood to all that had been involved that bullying would not be tolerated and if there was another incident involving them, they would receive a three day suspension. “Why don’t you get going. The first bell will be ringing soon. I know you hate being late.” 

“Thanks, Ms. Mills. Have a good day, Jared,” he had offered as he started for the office door.

“I’ll see you later,” Jared had cheerfully called out to Jensen.

Jensen had only shaken his head and walked out of the office, knowing that Jared was only being nice to him, for now. Even if he did see Jared around, it was most likely that Jared would only ignore him. He should have been used to that by now, but for some reason that thought seemed to slice a piece of his heart away. He schooled his features and reminded himself it didn’t matter. He was better off the way he was. Sure he was lonely; he wanted Jared to like him but there was no way Jared would. Not when Tyler, and everyone else filled Jared in on the fact that he was gay, and weird and socially awkward and about the host of other issues he apparently had in their opinion. 

He made his way to his first class, ducking any interactions with the jocks that made his life hell, before the first bell had rung. He took his seat and waited for the rest of the class and Mr. Crow, their Biology teacher, to arrive. Halfway through the class, there was a knock at the door. Crow looked up from the notes he had been reviewing. “Yes? Ms. Mills, how can I help you?”

“This is Jared Padalecki. He just transferred from James Madison High School. I trust everyone will make him feel welcome,” she said before leaving. 

“Jared, take a seat,” Crow stated before handing Jared a textbook. “We’ve just started chapter twelve.”

“Thanks,” Jared said and then took the nearest empty seat, the one next to Jensen. “Hey,” he said under his breath, trying to get Jensen’s attention. 

Jensen could feel his face heating from Jared’s attention. He looked up and offered a weak smile to Jared before turning his attention back to his open textbook and Crow. He couldn’t wait for the bell to ring, hoping to duck out before Jared spoke to him again. With any luck, he wouldn’t see Jared for the rest of the day. He didn’t need to get his hopes up of a friendship with Jared. With the end of class drawing near, he began to pack up his backpack with his book and notebook, ready to bolt when the bell rang. He made it out and down the hall, ignoring Jared’s voice calling him. He made it through most of his day without seeing Jared again. 

It wasn’t until lunch that he saw Jared again; it was hard to miss him, even then he towered over most of the other kids. He felt a hand on his shoulder and stopped in his tracks. His heart was slamming in his chest. All Jensen could think was that it was one of the jocks, someone from that clique that was touching him. He looked back to see Jared smiling at him, dimples denting his cheeks. His head began to swim. Why was Jared stopping him? Surely someone had clued Jared in about him. 

“Hey, you disappeared after class. You didn’t give me a chance to see if we had any other classes together or see if you wanted to grab lunch.” Jared’s eyes had seemed to sparkle at him.

Jensen had found himself shaking his head yes before he knew what he was doing. It was like Jared had him under some type of spell, because he didn’t grab lunch with anyone. Ever. There was no one he wanted to eat with and he knew no one wanted to be seen with him. And then the spell was broken and his senses had come flooding back to him. 

“Jared, I was looking for you.” Sandy McCoy had sauntered over to Jared, ignoring Jensen as she purred to him. “I was hoping we could eat lunch together. I could introduce you to my friends, people you really want to know.”

Jared had turned to Sandy, a look of uncertainty on his face, dropping his hand from Jensen’s shoulder. And that was all Jensen had needed to make his getaway. He practically ran down the hall, disappearing out of Jared’s sight and into the sanctuary of the library. He had dug his fingernails into the palm of his hand, willing himself not to cry at the loss of what could have been. Because that was just too pathetic. There was nothing,  _ nothing _ , between himself and Jared. And if there had been any hope, even of friendship, well, Sandy McCoy and the rest of the popular kids would have killed that the moment Jared sat down with them. He made his way to the back of the library, found the table he always sat at, the one that couldn’t be seen from the door, and collapsed into a chair, waiting for his hammering heart to return to its normal beat. 

He hadn’t heard the footsteps approaching his table or noticed the tall muscular figure standing in front of him until it was too late. He jumped when Jared plopped his backpack down onto the table without a word. He looked up to see Jared looking at him, confusion clearly etched into his features. 

“Ja . . . Jared,” Jensen stuttered as he looked up into Jared’s hazel eyes. “Wh . . . what are you doing here?”

“You kind of bolted before we could actually eat,” Jared offered with a sheepish smile.

“You don’t want to be seen with me,” Jensen whispered and looked around to see if they had been followed. But, this was the library. He didn’t think Sandy, Tyler, Josh or the rest even knew where the library was or what a library was for. He stood up quickly, nearly knocking over his chair and grabbed his backpack. “Look, you’re new and probably don’t know any better,” he said as he slung his bag onto his arm. “Or maybe this is some kind of initiation to get into Sandy and Tyler’s crowd. Make me think you want to be my friend. I’m not gonna fall for it. You don’t really want to be my friend. No one wants to be my friend. I know what they think of me and I’ve been dealing with it since first grade. Just go back and tell them that you managed to humiliate me. I’m sure you can get creative; make something up to have them all laughing at me and congratulating you.” He backed away from Jared. “Just . . . just stay away from me. Go be with them, your crowd,” he said, before he turned and ran through the back door of the library. 

For the rest of the day, he didn’t see Jared, didn’t have any other classes with him. But he did see Sandy. She cornered him by his locker. “Hey, Ackles. How ya doin’, loser?” She tossed her hair over her shoulder and then leveled her brown eyes on him. “Leave Jared alone. He has potential, but not if he’s seen with you. He doesn’t need your brand of freak.” She emphasized her words by pushing him into his locker. “Don’t fuck with me,” she hissed at him before sauntering away to meet up with her main group of followers, Tanya, Cindy and Kacy. 

Jensen closed his eyes and tried to will the hurt to go away as he heard them snickering at him. He hadn’t done anything to them. Hell, he had even warned Jared to stay away from him. He grabbed the book he needed to finish his homework and quickly walked out of the school, hoping he wouldn’t have any more run-ins with anyone else. He had already had his fill for the day. 

He had made it to the door, was about to push it open, only to stop when he saw Jared standing on the sidewalk out front talking to Tyler, Josh, Ian, Sandy, Cindy and Kacy. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he could see Jared smiling. Jared had a nice smile. He pushed that thought down as he watched Sandy run a hand down Jared’s chest and then lean in to him. Whatever she was doing or saying to Jared caused him to toss his head back in laughter. Seeing that for some reason had hurt. He didn’t know why, just knew that it did. He backed away from the door before he was noticed. He didn’t need another round of them chanting creeper at him. And he definitely didn’t want to hear Jared join in with them. Again, he was confused as to why Jared mattered to him. He had only known the kid for four days. It wasn’t like they were best friends, or friends at all. Jared was just the ridiculously good-looking kid who lived three houses down from him. And he was no one to Jared. He turned and fled back to the library. He knew from experience that Mrs. Cooper, the school librarian, would let him hide among the books for the next hour. 

Quietly he pushed the library door open. As he took a few steps in, he felt himself begin to relax. He saw Mrs. Cooper in a deep conversation with Mr. Crow. She glanced up at him briefly and he gave her a small wave and continued on his way to his table. He set his bag down, fished through it for his English book and began to work on his homework. He was startled when someone close to him cleared his throat. He looked up to see Mr. Crow standing before his table. 

“Jensen,” Crow said in a quiet voice, obviously trying to respect Mrs. Cooper’s rule of using a low inside voice while in the library. “What are you working on?”

“My English homework.”

“Mind if I join you for a moment?” Crow asked as he placed his hand on one of the empty chairs. 

Jensen just shrugged and watched as the man sat down across from him. “You know, sometimes you just have to take a risk in life. It might lead you to something wonderful; like friendship.” 

Jensen crunched his face up in confusion, not understanding what his teacher was talking about. “I . . . I don’t know what you mean, Mr. Crow.”

“I think you do. Look, I know you haven’t had the easiest of times. But, not everything in life is so bleak. Maybe you should try to reach out to someone. Say, the new student, Jared. You might be pleasantly surprised. He seemed to be trying to get your attention today in class.” Crow looked at him, not letting the topic die. “He probably could use a friend. It can’t be easy being the new kid in town.”

Jensen felt his face begin to burn. Mr. Crow had witnessed Jared’s attempt at trying to get his attention. “I think he’s got that covered. He really doesn’t need me as a friend. He’s already made progress with Tyler, Sandy and their group.” He bit his bottom lip and looked down at his homework. “He doesn’t need me ruining his . . . potential. I . . . I need to get home. My Mom will be wondering where I am,” he said as he gathered his book and homework and shoved everything into his backpack. “Thanks, Mr. Crow, see you tomorrow,” he said before running for the door. He didn’t stop running until he made it safely home and to his room where he tossed himself down on his bed and curled up trying to push away the loneliness he was feeling.

He forced himself up and out of his room when his father called him down for dinner. He pushed the food around on his plate with his fork. His stomach was churning and the thought of eating only made it worse. 

“Tough day?” his father had asked.

“No, just the usual,” he responded. There was no reason to say anything to his parents. Because there was nothing new to tell them. They knew he was gay; he had come out to them his freshman year. Surprisingly, they had taken it in their stride. His mother had hugged him and had said that no matter what, she still loved him. He would always be her little boy. She didn’t care who he loved, as long as he was happy. His father had been quiet at first and Jensen had feared the worst. He had been about to retreat to his room when his father had stopped him. 

“Would I choose this for my son? No.” Alan had held up his hand, stopping Donna or Jensen from speaking. “It’s only because I know how cruel the world can be. Doesn’t matter the progress society has made in the last twenty years. There are still bigoted assholes in the world. Some right in our own backyard. Just know that I’m not one of them. I love you and I’m proud to be your father.” He had cleared his throat and then looked at Jensen with a bemused smile on his face. “Is there . . . is there a boy we should know about?”

“Dad!” Jensen had turned a magnificent bright red at his father’s question. “No . . . just no and let’s never speak of it again.” He had turned to leave when his father called to him.

“You can tell us anything. You can bring a boy over. Let us meet him. But, no one will ever be good enough to date you!” Alan had teased as Jensen had run for the sanctity of his room.

The sound of his father clearing his throat brought him back to the present. He looked over at his father, giving him his full attention.

“You know you can talk to us, about anything,” his father said, placing a hand on Jensen’s arm. 

“Nothing to talk about,” he responded and continued to poke at his food.

“So, Jared, is he in any of your classes?” his mother asked, and he could hear the hope in her voice.

“Biology. But, it’s not like we’re friends,” he said. It was better to be brutally honest now. “He met Sandy and Tyler and the group. Saw them hanging out after school. So you know,” he shrugged his shoulders. There was nothing more to say. They knew about the bullying and what Tyler had done. It had been hard to hide his black eye. That bruise was right on his face, but the other bruises he had received over the years, had been a lot easier to hide; the ones from being punched in the stomach, his arms, and his back, they had all been covered up by his clothing. His parents had wanted to press charges; teach Tyler and his friends a lesson. He was just thankful that he had managed to talk them out of that. He had to deal with those kids every day, not his parents. His father had threatened to take it up with Tyler, the ringleader as his father had called him, and Tyler’s father but again, Jensen had talked him out of it. There was no point. He just wanted to get through the next few years of high school and then he’d go away at college and put this all behind him. 

“Oh,” his mother had responded, sounding crushed. 

“It’s okay, I didn’t have any hope of Jared being my friend, anyway,” Jensen lied, as he did have a glimmer of hope over the weekend. He had hoped that Jared would have been different. That Jared would have wanted to be his friend. “Can I be excused?”

“Sure,” his father had said. “Hey, would you take the trash out for me?”

“Yeah,” he had said as he had carried his plate into the kitchen and scraped it into the trash. He tied up the bag and carried it outside, placing it in the garbage can. Then, he dragged the first can to the curb for the next day’s trash pick up. He was dragging the second one out when he saw Jared standing a few feet away from the first trash can. 

“Hey,” Jared said. When Jensen hadn’t responded, he took a few more steps closer. 

“Ja . . . Jared,” Jensen managed to stutter out and then wondered why he seemed to stutter so much around Jared. 

“I waited for you after school. I was hoping we could have walked home together and maybe talked?”

“Thought I told you to stay away from me. Besides, I know your girlfriend would hate the idea that you’re talking to me,” Jensen snarked out.

“Girlfriend? Jensen, I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“You looked pretty cozy with Sandy after school,” he bit out. It shouldn’t hurt, Jared having a girlfriend, but it did. It made no sense to him. It wasn’t like they were even friends, let alone that Jared could or would in any way ever be his. “Look, I’m not popular. I’m not even liked. I don’t have friends. Everyone thinks I’m weird. A freak. If you don’t want your next two years or so to be a living hell, courtesy of Sandy, Tyler and the popular kids, then stay away from me.” He backed away from Jared.

“I don’t think you’re weird or a freak. Jensen, just give me a chance,” Jared had pleaded. 

“Why? Because you need a charity case? I don’t need a pity friendship. And besides, once you know the truth about me, you won’t want to be my friend. So just do us both a favor and leave me alone!”

Jared scrunched his face up in confusion. “The truth about you? What that you have the most beautiful green eyes I’ve ever seen? That you’re funny and a little on the snarky side? I like that about you. I thought we were becoming friends.”

Jensen shook his head. “I told you, you don’t want to be friends with someone like me.”

“Someone like you? What’s that supposed to mean? What, are you in the mafia? Are you secretly a Russian spy? That actually would be kinda cool,” Jared questioned with a wide smile that brought out his dimples. 

“No!”

“Then what? Why can’t we be friends?”

He had finally had enough. Jared was going to find out, it was inevitable so there was no use in hiding the truth. “Because I’m gay and no one wants to be around me!” he yelled, raising his voice louder than he had intended to. “Just leave . . .” Before he could finish what he was going to say, Jared had grabbed him, pulled him against his chest and had kissed him.

“Newsflash, I’m gay, too.” Jared smiled at him. “So no girlfriend. Was kind of hoping for a boyfriend. Met this kid, he has the most beautiful green eyes I’ve ever seen. Can’t get them or him out of my head. Oh, and he has these really kissable lips,” Jared had said before he kissed Jensen again. “Been wanting to do that since I met you on Friday.”

“You’re gay?” Jensen managed to croak out in disbelief. Jared had to be messing with him. He forced himself away from Jared, ready to turn and run when Jared yelled ‘Gotcha!’ and made fun of him. That’s what had happened his freshman year. Tony, a boy he had had a crush on had cornered him in the hall after school one day. He had never really spoken to Tony. Tony had been a senior and they didn’t have any classes together, but Jensen had liked the look of him. He had never done anything, never spoke about Tony to anyone, never made eye contact with the boy. However, Tony had somehow figured out that he had harbored a crush on him. Tony had told him that he liked him too. When Jensen had admitted that he did have a crush, Tony had started laughing at him and then his friends had joined in. They had shoved him up against the lockers and had made fun of him and made sure that everyone knew that he was gay. The only thing he had been thankful for was that fact that his parents were already aware that he was gay and that it didn’t bother them. They still loved him. It made the sting of everyone else knowing the truth about him tolerable. 

“Yeah. Don’t believe me? Ask my parents, or have your father ask mine,” Jared said as he pointed to something behind Jensen’s back.

Jensen turned to find his father standing in the driveway looking at them. He knew instantly that his father had witnessed the kiss between himself and Jared. Wasn’t that just perfect, to have your own father walk out to see you experiencing your first kiss? He had wanted to die of embarrassment right then. “I heard yelling, wanted to make sure you weren’t being bullied again. Didn’t mean to catch your first kiss,” his father had said artfully, adding, “Why don’t we take a walk; talk to your parents, Jared.” 

Jared had just shaken his head, turned and started down the sidewalk in the direction of his house. When the three trudged up the driveway, Jared had called out to his mother. “Hey, Mom! I have Mr. Ackles and Jensen with me.”

Sharon had appeared at the door, a welcoming smile on her face. “Come in, please. Can I get you both something to drink?”

“No, thank you,” Alan had said, hesitantly.

Jared eyed Jensen and then had turned to his mother, a dimpled smile on his face. “Mom, I kissed Jensen,” Jared had said with excitement. Clearly he was proud of this feat, but Jensen had no idea why. 

The smile fell from Sharon’s face. She turned in the direction of the kitchen. “Gerry, would you come out here, please,” she said in a strangled voice. A moment later Gerry Padalecki appeared in the doorway. A concerned look on his face at hearing the panicked sound of his wife’s voice. “Jared kissed Jensen,” Sharon revealed in a tight voice. 

Understanding seemed to have washed over him as Gerry cleared his throat. “Oh. I can understand if this makes your son or you uncomfortable. But, I can assure you that Jared would never force himself on Jensen.”

“Is your son gay?” Alan asked warily.

“Yes, and if that’s a problem . . .” Gerry replied.

“No, not a problem. Not at all.” Alan turned to Jensen. “Is it a problem for you?”

“No,” Jensen said, his voice barely above a whisper as he looked down at his feet, too afraid to meet anyone’s eyes in the room. Deciding to take a chance, he looked up and at Jared. He swallowed several times and then spoke in a soft voice. “I’m . . . I’m gay, too.”

“Well, it seems I caught our sons kissing,” Alan explained. “Jensen’s been bullied since freshman year because of his sexual orientation. I just needed to make sure this wasn’t some twisted prank to hurt my son. Last month he ended up with a black eye, courtesy of Tyler,” Alan fixed his gaze on Jared. “He and his friends destroyed Jensen’s sketchbook, all his hard work and the charcoal pencils his mother and I had given him for his birthday. Just because Jensen was drawing the class, while they were in the study hall. He hadn’t drawn their faces, just their backs, just what he saw from where he had been sitting.” He shook his head as if he was still trying to understand the cruelty that Jensen had been shown. 

“Oh my goodness, that’s just horrible,” Sharon exclaimed.

“It was, and although I can’t tell you who to pick as friends, Jared, or who your parents see fit to have in your life, I can and  _ will _ protect my son. If you are friends with Tyler and his group, then you need to stay away from Jensen,” Alan said in a firm tone. 

“That’s completely understandable,” Gerry said, “and I can assure you that our son wouldn’t be friends with anyone like that.”

Alan looked at the Padaleckis and then at Jensen. “Thank you. Well, I think we’ve taken up enough of your time. Let’s go, son,” he said as he put his arm around Jensen’s shoulders. Jensen nodded and allowed himself to be steered out of the house by his father without a backward glance to Jared.

Jensen had tossed and turned in his bed that night. Jared had kissed him. Jared had kissed him! His first kiss. It had been everything he had ever imagined it to be. Sweet and chaste and then a little passionate as Jared had deepened their kiss. He didn’t care that his father had witnessed it. It was still his first kiss, and no one could ever take that memory from him. While he would always treasure it, he knew deep down that it meant nothing to Jared. Why would it? He would have had to mean something to Jared, and he didn’t. As he lay in bed, waiting for his alarm to go off, he wondered what Jared would do. Would he decide that he was better off being popular and hiding that he was gay? Or, would Jared dare to take a chance on him? 

As Jensen rolled onto his side and turned off his alarm, he thought he knew the answer. He was a realist, if nothing else. Life for Jared would be so much easier if he just pretended he wasn’t gay. No one knew, except Jensen and his parents and really who was he going to tell? No one. Because no one would believe him to begin with. And why would he want to ruin Jared’s life? And his parents? They would never say a word. He knew they would never want someone else’s son to deal with everything he had. No, Jared wouldn’t bother to even say hi to him, be friends with him, let alone take a chance on being with him. 

He tossed aside his comforter and padded into his bathroom to take a shower. He emerged thirty minutes later from his bedroom dressed and ready to have a quick breakfast with his parents before asking his father to drop him off at school today, rather than walking. He just didn’t have it in him to deal with a lot today, including the walk to school. He just wanted the day over with and it had only just begun for him.

“Morning,” he greeted his parents with before making himself some toast. “Dad, can you give me a ride today?”

“Of course,” Alan agreed.

“Your father told me what happened with Jared. Are you alright?” his mother asked in a concerned voice.

“Yeah. It’s not a big deal. It’s gonna be easier for him to ignore me, pretend it didn’t happen and that he’s not gay. I’m not gonna out him, what’s the point? Why ruin someone else’s life? So they can deal with what I’ve had to deal with?” He took a bite of his toast and waited for his parent’s reaction.

“How are you going to feel about seeing Jared at school? How will you cope if he’s friends with Tyler?” his father asked.

“It’s called avoidance. I’ve gotten pretty good at it. Besides, it’s not like we were dating. I’ve only known him for a couple of days. I’m just his freak neighbor.” The words had come out bitter sounding even to his own ears and he felt the sting of tears. He angrily wiped at his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

“You listen to me right now Jensen Ross Ackles! You are not a freak,” his father had practically bellowed at him as he stood up and closed the distance between them, causing both his mother and him to flinch. “You’re the best damn thing I’ve ever done in my life, aside from marrying your mother. And if Jared can’t see that, then it’s his loss. You’re going to meet someone who is going to see the real you. That person is going to love you with all his heart.” Alan reached out and grabbed Jensen, bringing him into a bone-crushing hug. “I know it hurts and I wish I could bear that burden for you. Both your mother and I do. And we’re amazed at how you handle all of this with dignity and respect, not just for yourself, but even those assholes that hurt you.” He let go of Jensen and Jensen could see that his father was crying. He saw that his mother had turned away, facing the kitchen counter and her shoulders were shaking with her own quiet tears that she was shedding. 

“Mom?” he managed to get out.

His mother turned to him, cupped his face in her hands. “Just never lose yourself and don’t close yourself off to love.” She kissed him before releasing her hold on him. “I need to finish getting ready for work. You two better get going,” she said before disappearing out of the kitchen.

“Well, you heard your mother,” Alan said as he ushered Jensen out of the house and off to school. 

Jared hadn’t exactly ignored him in Biology, but he hadn’t gone out of his way to get his attention like he had the day before. Jensen sat silently until the bell had rung and then bolted to his next class. He had seen Jared in the hall at lunch; he wasn’t hard to miss, since he was nearly a foot taller than everyone else. It didn’t look like Jared was looking for him, or even waiting for him. He kept his head down and turned in the direction of the main office. Maybe he could speak to Ms. Mills; see if he could get transferred out of their Biology class. It would make it easier for everyone. He was told by the secretary that Principal Mills was out of the building and he would need to make an appointment with his guidance counselor to see if there were any empty seats in another class. He thanked the woman and left the office and headed to his next class. 

It wasn’t until school was out that he saw Jared again. He was at his locker when Jared walked up to him.

“Hey,” Jared said shyly. “Can we talk? Maybe we can walk home together,” he offered.

Jensen turned to him. “Why? Are you going to beg me for my silence? Don’t worry, I feel a bout of amnesia coming on, can’t remember anything after my dad asked me to take out the trash last night until I woke up this morning.” He looked away from Jared, trying to hide the hurt he was feeling.

“No, it’s not about that. I mean it is, but not what you’re thinking. I wanted to talk to you about you going out with me, like on a date.” Jared watched as Jensen looked at him, his green eyes betraying his doubt and hurt. “I can’t be friends with assholes. I can’t be one who pretends to be something I’m not or hide who I am.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t care about Tyler or Sandy or the rest of them. I care about what you think of me,” he admitted.

“Why? Wouldn’t it be easier for you to pretend?” Jensen asked and then bit his bottom lip, stopping himself from asking Jared anything else. He didn’t dare get his hopes up. This had to be where Jared revealed his prank on him. He could already picture Jared pointing at him and laughing. He could already hear Jared’s voice, full of cruelty as he said to him,  _ ‘Like I would ever give a shit what you thought of me. Like you even matter? You don’t. You’re just a freak, a nobody. Everyone knows it, even you know it’ _ . But that wasn’t what Jared had said to him.

“Then I wouldn’t get to be with you. I wouldn’t get to look into those beautiful green eyes or kiss those lips. And I want that,” Jared had managed to get out before he was approached by Sandy. 

“You don’t want to be seen with him,” Sandy had said as she came up to Jared while he had been talking to Jensen. She sneered at Jensen as spoke to Jared.

“I don’t?” Jared had asked innocently as he turned to face the girl standing next to him. “Why not? I mean I can’t be friends with Jensen?” Jared had questioned

“No, I can’t have my potential boyfriend’s reputation ruined by being seen with him. He’s a freak,” Sandy spat out.

“Potential boyfriend?” Jared had asked and then tipped his head back in laughter. “I hate to break it to you Sandy, but there’s no way I’d ever date you.”

“What?!” Sandy screeched, her brown eyes darkening in anger. “You think you’re too good for me?”

“No, just too gay for you,” Jared had replied before he entwined his fingers with Jensen’s and pulled a stunned Jensen down the hall with him.

“You’re choosing him over me?” Sandy asked, still trying to comprehend what was happening.

“Yeah, if Jensen will have me,” Jared said as he looked into wide, disbelieving green eyes.

“You’ll regret this, Jared!” Sandy had screamed after them.

“I really don’t think I will.” Jared stopped and turned to face Sandy, who was now surrounded by her posse. “I’d have to give a shit about you and your opinion of me first to regret anything having to do with you. You’re not the first homophobic bully I’ve had to deal with and you won’t be the last. And for what it’s worth, you missed out on something great. Jensen is funny, smart, caring and a great person. You could have had that from him if you had bothered to get to know him; been his friend. Instead all you did was tear him down. And by the way, gay isn’t contagious. You can’t catch it from being friends with someone who is.” Jared turned his attention to Tyler. “And no, we don’t go throwing ourselves at everything that has a dick. We usually have standards. And trust me, I would never lower mine to even come within fifty yards of what’s between your legs. You’re a douche,” Jared said as he took a few steps closer to Tyler, looking him in the eyes. “And if anything happens to Jensen, if he so much as gets a papercut while you’re around, I’ll make you pay, in kind. My brother is pre-med; I know how to hurt you without leaving a mark. I also know where to land a blow to the body that will cause epic pain and do the most damage.” Jared gave Tyler, Sandy and their posse a dimpled smile. “Understand me?” Jared said before he turned back to Jensen. “Ready to go?” 

“Yes,” Jensen said and had slipped his hand into Jared’s larger one. 

They had been inseparable since that defining moment on. They had started dating by Friday and no one questioned their relationship or turned on them. Eventually, some of the people who had hurt Jensen by turning their backs on him had come forward and apologized; offered friendship, explaining that it had been easier to act that way toward him then deal with Tyler, Sandy and the rest of the group’s retribution. It had taken Jensen a while to trust anyone but Jared. By senior year, Jared was one of the most popular guys in the school, he was on the football, basketball and track teams, while Jensen was still shy and reserved, preferring the school library or the art classrooms. Jared always had a ready smile for anyone he passed in the halls, but he only had eyes for Jensen. It was no surprise that he took Jensen to their prom; he rented a limo for them and danced with Jensen all night. And it didn’t surprise anyone when Jensen was named class valedictorian. His parting words in his speech to his graduation class were ones of tolerance and acceptance. As he departed the stage, diploma in hand, Jared had stood up and promised Jensen his unwavering love and devotion. Jensen had been caught off guard. He turned a deep shade of pink before telling everyone in front of him, that Jared was the best thing in his life and that for someone who loved the written word, he had no words to express the depth of his love for Jared. 

Both had applied and been accepted at Seattle University where they had found and rented a tiny one bedroom apartment throughout college and the first three years after graduation. Jensen had focused on a Bachelor of Arts in English and Creative Writing with a minor in Studio Art. During his junior year, he had applied for and landed an internship at Sasquatch Books where he was able to learn about the workings of a small independent press and what went into creating and publishing a catalog of the books they offered. He had also received Departmental Honors for his BA, having written his thesis on J.R.R. Tolkien and his role in developing the Fantasy and Mythology genre as it existed today in his senior year. His paper had been well-received and he had earned an A for his achievement. 

After he had graduated, Jensen had been hired as an editorial assistant for Peanut Butter Publishing where he worked for five years before he was promoted to the position of editor for the company. He remained at the company for another three years in that capacity until he was offered a job at Morgan Publishing. He was still working as an editor, but had been offered the opportunity to work with the authors to create art for their books. It had been a dream come true as far as he had been concerned. 

Jared, on the other hand, had focused on a Bachelor of Arts in Criminal Justice. Jared had landed an internship with the Seattle Police Department’s Community Police Academy in his senior year, which helped him make the move to Law Enforcement. After graduation, Jared spent four and a half months at the Basic Law Enforcement Academy before becoming a student officer where he spent another four weeks with the Seattle Police Department Advance Training Unit before he could move on to the Field Training program. From there, he had been required to pass the ten-week Police Officer Equivalency Academy before he could finally become a patrol officer. When he had finally passed the requirements, he had been issued his badge, a Glock 9 mm caliber duty weapon and portable police radio. He had remained a patrol officer for five years before deciding to take the detective’s exam.

Three years after they had established themselves in their careers, Jared had proposed to Jensen. Jensen had come home to find Jared packing. He had walked into their bedroom and stood, transfixed at the sight before him; Jared with a suitcase open on their bed, placing his clothing in it. Jensen had felt his heart stop as his eyes tracked Jared’s movements. His throat was dry and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. The only thing that ran through his mind was that Jared had obviously decided he had had enough of him and was leaving him. Jared had been packing and probably trying to leave him before he had come home early. He must have made a sound because Jared had turned around and looked at him, a look of shock on his face. 

“Ja . . . Jared?” Jensen asked and allowed himself to lean against the doorframe for support. 

“You’re home early,” Jared had said cautiously. 

The only thing Jensen had been able to do was nod his head, not taking his eyes off the suitcase.

“So . . . I didn’t want you to find out this way,” Jared had said in a soft voice. “I had wanted everything packed before you came home. But, you’re home and . . . well, I guess the surprise is a little ruined.”

Surprise? Jared thought his leaving was a surprise? Jared was right about that. He had thought they were happy. He hadn’t seen this coming. “Sur . . . surprise?” Jensen had managed to get out.

“Yeah, I wanted this to be a surprise. I would have our things packed and then take you away. I booked us a room and everything. We haven’t had a chance to really be together. I’ve been working crazy hours while on patrol and when I’m off, you’re working. But, this weekend we’re finally off, together,” Jared grinned at him, his dimples out in full force.

“Oh,” Jensen had whispered. “You want to take me away?” 

“Yeah. Why, what did you think was going on?” Jared asked in confusion.

“That you were leaving me,” Jensen had admitted.

Jared tilted his head and studied Jensen, then turned to look at the bed and started laughing. “Yeah, I guess I can see where you’d get that idea. But you’re stuck with me, don’t you know that? And trust me,” he said as he moved to the suitcase and lifted his clothes, “your clothes are already packed. I’m almost done, then we can head out.” 

Jensen could only nod. He gasped when Jared grabbed him and placed a needy kiss on his lips.

“Been missing you,” he said and then turned back to finish packing. “All set, let’s go.” Jared had guided him out to his SUV and they were off, driving the short distance to their destination, Salish Lodge as Jensen had discovered when Jared had driven them up the winding road overlooking the Snoqualmie Falls. Jensen had expressed a desire to visit the area, but they had never had a chance to; always too busy with school and then their careers. But, Jared had remembered and had made it happen. 


	3. Chapter 3

“You remembered,” Jensen breathed out as Jared led them to the front door of the Lodge.

Jared stopped walking and turned to Jensen, a look of fondness on his face as his eyes met Jensen’s. “Of course. It’s something you wanted. I couldn’t give this to you, until now.” He grabbed Jensen’s hand in his, his other hand dragging their rolling suitcase and walked them to the front desk.

“May I help you?” the man behind the desk had asked.

“Yes, reservation for Padalecki,” Jared said and waited while the man typed at his computer.

The man looked up and smiled at him. “Ah, yes, here it is.” He handed Jared two room key cards. “Room 75, second floor. It has one of the best views of the Snoqualmie River. Enjoy your stay and if there’s anything you need, please don’t hesitate to let us know.”

“Thank you,” Jared said and led Jensen to the elevator and then to their room. Jared opened the door and heard Jensen gasp. He smiled; it had been the reaction he had been hoping for. The room was spacious and the first thing you were met with as you walked in was the large, floor to ceiling expanse of windows and double doors that showed off the beauty of the wilderness and river outside of their room. The room contained a king size bed which dominated one wall. On the opposite wall was a large flat screen TV and a gas fireplace. In front of the windows was a sitting area for two and off to the side of that was a built-in desk with a chair. The bathroom held a spa-like shower. He had spared no expense for this weekend; wanting to make it a memorable one for them both. “You like?” Jared asked as he closed the door behind them and wheeled the suitcase over to the side of the bed. 

Jensen walked over to the windows, taking in the beauty before him. He opened the double doors and heard the sound of the rushing water. “It’s amazing, thank you.”

“Anything for you,” Jared said as he opened the waiting bottle of chilled wine. He walked over and joined Jensen, offering him a glass of wine. “This room comes with access to the spa soaking pool and club. I was thinking we could take advantage of the soaking pool after we finish our wine, then order room service and reconnect,” he said, his voice full of heat and want as he watched Jensen blush. He never got tired of seeing that on the face of the man he loved. 

“Lead the way,” Jensen responded and took a sip of his wine. 

Jared finished his wine, took Jensen’s empty glass from him and placed them on the table. He rummaged through the suitcase and found their board shorts. He handed Jensen his and a robe. Once they were changed, he grabbed Jensen’s hand. He led them down the hall to the spa area where they disrobed and then submerged themselves in the heated water. He wrapped his arms around Jensen, pulling the smaller man against his chest as they settled onto the built-in bench of the pool across from the waterfall feature. “Love you, he murmured against the wet skin of Jensen’s neck.

Jensen leaned into Jared’s body, resting his head in the crook of Jared’s neck. “I love you, too.”

They relaxed in the water, letting the heat and the sound of the water soothe them into a sense of comfortable bliss. Jared heard the soft even sound of Jensen’s breathing; the man in his arms was nearly asleep. Gently he roused him. “Hey, can’t sleep here.”

“Comfortable,” Jensen replied in a sluggish voice.

“I know, but we have a king size bed to take advantage of,” he said, nudging Jensen to get up. “Come on, we’ll go back to our room, shower and change.” Jensen nodded and stood. Jared helped him out of the pool and handed him a towel to dry off with before they put on their robes and headed back to their room. He placed their order with room service and then he helped Jensen into the shower and had him lean back as he washed Jensen’s hair and then his body. He heard Jensen hum in appreciation. He let go of Jensen so he could wash himself. While he wanted Jensen, he could tell just by how pliant Jensen was, now wasn’t the time for them to be intimate. As they stepped out of the bathroom in fresh robes, there was a knock at the door. Jared answered it, stepping back for room service to wheel in the food.

“When you’re done, just leave the cart outside your room. Enjoy,” the waiter said and left the two men to eat their dinner of steak, baked potato and salad along with another bottle of wine. They sat at the sitting area in front of the windows, enjoying their dinner. 

“How’s your steak?” Jared asked.

“Good, thanks for doing this,” Jensen replied. “But, you didn’t have to do all this.”

“I told you, only the best for you. I just wanted to be able to spend time with the man I love. You’re worth it.”

After Jared wheeled the cart into the hallway, he pulled Jensen into bed with him, enjoying the feel of Jensen’s naked body against his. They settled against the plush mattress and pillows. Jensen rested his head against Jared’s chest, entwined their fingers and fell asleep. Jared carded his fingers through Jensen’s hair, closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, Jared coaxed Jensen out of bed with the offer of coffee and a light breakfast that was offered in the club. They settled themselves in the warm brown leather chairs seated across from a gas fireplace. They relaxed with coffee and the morning newspaper; enjoying each other’s company. “We can come back to the club for snacks and drinks throughout the day,” Jared said as he pulled Jensen up from his chair. “Right now, we have an appointment at the spa. I booked us a couples massage.” With a smile on his face, Jared led them back to the spa where they enjoyed a relaxing massage in a fireside couples treatment room. They had a light lunch and relaxed in their room until it was time for the next part of their day; a romantic dinner overlooking the falls. After dinner, Jared brought Jensen out to the falls at sunset, had gotten down on one knee and proposed. A stunned Jensen stood, looking down at Jared, his hands cupped over his mouth before finally answering ‘Yes!’ to Jared’s question. Jared had slipped a thin silver band containing their birthstones; Ruby for Jared’s and Aquamarine for his, onto his finger and then he had placed a larger, matching one on Jared’s finger. When they returned to the lodge, Jared stopped just inside the door, raised their joined hands and announced “He said yes!”. They were met with applause as they walked through the lobby and up to their room. 

As soon as the door to their room closed, Jared crowded Jensen against the door, kissing him until they were both panting for breath. “I want to thank you for saying yes,” Jared said as he pulled away from Jensen. “Can’t wait to marry you.” Jared reached down to the waist of Jensen’s pants, pulling at his shirt and helping him off with it. He looked down, enjoying the pale freckled skin he had just revealed. His long fingers began to work at the button and zipper, opening then so he could push them down off Jensen’s trim hips. He cupped Jensen’s thickening cock and then swallowed Jensen’s moan as he pressed his lips against Jensen’s. 

Jensen toed off his shoes, kicking them away from himself and moaned as Jared’s fingers touched his cock. He moaned into Jared’s lips. He closed his eyes, enjoying Jared’s fingers fisting him. “Ja . . . Jared, wanna come with you . . . in me,” he managed to get out as he tipped his head back against the door. “Please,” he begged and then opened his eyes when he felt cool air against his heated skin. 

Jared pulled away from Jensen’s warm skin to take off his own shirt. His fingers made short work of opening his pants and pushing them past his waist. He toed off his shoes, kicked them away, stepped out of his pants and then pulled off his socks. He stood to his full height to see that Jensen was also naked. “I’m a very lucky man,” he said, his voice full of heat and want as he looked his full of Jensen to see that Jensen’s skin was pink from his blush. He took Jensen’s hand in his and walked him toward the bed. “I love you,” he whispered and then helped Jensen to climb on the bed. He reached under the pillows and grabbed the bottle of lube he had placed there earlier. He positioned himself between Jensen’s open legs, placed a kiss on his right thigh and then slicked up his fingers

Jensen opened his legs to allow Jared access to his body. He moaned when he felt Jared’s lips on his thigh. His breath hitched when he heard the familiar sound of a bottle of lube being opened. He gasped when he felt Jared’s slick fingers running along his rim. “Ja . . . Jared,” he moaned as Jared’s fingers began to work him open, first one finger and then two, scissoring them before Jared pushed a third into him, working deep inside of him, hitting that spot that sent sparks of pleasure through his body. He rocked his hips against Jared’s fingers, arching his back, enjoying the feeling of being opened by Jared’s talented fingers. He felt Jared’s fingers withdraw, only to be replaced with the blunt pressure of Jared’s cock pushing into him, filling him. His breath was pushed out of his lungs as Jared bottomed out. 

“Let me know when,” Jared whispered, his arms locked as he waited for Jensen to adjust to taking him into his body. He felt Jensen move, bringing one leg up to hook it over his hip, giving him more access to his body. He heard Jensen’s whispered ‘Now’ and lowered himself to kiss Jensen’s lips, swallowing Jensen’s moans of pleasure as he began to move, pulling out only to push back in lazily; setting up a slow and sweet rhythm. 

“More,” Jensen moaned as reached up, his fingers digging into the meat of Jared’s shoulders. “Need more.”

Jared’s lips ghosted over Jensen’s before he moved down to kiss the column of Jensen’s exposed neck. He bit down on the stretched tendons and began to thrust faster; setting up a brutal pace as he chased after his orgasm. He felt Jensen’s muscle clench around his hard cock, as Jensen’s release ripped through his body. He couldn’t help the sly smile that came to his face; knowing that Jensen had come untouched, just from the pounding he was taking. He pushed himself up, grabbed Jensen’s other leg and wrapped it around his hip. He tipped Jensen’s hips up and began to thrust into the pliant body underneath him until his spine tingled with the familiar feeling of the start of his orgasm and he came, emptying himself into Jensen’s channel. He looked down to see Jensen looking up at him. “I love you,” he said as he lowered himself down to claim Jensen’s lips, to swallow whatever Jensen was about to say to him. Slowly, he pulled himself of Jensen’s body and rolled onto his side. He reached out and pulled Jensen so Jensen rested against him, his arm encircling Jensen’s waist. “I love you,” he whispered to Jensen.

“I love you, too,” Jensen responded sleepily. He snuggled into the warmth of Jared’s body and let himself drift off to sleep in Jared’s embrace. He was awoken sometime later to Jared gently cleaning him with a warm washcloth.

“Hey sleepyhead,” Jared murmured to Jensen as he kissed Jensen’s cheek. 

“What time is it?” Jensen asked in a sleep-filled voice.

“Middle of the night, go back to sleep. Just wanted to clean us up.” He stepped away from the bed, tossed the washcloth into the bathroom and then climbed back under the covers. He had barely gotten positioned on his back when he felt Jensen rest his head against his chest. He heard Jensen make a sound of satisfaction before his breathing had evened out in sleep again. He chuckled to himself and closed his eyes. The last thought he had as he drifted off to sleep was that the painfully shy boy he had met at the age of sixteen; the one with the most beautiful green eyes that he had even seen, who had captured his heart the first day they had met was now going to be his husband.

The following morning, Jensen woke to breakfast in bed. The smell of coffee permeated his senses dragging him from the blissful sleep he had been in. It had been a wonderful dream; one where Jared had proposed. As he rubbed at his eyes, he felt the unfamiliar feeling of metal around the ring finger of his left hand. He looked down at his fingers; his eyes wide and his lips forming a silent ‘O’ of surprise. It hadn’t been a dream. Jared had proposed, he had said yes, they were engaged. 

“You’re not having second thoughts, are you?” Jared asked as he moved toward the bed, offering Jensen a cup of coffee.

“No, just at first I thought it was a dream.”

“It is, a dream come true for me,” Jared replied, with a wolfish smile on his lips. “So, we’ll have breakfast, shower and then we should get going. I know our parents are gonna want to know if you said yes.”

“Wait, our parents?” Jensen asked in confusion.

“Yeah, well I felt I had to ask your father’s permission. You know, do things right.”

“You never cease to amaze me,” Jensen responded.

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Thank you,” Jared responded smuggly before he ended up with a face full of Jensen’s pillow. “Hey, watch the face,” he pouted.

“Oh, come here. I’ll kiss it better,” Jensen responded, crooking his finger and motioning for Jared to come to him.

Jared leaned in for a kiss. “The pain is all over,” he chuckled and felt Jensen placing feathlight kisses along his face. 

The morning passed by quickly as they finished eating, showered and dressed. They made sure their belongings were packed before leaving the room to make their way to the lobby to check out. They were met with a congratulations by the same man who had checked them before leaving to make their way home and back to the lives they had managed to escape from for one perfect weekend.

Six months later, they had returned to Salish Lodge to stand in the same spot that Jared had gotten down on one knee to propose to Jensen. This time, with their family in attendance, Jared stood waiting with a Justice of the Peace as Jensen was walked by his father toward him. Jensen shyly looked up to see Jared standing there, facing him with a wide dimpled smile on his face. 

“Are you sure about this? That he’s the one?” Alan had whispered to Jensen as they approached.

Without taking his eyes off the man who had captured his heart at the age of sixteen he answered his father. “No doubts, Dad. I love him, he’s my everything.”

“That’s all I needed to hear. Let’s get this wedding started,” Alan had said with a smile as they reached Jared. Alan shook hands with Jared. “Just continue to make him happy. Always make sure he knows you love him,” Alan said and then stepped away to stand with his wife and Jared’s family. 

The Justice of the Peace, a man named Tim, began to speak. “We are gathered here today to witness this joyous occasion, the marriage of Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki. Some people take an entire lifetime to find the one who was truly meant to be theirs. For Jensen and Jared it took only the first sixteen years of their lives. At this time, both Jensen and Jared have a few words they wish to say. Jared, go ahead.”

Jared took Jensen’s hands in his, clasped them together before bringing them to his lips to kiss them. He pulled them down and began to speak. “The first day I met you, you mesmerized me with those beautiful green eyes. I couldn’t get them or you out of my head. Then, that weekend, I got to see you, really see who you were; shy, funny, caring and a heart filled with magic and wonder. But you were hurt. I had no idea what you had gone through, just that I wanted to get to know you, to at least be your friend. The more I thought about you, the more I wanted more. Our first kiss may not have been romantic, standing on the sidewalk next to two trash cans, but it was perfect. I knew then that you were the only one for me. I promise to the best of my ability that I will always love you, and make sure you know that you are loved. I will protect you from the hurt this world throws at you as best as I can and to make you happy. You are my world, you are the man I love with all my heart and I’m so thankful that today, I’m marrying you.” 

Jensen squeezed Jared’s hands. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and let it out before opening his eyes to look into Jared’s. “I never thought anyone like you, this tall, muscular, athletic kid would ever like me, let alone want to be my friend. I was always alone, but that was okay because I had my books and my art. It was enough for me until you came into my life. You made me smile and want more. My parents were always there for me, to stop the loneliness when it got to be too much. And then suddenly there you were, trying to get my attention in first period Biology. You could have pretended to be something you weren’t so life would have been easier for you, but you stood true to who you were then and now. You stood up to everyone, not caring what the consequences might be. You stood up for me, letting me know that there was at least one person in the world who saw me; wanted to know me. It’s made me love you from that moment on and my love for you has only grown over time. You captured my heart before I had any idea that it was even gone. I have been so lucky to have you in my life, to love and to be loved by. I promise you that to the best of my ability that I will always love you. I will do everything I can to make you happy. You are my everything.”

“I don’t think anyone could have said it better,” Tim said softly. “Do you Jared, take Jensen to be your husband?”

“I do,” Jared said, not taking his eyes from Jensen’s until he had to slip the wedding ring on Jensen’s finger.

“Do you Jensen take Jared to be your husband?” 

“I do” Jensen responded, still looking into Jared’s eyes, only breaking eye contact long enough to slip Jared’s matching silver ring on his finger.

“By the power vested in me by the State of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and husband.” He stepped back, giving the men the room they needed to happily kiss each other. Jared grabbed Jensen’s hand in his larger one, raised it above their heads and yelled to everyone. “We’re married!” They were met with applause and then their mothers hugs and kisses before the rest of their family joined them.

Jensen smiled at Jared as he forced himself out of his memories. He was still amazed at times to find that Jared had wanted to date him, move in with him and then eventually marry him. He had his fair share of issues; he knew that. He was painfully shy at times. He was quiet; still preferred books and art to people. He did finally have a few close friends; Christian who he had met when he had found this great little coffee house not far from campus. Chris and Steve, Chris’ partner in life and music, had managed to get past all of his defense. There was Felicia, Misha, Danneel and Genevieve. Sure, they had all started out as coworkers, but a friendship had blossomed between them before he had even had a chance to realize it. Then there was Chad, Jared’s partner at work. The man could be irritating, but also funny. Jensen still didn’t see what Chad’s wife saw him, but then again, people probably thought the same thing about him when they saw him with Jared. 

“Hey, where’d you go just then? It was like you were a million miles away.”

“Just thinking about us and how much I’m going to miss you. But, you know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Figures you’d quote some poem from someone,” Jared responded with a chuckle.

A smile came to Jensen’s lips. “It’s believed that the quote was a line from an anonymous poem later credited to Francis Davison. But similar writing was attributed to Thomas Overbuy. Both wrote and published around the same time in the early sixteen hundreds. And a similar form of the phrase was reference about forty years later by James Howell. But the line was actually written in a poem by Thomas Haynes Bayly some nearly two hundred years later. It all depends on who you believe,” Jensen said with a shrug of his shoulders.

Jared held up his hands. “Stop, I think you’re melting my brain.” His phone ringing cut off anything else he was about to say to Jensen. He looked at it and then frowned before answering his phone. “Detective Padalecki.” He listened to the voice on the other end and then responded. “I can be there in thirty minutes.” He ended the call, stood up and walked around the table and placed a kiss on Jensen’s cheek. “Sorry, duty calls,” he murmured into the warm skin.

“Stay safe,” Jensen called to him as Jared disappeared from the kitchen. He heard Jared by the front door; knew he was getting his gun and badge and then heard the front door closing and Jared’s SUV starting up. He cleaned the kitchen and trudged up the stairs to their bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed, already missing Jared. He had no idea how long this call would keep Jared out. With a heavy sigh, he forced himself up and into the bathroom where he washed up and changed for bed into a t-shirt and sleep pants. He climbed into bed, giving Jared’s side a forlorn look before grabbing his book to read. 

Jared softly climbed the stairs to their bedroom to find the bedroom light on. He poked his head in to see that Jensen was sound asleep, head propped up on his pillows with an open book laying face down across his chest. A soft smile came to his face as he took in the sight before him. He made his way into the bathroom, washed the night’s grime from his body, changed into just his sleep pants and padded into the bedroom. Gently, he pulled the book off of Jensen, saved his page and placed the book on the nightstand. He turned off the light and rounded the bed to his side. As gingerly as he could, he slid under the covers, hoping to not wake Jensen; knowing his husband would have to be up in a few hours. 

Jensen shifted, and woke slightly at hitting Jared’s body. “Ja . . .”

“Shh, it’s late. Go back to sleep,” Jared mumbled as he threw an arm over Jensen’s chest, buried his face against the crook of Jensen’s neck and fell asleep.

The next morning, Jensen slid out from under Jared’s arm, leaving the larger man peacefully sleeping in their bed as he got ready for work. He brewed a pot of coffee, grabbed his travel mug, filled it and was out the door a half hour later, on his way to his office. He was met by Misha as he got out of his car. “Hey, Misha,” he called out as the blue eyed man jogged over to him. 

“Hi, how was last night?” Misha inquired. 

Jensen groaned thinking about how it had gone when he’d finally told Jared that he couldn’t get the time off. “Better than I expected,” he said as they entered the building and settled themselves at their desks. “Jared offered to postpone the trip, but I told him to go. It’s Megan’s first and I know he really wants to be there. It wouldn’t be fair to make him stay. We can go together when the baby is a little older.”

“You’re lucky. Vicky would have cut my balls off. Then she would have marched in there and demanded that Mark give me the time off,” Misha said with a rueful smile. 

“Don’t think Jared wasn’t pissed. He was. I thought about going to Morgan, but, I need my job. Plus, I’m hoping that Mark will approve my transfer onto Felicia’s team. I just gotta play nice.” 

“Good luck,” Misha said as he pulled up the manuscript he needed to work on. Jensen settled himself into his chair, pulled up the manuscript he had been working on before he had left last night and began to reread the pages and his notes, deleting the snide an unprofessional comments he had left last night and replaced them with helpful suggestions. When he was finished with that chapter, he pulled out his sketch pad and drew a few images that he thought could be incorporated as art into the chapter. After lunch, he began to work on the next chapter. Three hours into his editing, he was called into Mark’s office. He knocked at Mark’s door. “You asked to see me?” He stood in the doorway, not daring to go any further. 

Mark looked up from the papers he had been reading, placed them on his desk and motioned for Jensen to join him. “Come in, and shut the door. Take a seat,” Mark said as he motioned to one of the empty chairs in front of his desk.

Jensen swallowed down his fear and did as he had been asked. He sat on the edge of the chair, ready to bolt if he had to. He watched as Mark came around to stand in front of his desk, only a few inches separating them. Jensen looked up at Mark and paled at seeing the look Mark was giving him; it was on of a predator looking over its prey.

“I read some of your notes from yesterday. I’m rather disappointed in you. That’s not how we do things here.”

“My notes? I didn’t send you anything,” Jensen replied cautiously. 

“Well, I was able to view your work. I can view all of my team’s work. You’ve always been the exceptional one on my team. And to see those less than professional comments, well, it makes me question if you’re really worth transferring to someone else’s team. I mean, that caliber of work reflects badly on me. So, what are we going to do about this issue, Jenny?” Mark asked as he placed his hands on Jensen’s shoulders.

“It’s Jensen,” he said, trying to keep the anger from his voice. He was so tired of telling the man standing in front of him that his name was Jensen, not Jenny and the only one who ever got to call him Jen, was his husband. “I’ve already taken care of the issue. I re-edited the pages, deleted my previous notes and replaced them with constructive critique. You’re more than welcome to look over that chapter.”

“I will,” Mark replied as he slid his hands up and down Jensen’s arms. He could feel the man fighting the urge to stiffen his muscles or even pull away from his touch. “I have a call to make, but why don’t you come back in an hour and we can go through those changes together? This way, I can show you what I expect from you and my team.”

“In an hour?” Jensen gulped out. In an hour, everyone would be gone and he would be here alone with Mark; something he was actively trying to avoid.

“Yes, is there a problem with that?” Mark asked sharply.

“No, it’s just that I can’t stay long. I would like to spend time with my husband before he leaves for the trip we were supposed to go on, together,” Jensen said, hoping his tone sounded casual.

Mark pulled away from Jensen to walk around his desk. “Oh, right. How thoughtless of me. Well, Jenny, I’ll try not to keep you too late,” Mark said with a wide grin and then picked up his phone, dismissing Jensen.

Jensen hastily retreated from Mark’s office to his desk. He caught the look of concern on Misha’s face.

“Everything alright? What did he want?” Misha questioned.

“He read the notes I left on one of the manuscripts I was working on yesterday. They were unprofessional, it was right after he denied me my time off and I was angry. I redid them today. I had no idea he had access to our work before we sent it to him,” he said, feeling his gut twisting with each word. “Now, he wants to meet with me in an hour to go over things.” Jensen sat down heavily in his chair. “I hate being alone with him. He just . . .”

“Shit, I had no idea either,” Misha responded and then looked at Jensen with a sympathetic smile. “Want me to hang around? Make sure everything’s on the up and up?”

“No, no,” Jensen said, as he shook his head. “He’ll only question why you’re here and it won’t be good for eatheir of us. I’ll just make sure Jared knows where I am.”

“Is Jared aware of how Mark makes you feel?”

“No. I mean, the man’s never really done anything to me. It’s just a feeling I get when I’m alone with him. And he keeps calling me Jenny, even though I tell him every time it’s inappropriate and that my name is Jensen,” Jensen said and then chewed his bottom lip.

“Maybe you should say something to your husband,” Misha offered. “Or maybe Morgan. Have you said anything to personnel?”

“Yeah, I will, after he gets back, I’ll talk to Jared. I don’t want him worrying over nothing while he’s back in Texas,” Jensen said quietly. “No, I haven’t said anything to personnel or Morgan. It’s not like Pellegrino has actually done anything to me, aside from giving me some really weird vibes,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders. “Besides, it’s not like anyone has heard him call me anything other than Jensen. So I’d end up looking like an ass and that could ruin my chances for the transfer.” He picked up his phone and texted Jared, letting Jared know he needed to stay late to meet with his boss regarding an issue on a chapter he had been working on. He got a reply from Jared letting him know Jared would see him at home and to drive safely. He smiled at Jared’s thoughtfulness and care over his well-being and then placed his phone in his bag so he wouldn’t forget it when he left tonight. 

He watched as Misha and Genevieve left, waving at him and wishing him a good night. Slowly he stood and walked to Mark’s office. With every step he felt like he was walking to the gallows. His stomach was in a knot and the palms of his hands were clammy. He knocked on Mark’s door and waited to enter.

A sly smile came to Mark’s lips as he heard the hesitant knock on his door. Jensen. He couldn’t wait to get the man underneath him. Couldn’t wait to hear the moans that he could pull from those sinful lips. And those lips, how he wanted to feel them wrapped around his cock; thrusting in and out of Jensen’s mouth, forcing him to take him as he came down the back of Jensen’s throat. He was sure Jensen’s husband, Jared took full advantage of having Jensen down on his knees. It wasn’t fair for that man to get to keep all of that for himself. He should share Jensen. He didn’t know which position Jensen preferred, and it really didn’t matter to him. Jensen was going to find himself with his legs spread open as he pounded into that tight looking ass. He did suspect that Jared, being the taller and more muscular of the two in their marriage most likely was the top, giving it to Jensen. Maybe after he finally had a taste of Jensen, he could proposition them; a weekend here with Jensen, or a night there with Jensen. Whatever worked to his benefit; as long as he was fucking Jensen or having Jensen suck him off. He pushed his thoughts aside and schooled his features as best he could. “Yes? Come in,” he called, knowing who was on the other side of the door.

Jensen placed his hand on the doorknob and opened the door. He found Mark sitting at his desk. He looked like he was deep in thought over something on his desk. Maybe, this wouldn’t be so bad, maybe Mark would be professional and just get down to business. He heard Mark’s voice “Jenny”, and his shoulders slumped. The fleeting thought had been to good to be true. “Jensen,” he said quietly.

“Jenny, come in, shut the door. We have a lot to get through. I hope you’re prepared to stay as late as possible,” Mark said, pointedly ignoring Jensen’s correction of his name. 

“I don’t understand.” Jensen cocked his head to the side. “It was only one chapter and it wasn’t even throughout the entire chapter.” He felt his anger rising. Had he known that Mark had access to his work prior to him sending it to him for review, he would have stayed late to delete his previous comments and editing. Mark had never done this before and he was angry at the man and angrier at himself for being so stupid to let this happen. 

“Yes, well, I want to really give you as much of my time and expertise as possible.” Mark motioned for Jensen to step forward. He didn’t miss the frightened look that passed over Jensen’s face before he turned to close the door. He plastered a smile on his face and turned around. “I’ve called my husband, let him know I’m staying about an hour later than normal and then I’ll call him when I’m ready to leave,” he explained as he walked toward Mark’s desk.

“An hour? That may not be long enough,” Mark responded in an irritated tone. Who the hell was Jensen to tell him how much time they would be spending together?

“Well, as long as you’re paying my overtime and my husband is aware of where I am, then there shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll just have to check in with him in an hour, if I need to stay longer,” Jensen replied. He saw Mark’s eyes darken at his words but remained silent, waiting for Mark to make a comment.

“Right, then we should get to work.” Mark tried to remain friendly with Jensen, while he was seething on the inside. The man before him had informed his husband where he was, who he was with and had apparently been given an hour before he had to check in. This wouldn’t do, not at all, he thought to himself. He watched as Jensen sat in the same chair he had previously occupied less than two hours ago. He pulled up the chapter that he had spoken to Jensen about previously and turned his attention to it. “So, I can see where you went back and changed your edits, but also your comments to the author regarding this chapter. Would you care to enlighten me as to why you were so harsh in your comments? I have to say, I was shocked by your lack of professionalism.”

Jensen felt Mark’s eyes on him, scrutinizing him and his cheeks began to flush with his embarrassment. He had let his feelings and anger get the best of him yesterday and had taken it out on the author’s work that he had been in charge of editing He was supposed to help the author strengthen their story, not tear it apart; not in the manner he had done it in. Constructive criticism was one thing, but what he had done was tantamount to telling the author they had no business writing. “Let me start off by apologizing. My comments were unprofessional. When I read over my notes and looked at my editing, I realized I had overstepped. I let my anger get the best of me. I shouldn’t have.”

“Your anger?” Mark asked and raised an eyebrow at Jensen’s response. 

Jensen cleared his throat. “Yes, I was angry at having my vacation time denied. Jared and I had been looking forward to taking this time off together; going back to Texas to see our family and meet our new niece. When I realized what I had done, taking my anger out on the story, I stopped editing, packed up and left for the day. This morning, I started over on the chapter, deleting my edits and comments and looking at it the way I should have.”

“You were angry? At me?” Mark asked, not believing what he had just heard. Jensen had been angry with him. Jensen had feelings for him. This he could work with. He rubbed a hand over his mouth, hiding the smile that had formed on his lips. “I see. And now? What you’ve come to terms with your anger?”

“Yes.” Jensen placed his hands in his lap and waited for Mark to reprimand him. He was surprised when the man didn’t.

“Well, I can understand your feelings. We’ve all had something like that happen to us. I think this incident can be overlooked. But, I do feel that we should go over the edits from that chapter,” he said as he pointed at Jensen’s work. “Why don’t you come around and we can look things over together.” He pushed his chair aside, making some room for Jensen to stand next to him. 

Against his better judgement, Jensen pulled himself to his feet and walked around the desk to join Mark. He had to show Mark respect, as his boss. He kept reminding himself that he had to do anything possible related to his job to prove to Mark that he deserved the transfer. He stood by Mark, trying to keep at least a few inches of space between them and peered at the computer screen.

“This is actually good work. You pointed out the change in the verb tense here and throughout the next few passages. You articulated very well what the author could do to change this to one form, past or present; reminding the author that up until this chapter everything had been written in the past tense. If the author chose to change this to the present tense, then the entire manuscript would need to be reworked to reflect that change. Good work, very good work,” Mark murmured as he looked at Jensen’s profile. He stood up, pushing his chair away and placed and arm around Jensen’s shoulders. He liked the feel of Jensen underneath him. He tightened his hold and waited to see Jensen’s reaction.

Jensen forced himself not to tense under Mark’s touch or to flinch away. He had a feeling that either reaction would reflect badly on him and result in Mark’s obvious displeasure with him. He took a few quick breaths before speaking. “Thank you, that’s very nice of you to say and I’m flattered that you noticed.” He dropped his head and waited for Mark to continue; hoping that aside from the man’s unwanted touch, Mark would stick to work related issues. He heard Mark murmur to himself, ‘We’d make a very good team, even outside . . .” The rest of what Mark had said was lost to him as they both heard a sharp knock on the door. Jensen looked up as the door opened, fearful of who it was or what the person might think, finding he and Mark like this. 

JD knocked on the door and pushed it open, not waiting for Mark to call him in. This was his company after all, he didn’t need his employees’ approval to come and go as he pleased. He saw Mark hovering over Jensen, his arm firmly planted around Jensen’s shoulders. Jensen looked uncomfortable, almost scared. As Jensen had looked up at him with wide green eyes, Jensen shrugged off Mark’s arm and took a step away from him. “Am I interrupting something?” JD asked, his voice void of amusement. 

“Just going over a few things with Jenny,” Mark cleared his throat, “Ah, Jensen. Going over a few issues from a chapter Jensen had been working on. Giving him the benefit of my expertise,” he said cooly.

“Well, I think it’s time we let Jensen go home to his husband. Don’t you?” JD asked, staring pointedly at Pellegrino. 

“Of course, I didn’t realize the time. We can pick this up in the morning; when we’re both fresh. Give your husband my apologizes for keeping you late after work,” Mark called as Jensen slipped out of his office. He shoved his hands in his pockets to stop himself from balling them up and slamming his fists down on his desk in a fit of rage. Damn, JD! The bastard had some nerve coming into his office unannounced and ruining any progress he had been making with Jensen. Next time he was able to get Jensen alone, he was going to make sure the building was empty and that JD was nowhere around to stop them from getting to know each other better, in a more intimate way. 

“Mark, care to explain?” JD questioned the blond man grimacing at him. 

“What do you mean?” Mark countered back, his voice dripping with fake innocence. He was doing his best to pretend he had no idea what JD was insinuating. 

“You know what I mean,” JD replied, not bothering to hide his irritation with the man he was standing in front of.

Shaking his head, Mark responded. “No, I don’t. Why don’t you spell it out for me?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“He’s married. And I really don’t think he’s the type to have some illicit office affair,” JD replied gruffly.

“I’m surprised at you, JD. Jensen and I were only working. It was strictly professional,” Mark huffed out.

“Right. Just make sure that’s how it stays between the two of you. He’s a great employee and I’d hate to lose him. You, on the other hand have cost me money in the past. I won’t tolerate anymore of your wandering ways, or your wandering hands. Make sure they stay attached to your wrists and off of Jensen. I won’t save your ass from another sexaul harrassment suit.” JD looked at the man before him. They had been friends at one point and he had felt loyalty to the blond man, but after the last accusation leveled at Mark by a former employee nearly five years ago, he had made it plain to his friend that there were no more bailouts; only the loss of his job and probably jail time. Mark had been there with him; helping him build his business from the ground up. Mark had been there for him as a needed friend and offering him support when he had been sure that his publishing company wasn’t going to make it another day. But, that was in the past. Mark was no longer the friend he had been and the loyalty he had felt for the man had been destroyed after he had settled the last lawsuit on Mark’s behalf. Up until now, Mark had been keeping his nose clean, but he could see that Jensen Ackles had become something of a temptation for Mark. 

“Please, JD give me a little more credit than that. I’m a changed man; been keeping my nose clean and my hands off of the help,” he reminded JD. “Besides, he’s a kid, a nice kid who’s married. There’s nothing going on between us. I was just giving him the benefit of my years of experience, nothing more, ” Mark pursed his lips together. “I thought I had made it clear after the last “incident” - yes he had used air quotes - that it would never happen again,” he responded hotly.

“If you say so,” JD said as he turned his back on Mark and walked out of the man’s office. Maybe he had read more into things. He was trigger ready around Pellegrino. Maybe it would be best to transfer Jensen to Felicia’s team, even though the younger man hadn’t made any indication that he wanted the change. He turned back to Mark. “Has Jensen expressed any interest in moving to Felicia’s team?” He watched Mark’s reaction looking for any clue that Mark had latched on to Jensen; not wanting to let him go.

Mark looked at JD, hoping that his rancor at the man didn’t show. He kept his reaction as casual as possible, not wanting to let JD see his desire for the young man they were discussing. There was no way he was about to mention Jensen’s request to JD. He wasn’t stupid and he could see what JD was attempting; trying to split him and Jensen up. “No, he hasn’t. Why?” Mark lied, hoping JD wouldn’t push the issue. He already knew he was going to deny Jensen the transfer; keeping him right where he wanted him. If Jensen did transfer to Felicia’s team, his chances of getting Jensen into his bed diminished greatly, to the point where it would never happen. He wasn’t about to let that possibility slip through his fingers. 

“Just wondering,” JD said as he left Mark alone in his office. He sought Jensen out, hoping the younger man was still there. He saw Jensen packing up and approached him. “Hey, you alright?” JD questioned.

Jensen looked up, startled. “Ye . . . yeah, thanks. Just texted my husband to let him know I’m on my way home,” he said with a smile. 

“Good, just wanted to make sure. You looked . . . a little uncomfortable when I walked in,” JD said, his voice rough sounding.

“Oh, that, “Jensen shrugged; reminding himself he had to be a teamplayer. “Mark was just helping me out. Mentoring, nothing to worry about, nothing between us but work,” he said with a weak smile. “Well, I should get home. Spend some time with Jared before he leaves.”

“Jared’s leaving? Without you?” JD questioned, not hiding his confusion at hearing that.

“Yeah, his sister, Megan just gave birth to a little girl. He’s flying out to Texas to visit our family,” Jensen said wistfully.

“And you’re not going?” Again, JD couldn’t hide his confusion. He didn’t take Jensen for someone who would choose to stay behind from something like that. From his understanding Jensen was happily married and aside from his work, Jensen’s world revolved around his husband. 

“Yes, I have several deadlines coming up. Plus a few meetings with some of the authors I’m working with. Things just didn’t work out for this trip. But, I’ll get back to Texas to meet our niece.” He slung his messenger bag over his shoulder and grabbed his coat. “Well, have a good night, JD,” he said as he made his way out of his office.

“You, too,” JD called after him, watching Jensen as he left the building. Something didn’t sit right with him. Family always came first; he had made sure that his employees knew that. He was happily married with two children of his own. No matter what was going on in his business, he always put his family first. He was sure things could have been worked out so that Jensen could have gone to Texas with his husband. That was something he would have to look into, he thought to himself as he made his way to his office. 

Jensen sighed as he pushed the front door to his home closed. He had only meant to stay late one hour, but having JD there had extended that time. He was exhausted by the time he trudged into the kitchen to find Jared cooking a simple pasta dinner for them. “Hey,” he called to Jared from the doorway.

“Hey,” Jared responded as he turned from the stove to Jensen. “You look exhausted.”

“Thanks, you’re such a sweet talker,” Jensen said grumpily and sat down in one of the kitchen chairs. “Smells good,” he said as he sniffed the air. 

“Wanted to make you a home cooked meal. Remind you of what you have to look forward to when I get back,” Jared replied with a dimpled smile.

Jensen couldn’t help but smile back. “You do know you aren’t leaving until Thursday. It’s only Tuesday. What? Are you not planning on feeding me tomorrow night?” Jensen asked, his green eyes sparkling with a hint of mischief. 

“Yeah, I am. Just planned on it being dessert. I don’t want you replacing me while I’m gone,” Jared said cheekily.

“Never gonna happen. I know a good thing when I see it. Especially when it’s six-foot-four and full of muscle.”

“Did you just quote the song  _ Land Down Under _ by Men At Work to me?” 

“Maybe?” Jensen said as he cocked his head to the side, watching as Jared finished cooking their meal. 

“You’re something else there, Ackles-Padalecki.”

“I know and my husband thinks so as well.”

“Your husband’s a very lucky man,” Jared joked with Jensen, tipping his head slightly back as he laughed.

“That’s what I keep telling him,” Jensen quipped back as Jared placed a plate of steaming pasta with red sauce down in front of him. “Thanks,” Jensen said and waited for Jared to sit so they could eat together. 

When they were finished, Jared grabbed the plate from Jensen’s hand. “I got this, go wash up and get in bed. You’re barely keeping your eyes open. I’ll be up to tuck you in when I’m done.” 

Jensen pushed himself back from the table and stood up. “You’re so good to me,” he said quietly as he slipped out of the kitchen and made his way to their bedroom where he changed into a t-shirt and sleep pants and then washed up in the bathroom. He wearily made his way back into the bedroom and into their bed. He rolled onto his side, facing Jared’s side of the bed and closed his eyes. He was bone tired; all he wanted was to close his eyes and sleep, but work worried him. No, not so much work, because he loved what he did. It was Mark. The man was good at his job. Jensen knew he was lucky to have Mark as a mentor, even after the amount of time Jensen had been working as an editor. But, the man made his skin crawl. He hated to be alone with Mark and apparently it showed. Misha had offered to stay late just to make sure nothing happened to him. He appreciated Misha’s offer, but he had known that if Mark found Misha waiting for him, it wouldn’t have ended well for the other man. Jensen was sure of it. And, judging by JD’s reaction to walking into Mark’s office, he must have thought something was off. He groaned. JD had walked in and had seen Mark’s arm around him. God, he hoped JD didn’t jump to conclusions in thinking there was anything going on between himself and Mark. There wasn’t, and there never would be. He loved Jared; there was no one else for him. Jared had his heart. If, God forbid, something happened where Jared smartened up and realized he could do so much better than him, he knew he would never love anyone else. Jared was  _ The One _ . There would never be anyone else in his life or in his heart. 

He wanted to tell Jared about work; about what was bothering him, but he had chosen to remain quiet. He just didn’t want to worry Jared right before he was due to leave. He had been working for Morgan Publishing for a couple of years now, and when he had first started, he had gotten a strange vibe from Pellegrino. Like the man had been interested in him. The only one who had ever shown him any kind of interest had been Jared. However, he had been sure he had read into things, creating something out of nothing, because the vibe had disappeared. Now, it was back and he had no idea what to do. Maybe it was him? He wasn’t the greatest at social situations and he was painfully shy at times. Maybe he was the one creating the vibe; creating the idea in his head that his boss was interested in him for something other than his editing and art skills. Yes that had to be it. It was all in his own mind. 

Maybe Misha had been right; he should tell Jared. Hell, he should have told Jared when his unease around Mark had started. But he had kept quiet; he hadn’t wanted to upset Jared, make Jared worry needlessly over him. He was an adult after all. He brought his hands up and cupped them over his closed eyes. He was more confused than ever. He felt his fear beginning to rise. If this was all in his mind, what did that say about him? Was he crazy? He knew he was insecure. He tried so hard to hide it. There were times when he wondered what Jared saw in him; he wasn’t anything special. Not when you compared him to Jared. The man was six-foot-four and had three inches of height over him. Jared had been muscular when they had met and over time he had packed on the muscle, making him an impressive specimen of the male physique. He loved to look into Jared’s kaleidoscope eyes; they were a swirl of blue, green and gold and always mesmerized him. He had this adorable mole near his nose and soft lips that Jensen loved to kiss. And when they kissed, Jensen would run his fingers through Jared’s soft, chestnut colored hair that ended at his jawline. So, what the hell did Jared see in him? Because he was nothing like Jared. And he certainly wasn’t special. 

Jared climbed the stairs that led to their bedroom. He stood in the doorway to their bedroom looking at the figure laying in their bed. He really was a lucky man, he thought to himself. He still wondered at times how he had managed to earn Jensen’s trust, let alone his love and devotion. Jensen could have anyone he wanted. The man was gorgeous; light brown hair that he kept cropped and softly spiked, pale freckled skin. Jensen had the greenest eyes Jared had ever seen which were framed with long dark lashes and he had these pouty lips that always had Jared nipping at the man’s full bottom lip when he kissed Jensen. While Jensen wasn’t overly athletic, his body type was and his legs, even though they were slightly bowed were muscular and hooked nicely around Jared’s waist when they were making love. It didn’t hurt that Jensen was six foot one and not afraid to crowd into him when they were being intimate. But, Jensen also loved it when he was manhandled, giving Jared a sense of power, which he has never abused, over Jensen. “You asleep?” he asked quietly before entering their bedroom. He didn’t want to wake Jensen if he was.

Jensen rolled over at the sound of Jared’s voice, seeking out his husband’s presence. He cracked his eyes open and squinted in the direction of the door. “No.” He flung an arm over his eyes, blocking out the light from the hallway. He heard movement and listened as Jared moved around the room, knowing Jared was getting ready for bed. He heard the click of the light switch as Jared turned it off. A moment later, he felt the bed dip as Jared’s weight joined his. Jared’s snaked around his waist, pulling him against his muscular chest. He felt lips ghosting over his ear.

“Everything okay” Jared’s concerned voice whispered into his ear.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” Jensen replied.

“You just seem so distant,” Jared replied, hoping Jensen would open up to him.

Jensen shrugged his shoulders. “Just thinking about things,” he said in a tense voice.

Jared lay still at hearing Jensen’s words and his tone of voice. His stomach flip-flopped. “Things? What things? Things I could do to you sexually?” he asked, trying to lighten the heavy mood that had settled over the room.

Jensen gave a harsh laugh. “No.” He turned in Jared’s arm, so he was no longer laying on his back and was now facing away from Jared. “Do you . . . do you ever regret,” he took a deep breath before continuing, “do you ever regret being with me? I know I’m not the easiest person to be with. I know my limitations.”

“Limitations?” Jared questioned, cutting Jensen off. “What limitations?”

“What limitations?” Jensen replied with a bitter laugh. “I’m still the socially awkward, painfully shy person you met when you moved to my neighborhood. You could have had anyone you wanted. You still could. I mean, I’d understand. I’m nothing special.” He heard Jared trying to interrupt him, but he continued speaking, not giving Jared a chance. “I’ve seen the way some women and men look at you when we’re out. And then they see me, and I can tell what they’re thinking;  _ what the hell is that perfect man doing with someone like him? _ I mean, you settled for me. You just settled when you could have moved on. Found someone perfect for you, like you.” 

“Are you done?” Jared asked, trying to remain calm and not let his rising anger at Jensen show in his voice. He wasn’t sure where this was coming from, but he knew he didn’t like it. He felt Jensen nod. “Good.” He pushed himself up and forced Jensen to return to laying on his back. “First, I didn’t settle. And I did find someone perfect for me. You. Second, have you looked in the mirror? If you think you don’t get second looks from men and women, then you’re not paying attention. Because let me tell you, there have been several times when I had to fight the urge not to gouge some guy’s eyes out that had been ogling you. I don’t care if you’re socially awkward and painfully shy around other people. You’re not that way around our friends, family or me. And, just so you’re aware, I have the one I wanted, then and now; and I married him. And, you are special, to me.” He placed a hand on Jensen’s chest; felt his heart beating faster than normal. “I’m happily married to you and still in love with you. I wouldn’t change a thing in my life and that includes you. Can you say the same about me?”

“Yes,” Jensen replied in a near whisper. He could barely get the word out to answer Jared’s question.

“Then where is this coming from? Have I done something to make you question my love for you?”

Jensen rolled over onto his side, facing Jared and tucked his arms between their bodies. “I just, I mean . . . I’ve always just wondered if you regretted us, me. And I guess with you leaving, going back to Texas, I just got a little insecure.”

“Babe, there’s no reason to be insecure. Not about me, not about us and not about yourself. I’ve never regretted being with you. Hell, sometimes I wonder what you’re doing with me. I work crazy hours and I don’t get to spend nearly enough time with you. But, when I’m not with you, I’m missing you like crazy. Can’t wait to get home to you. I’m sorry if it doesn’t seem like that.” He reached out and pulled Jensen to him, cupping Jensen’s face. “I’d marry you again in a heartbeat. I’d fight for you, kill for you, die for you if that’s what it takes. Just, don’t ever have doubts about us or my love for you.”

“Jared, I love you. More than I can ever tell you,” Jensen said softly.

“I know, because I feel the same way about you. I love you, with all my heart,” Jared said before crashing his lips against Jensen’s in a heated kiss. He held Jensen in his arms, knowing that was what Jensen needed more than anything else. His husband was exhausted and stressed out from work. Add to that the fact that he was leaving Jensen alone for a little over a week and he knew Jensen was at his breaking point. Jensen’s insecurities only flared up when he was emotionally spent. He nosed at Jensen’s neck, taking in the scent of soap mixed with Jensen’s own scent on his skin. He rubbed circles along Jensen’s spine, hoping this would soothe the man in his arms as he murmured how he loved him. He felt Jensen relax in his arms. 

Jensen shifted in Jared’s arms, pressing himself further into the comforting body next to him. He hummed in contentment at feeling Jared pulling him closer to his body and the soothing circles that Jared was rubbing along his spine. He felt the soft puff of breaths against his neck coming from Jared. He closed his eyes, feeling his stress over everything that had been jumbled in his head start to melt away as he drifted off to sleep. 

Jared smiled softly at Jensen. He had finally relaxed enough to fall asleep in his arms. As he lay there, holding Jensen as he slept, he felt torn about leaving Jensen in less than two days. He wanted to cancel his trip, but he would be disappointing his family and he really wanted to get his hands on his niece. If he stayed, it would ease Jensen’s mind, but also anger him that Jared had chosen to disregard his request to go. The only thing he could do was fly out to Texas, spend the time with his family, their family and make sure he was still attentive to Jensen, even from over seventeen hundred miles away. He’d find a way to do this. Was his last thought before sleep finally claimed him was that he’d make sure he gave Jensen the attention he needed before he left for Texas Thursday morning.

Jensen woke to Jared’s gentle nudging. He cracked an eye open and looked up at Jared to see Jared standing at his side of the bed, a cup of coffee in his hand. “What’s that?” Jensen asked, hopeful that the coffee was intended for him. He pushed himself up so he was sitting with his back against the pillows and headboard. 

“Might be a wake up call with coffee,” Jared replied as he offered the coffee to Jensen and sat down on the edge of the bed. “So, how are you feeling this morning?” Jared asked as he tipped his head to the side, waiting for Jensen to answer him.

Jensen felt his face begin to burn as his cheeks pinked. He raised the cup to his lips and sipped at the hot liquid, trying to figure out what to say to Jared. In the light of day, his insecurities and thoughts from last night seemed so trivial as he sat in bed, looking at the man he loved, who had reaffirmed to him that he did indeed love him. He swallowed the sip of coffee, licked his lips and then answered Jared’s question. “I’m okay. No, I’m good. I’m sorry about last night,” he offered. “I know that was the last thing you needed to deal with . . . me and my insecurities. Falling apart like that . . .”

Jared reached out and placed his larger hand over Jensen’s free one. “You’re allowed to fall apart every once and a while. You don’t always have to be strong. There’s nothing wrong with needing some support from me; you just have to tell me when something’s wrong. I tell you when things get to be too much for me.”

“Yeah,” Jensen responded non-committedly. “You just didn’t need that right before your trip. It’s just work . . . stressed,” he said, dropping his gaze to his lap rather than looking at Jared.

“Yeah, I get it. Look, we’re spending tonight together. I’m getting off at five, which means you’re doing the same. I don’t care what either of us have to do to make it happen, but by six, we’re going to be having dinner and ignoring the outside world,” he said with authority. This was the start of his plan to give Jensen the attention he needed before he left for Texas. He licked his lips in anticipation of tonight. 


	4. Chapter 4

Jensen drank the last of his coffee, placed the cup on his nightstand and pushed aside the bedcovers so he could get up and get ready for the day. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, stretching to work the kinks out of his muscles. “I guess I gotta get ready, but I’ll be home no later than six tonight. I promise,” he said as he walked into the bathroom and got ready for work. When he emerged from the bathroom, both Jared and his empty coffee cup were gone. He went in search of both. He found Jared in the kitchen pouring them each coffee into travel mugs. “You’re spoiling me,” he said as he walked up to Jared and pressed himself against Jared’s back.

“You’re worth it,” Jared responded to Jensen’s words as he glanced over his shoulder. “I mean it,” he said as he turned so he could take Jensen into his arms. “I hope you know how much I love you, because I do, so much.” He leaned down and captured Jensen’s lips for a heated kiss. “I’m sorry I haven’t made you feel that lately or if haven’t shown you that enough.” He kissed Jensen again, running his hands along Jensen’s sides. He heard Jensen moan his name softly. He nipped at Jensen’s neck, knowing how sensitive it was. “God, the things I want to do to you,” he growled out against Jensen’s warm skin. 

“Ja . . . Jared,” Jensen moaned as he leaned into Jared’s touch. He felt Jared’s hands running up and down his sides before they came to rest on his hips, pulling him against Jared’s body. He felt his arousal for his husband growing and he knew he needed to pull away from Jared or they would be very late for work. “We need . . . we need to go,” he panted out. “We need to go to work,” he said with more force as he regrettably pulled away from his husband’s touch. He looked up into Jared’s hazel eyes and saw is desire reflected back. 

Jared shook his head yes in understanding. He knew they had to do the right thing; get themselves to work. There would be time tonight for him to make love to Jensen the way he wanted; the way Jensen deserved. “Yeah, yeah. You’re right,” he said as he fully pulled away from Jensen and grabbed their coffee mugs. He handed one to Jensen and held the other in both hands; figuring if both of his hands were occupied, he would be able to keep them off of Jensen. “I’ll see you by six tonight,” he said and then turned away from Jensen so he could leave for the police station. 

Jensen followed Jared to the front door, grabbed his keys and cell phone from the entryway table along with his laptop and messenger bag. He kissed Jared goodbye and was out the door and in his car before Jared could respond to the chaste kiss he had left him with. He drove to work with a smile on his face, only to heave a heavy sigh as he walked to his desk. He glanced over at Misha as he set down his mug and laptop. Without a word, he walked to Mark’s office and knocked on the door.

“Yes?” Mark called from his desk. He looked up to see Jensen standing in the doorway. “Jen . . .” He coughed, trying to hide the attempt of using the nickname he knew Jensen hated. “Jensen,” he said with a wide smile on his face.

“Mark, I just wanted to let you know that I have to leave by five tonight and that I might be late tomorrow. Jared’s leaving tomorrow and we have dinner plans tonight and I’m dropping him off at the airport. But, I plan on staying late Friday to make up for any lost time,” he said and then waited for Mark’s reaction. 

“Of course,” Mark said with a happy tone to his voice. “Take the time you need tonight and tomorrow, and I’ll approve your hours on Friday.”

“Thank you for understanding,” Jensen said and then returned to his desk. He met Misha’s questioning stare. “I told Mark I’m leaving by five tonight and might be in late tomorrow.”

“Jared’s leaving tomorrow. Right?” Misha responded. 

“Yeah,” Jensen said with a shake of his head. “Thankfully, Mark didn't give me a hard time over this. I told him I'd stay late Friday night to make up any lost time.”

“Smart, since Mark’s gonna be leaving early on Friday,” Misha said.

“He is?” Jensen asked. “I hadn't heard that.”

“Heard what?” Genevieve asked as she walked in.

“That Mark was leaving early on Friday,” Misha responded casually to her inquiry.

“Yes, he's got a date,” she replied with a slight giggle. “Some guy he's been interested in for a while.”

“Oh? Do tell?” Misha asked, clearly showing his interest in this gossip.

“Well, I don’t have a lot of the details. It’s not like Pellegrino and I are friends. But I did hear him talking about some guy he’s interested in. And just that this guy has been involved with someone and now he's not so Mark’s decided to take a chance.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “That's all I really know. Gotta go,” she said as she waved at them and left their office.

“Interesting,” Misha muttered and looked over at Jensen, trying to get his attention.

Jensen sighed in relief as he sank down into his chair. Mark wasn't interested in him. It had all been in his head. He ignored Misha’s pointed look, trying to get his attention and lost himself in his work. The day flew by and before he knew it, it was time to pack up and head home. While he was happy to be leaving, going home to Jared, he was also sad over the fact that he and Jared would be separated from each other for over a week. He would miss Jared terribly and the only solution for this was for him to throw himself into his work. He could do that, would do that, he thought to himself as he packed up his belongings and bid Misha goodnight.

Jensen walked into the kitchen to find it empty. He frowned as he looked around the room. He knew Jared was home, his SUV was in the driveway. He was confused; Jared had said they would be having dinner together. Maybe he had misunderstood him; maybe Jared meant they were going out. He retraced his steps out of the kitchen and then climbed the stairs that led to their bedroom. “Jared,” he called out. 

“In here,” Jared called out at hearing Jensen’s voice. He was just finishing his packing when he looked up to see Jensen entering their bedroom. “Hey,” he said and then turned his attention back to zipping up his suitcase. “Dinner should be here soon. Ordered our favorites from the Chinese place you like,” he offered when he saw the confusion on Jensen’s face.

“Oh, right,” Jensen responded. “I’ll get plates and drinks. Beer?” he asked as he started down the stairs. He hummed to himself in happiness; Jared had taken care of things on their last night together. Then it hit him, their last night together. He felt sadness wash over him, cutting off his humming. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The last thing he wanted was to be a wet blanket on their last night together before Jared flew out to Texas. He counted to ten and then opened his eyes and forced himself to smile. He wouldn’t show Jared how upset he was, not tonight. He wouldn’t let himself cry or be sad, not until Jared was gone.

“Yeah, sounds good,” Jared called after Jensen as he dragged the rolling suitcase off the bed and trailed it behind himself as he left the bedroom. The suitcase thumped down each step as Jared descended and then rolled it to the front door ready for the morning. “You’re still dropping me off tomorrow, aren’t you?” he asked anxiously as he walked into the kitchen. He knew it would tear at their hearts when they parted, but he still wanted Jensen to be the one to drop him off; to be the last face he saw before he passed through the security checkpoint.

Jensen turned away from the cabinet he was reaching into, pulling out paper plates, to look at Jared. “Yeah, unless you don’t want me to?” he asked in confusion. He had planned on being the one to take Jared to the airport. Had Jared decided he didn’t want him to take him to the airport?

Jared broke into a grin at hearing this, that Jensen was still wanting to drop him off. “Of course I do. You’re the last one I want to see before my flight. Your boss is gonna be okay with that?”

“Yes, I told him today when I spoke to him. Let him know I was leaving on time so I could be home with you and that I might be late tomorrow because I was dropping you off. I told him I would work late on Friday to make up for any missed time.”

“Okay,” Jared said and then was interrupted by the doorbelling ringing. “That’s gotta be the food. Be right back,” he said and then went to answer the door. He returned a few minutes later with a large brown paper bag in his hands. He placed it on the kitchen table and began to empty the contents. “Dig in,” he said as he looked at the cartons of food on the table.

“Who else did you order for?” Jensen asked as he looked at the table.

“Just us,” Jared replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “I may have gone overboard, a little. I wanted to make sure you ate while I was gone. I know you,” he said and held up his hand, stopping Jensen from protesting. “You tend to get lost in your work and forget to eat. When that happens, because I know it will, at least you’ll have leftovers you just have to heat up. I won’t worry as much.” 

Jensen just smiled at Jared and reached for the beef with broccoli as he sat down. They ate in comfortable silence, only speaking when asking for one of them to pass a carton of food every once in a while. “So, are you all set for tomorrow?” Jensen finally forced himself to ask, breaking the silence once they had finished eating.

Jared stood and grabbed their plates. “Yeah, I am. Suitcase is by the front door. Are you sure that you don’t want me to postpone this? It’s not too late,” he offered as he tossed their plates in the trash and started to clean up the kitchen with Jensen. 

“No, you should go, you need to go. You’d never forgive yourself if you didn’t and I don’t want that. It’ll cause a fight between us at some point. Even if we don’t mean for it to,” he said as he opened the cabinet to replace the paper plates they hadn’t used.

Jared looked over at Jensen. He watched as Jensen reached up, causing his shirt to ride up, exposing a patch of pale freckled skin on his back. He closed the distance between them. With one hand, he slammed closed the cabinet door while with the other, he spun Jensen around to face him.

“Jared . . .” Jensen managed to say before he found himself being spun around and Jared pressing his larger body against his. He looked up at Jared in confusion and was about to ask Jared what he was doing when he felt Jared’s erection pressed against his semi-hard cock. He opened his lips to moan, but Jared surged forward and kissed him, cutting off his moan of pleasure.

Jared crowded Jensen against the kitchen counter, rubbing his erection against Jensen’s and swallowed Jensen’s moan as they kissed. He wanted Jensen and was ready to take him right then and there; turn Jensen around, yanked his pants off and bury himself in Jensen’s tight hole, but he knew he couldn’t without hurting Jensen. That was the only thought stopping him right now. Jared grabbed Jensen by the wrist and practically dragged him upstairs to their bedroom. He didn’t know if he could prep Jensen the way he normally did so he wouldn’t hurt him. He needed to be in his husband’s body right now before he exploded. He needed to make love to Jensen just as much as Jensen needed this. 

He let go of Jensen’s wrist, only to push him against the bedroom wall, needing to touch him. He pushed his hands up under Jensen’s shirt, feeling the smooth warm skin underneath. “Too much clothing,” he mumbled as he began to undress them. Within minutes, he had managed to get them undressed, leaving their clothes in a combined pile. He walked them to their bed, never breaking contact with Jensen. He kissed along Jensen’s neck and smiled when he heard him draw in a ragged breath. Jensen’s neck had always been a source of arousal for both of them. Jensen loved it when he kissed and bit the exposed flesh and he loved to accommodate Jensen; loved to hear Jensen’s breathy moans when he kissed him there and sharp intakes of breath when he bit into the sensitive flesh. He brought his mouth up to hover over Jensen’s ear. “Get on the bed, hands and knees,” he whispered and then let go of Jensen. 

Through his lust filled mind, Jensen heard Jared’s request and scrambled to fulfil it. He climbed up onto their bed, getting into the middle of it and resting on his hands and knees. He felt Jared climb on the bed, positioning himself next to him. He closed his eyes in anticipation. He heard Jared’s nightstand being opened and closed and then the click of the cap to the bottle of lube being opened. His breath hitched as he felt Jared place a warm hand against his back, fingers running over his spine. He shivered from the contact. He heard Jared mumble ‘I got you’, to him and then slick fingers were delving between the crack of his ass. He arched his back as Jared’s fingers skimmed over his rim before one plunged into his hole. He hissed at the sudden pressure of Jared quickly pulling out only to push back in with two fingers. He rocked backward, trying to take Jared’s fingers further into his body. 

Jared scissored his fingers, opening Jensen up as much as he could before he quickly pushed a third finger in. He knew he wouldn’t last long, not with hearing Jensen’s moans and his own desire to be inside Jensen. He pulled his fingers free from Jensen’s body and positioned himself between his splayed legs, nudging them wider to accommodate his body. He grabbed the bottle of lube and poured more out onto his hand and slicked up his cock before lining himself up at Jensen’s entrance. Slowly, he pushed into Jensen’s tight channel and moaned at the feeling of Jensen’s hole clamping down on him. When he had bottomed out, he stopped his movements, giving Jensen a chance to adjust to having his cock in his body. 

Jensen gripped the mattress as Jared pushed into him. No matter how well Jared prepped him, he always felt the burn when Jared pushed into him. Jared was so big, it still felt like Jared was splitting him open. He shook as Jared blanketed his body, waiting for him to tell Jared he could move. He forced himself to relax, to enjoy his husband making love to him. Slowly, his muscles began to loosen, giving way to pleasure as he told Jared to move. He felt Jared slowly pull out of him, leaving only the head of his cock in his entrance before pushing back in. “Yes,” he groaned as Jared repeated his movements. He closed his eyes, letting his body go lax as Jared began the sweet slip and slide of his hard cock in and out of his body. Each time he pushed into him, Jared forced out an appreciative moan from his lips. 

Jared shifted on the bed, pulling his hands off of Jensen’s hips. He ran them along Jensen’s sides and rested them on Jensen’s arms before he pulled Jensen up to rest against his body. He heard Jensen moan as he was fully seated in his lap; Jensen’s thighs bracketed his, impaling Jensen on his cock. He dropped his hands once more to Jensen’s hips, pushing him up only to pull him back down again. He repeated the movements, enjoying the moans he punched out of Jensen’s lips each time he pulled him down. He felt Jensen press his back against his chest, grinding his body against him. He growled his approval at Jensen’s actions. 

Jensen leaned into Jared, resting his head against Jared’s shoulder. He relaxed his muscles, letting Jared do with him as he would; enjoying the feeling of Jared’s cock spreading him open. He moaned as Jared thrust up into him, hitting his prostate and making him see stars behind his closed eyes. He felt pleasure coursing through his body with each of Jared’s thrusts. He raised a shaking arm, reached out and wrapped it around Jared’s body, needing to anchor himself to his husband. He brought his other hand up, snaked it around Jared’s neck and threaded his fingers through his hair, pulling Jared to him for a needy kiss. 

Jared swallowed Jensen’s moans as he kissed him; his tongue mapping Jensen’s mouth. He kept his right hand on Jensen’s hip while his left hand slid up to rest over Jensen’s heart. He could feel the rapid beat of the man’s heart. “I love you,” he murmured into Jensen’s heated skin as he trailed kisses along Jensen’s neck. He heard Jensen respond, telling him he loved him, too. He loved it when Jensen’s body moved in time with his. “Gonna come for me?” he asked in a rough voice before he mouthed along Jensen’s jaw to suck his earlobe. He gently bit into the skin and felt Jensen shudder. 

“So close,” Jensen murmured and then ground down on Jared’s cock. He felt Jared’s hand drop back down to his hip. Both of Jared’s hands were on his hips, holding onto him. “Harder” he begged as he felt Jared lift him up, only to slam him back down, forcing his cock further into his hole. He lost himself in the pleasure that Jared was giving him; tender one moment and then rough the next. He felt the familiar tingle at the base of his spine; the warmth spreading as his orgasm built within him. It wouldn’t be long before he came. The intensity of pleasure grew as Jared lifted him up and pulled him back down, hitting his prostate over and over again. “Jared,” he screamed out as his body went taut, his back arched away from Jared’s chest as he came, spilling over their thighs and his chest.

Feeling Jensen’s body clamp down on his cock when Jensen’s orgasm hit, pushed Jared over the edge. He thrust up into Jensen’s hole, once, twice and on the third time he came, spilling his come inside Jensen. Lazily he rolled his hips as he fucked them both through the aftershocks of their orgasms. He pulled out of Jensen and lowered them both onto the bed, cradling Jensen in his arms. “I love you,” he whispered into his ear. He felt Jensen bring his arms up and wrap them around his own. 

“I love you, Jared,” Jensen replied, feeling his heart was ready to burst with the love he had for his husband. 

The ringing of the alarm roused them both from sleep. Jensen tried to roll onto his back only to find that he couldn’t; he was still in Jared’s arms. He closed his eyes, savoring the moment. He knew that in a moment they would have to disentangle themselves and he hated the thought of that. He felt Jared move and he grabbed on to Jared’s arm, trying to stop him from moving. “Not yet,” he begged as Jared tried to pull away from him. 

“Gotta turn the alarm off,” Jared said in a sleepy voice. He reached behind himself and hit the snooze button on his phone, giving them a few more minutes to be together. He brought his arm back and wrapped Jensen in his arms, pulling him into a tight embrace. He nuzzled at Jensen’s neck, taking in the scent of Jensen mixed with his own from their lovemaking. He closed his eyes, trying to will the day away. All too soon, his alarm sounded again. He knew he couldn’t put off the inevitable any longer and pushed himself away from the warm and inviting body next to him. He heard a wounded sound coming from Jensen’s throat and his own closed on him with the emotion it brought to the surface. He reached over and shut his alarm off and then curled back into Jensen’s body. “I know,” he said, fighting the tears that were close to the surface. “But, we have to get up.” He felt Jensen nod his head in agreement and kissed Jensen’s cheek. 

Jensen let go of Jared’s arm and pushed himself away from him. He kept his back to Jared, he couldn’t look at his husband, not without losing what little resolve he had not to cry. He got up and disappeared into the bathroom to take a much-needed shower. He started the water, letting it warm as he brushed his teeth. He was joined a moment later by Jared. He handed Jared his toothbrush and finished brushing his teeth. He turned, pushed aside the shower curtain and stepped under the spray of hot water. He closed his eyes and let the water fall over himself before reaching for his shampoo. He gasped when he felt hands on his hips and Jared’s wet body pressing up against his.

Jared quietly pushed aside the shower curtain and stepped inside the shower with Jensen. He saw that Jensen’s eyes were closed as he placed his hands on Jensen’s hips. He reached over and took the shampoo out of Jensen’s hands and began to wash his hair. He hummed as he continued to trail his soap covered hands past Jensen’s shoulders, and to his waist and then he moved one hand down to Jensen’s pubic hair. He trailed his finger through the now wet hair and then wrapped his fingers around Jensen’s flaccid cock. 

“Jared?” he heard Jensen mumble. 

“Shhh, wanna make sure you remember who takes care of you while I’m gone,” he whispered into Jensen’s ear as he began to fist Jensen’s hardening cock. Even though they had made love during the night, he still felt the need to claim Jensen as his; to show Jensen who he belonged to and that he was definitely desired by him. 

Jensen slammed his head backward, hitting Jared’s shoulder. His knees buckled at hearing Jared’s heated whisper in his ear. He reached out with both hands, resting them on the shower wall to steady himself. He felt Jared’s fingers around his cock, coaxing him to fullness. He turned his head, seeking out Jared’s mouth. He felt Jared’s lips on his and then Jared’s tongue slipping into his. He moaned into Jared’s mouth as Jared quickened his movements. “Jared . . .” he moaned. He felt his balls draw up with the first sign of his orgasm. “Gonna . . .” was all he managed to say before Jared bit down on his neck and he came, spilling over Jared’s hand. He took several shallow breaths as he shuddered in Jared’s hold. Before he could open his eyes, he felt Jared’s erect cock nudging between his ass cheeks and then Jared’s legs on either side of his own, forcing his legs to close. He felt Jared rutting against him and then the feel of Jared’s hot come spilling between his clenched cheeks. He heard Jared’s ragged breathing and then felt Jared’s body leaning against his. He supported them both as long as he could until his arms began to shake. “Jared,” he said in a hoarse voice. “Too heavy.”

Jared blinked several times as he straightened up, taking his body weight off of Jensen. “Sorry,” he said softly and kissed the back of Jensen’s neck. Without another word, he grabbed the soap and washed their bodies, finishing by quickly washing his hair as the water began to turn cold. He shut it off and stepped out, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist and then offered a towel to Jensen. They made quick work of drying off and dressing before making their way downstairs.

“Do you want me to make you anything to eat?” Jensen asked.

Jared shook his head no. “Not really hungry right now. I can always grab something before the plane boards. But, I wouldn’t mind some coffee.”

“Sure,” Jensen said and walked into the kitchen to make them coffee. When the coffee was ready, he returned to the living room with their mugs in hand. He found Jared sitting on the couch; his right hand was fiddling with his ring, the one that he had slipped onto Jared’s finger the day Jared had proposed to him. He handed Jared his coffee and sat down next to him. “Penny for your thoughts,” he asked and then sipped his coffee, waiting for Jared to answer him.

“Don’t know. It just feels different. I don’t like the thought of leaving you. I know it’s not the first time we’ve been apart, but something just doesn’t feel right,” Jared said as he shook his head trying to clear his thoughts. Maybe it had been the wounded sound Jensen had made earlier when they had to get up. It had hit him so hard. Coupled with Jensen’s insecurities suddenly surfacing, he was having second thoughts about leaving Jensen alone. He knew Jensen was strong, stronger than he gave himself credit for at times. Jensen had dealt with bullying for a couple of years before he had moved into Jensen’s neighborhood, and it wasn’t just because people had discovered Jensen was gay. Jensen was different; quiet, painfully shy at times and preferred books and art to interacting with people. People tended to hate what was different. Jensen could take care of himself. Jared had made sure of that, teaching Jensen how to physically defend himself if he ever found himself in a situation where he needed to, or if Jared couldn’t come to his defense. Jensen had learned the self defense techniques he had taught him, but he knew Jensen had hated every minute of it. He always let Jensen handle his own battles, only stepping in when Jensen asked for his help. The only time he hadn’t was back in high school where he had stepped up to defend Jensen against the school bullies. 

Jensen reached over and placed his free hand on Jared’s. “What’s to worry about? I’ll be fine,” he said in a hollow sounding voice. He wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince more Jared or himself, but he felt like he was doing a crap job of it. He gave Jared’s hand a reassuring squeeze and tried to give him a smile, but he knew the smile fell short, not even reaching his eyes. He downed the rest of his coffee and stood up. “We should get going. I don’t want you to be late for your flight. You know how security can be.” He grabbed Jared’s now empty coffee cup and walked into the kitchen to wash their cups, leaving them in the dish strainer to dry. He returned to the living room to find Jared standing next to the couch with a forlorn look on his face. He knew what Jared was about to say to him, that he was going to cancel his trip and stay home. He wasn’t about to give Jared that chance. He wanted Jared to do just that, cancel his trip, but he knew that he was being selfish, and he didn’t want to risk the chance of Jared resenting him for the choice. “Ready?” he asked and then walked to the front door. He grabbed his keys, cell phone and messenger bag and then placed a hand on Jared’s suitcase, ready to wheel it out himself if he had to. He would make this sacrifice for Jared and deal with the loneliness from missing his husband for the time Jared was away. 

Jared mumbled ‘Yeah’ in response to Jensen’s question and joined him at the front door. He already had his phone and keys, along with his plane ticket in his pocket. The only thing he needed was his suitcase. Well, that and Jensen going with him. “Alright, let’s go,” he grumbled as his mood began to darken. He followed Jensen outside, wheeled his suitcase to the trunk of Jensen’s car and loaded it in before getting into the passenger’s seat. He remained quiet on the drive to the airport. At first he had sat looking straight ahead, but had eventually shifted so he could look at Jensen, trying to figure out where this sense of foreboding had come from. He could see that Jensen was trying his best to keep it together. “I love you,” he said and watched as a small smile broke out across Jensen’s lips. 

“I love you, too,” Jensen confirmed, briefly taking his eyes off the road to look at Jared. “Before you know it, I’ll be picking you up from your return flight. You’ll have all kinds of stories and pictures to share with me,” he said, trying to brighten their somber moods. “Then, we can plan a trip back home, together.” He had pulled into a parking space at the airport and let the car idle as he spoke to Jared. “You’re going to be so busy, you won’t even have a chance to miss me,” he said with a smirk.

Jared gave a harsh laugh. “Right, like that would ever happen. I miss you already and I haven’t even gotten out of the car.” He reached over, wrapped a hand around the back of Jensen’s neck and pulled him close. He sought out Jensen’s lips, needing to kiss him. He pulled back from Jensen, panting out his breaths. “Don’t think for one second that I won’t be thinking of you, won’t be missing you.” He groaned and then laughed, causing Jensen to look at him with a questioning look on his face. “I’m beginning to sound like a chick flick!” he tipped his head back and laughed at himself.

Jensen joined in with his own laugh at Jared’s joke. “You and me both,” he said as he gave Jared an actual smile. “We better get you to your suitcase,” he said as he killed the engine and got out of the car. He opened the trunk and pulled Jared’s suitcase out. “What the hell do you have in here, a dead body?” he grunted out as he dropped the suitcase to the ground.

“No, just my clothes, the wrapped painting you created, and a few books for Mom.”

“How many books? Twenty?” Jensen grumpily asked as he wheeled the suitcase over and left it with Jared. 

“Maybe, I don’t know, I lost count. You know she likes to read the ones you’ve edited or had your art added to. I stockpile them and then usually ship them to her, but this was more convenient,” Jared said with a sheepish grin.

“Well, warn a guy next time. I could have thrown my back out lifting that thing.”

“There’s an idea,” Jared said as he wiggled his eyebrows. “I could use that as an excuse to stay home and take care of you. Just think of all the things I could do to you. Sponge bath, playing doctor . . .”

“You’re so weird. And you’re not using me as an excuse. Get going, Padalecki,” Jensen ordered.

“I love it when you’re forceful. How about we use my handcuffs?” Jared suggested and laughed when he saw Jensen’s face turn bright red.

“I hate you,” Jensen hissed at Jared and then walked toward the entrance to the airport. He could hear Jared’s laughter as Jared caught up to him.

“You’ve been thinking about it, haven’t you? Admit it!” Jared teased.

“No,” Jensen hissed as they passed through the automatic doors. 

Jared caught Jensen by the waist and pulled Jensen to him. “You have. I can tell because you’re refusing to look at me. Why Mr. Ackles-Padalecki, you’re such a bad boy. I think I will definitely have to work on making this little fantasy of yours come true. I could cuff your hands behind your back, push you down onto our bed and fuck you like that,” he said and then kissed Jensen’s neck. “Keep thinking about it until I get back,” he lowered his voice as he spoke. 

“Jared,” Jensen whispered, he was flushed from Jared’s words and the image Jared had painted was doing nothing to calm him down. He turned in Jared’s grip to face his husband. He looked up into Jared’s hazel eyes and he saw love reflecting back at him. “I love you,” he said softly. 

“I love you,” Jared confirmed. He let go of his suitcase to cup Jensen’s face. “I love you with all my heart. Only a few days, right. We can do this.” He leaned in and kissed Jensen passionately. He didn’t stop until Jensen pulled away from him.

“You need to go or you’ll never get through security,” Jensen said, his voice shaking from the kiss and the thought of Jared leaving. 

“Be safe,” Jared whispered into Jensen’s ear. 

“Have a good time,” Jensen responded back. 

“I love you,” Jared said as he hugged Jensen. He pulled away and looked at Jensen, memorizing him before he grabbed his suitcase and started for the terminal.

“I love you,” Jensen called out as he watched Jared walk away. Jensen held in his tears until Jared passed through his first checkpoint and disappeared out of sight. He leaned against the wall for support as he felt his heart begin to crack. He blinked several times, trying to stop the tears from coming. He knew he had lost the battle when he felt hot tears sliding down his cheeks. He wiped at them as he righted himself and forced his legs to move, putting one foot in front of the other for the walk back to his car. He got in and sat for a few minutes as he cried, already missing Jared. When he was sure that his tears had ended, he slid the key into the ignition, started the car, backed out of the parking space and forced himself to drive to work.

When he sat down at his desk, he refused to meet Misha’s eyes. He couldn’t look at the other man right now. If he did, he would start to cry again, and he would not cry at work. Thankfully, Misha didn’t press the issue and left him alone until lunchtime.

Misha broke the tense silence in their office. He pushed back from his desk, stood and stretched. “You ready for lunch, my friend?” he asked, trying to keep his voice casual. He knew if he pushed too hard, Jensen would continue to ignore him. 

“Not hungry,” Jensen mumbled, not taking his eyes off his computer screen.

Misha walked around his desk to stand next to Jensen’s. “Well, I am and you need to get away from here. Even if you’re not hungry, you still need to eat. Jared would be pissed to find out you’re not eating, and you know it,” Misha stated, crossing his arms over his chest. “So, let’s go. You can come willingly, or I can text Jared. Your choice,” Misha threatened.

Jensen regarded Misha with a grimace on his face. He knew Misha wasn’t above playing dirty and texting Jared. This fight was already lost and he hadn’t even been able to take part in it. “Fine,” he said in an irritated tone as he stood up from his desk. He followed Misha into the breakroom and sat down at the table. They were joined by Danneel and Genevieve a few minutes later. He sat there brooding, not really paying attention to the conversation around him until Misha pushed some crackers and a bottle of water at him with the order to eat. Grudgingly, he nibbled at the crackers and drank the water.

Danneel leaned forward and placed a hand on Jensen’s arm. “Do you want to come out with us tonight? We’ll keep you company so you won’t be alone.”

“No, I won’t be the greatest company. I just want to get the day over with and go home.” Jensen’s cell phone rang, cutting off Danneel’s further attempt at coaxing him out. He looked down and smiled when he saw Jared’s name. He got up and left the group to answer his phone. “Hi,” he said softly.

“Hi,” Jared replied. “Just wanted to let you know I’m here. Made it safely. I checked in at the hotel and I’m driving to Mom and Dad’s right now. How ya doing?” he asked.

“Okay,” Jensen replied in a subdued voice. To his ears, Jared sounded happy to be home. He didn’t know what to make of that; he missed Jared and to him, it didn’t sound like Jared missed him. True it had only been a few hours, but for him it was torture. Maybe it hadn’t fully affected Jared yet. Jared was on his way to see his family and his new niece. Jared probably hadn’t had time to miss him, yet. “How was the flight?”

“Good, no issues and no problem getting the rental car. The room is nice. But, it’s missing something,” he said and waited for Jensen’s response.

“Yeah? I’m sure the hotel can take care of whatever it is that’s missing,” he remarked, trying to hide the sadness in his voice.

“That’ll be kinda hard for them to do since it’s you that’s missing,” Jared replied. He didn’t miss the small, barely audible gasp from Jensen. He frowned at hearing that. Did Jensen think he wasn’t missed? He held back his first response, to chastise Jensen for thinking that. He went with his second response, to tell Jensen that he was indeed missed. “I miss you,” he said warmly. 

“I miss you, too,” Jensen whispered into the phone. 

“I just pulled up to the house. I gotta go.” Jared felt a stab to his heart with saying that. It only made him miss Jensen more, being back home without him. “I’ll call you later. I love you,” he said.

“Love you,” Jensen managed to say before Jared ended their call. He wandered back to his office, settled down at his desk and immersed himself in his work. He didn’t notice Pellegrino standing at the office door, intently watching him as he worked. Or when the man finally moved away after standing there silently for at least ten minutes. He raised his head up briefly when Misha appeared in their office and only because Misha had decided to interrupt him.

“Was that Jared?” Misha inquired as he plopped down into his chair. “He make it back home okay?”

“Yes, to answer both of your questions,” Jensen replied absently as he grabbed his sketchbook to draw a few basic ideas based on the chapter he was editing. He lowered his eyes back to his drawing; a woman in a Colonial dress hiding behind a tree as a man dressed in military clothing searched for her. He flipped to a fresh page and began to sketch the couple; the man down on one knee clasping the woman’s outstretched left hand while the right hand was cupped over her mouth. He started drawing again as he flipped to a third page. This time the image was darker; the woman appeared to be crying as the man loomed over her. He held the sketch up in front of him and frowned. This image wasn’t in the chapter he had just finished editing. 

With a sigh, he started drawing on a new page, hoping he could get a clear depiction of what he wanted; the man and woman kissing. What he drew was anything but that. The image was of two men; one man had his arms outstretched and appeared to be calling out to the other man who had his back to the first. The first man looked upset, almost as if he had been crying while the second man’s features looked hardened, as if he was angry. He looked at the two men and realized he had drawn himself and Jared. “This is pointless,” he said to himself with a shake of his head. He closed his sketchbook and deposited it into his messenger bag. Clearly, he wasn’t going to get the next sketch he wanted out, not with his brain stuck on Jared. He heard Misha asking him what was wrong. He sat back in his chair, tilted his head back and covered his face with his hands. “I’m trying to get the last image drawn and it’s not working,” he said in a frustrated tone. 

“You my friend, need a drink. You should come out with us tonight.” Misha saw Jensen shake his head to decline his offer. “Come on Jensen, where’s the harm in having one drink with friends? Jared would understand. Hell, he’d encourage you to do it. He wouldn’t want you to go home and sulk.”

Jensen sat forward, resting his hands on his thighs. “I’m not sulking,” Jensen spit out. “Look, I just want to go home. I’m really not in the mood to go out. I just dropped my husband off at the airport. Excuse me if I don’t feel like partying.”

“And that right there, that’s the reason you shouldn’t be alone. Clearly, you’re missing Jared. So, let us take that off your shoulders, at least for a little while. You don’t have to have this self-imposed exile just because Jared’s in Texas. Come out with us,” Misha begged and then pouted at Jensen.

Jensen smiled and then shook his head. “Thanks for the offer, I appreciate it, really I do, but, no, I just want to go home.” He held up his hand, stopping Misha’s protest. “Before you ask, there’s plenty of food in the fridge. Jared made sure of that before he left.” He stood up and packed up his laptop. “Thanks for being a good friend,” he said as he walked by Misha on his way out. 

“I’ll text you the address of where we’ll be, just in case,” Misha called to Jensen as he disappeared out of sight. “Well, I tried,” Misha said out loud as he powered down his computer. Unlike Jensen, he didn’t have his own laptop to work from. He only had a company assigned desktop computer. Jensen had purchased his own laptop when he had started at Morgan Publishing. It allowed him to work on his assigned manuscripts as well as the art he created for the stories. There were times Misha really envied Jensen’s talent; his ability to draw and write. He had been privy to a few short stories that Jensen had written. He was still actively trying to get Jensen to approach JD in hopes that JD would take a chance on Jensen’s stories and want to publish them along with his artwork. Maybe he needed to take that up with Jared when he returned from Texas. He was in a quandary as to what to do. He didn’t want to upset his friend, but he didn’t want to see his talents waisted.

Jensen pushed closed the front door, tossed his keys and phone on the entryway table and leaned his bag against the table. He kicked off his shoes and padded into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and eyed the Chinese food from the night before. He felt his throat tighten at the thought of last night. He grabbed a bottle of beer and let the door swing shut. He couldn’t deal with food right now, but he could use a drink. Maybe after that he could eat, or not. He checked the home phone, hoping that Jared had called and left a message. To his disappointment, Jared hadn’t. He grabbed the beer, took a large pull and felt the alcohol burn as he swallowed. He walked back to the front door, grabbed his phone and headed upstairs. He changed into the clothes he painted in and padded into his studio. 

He flicked on the light and looked around the silent room. He took a few steps in and stopped at the empty easel. He picked up a large sketch pad and propped it up. He grabbed his pencils and began to sketch whatever came to mind. 

Jensen was determined to try to sketch the last image he needed for the chapter he had been working on. An hour later he stepped back to look at what he had created; the image was of the man and woman. He was holding her by the waist with one arm, his other placed on the middle of her back. He was leaning in for a kiss. The woman had her hands placed on the man's shoulders and her eyes were closed in anticipation of the kiss. He smiled. He was satisfied with what he had created. It followed along with the previous two images he had created. He could easily see this image being used as the ending piece to the chapter. He tore the page from the sketch pad and brought it downstairs and added it to the others he had in his bag. 

He made his way back into the kitchen, grabbed another beer and headed up to his bedroom. He changed into a pair of sleep pants and climbed into bed. He picked up his book and opened it to the last page he had been reading. He continued to read, punctuating his reading with drinking his second beer. When he had finished his beer, he placed the bottle and his book on the nightstand. He looked at the clock, saw that it was past ten at night. He frowned at the time, realizing that he hadn't heard from Jared. He reached for his phone, only to find that he had left it in his studio. He pushed aside the covers and dragged himself back to his studio, picked up his phone and returned to his bed. He looked down at his phone to see that he had one missed text. Unfortunately, it wasn't from Jared. It was from Misha giving him the address of the bar he, Danneel and Genevieve had been at. He tossed his phone onto the nightstand, turned off the light and curled up on the bed. He lay in the darkness hoping that Jared would call him, no matter what the time was. As much as he wanted to call Jared, he didn’t want to interrupt Jared’s time with getting to see his family. The man had just arrived back in Texas. He drifted off to sleep with an overwhelming sense of sadness enveloping in him. 

He woke feeling the same way. He reached for his phone and halfheartedly glanced down at the screen. Adding to his sadness, he saw that there were no missed texts from Jared. No messages or even pictures of their new niece. He placed the phone back down and forced himself to get up from his bed and get ready for the day. So Jared hadn’t called him, or emailed him or texted him; it wasn’t like Jared’s entire life revolved around him. Jared was visiting his family; meeting his niece for the first time. Logically, he knew that Jared had most likely gotten caught up in the moment; forgotten to call him. Still, it didn’t mean it hurt any less. He emerged from the bathroom, showered, shaved and dressed. He grabbed his phone, checked to see if he had missed a call from Jared and sighed when he saw he hadn’t. He wanted to call Jared, ask him why he hadn’t called him, but he refused to be that person. He needed to give Jared time relax, unwind after his flight and drive. He made his way into the kitchen, brewed himself a cup of coffee and packed up some of the leftovers for his lunch. He forced himself not to think of the last time he ate the Chinese food. It hurt because . . . Well, just because and he knew his insecurities were rising to the surface because Jared hadn’t called him like he had expected. He reasoned with himself as he walked out to his car, Jared never did say when he would call him, just that Jared would call him later. Later could have been last night after he got back to his hotel room, or it could be when he woke up this morning. It was anyone’s guess really, and he would do his best not to read too much into the lack of a phone call, he thought to himself as he drove to work.

Jensen had finally forced his mind to focus on work and not the lack of a call from Jared. He had left his phone in his bag, by his desk, so he wouldn’t constantly check to see if Jared had texted him. The phone would chirp if Jared had. Right now, there had been no activity on his phone, not since Misha’s missed text last night. No, not going there, he thought to himself. He was so focused on keeping his mind off of his phone, that he missed Misha’s attempt at getting his attention. “What?”

“I asked if you were ready for lunch?” Misha asked as he stood there, looking at Jensen with a mixture of confusion and almost pity on his face. 

“Yeah,” Jensen responded and followed Misha out to the breakroom. At their table, Danneel, Genevieve and Tom were already waiting for them. He steadied himself for their onslaught of questions. He knew they were concerned for him. He bypassed them in favor of heating up his lunch; even though he wasn’t sure if he could really eat any of it. With his heated up leftovers in hand, he joined his friends and silently took a few bites of food. The food didn’t taste the same to him, it was bland and unappealing, but he ate it nonetheless. He didn’t want a lecture from Misha.

“How’s Jared?” Tom asked as he took a bite of his sandwich.

“Good, he made it out there safely and he’s spending time with his family.” At least that wasn’t a lie. 

“Any baby pictures to show us?” Danneel cooed to him.

“Oh, I love babies,” Genevieve announced as she clapped her hands together. “They’re so little and soft.”

“No, not yet. He’s been busy, catching up and all.” It had been two years since they had been back to Texas, and that had been for Megan’s wedding. He knew Jared missed his family just as much as he did. Jared talked to them whenever he had time. He had a good relationship with them and he wouldn’t take that away from Jared. He never complained about Jared’s closeness with his family; he understood it. He was close with his own parents. He just missed Jared and wished that he had heard from him by now. 

“Well, make sure you show us as soon as he sends them to you,” Danneel demanded.

“Yeah, I will,” Jensen replied as he pushed the food on his plate around with his fork. “Yeah, I’m done with this,” he said as he stood up and dumped his food in the trash. “I’ll see you guys later,” he said to Danneel, Tom and Genevieve as he turned to walk back to his office. He found himself joined by Misha. 

“So, why don’t you come over tonight? Vicky would love to see you,” Misha said as he clasped Jensen on the back.

“Can’t, working late to make up for my lost time.”

“So, do it Monday when there will be other people around. I don’t like the idea of you staying here alone. You know no one works late on a Friday,” Misha stated.

“Yeah, that’s why I picked Friday,” Jensen said as he forced a grin on his face. “I’ll be fine. Nothing to worry about.”

“What aren’t you telling me?” Misha asked.

Jensen scrunched his face up, trying to figure out what Misha was talking about. “Nothing. There’s nothing to tell.”

“I know you, Ackles. There’s something wrong and it’s more than just Jared being away. What gives? And don’t tell me nothing or I’ll call your husband.” Misha gave Jensen a bright smile as he finished speaking.

“He hasn’t called,” Jensen said as he sat down and pulled out his phone. “Just hurts a little, I guess.” He placed his phone back in his bag rather than leaving it on his desk where he would be constantly looking at it.

“Then call him,” Misha said.

Jensen shook his head no. “He’s catching up with his family and I refuse to be that type of spouse.”

“What, the one who calls to see if his husband’s alright since he’s away and hasn’t heard from said husband in what, twenty-four hours?” Misha rambled out. “So he’s catching up with family, he can still take the time to call you. And the last time I checked, you’re married to Jared so doesn’t that make them your family as well?”

“Misha, just give it a rest. Jared will call when he has the time,” he replied curtly. He already felt hurt by the lack of a call from Jared, he didn’t need Misha twisting the knife in that wound. And he meant what he had said, he’d give Jared his space. Jared would call him, eventually. He pulled up the manuscript he had been working on and started to reread his editing when his phone rang. He reached into his bag and pulled it out. “Hello?”

“Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t call you last night,” Jared said from the other end of the line. “Things were pretty crazy around here. Alisa apparently doesn’t like sleep. Right now, her thing is crying. Like all the time. Her lungs are healthy. Megan and David are at their wit’s end. Don’t know what they’ll do when she wants to date or asks for the car,” he chuckled into the phone. “They loved the painting by the way.”

“Oh, that’s too bad about the crying. And, I’m glad they liked the painting,” Jensen replied quietly. 

“What’s wrong?” Jared asked. 

“Nothing’s wrong. Really,” Jensen said, trying to make himself sound believable.

“Why don’t I believe you?” Jared countered back. “You’re not mad at me are you? I mean for not calling you until now.”

“What? No! It’s fine. I know you’ve been busy, catching up with your family. I didn’t think you’d be calling me last night, so nothing to worry about.” He bit his bottom lip, hoping Jared believed him this time. 

“I meant to call, wanted to. It’s just that Megan needed to sleep, so I stayed up with Alisa.”

“Jared, it’s fine. You don’t have to explain anything to me. They’re your family. I understand.” He was trying not to fight with Jared. He didn’t want to make Jared feel guilty for being a good brother or spending time with his family. It stung that Jared hadn’t called, but it wasn’t something he wouldn’t be able to get over.

“Our family,” Jared said. “They’re our family and they miss you. So do I,” he said. 

“I miss you, too. Did you take any pictures? They’re demanding pictures here,” he said, trying to lighten the mood and turn the conversation away from himself.

“Yeah, I sent them right before I called. Are you sure everything’s fine?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t it be?”

“You just sound . . . sad,” Jared stated and he wanted to kick himself for not calling Jensen last night. But Alisa had been crying and he hadn’t thought Jensen would want to listen to that as they spoke. He still should have made the effort to call, especially after Jensen’s insecurities had surfaced. “I’m sorry, I should have called you. Made the time for you.”

“It’s alright. So who does Alisa look like more, Megan or David?” Jensen inquired.

“Deflecting?” Jared replied.

“No, curious,” Jensen chuckled. Jared really did know him well.

“Right,” Jared huffed. “I think she looks like Megan when she was born. So does Mom and Dad. David thinks she looks just like him.”

“I hope not,” Jensen said with a laugh. 

Jared joined in with Jensen’s laughter, “Yeah, me, too.” He cleared his throat. “I should let you get back to work. I’ll call you tomorrow, promise. And I do miss you. It sucked trying to sleep without you next to me. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he said and ended their call. He looked up to find that Misha had left their office, giving him some privacy to talk to Jared. 

A few minutes later, Misha poked his head back in. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, thanks for giving me a few minutes alone. He was taking care of Alisa last night. She’s not sleeping, only wants to cry. That can’t be easy on new parents,” Jensen mused.

“It’s not. Glad things are okay,” Misha stated as he turned his attention back to what he had been working on earlier.

“Me, too,” Jensen said quietly has he went back to work, not looking up again until Misha had announced it was time for him to go home. He had again asked Jensen to leave on time. When that hadn’t worked, he had offered to stay with him. Jensen had finally forced the man out of their office with threats of bodily harm if Misha didn’t leave him alone so he could get his work done in peace. 

Jensen shook his head as he watched Misha leave their shared office. He sat down and pulled out his phone. He finally had a moment to look at the pictures Jared had sent him earlier. He smiled at the images as he scrolled through them. He felt a wistful tug at his heart, wishing he was there in person to see these first hand, rather than through pictures. Alisa was beautiful. But then again he was partial to her even if they were yet to meet. She was family; Jared’s blood relative and by default Jensen loved her already. He chuckled at the picture of Jared holding Alisa; his large hands swamping the tiny body in them. He took that picture, sent it back to Jared with the message,  _ ‘You’re a giant next to her!’ _ . A few seconds later his phone chirped with a response from Jared; a smiley face emoji and the message  _ ‘I love and miss you’ _ . He responded back that he felt the same and then replaced his phone in his bag. 

With a sigh, he grabbed his laptop and sketchbook and moved into one of the conference rooms. He wanted the space to work. “Better make sure the door is locked,” he muttered to himself as he walked out of the room and into the lobby. He tried the door, found it had been locked and returned to the conference room where he spread out the sketches he had created and looked them over to determine if they would actually pair well with the chapter he had drawn them for before he showed them to the author. He settled into one of the chairs and read over his notes he had made regarding the chapter. He made some notes on the sketches; things that he either wanted to add or change, and then went back to reading over the chapter again. 

Mark slipped in as the last of the employees pulled out of the parking lot. The only car left had been Jensen’s. He had parked his car away from his usual spot and stealthily made his way inside the building. He walked from room to room, making sure the building was empty, save for himself and Jensen. He managed to evade Jensen as the younger man gathered his laptop and sketchbook and had disappeared into the smaller of the two empty conference rooms. He could feel the jolts of excitement running through his body. He would finally have Jensen tonight. He licked his lips and rubbed his hands together, wanting to touch the younger man, bend him over and fuck him until he screamed out his name in place of his husband’s. It would only be the first time; he planned to have Jensen any time he wanted after this. The anticipation had been well worth the wait. Jensen’s husband was out of town, making him vulnerable and lonely. He had seen how forlorn the younger man had been yesterday after dropping his husband off at the airport. He was clearly in need of some attention, and he was happy to give that to Jensen. He settled himself in his darkened office, letting some time pass to make sure no one returned to the building for some forgotten item that they just couldn’t live without over the weekend. Seeing Jensen’s car, the person wouldn’t hesitate to knock on the door until he opened it for them. And Jensen was one of the few people who had been given a set of keys to the building in case of an emergency, so he was able to open or close the building; and he had been called back to the office in the past when they had to deal with a burst pipe, letting the plumber in and then staying until he and JD had arrived to deal with the situation. Jensen had even offered to stay and help with the cleanup. 

That had been the day he had met Jensen’s husband. The man was a few inches taller than himself, JD and Jensen, and well built; that he remembered the most from when they had been introduced. He also remembered his simmering anger that Jared was the one married to Jensen. They made a nice-looking couple and they had looked at each other with devotion in their eyes. It was sickening. Jared had been nice, offering to help in any way he could. He wasn’t sure if the man worked; Jared had been evasive when he had asked him what he did for a living. Jared had mumbled something about taking care of Jensen being his main job. All he could think about at the time, and even now, was how he had wanted to be the one to take care of Jensen. And tonight he would. He would give Jensen everything he needed. With a smile, he pushed himself away from his desk and crossed his office to the door. He opened it and peered out into the hallway. He saw Jensen disappearing down the hall to the bathroom. 

Now was the time, his time. He turned, picked up the small trophy that rested on the top of the bookcase next to the door and looked at it. He chuckled to himself as he loosened his tie. The trophy for ‘Worst Boss’ had been a gag gift from a former employee, but had some weight to it. He left his door open, backed into the shadows and waited for Jensen to walk by again. He heard movement and humming as Jensen moved closer to his office. He took a few steps and stood in the doorway. “Jensen,” he said and watched as Jensen stopped and turned to his right to find the source of the voice that had called him. Mark raised the trophy and brought it down, hitting the back of Jensen’s head, momentarily stunning him. He watched as Jensen staggered backward, surprised. He grabbed Jensen and dragged him into his office. He didn’t give Jensen a chance to raise his hands to his head. He grabbed the man’s hands, removed his own loosened tie from around his neck and slipped it around Jensen’s hands. He tightened it, making sure Jensen couldn’t slip his hands free. 


	5. Chapter 5

Jensen was shocked to hear Mark’s voice. He had been alone, he was sure of it. And Mark was supposed to have been gone. Mark had left earlier in the afternoon and was supposed to be seeing someone for dinner tonight. Mark shouldn’t have been here; he was supposed to have been alone. He turned to his right when he heard Mark’s voice and then felt pain radiating from the side of his head. The pain had stunned him and then the next thing he knew, he felt hands on him, dragging him into an office and his hands were tied in front of him. 

“Ma . . . Mark?” he asked. His voice sounded slurred and he felt confused. “Wh . . . What’s going . . . on?” he managed to get out. He shook his head, trying to clear it and only felt pain. He groaned and tried to raise his hands. He looked down at them. Why were they tied? He felt hands on him again, shoving him against a desk. He tried to fight but his vision was blurry and any movement caused his head to throb. The hands were touching him again, pulling at his shirt. He felt a rush of cold air hit his exposed skin as his shirt was hiked up over his stomach. “What are you doing?” he yelled. Fingers touched his bare skin. “Get off me!” The fingers slid up his back, over his shoulders and around his neck, stopping at his tie. He tried to wriggle free, but something pressed up against him, pinning him to the desk. His tie was untied and dragged from around his neck. “No,” he mumbled. “Let me go . . .” His words were cut off as his knotted tie was forced between his lips and then tied tightly around his head. He shook his head, trying to get his tie off of his head. Pain spiked through his head, but he didn’t let that stop him as he screamed into the gag and tried to buck the weight off of himself.

“Sweetheart, settle down,” Mark purred as he leaned against Jensen. He rubbed himself against Jensen’s thigh and groaned. “So fucking hard for you right now.” He felt Jensen buck against him, trying to throw him off. “Don’t worry, I’m gonna give you what you want, what you need.” He licked Jensen’s cheek and chuckled when Jensen whimpered and then flinched, trying to get away from him. “You don’t have to pretend. I know you want me as much as I want you. Jared’s not here, so you can just give in to what’s developed between us. I can tell, you’re a little cock slut, aren’t you. Bet you like to get dirty. Are you a dirty slut?” he asked as he ran his fingers over Jensen’s exposed skin. 

Jensen shook his head no. “No!” he screamed into the gag, but it came out as a muffled ‘nugh’. He tried again to get away from Mark; to get away from Mark’s touch, to get away from Mark’s body that was blanketing his. He felt Mark’s hands move from his exposed stomach and then he was being forced down onto the desk. 

“Gonna dirty you up, and we’re both gonna love it,” Mark purred into Jensen’s ear. He rubbed himself against Jensen’s ass, letting the younger man know what he was in for. “Feel that?” Mark asked in excitement. 

Jensen shuddered in revulsion at feeling Mark’s erection rubbing against his ass. “No,” he moaned into the gag, hoping Mark would understand him. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want Mark to touch him, let alone fuck him. 

Mark flicked his tongue across Jensen’s earlobe. “So sweet, aren’t you?”

Jensen tried to headbutt Mark as he leaned over him, hoping to dislodge him. He felt Mark’s hand on his head; his fingers wove into his hair and wrenched his head backward before slamming the left side of his head down on the desk. He cried out in pain and shock when his head connected with the hard surface of the desk. He made a ‘ugh’ sound from behind the gag. Tears sprang to his eyes and he whimpered when the pain in his head flared up. His vision swam and he had to close his eyes, hoping the pain would pass quickly. He went limp under Mark’s hold, giving him the opportunity he needed to manhandle him however he liked. 

“Jenny, you dirty little slut, don’t make this ugly,” Mark crooned to the man he had pinned underneath him. 

Jensen only whimpered in response to Mark’s taunting words to him. His head was pounding and his mouth was throbbing from being forced open. The skin on his wrists felt chaffed from the tie holding them together. His shirt had been hiked up and he felt like he was on display for a man who shouldn’t be privy to what he looked like underneath. The only one who was supposed to see his body, the only one who ever had, was Jared. 

“This wasn’t how I imagined our first time together. And believe me, I’ve done a lot of imagining about fucking you.” Mark felt Jensen shudder underneath him. “I know, you’ve been thinking of me as well. I’ve seen the way you look at me, all shy, but wanting. I guess we’ll have to make the best of this. This will have to do for our first time. We’ll have another chance to make it better. We’ll have so many chances to get to know each other, what we like, what we don’t like. How you like getting fucked, hard and fast or slow and soft. Or a little of both,” Mark said and ran his fingers over Jensen’s exposed skin.

Jensen screamed “No!” into the gag when he felt Mark’s fingers on his skin. He felt Mark pull away from him and dared to take a breath, hoping Mark had finally come to his senses. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll do this right,” Mark said as he dropped a condom pack in front of Jensen. “I don’t fuck without protection.”

Jensen heard movement and then something was dropped onto the desk by his head. He saw the condom pack and he reared back, only to be shoved back down again. 

“You like it rough and dirty, don’t you, you little slut!” Mark gritted out. “I can give you rough while I dirty you up.” 

Mark shoved him into the desk, placed a hand between his shoulder blades and forced him down. “Stay there,” Mark’s voice hissed in his ear. He felt the man’s hot breath on his cheek and then his tongue as Mark licked along his jaw. He felt his stomach roil, threatening to be sick. He forced himself to remain calm. If he threw up now, he’d choke to death on his own vomit. He felt Mark’s hands on his hips, pulling him away from the desk and then Mark’s hands were working the button and zipper on his pants. He began to shake his head ‘no’, pleaded for Mark to stop from behind the gag. His pants and underwear were pulled down in one swift movement, hobbling him as they were caught around his ankles. He felt the cold rush of air on his skin, causing goose bumps to form over his exposed flesh. He shivered from the cold, or maybe from what he knew was about to happen. Mark’s fingers ghosted over his thighs as if in a lover’s tender touch. However, Mark was anything but tender and he certainly was not Jensen’s lover. He felt his feet being kicked apart, as much as his pants would allow. 

He felt the weight of Mark’s body being removed from him and he sagged against the desk, hoping that Mark had come to his senses. He prayed that Mark had just left him. He’d figure out how to get his hands free and then get himself home. He’d figure out how to deal with what had happened with Mark. Why Mark had done this to him. Why Mark had tried to force him into having sex with him. Why Mark had thought he had wanted this, or that he would ever want anyone but Jared. He would never want anyone but Jared. His heart stopped when he heard the sound of a belt being unbuckled and the drag of a zipper being pulled down. He watched in horror as Mark’s hand reached past him and picked up the condom. He listened as the condom packet was ripped open. He heard the wet sound of Mark rolling the condom on and his breath hitched.

“Can’t wait to fuck you. Don’t worry, you’ll enjoy it just as much as I do,” Mark said as he parted Jensen ass cheeks. “Look how pretty you are,” he murmured as he lined himself up against Jensen’s hole and forced himself inside. He groaned as he bottomed out. He heard the keening sound Jensen made behind the gag; and it was music to his ears. 

There had been no prep, just the brutal push of Mark’s hard member into his body. He felt pain and tearing, and he made a keening sound from behind the gag. His mind went numb from any thoughts other than the searing pain of Mark forcing himself into his body. He had never experienced anything like this; the anger behind this act. Jared had always been gentle with him; even when it had been their first time or when they were so heated that they could barely wait to make love. But, this wasn’t Jared making love to him.  _ Jared _ , his mind screamed. And as Mark forced himself in again, he screamed through the gag for Jared, knowing Jared was over seventeen hundred miles away in Texas. His breath had been pushed from his lungs and he fought to take in air. He couldn’t breathe through his mouth with the gag in place. He saw black spots as he tried desperately to breathe through his nose and not hyperventilate. If he lost consciousness, even briefly, he feared what else Mark might do to him. He felt himself being slammed against the desk, the edge cutting into his stomach, restricting his breathing. His hands scrabbled for purchase against the slick surface of the desk. As his fingertips reached the edge, trying to pull himself away from Mark, to get away from him, he felt Mark’s hands on his hips, dragging him back.

“Where do you think you’re going? Huh, bitch?” Mark asked as he snapped his hips forward, driving his cock into Jensen’s channel. He heard the muffled scream from Jensen. “You like that?” he asked as he repeated the brutal thrust, over and over, enjoying the muffled sounds he was forcing from those gagged lips. He really wished he could enjoy those lips spread wide around his cock, rather than having them go to waste by being forced open on Jensen’s own tie. “Next time, I won’t waste those lips,” he said as he snapped his hips forward. “We’ll start off with you sucking me until I’m hard.” He pulled out of Jensen, leaving only the tip of his cock in before ramming back in. He heard the keening sound being ripped from Jensen’s throat. “You’re so fucking tight. Even after Jared fucking you. He’s gotta be proportional, right?” he asked, punctuating his question with another thrust of his hips. “Just not fair that he gets to keep you all to himself.” He forced Jensen’s legs wider. “But, now that I’ve had a little taste of you, know how tight you are, we’re gonna do this again. I’m gonna want more from you.” He groaned as he pushed forward, feeling the tight heat of Jensen’s body surrounding him. “Such a slut. Your ass is practically milking me. Are you a cock slut, Jenny? Bet you are. In fact, I know you are.” 

It felt like Mark was jackhammering into him; all rage and brutality. He screamed into the gag. His pleas for the man to stop going unheard. He felt Mark’s hands running up and down his flanks and prayed that Mark was nearly done with him. He felt Mark thrust into him, over and over again before his hip stuttered to a stop and then he felt warmth as Mark’s come filled the condom. He was thankful for that, that at least Mark hadn’t taken him bareback. 

Mark groaned as he came, filling the condom and wished he had dared to take Jensen raw. He would have loved to fill that tight ass with his come, mark the younger man as his from the inside out. He draped himself over Jensen’s body as he tried to regain his breathing. “That was . . . fucking amazing,” he panted into Jensen’s ear. He forced his hand between Jensen’s body and the desk. He frowned when his fingers wrapped around the younger man’s flaccid cock. “That’s okay, next time.” He let go of Jensen’s cock and pushed himself back up. He pulled himself free of Jensen’s body and looked down. He made a tsking sound at the back of his throat when he saw that the condom his softening cock was still wrapped in was covered in blood. “Guess you were tighter than I thought possible.” 

Jensen turned his head, letting his left cheek rest on the desk. He closed his eyes, trying to hold back the tears. He heard movement and opened his eyes, hoping Mark had left the room, only to find that he was still there. He watched as Mark peeled the blood-stained condom off and tossed it into the trash can by the desk. 

Mark smiled at the beautiful sight before him - Jensen’s exposed ass. “No, Jenny, I’m not going to approve your transfer from my team to Felicia’s. I like having you here with me. You’re right where you belong, underneath me,” Pellegrino said as he ran a hand down Jensen’s back.

Jensen tried to shrink away from the man’s attention, but it was proving to be impossible. Mark still had him trapped between the desk and his body. He whimpered behind the gag as Mark rubbed his ass. He closed his eyes, trying to will away the tears that were threatening to spill again.  _ Jared _ . He tried to concentrate on Jared’s face; his smile, his dimples, his expressive eyes. But the face that formed wasn’t the kind and caring face of the man he loved, it wore an expression of anger, morphing into disgust directed at him. He could hear Jared’s voice; yelling at him. ‘You slut! I wasn’t even gone forty-eight hours and you couldn’t even wait to give it up. You betrayed me. You’re dirty, you’ll never be good enough for me’. His eyes snapped open; he’d rather be in the present, see Pellegrino, than that image of Jared.

“Come here, little slut,” Pellegrino said as he grabbed Jensen by the shoulders and forcibly pulled him, turning him around so that they were looking at each other. He saw the way Jensen moved his head to the side so that Jensen wasn’t looking at him. He grabbed Jensen’s chin and wrenched his head back. “None of that, Jenny. Don’t be shy. You were such a little cock slut for me. Now, why don’t you get cleaned up, and I’ll see you on Monday,” Pellegrino instructed as he removed his tie from Jensen’s bound hands. “We’ll just keep this between us. No one needs to know,” he said as he tucked himself into his pants, straightened his shirt, zipped upped, buckled his belt and placed his tie around his neck. “Have a good night, Jenny. Sweet dreams. I know I’ll be having them,” he said as he turned around and sauntered out of the office.

Jensen watched as Pellegrino disappeared out of sight. He slumped against the desk before finally falling to his knees. He tried to take in deep breaths, only to realize his tie was still secured around his head and in his mouth. With shaking hands, he reached up, felt along the back of his head until he found the knot and began to work at the material until it came free, letting fall around his shoulders. He leaned forward, his hands planted on the carpet as he gulped for air. He felt the course fibers of the carpet against his bare skin. He hadn’t pulled his pants up; he was still on display for anyone to see. With a groan, he forced himself back up. He winced as he pulled his pants up. His body was on fire. The inside of his thighs and his ass felt tacky. He slid a hand over his ass and felt wetness. He pulled his hand free and looked at it; trying to comprehend what he was seeing. Blood. He used his tie to wipe away the blood from his hand and then finished redressing. He forced his feet to move; each step was agony, sending jolts of pain throughout his body. 

Slowly he made his way back to the conference where he had been working. He gathered his work and made his way back to his desk. With sluggish movements he packed his messenger bag, grabbed his coat and headed for the door. He discarded his soiled tie in the outside trash barrel before he shuffled to his car. He opened the door, tossed his bag onto the passenger’s seat and then slid in behind the wheel. He gave a strangled moan of pain as his abused ass made contact with the driver’s seat. He gripped the steering wheel; knuckles white until the pain subsided. He took several breaths as his vision swam in front of him. When he was able to see, he jammed the key into the ignition, started his car and pulled out of his parking space. He let the car idle at the parking lot exit as he decided on what to do. He was hurt; his body had suffered trauma and he knew he had to deal with that. He just didn’t know if he had it in himself to deal with the questions and the repercussions of what had happened. No one would see him as the victim; he was a slut, an unfaithful cock slut. Once Jared found out, he was sure Jared would turn his back on him. Jared. His heartbeat thudded in his ears as he thought about his husband. How could he have done this to his husband? He wiped away the tears that had started to fall upon thinking of the man he had betrayed.

He turned the wheel of the Impala left; heading out of town. He knew he needed to be seen; had to seek medical attention. He just couldn’t do that in the town he and Jared lived in. He drove the forty minutes it took to get to the twenty-four hour clinic that he remembered seeing a news report about in the past month. The clinic had been spotlighted for the good it was doing for the surrounding community. He pulled into the parking lot and prayed that it was early enough that the clinic wasn’t dealing with any major issues that would result in him having to wait to be seen. He surveyed the parking lot; there were only a few cars and took that as a good sign. With a stifled groan, he pushed himself out of the car and toward the front door of the clinic. He reached out with shaking hands and pushed open the front door. His senses were assaulted with bright overhead fluorescent lights and the smell of cleaning products. The smell made his stomach churn and he forced himself to breathe through his mouth so he wouldn’t be sick. He looked around and saw that he was the only one in the waiting area and that the reception area was deserted. He stepped up to the glass encased reception desk and waited for someone to emerge. 

A door at the far back of the reception area opened and a petite woman with dirty blond hair pulled into a ponytail emerged. She smiled as she stepped up to the window and slid back the glass partition. “How can I help you?” 

Jensen looked down at her ID badge, Alona - RN, and then back up at her smiling face. “I need to be seen,” he managed to croak out. 

“What’s the nature of your issue?” Alona questioned as she looked him over. 

Jensen shook his head. “I can’t . . . I just need a doctor.” He felt the tears threatening to spill and he wiped his eyes, hoping the woman before him wouldn’t press further.

Sensing his distress, Alona shook her head. “Sure thing. Just give me a minute to get the doctor and get you into a room.” She pointed to a set of double doors that Jensen hadn’t noticed earlier. “Wait for me there and then I’ll come get you.” She turned and disappeared through the door she had emerged from moments ago. 

Jensen walked over to the doors, and waited for Alona. A few minutes later, one of the doors was pushed open and Alona motioned for him to follow her. She led him to an examination room and offered him a seat. He eyed the seat, but remained standing. It hurt too much to move and sitting while he had been driving had been agony. 

“I’ll need to get your vitals and then you’ll need to fill this out.” She pulled out an intake form and pen from a set of drawers under the sink she was standing in front of and placed them on the counter. “Usually we have you do this before you’re seen, but . . .” She shrugged and then picked up the blood pressure cuff. She stepped closer to the man in front of her and tried to place the cuff around his left arm.

Jensen flinched when the nurse invaded his space. He forced himself to allow her to touch his arm. He raised his left arm and waited for her to be finished. All he wanted was to rip the cuff off; to get away from the woman and as far away from everything and everyone as he could. 

“Your blood pressure is elevated,” she said as she wrote down the information. She took his temperature and checked his pulse; writing everything down as she went along. “The doctor will be in shortly,” she said as she left the room.

Jensen moved over to the counter, picked up the pen and began to fill out the form. He began to shake when he read the question; reason for today’s visit. How could he write down the words? He couldn’t even say them. He chose to leave the question blank. He startled when he heard a soft knock at the door. “Y . . . yes,” he stuttered out as he turned toward the door. He watched as the door opened and a woman poked her head around the door. He gave a silent prayer that the doctor was female; he didn’t think he would have been able to go through with the exam if the doctor had been male.

The door was pushed open to reveal a tall red head wearing a white lab coat. “I’m Dr. Alaina Huffman,” she said as she offered Jensen her right hand. When he didn’t shake it, she moved to look at the paperwork he had filled out. “Mr. Ackles, how can I help you? You’ve left that all important question blank.” She looked at the man before her, she could see faint bruising on the side of his face and along his wrists. “May I call you Jensen?” She saw him give a slight nod. “Jensen, anything you tell me will be held strictly confidential. This is a safe place.”

Jensen’s green eyes turned to the woman standing before him. Safe place! He had thought he had been safe at work. He had never thought this would have happened to him. He snickered at her words and then looked down at the floor. “I just need to be checked out.”

“Why don’t you have a seat and tell me what’s going on?” She swept a hand at the chair across the room.

“C . . . can’t. H . . . hurts,” Jensen murmured.

“Alright, why don’t we talk, maybe you’ll feel a little more comfortable with me afterward. First, I need you to be aware of your medical consent; that you are consenting to this exam.”

“Yes, I’m consenting. You have my permission to treat me. Please, can we just get this over with?” he asked in a pained voice. He brought his right hand to his left and began to twist his wedding ring around his finger; a nervous habit he had developed some time ago.

“You’re married,” Huffman stated as she eyed his movements.

“Yes.” He raised his eyes up to look at her and went rigid. “He didn’t do this. Jared would never.” He bit his bottom lip to stop himself from divulging any more information. 

“But, someone did,” she responded quietly and watched as he looked away from her. “You can report this; you have that legal right.”

Jensen’s head shot up. “No! No police! Just the exam. He . . . he used a condom. But . . . it hurts . . . and there was blood. Please . . .” he choked back the sob threatening to escape. “Please,” he whispered and looked up at the woman with wide terrified green eyes.

She nodded, her lips pursed in a line thin. She knew she had pushed the man before her to his breaking point. The only thing she could do was examine him, treat him for any injuries and record her findings. “Regardless, I will still need to treat this exam as if you are willingly reporting this assault. You were raped, Jensen. Wouldn’t your husband want this person brought to justice? Wouldn’t he want to make sure you’re cared for?” she asked in a soft, soothing voice, hoping that would persuade the man.

“My husband is out of town. I don’t ever want him to know. Maybe . . . maybe I should just go.” He turned to leave.

“No, please don’t leave. Let me treat you. I won’t do anything you don’t consent to as far as reporting this or contacting your husband. That’s your right as my patient. I’m bound by that.” She took a deep breath. “There are a few questions I need to ask you; they may make you uncomfortable.” She watched as Jensen nodded and then continued. “You’re thirty-four, married. Are you and your husband sexually active?”

“Yes, and we’re monogamous. If that’s what you’re asking.”

“When was the last time you and your husband were intimate?”

“Wednesday. He left to visit family yesterday.”

“And it was consensual?”

“Yes! Are these questions about me and my husband really necessary?

“Unfortunately, yes. Are you on any type of medication?”

“No, and I don’t smoke or use illegal drugs. I drink alcohol occasionally. I wasn’t high or drunk,” he said hotly. 

“Would you say that you’re in generally good health?”

“Yes. I had my yearly exam three months ago; everything was fine, no issues.”

“Good, anything else I should know about your health before I start the exam?”

“Only that I want to get this over with,” he said in a small voice as he was hit with the realization that the examination was imminent. 

“I need to go over a few things with you; a few tests that will be performed today and then may need to be repeated in the future. Tests for HIV and STDs.”

“He used a condom,” Jensen repeated is dismay. 

“I know, but the tests should be done so we can rule everything out.”

He held his arm out as his way of answering her. He looked away from her when she stepped into his space to draw the needed blood. 

“I’ll give you a timetable of when things need to be repeated before you leave.”

Jensen dropped his head not wanting her to see his tears. He was in a living nightmare that just kept getting worse at every turn. 

She gave him a sympathetic smile. “I have to ask about what happened.”

Jensen shook his head no. “Please don’t make me. I can’t.”

“I know this is painful for you. But I need to know so I can treat you properly.”

Jensen turned from her, placed his hands on the exam table and dropped his head so his chin rested against his chest. “I was working late. I thought I was alone.” He wiped away a tear that had formed at the corner of his eye. “I was coming back from the bathroom. I didn’t hear him. Didn’t hear anything. Not at first. He wasn’t supposed to be there. He called my name; I was shocked to see him. Then I felt this pain at the back of my head.” He stopped, needing to weigh his words; how much to tell her. “He pulled my pants down. It . . . hurt.”

“Did you clean up afterward?” 

“No. I mean, I grabbed my things and left. Drove here.”

“You said he used a condom?” Huffman asked.

“Yes, He threw the pack on the desk before . . .” Jensen shuddered. “Said he didn’t . . . fuck without protection. I heard him opening it; saw the wrapper. There was no . . . just blood when he was finished.”

“Jensen, you said you felt a pain at the back of your head. Do you think he hit you? Can you show me where the pain was?”

He raised his hand to the back of his head, rubbing over the sore spot a few inches from his right ear. 

Huffman stood, donned a pair of gloves and walked up behind him. “I’m going to touch the area, let me know if it’s painful.” She placed two fingers over the area and then lifted the hair covering the spot he had indicated. She saw redness and the beginning of bruising. She heard Jensen suck in his breath when she prodded at the area again. “You’re going to have a bruise. Did you lose consciousness?”

“I don’t think so. I was stunned. But things happened so fast.”

“And what about the bruising on the left side of your face?”

Jensen raised his left hand to the side of his face and flinched. “He . . . he didn’t like it when I tried to fight back. He slammed my head down onto the desk.” He wrapped his arms around himself as he remembered what had caused the bruise to his face. 

Huffman gave him a sad smile. “Any ringing in your ears, loss of vision, nausea, headache, vomiting, dizziness?” she questioned.

“Nausea and maybe some dizziness. But, that was right after . . . Not now.” He looked down at his hands. “My head hurts but only where I got hit.”

“Can you turn around so I can take a look at your eyes?” She stepped back giving Jensen some space to turn away from the table. “I’m going to shine a light in your eyes to check your pupil dilation. She produced a small penlight from her coat pocket and brought it up to his eyes; flashing the light directly into each eye. “Your eyes responded normally to the light,” she said as she pulled the penlight from his face and replaced it in her pocket.

“Well, that’s something, at least,” Jensen responded in a wry tone.

“I don’t think you have a concussion, but before you go, I’ll give you a list of things to watch out for. If you have any of these symptoms, it’s important to be seen by a doctor. Symptoms of a concussion can be subtle and last for days. Don’t disregard them; it’s your body’s way of telling you there’s something wrong.” 

“Yeah, okay.”

“I’ll need to also take pictures of any trauma I find to your body.” She watched him for a moment, fearful that this admission would cause him to walk out before being treated. 

“You won’t . . . you won’t take pictures of my face, will you?” he asked fearfully. He didn’t want anyone to see what he looked like, what Mark had done to him.

“I may have to, since there is some slight bruising above your left eye. I’ll have to take a picture of the back of your head and anything else I may find.” He looked ready to bolt when she admitted this. “No one will see these, I promise you.”

He simply nodded his approval, not daring to speak.

Huffman returned to the counter and wrote her findings on the form she had been filling out. She paused and looked over at him. He seemed more at ease with her. Taking a chance, she asked again. “Are you sure about not reporting this assault?”

Hearing her question sent a wave of panic through his body. “Yes! No police, just the exam.” He bit his lip, giving himself a moment to try to regain a sense of calmness. “Please,” he added in a strangled voice.

“Before we go any further, would you like to have Alona join us? As support?”

“No . . . just you. No other people.”

“Will you allow me to collect your clothing? I can give you something clean to change into once we’re done.”

“No,” Jensen responded. He couldn’t think about things right now. He just wanted this to be over with. He wanted to go home, take a hot shower and scrub himself clean. But, he knew that would never happen. He was dirty. He would forever be tainted by what he had allowed to happen.

With a shake of her head in understanding, she turned from him, pulled open a drawer and pulled out a paper gown. “Why don’t you get into this, opening goes at the back, and then I’ll be back. Take everything off, including your socks.” She placed the gown on the examination table and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Jensen looked at the gown and then began to undress, trying to keep the grunts of pain from his movements as quiet as possible. He whirled around and bit back the moan of pain from the movement when he heard a knock at the door.

“Can I come in?” Huffman asked from the crack of the door she had opened.

“Yes,” Jensen responded.

Huffman entered the room, closed the door and then grabbed a pair of gloves “Alright, let’s start with taking the pictures of the left side of your face and the back of your head.” She held up a digital camera for him to see. 

When she was done documenting the bruises on his face, she moved to take pictures of his wrists. “Can you hold out your arms? There’s some bruising around your wrists.” She took pictures of the front and back of his wrists. “Okay, if I see any other bruising, I’ll need to take pictures,” she said and then grabbed another pair of gloves. “Alright, I’ll need you to get up on the exam table, laying on your back so I can examine you.” She stepped closer, placed a hand on Jensen’s elbow and guided him to the table. “Step up on the footrest, then ease onto your side,” she murmured. “That’s it, then slowly roll onto your back. There you go.” She gave a tight smile when she saw him wince. She knew, even before she had to examine the man, what she would find. The question was, how to get her patient to confide in her.

With her help he was able to lay down so she could begin the examination. He took in a shaky breath when he felt her brush up against him. He drew his hands up across his stomach and began to clench them. He tried staring up at the ceiling tiles, hoping they would distract him from what was about to happen. He heard movement and raised his head to see the doctor wheeling a metal table containing medical equipment over to the foot of the table. His body began to shake, and he had to look away. 

“We’re going to get started. Remember, you’re going to hear me taking pictures of anything I find,” Huffman said as she stood at the foot of the table. “I’m going to tell you everything that I need to do, before I do it so I won’t startle you.” She watched Jensen bite his bottom lip and nod his head. “I’m going to start by taking a look at your neck, arms and torso for any bruising.” Methodically, she checked every inch of his body noting the signs of restraints used on his wrists and the faint bruising over his left eye. She helped him slip his arms out of the gown so she could examine his abdominal area for any internal bruising. She heard him hiss in pain as she prodded at his hips where bruises were forming. “I’m going to take a few pictures of your abdominal area, including your hips. There are bruises forming.” Her words were met with silence as she took several pictures. From there she moved on to his legs and feet, noting anything she found before helping him slip the gown back on. 

“I’m going to raise the stirrups. I’ll help you raise your legs and get your feet into them before I drop the bottom part of the table.” She reached under the table and pulled out the first stirrup, raising it until it clicked into place. “Okay, first your left leg,” she said and supported Jensen’s leg by placing her hand underneath his ankle and bringing it up to rest against the stirrup. She repeated those steps with his right leg. “Now I’m going to drop that portion of the table. Okay, can you move forward a little?” She stopped him when he was in the right position. “That’s good. Now I’m going to start the exam.” She discarded the gloves she had been wearing and picked up a new set that were in a sealed packing, ensuring there would be no contamination. “Everything I use from here on out has been in a sealed rape kit. I’m going to take specimens; in case you change your mind. I know it’s going to be difficult, but try to breathe and relax. You’re going to feel my hands on your legs, let them fall open as best you can.”

Jensen nodded his head but remained silent. He closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip as he felt her hands on his inner thighs. He whimpered when she told him she could see dried blood on his skin. 

“I’m going to take some samples,” she told him and wiped at the area with a swab. “Next, you’re going to feel me touching your penis and testicles. I’m also going to collect samples from the areas.”

Jensen clutched at the table when he felt her fingers running over his privates. He felt humiliation at having to endure this, but didn’t fight her.

“Jensen, with the nature of your assault, it might be easier to have you lie on your side.”

He shook his head yes and allowed her to help him out of the stirrups and onto his right side, facing the wall, after she had raised the portion of the table that had been lowered earlier. 

“I’m changing out my gloves for fresh ones and then I’ll continue with the exam.” When she had replaced her gloves, she turned back to him. “Okay, I’m going to cover your lower half with this paper covering. I’m going to need you to draw your legs up to your stomach and then I’ll need you to hold your buttock up so I can examine you. Do you think you can do that?”

“Y . . . yes” he responded, his voice wavering as he held back his tears. He reached over his body, lifting his left buttock as she had indicated for him to do.

“Okay, you’re going to feel my hands on you. I’m going to examine the area for bruising and tearing before I begin the internal exam.” When she placed her hand on his buttock, he flinched, causing her to withdraw her hand. “Are you okay? There’s some bruising and redness in this region.”

“I’m . . . it hurts,” he croaked out. 

“I’m sorry, but I need to swab around the area and then proceed.”

Jensen felt the swab come in contact with his body and he forced himself not to jump from the touch. He heard her speaking to him, but his mind was in a hazy fog of pain as she touched him. He heard words; trace evidence of lubrication, most likely from the condom his attacker had used. There was bleeding and inflammation. He heard her tell him that she saw anal tearing and evidence of trauma to his body. He screamed when she performed the digital rectal exam, that area of his body had already been abused and the exam only caused him more pain. He heard a voice calling to him through the pain, forcing him to focus on something other than what felt like a burning hot poker trying to stab him in his ass. 

“Jensen, it’s over. I’m so sorry I had to do that to you.” She rubbed his back, trying to soothe away his pain. “I really feel that you should be seen in the ER.” 

“No! No more.” He tried to roll over; trying to get into a sitting position and hissed at the pain that shot through his body when his abused flesh landed on the table.

“Your injuries . . .”

“Can you . . . can you give me something to help?” 

“I can help you, but I really think you should seek other medical treatment.”

“I will, if it doesn’t get better. Please, I can’t . . . I just can’t.” He couldn’t hold back the sobs that tore from his body. He had already endured more than he could handle. He couldn’t force himself to deal with any more.

“Of course. I’m going to prescribe a stool softener and fiber supplements. This will help with your bowel movements; they won’t be so painful. I’ll also give you prescription for a pain medication. Take the pain medication only as prescribed. Refrain from any type of sexual intercourse for at least four to six weeks, it can take your body that amount of time to heal. You should also use a sitz bath: you should fill the tub with a few inches of warm water and sit in it for twenty minutes, two to three times a day. Don’t use any soaps, bath salts or gels in the water. You just want the warm water to soothe and relax the anal area. You may want to buy some baby or medicated wipes instead of using toilet paper, so the area doesn’t become more inflamed. And make sure to clean yourself thoroughly. You can also use a medicated cream to help with the swelling. I’m also going to prescribe an antibiotic in case of infection.” She patted him on the arm as she finished speaking. She picked up the specimens she had collected, labeled them and showed them to Jensen. “These will be kept in a secure area, in a locked refrigerator designated only for specimen collection.” 

“Thank you.” 

“I’m going to step out so you can get dressed.” She turned to leave, then stopped and turned back to Jensen. “I’m also going to prescribe a mild anti-anxiety medication for you to take for a few weeks to help you deal with what you’re going through.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a business card and handed it to Jensen. “This is the number for a colleague of mine. She’s a great therapist, should you need one.” She saw Jensen open his mouth to protest, but she stopped him. “I know you just want to forget this ever happened to you. But it might not be that easy for you. Just think about it,” she said and then opened the door to leave the room. 

Jensen eyed his clothing and then looked at the doctor. “Is it too late to take you up on that change of clothing? I don’t think I can stomach putting those on. Not after . . .”

“No problem. I’ll have Alona bring you something. Your new attire may not match your shoes,” she added with a laugh. “I’ll leave everything else we talked about up front for you to pick up when you’re ready to leave. I’ll also leave my card. Call me if you have any questions or concerns, or if you need to talk. You went through something horrific tonight. You are the victim here. I know I can’t force you to report your rape.” She put up her hands to stop him from interrupting her. She needed to say this; and he needed to hear it. “You were raped. You can call it whatever you want in your mind; assault, attack, but it was rape. It doesn’t make you less of a man or a human being. And I don’t think your husband would think less of you or turned his back on you because of what happened to you. Just think about it.” She turned and left the room, leaving Jensen with his thoughts.

Jared. Jared would hate him if he ever found out. No, he could never report what had happened to him. He had betrayed his husband. He had let another man touch him; fuck him. He was dirty. He was disgusting. After tonight, he would put this out of his mind. No one would ever have to know. Jared would never know. It never happened. 

A knock on the door jarred him out of his thoughts. “Yes?”

“It’s Alona. I have some clothes for you,” she said as she pushed the door open. “Come out front when you’re ready. I’ll have your paperwork ready for you.” She handed him the clothing and retreated closing the door after herself.

Jensen pushed himself off the exam table and groaned. With deliberate slow movements, he slipped the clothes - a t-shirt and drawstring pants - on and then slid his feet into his dress shoes. He gave a sharp laugh as he looked down at himself. The doctor had been right; the shoes didn’t go with his new attire. Without a second glance to his discarded clothing he had folded and placed on the chair earlier, he left the room. He followed the signs leading back to the reception area and waited for Alona to give him his paperwork.

“Here you go. Take care of yourself,” she said as she slid the paperwork to him through the open partition.

“Thanks,” he mumbled as he grabbed the paperwork and fled from the clinic to the safety of his home.

Doctor Huffman watched from her office doorway until Jensen left. Silently, she walked back into the exam room, picked up his discarded clothing, placed it in an evidence bag and sealed it. She placed another label on the bag, one matching the other labels she had placed on the other samples and took it with her to add to what she had collected. 

She returned to her office and sat at her desk. While she longed to call the police and report this rape, she knew she couldn't. That would be betraying her patient’s trust and his rights. With a heavy sigh, she picked up the digital camera and hooked it up to her computer. She downloaded the pictures she had taken of Jensen's body; the evidence of trauma he had sustained during his rape and then began to write up her report, hoping that in time Jensen would change his mind. 

Jensen managed to shuffle out to his car. Every movement he made had his body screaming in agony. All he wanted to do was go home, crawl into bed and sleep. He wanted the nightmare over. He wanted to forget what had happened. He wanted Jared there with him. Jared. At the mere thought of Jared his heart ached. How was he ever going to explain any of this to him? Jared would never understand. Jared would blame him. And he was to blame. He hadn’t stopped Mark from . . . He was a slut. He was dirty. He could hear Mark’s voice calling him that over and over again in his mind. No, he would never tell Jared, because then Jared would leave him and he didn’t think he could handle that. Gingerly he slid behind the steering wheel and cried out from the pain. His eyes watered and he waited for his vision to clear. He placed the paperwork on the seat next to him, jabbed the key into the ignition and started the car. He pulled out of the parking space and started the drive home. He turned on the music, hoping that would take his mind off of everything, but it didn’t. All he could focus on was the pain. He knew he had to stop and fill the prescription that Huffman had given him as well as get the items she had told him about. He didn’t want to do this at his own pharmacy; the people knew him and Jared there. There would be raised eyebrows and possible questions asked and he wasn’t up to answering those. 

He knew of an all-night pharmacy on the other side of town. He had used it once when Jared had been sick with the flu and need to get him medication. He drove himself there and walked into the store. He brought the prescriptions to the pharmacist and waited for them to be filled. He walked up and down the aisles looking for the baby wipes, medicated cream and medicated wipes the doctor had mentioned to him. He grabbed them and returned to the waiting area until his name was called. He leaned against the wall, too afraid and too sore to sit in one of the provided chairs, until his prescriptions were ready. When his name was finally called, he walked up to the register to pay for them and the items he had picked up. He declined to speak with the pharmacist, paid for the items and left. 

By the time he got home, he was emotionally and physically exhausted. He didn’t bother with his normal routine; he bypassed leaving anything except his keys on the entryway table and climbed the stairs to his bedroom. He dumped his things on the bed and then made his way into the bathroom where he started the shower and stripped out of what he had been wearing. He tossed the borrowed clothing, including his shoes in the trash and then stepped under the hot water. He scrubbed his skin raw, trying to wash way Mark’s touch. He forced himself to wash between his legs. His stomach flopped violently when he ran the washcloth over his penis, remembering that Mark had touched him there. With a shuddering breath, he ran the washcloth between his ass cheeks and cried out in pain when he gently touched upon the abused area. He knees buckled and he dropped the cloth as he placed both hands against the shower wall to steady himself until he could stand again. When he had his breathing under control, he reached down for the cloth only to see it covered with streaks of blood. He felt hot tears on his cheeks as he looked at it. His blood. He rinsed the cloth, applied soap and washed the inside of his thighs. He tried to wash himself again and cried out in pain when the cloth brushed over the area. He forced himself to wash the area; he needed to be clean, even though he knew he would never feel clean again. When the water had turned ice cold, he finally reached for the faucet and turned it off. He moved aside the shower curtain but couldn’t get himself to step out. 

Slowly, he slid down into the tub and curled into the fetal position. He blinked several times as he tried to fight back his tears. He was just so tired, and he hurt. He wanted the pain to stop. He wanted to get up, to force himself to his feet, so he could walk into the bedroom and take one of the painkillers the doctor had prescribed him. Maybe they would help dull the crushing ache he felt throughout his entire body. But that would mean he had to move, and he didn’t have the energy for that. He gave into his tears, letting them fall freely, wracking his body with sobs as he cried for what he had lost, what had been taken from him, what Mark had done to him. He cried for Jared; for Jared’s love and forgiveness, even if he wasn’t worthy of it now. 

He didn’t know how long he had laid in the tub after his tears had stopped, he just knew that he was cold. He shivered as he pulled himself up onto his knees. He winced in pain as he lifted himself up and his stomach hit the edge of the tub. He got to his feet and groaned as he felt his muscles protest at the movement. He must have been in that position for a while, he thought to himself as he stepped out of the shower. He didn’t bother with drying himself off with a towel, there was no need. His skin was cold, not wet. He grabbed his sleep pants and t-shirt off the hook from over the back of the bathroom door and dressed. Slowly, he made his way out to the bedroom and grabbed the pharmacy bag off the bed, rooted around in it until he found the pain medication and antibiotic. He dropped the bag on the floor as he clasped the bottle of medication to his chest. He wrenched the cap off and pulled out one of the tiny white pills. He repeated his actions, pulling one of the antibiotics out. He popped them in his mouth and swallowed them without water. He grimaced at the foul taste, nearly gagging, before capping the bottles and placing them in his nightstand. He pulled back the covers on the bed and did his best to get comfortable as he laid down. 

He lay on his side in the darkened room, staring at Jared’s empty side of the bed. He reached out and placed a hand on Jared’s pillow. Not for the first time that night did he wish that Jared was there with him. If Jared had been here, this would never have happened. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered and felt his heart clench in his chest. “This was my fault. I should have fought harder. I had to have done something to make Mark think I wanted him.” He felt like he was being crushed under the weight of his guilt. He wanted to turn back time, take Misha up on his offer to stay with him while he worked late, but he couldn’t do that. And he had been so stupid. He felt the effects of the pain medication taking hold. His mind was fuzzy and his limbs felt heavy. He closed his eyes, wishing for sleep. Slowly, he sank into unconsciousness; Mark and Jared’s voices and faces playing over and over again in his mind.

_ “Gonna give you what you want, what you need,” _ Mark said as he sneered at Jensen. 

“No,” Jensen whispered, as he tossed his head from side to side.

_ “You’re a little cock slut,” _ Mark’s voice taunted, calling to him.

All he saw was Jared’s angry face.

_ Dirty slut _ , his mind screamed at him.

_ “You slut!” _ Jared’s voice screamed at him.

“No Jared, please . . .” he tried to reason with Jared.

_ “I wasn’t even gone forty-eight hours and you couldn’t even wait to give it up.” _

“Jared, you don’t understand,” he begged.

_ “You betrayed me. You’re dirty, you’ll never be good enough for me,” _ Jared’s angry voice yelled at him in his mind.

“Jared,” he called out, waking himself from the fitful sleep. He pulled in a sharp breath as he tried to sit up and pain radiated throughout his body. He moaned as he rolled over, drawing his knees up to his chest, as he lay there, waiting for the pain to stop. The sound of his shuddering breaths filled the room. When the pain had past, he forced himself to get up. He couldn’t sleep, at least not in the bed he shared with Jared. His skin crawled. He could still feel Mark’s hands on him. He needed to wash the man’s touch away. He stripped off his clothing as he made his way to the bathroom. He grabbed a clean washcloth from the linen closet, turned on the water and stepped under the scalding hot water. He picked up the soap and washcloth and began to scrub at his skin. He saw fresh pink skin, but still didn’t feel clean. He knew he would never feel clean again. He dropped the soap and washcloth, balled his hands into fits and slammed them against the wall. “Why!” he screamed, over and over, punctuating the word as he continued to slam his fits against the wall. When his anger subsided, he turned off the water and climbed out of the tub. He wrapped a towel around himself and went back into the bedroom to pick up his clothing. He tossed everything into the bathroom hamper and then searched for something to wear. He found a pair of soft sweatpants and a hoodie. He pulled them on and realized that he was wearing Jared’s hoodie from when he had been in training at the police academy. He hugged his arms to his body and was hit with the faint smell of Jared. He raised the sleeves to his face and inhaled deeply. Jared’s scent soothed him, calmed his rapid breathing. He padded out of the room, down the stairs and into the kitchen. His stomach rumbled as he opened the fridge. He grabbed one of the cartons of leftover Chinese food and stood at the kitchen counter with it. He took several bites of the cold food, only to feel it catch in his throat. He spit the mouthful of food out and tossed the carton in the trash. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and walked into the living room. 

Jensen stood, looking around, trying to figure out what to do with himself. It was painful to sit and he couldn’t get comfortable in his bed. He missed having Jared there with him, holding him. He also felt like he was betraying Jared again, just being in their marital bed after what had happened. He knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on work, not right now. He was bone tired, that he knew. He grabbed the TV remote and turned the TV on. He found an old black and white movie on, one he remembered watching years ago. He settled himself on the couch, laying on his side as best he could, pulled the blanket they kept slung over the back of the couch over himself and closed his eyes, hoping the sound of the TV would lull him to sleep. When he opened his eyes, the movie had ended and another one had started. He turned the volume up, closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. He didn’t open his eyes again until he was disturbed by the sound of knocking at his front door. 

Jensen slowly blinked his eyes, trying to figure out what the sound was that had awakened him. He startled when he heard a sharp knock on the front door and hissed in pain when he tried to move quickly. He forced himself to his feet and looked around the living room. “Coming,” he croaked out at the sound of another knock. On bare feet, he moved from the couch to the front door. “Yes?” he asked through the closed door. 

“Delivery,” a male voice answered back.

“Delivery?” he whispered, confused. He wasn’t waiting for a delivery. He hadn’t ordered anything. Hesitantly, he opened the door a few inches to peer out, careful to keep his foot against the bottom of the door. Should the man try to force it open, he’d have a harder time; of course, his foot would probably be broken in the process. “I think you have the wrong house,” he responded with a weak smile as he looked at the delivery man in front of him. “I didn’t order anything.” He looked past the man and noticed a flower delivery van parked so it was blocking the driveway. He turned his confused look back on the man and noticed he was holding a vase full of red roses. Yes, this man definitely had the wrong house, he thought to himself. 

The man jostled the vase as he pulled his clipboard out from underneath his arm. “Are you Jensen Ackles-Padalecki?” the man asked as he read from his clipboard.

“Ye . . .yes,” he stuttered out. 

“Then, these are for you,” the man said with a warm smile as he offered the vase of roses to him. “Just need your signature, then I can be out of your hair,” he added with a laugh.

Jensen stood back from the door and pulled it open wider to accept the offered vase. He grasped the heavy glass vase filled with water and roses with two shaking hands and then placed it on the entryway table. He turned back to the man and accepted the offered clipboard, signed his name and handed it back. 

“Thanks, enjoy the flowers,” the man called out as he walked back to his van.

Jensen watched as the van pulled away before shutting and locking the door. He turned back to the flowers and stood, staring at them. He finally noticed the card attached and reached out for it. He opened the envelope, pulled out the card and read it. 

_ Jensen, _

_ Just wanted you to know that you’re never far from my thoughts and you’re always in my heart. I miss you. _

_ Love, _

_ Jared _

Jensen reread the card. He brought his eyes up to stare at the flowers, felt his stomach churn and then he ran for the bathroom, letting go of the card in the process. From the position of being on his knees, he reached up, closed the lid and flushed the toilet. He sucked in several breaths and only moved when his stomach had settled and he was sure he was no longer going to be sick. On wobbly legs, he climbed the stairs to his bathroom so he could brush his teeth and freshen up. Once done, he walked over to his nightstand where he had placed the bottle of pain medication. He was feeling the effects of all the movement he had done, and his body was protesting. He swallowed the pill dry, like the last time, and returned to the entryway table. He bent down and picked up the card. He replaced it in the envelope, not wanting to read Jared’s words again, and placed it next the vase. He thought about eating, but the idea of food sickened him. He returned to his place on the couch, closed his eyes and tried to get his mind off of Jared. He wanted to call his husband, thank him for the flowers and his words of love, but he couldn’t. His voice would betray him. Jared would hear in his voice that something was wrong, and Jared would question him. He couldn’t talk to Jared; he didn’t trust himself not to blurt out that he had betrayed Jared’s trust in him and his love. With a grunt of pain, he rolled onto his side as the tears came again. He wondered when his tears would dry up, when his heart would stop breaking. He felt the pain medication taking hold of him. Blessedly, he let go of his thoughts as he drifted off to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Jared looked down at his cell phone with a frown on his normally smiling face. He was at a loss as to why he hadn’t heard from Jensen yet. The flowers had been delivered. He had been sent confirmation from the florist that they not only had been delivered, but that Jensen had signed for them. He was sure once Jensen received them and read the card, that he would have called him, speaking to him in a breathless voice as Jensen excitedly thanked him for the flowers. His fingers hovered over the call button of his cell phone. He wanted to hear Jensen’s voice. He missed his husband. He missed sleeping next to him; reaching out and feeling Jensen’s warm body next to him at night, kissing Jensen, pulling Jensen into his arms to hold him, rolling over, spreading Jensen’s legs open to accommodate him as he sank into Jensen’s tight channel. He groaned in frustration, desperately wishing he wasn’t separated from Jensen; wanting to make love to his husband at that moment.

“Jared?” Megan called out.

Jared looked up at his sister as her voice broke through his thoughts. He smiled at her as she walked toward him holding Alisa in her arms. “What? Did you say something?” he asked as he raised his arms out, offering to take the finally sleeping baby from his sister’s arms.

Megan placed Alisa in her brother’s muscular arms. She sat down next to him, a tired smile on her face. “Is something wrong?” She studied her older brother; saw that he looked tired and sad. She wasn’t used to seeing her brother like this. He was usually full of energy, talking nonstop and smiling. “You know you can talk to me, if you need to.”

Jared shifted on the couch to look at Megan, still cradling the tiny baby in his arms. He shrugged, hoping his movements wouldn’t wake Alisa. “Yeah, it’s just, you already have a lot on your plate. Taking care of a newborn has got to be draining. You don’t need me adding to it.” He went quiet, looking down at the baby to take his mind off of Jensen.

“Come on big brother. Talk to me,” Megan cajoled.

“It’s Jensen,” he finally admitted. 

“You miss him,” she said matter-of-factly. She knocked her shoulder against Jared’s to get his attention. 

Jared looked up at her, a dying protest on his lips for her action of jarring him while he held a sleeping baby. “Yeah, I miss him,” he admitted. “I sent him flowers, roses, and he hasn’t called. I just thought he would have called me once he got them.”

“You two aren’t having problems, are you?”

“What? No!” Jared responded, horrified that Megan could even think that. “Why would you even ask that?”

“Then why send him flowers?” Megan inquired, a faint smiled played on her lips.

“Because he’s not here with me and I wanted him to know that I’m thinking of him. I hate being away from him,” Jared admitted.

“Then call him. Don’t wait for him to call you,” she replied with a shake of her head. “Men, you can be so stubborn and pig-headed sometimes.”

“Shut up!” Jared huffed out at his sister. “And I can’t call if I’m holding this beautiful little girl.”

“I can solve that.” Megan stood up, took that baby from Jared’s arms and walked away. “Call him,” she called over her shoulder as she disappeared from the room.

Jared shook his head, laughing at his sister and her ability to set him straight. He reached into his pocket and pulled his phone out, dialing his and Jensen’s home phone and waited for Jensen to pick up.

Jensen heard the phone ringing and waited, hoping it would stop ringing and he wouldn’t have to move. His entire body ached and all he wanted was to sleep until the pain was gone. He sighed in relief when the ringing stopped, enjoying just the sound of the TV in the background. The enjoyment was short lived when the phone rang again. This time he forced himself to move. With a yelp, he got to his feet, grabbed the phone from off the table at the other end of the couch and answered it. “Hello!” he answered in an irritated voice. 

“Jensen?” Jared inquired hesitantly, knowing this was not how Jensen answered the phone. Ever. He was always soft-spoken and polite. 

“Jared,” Jensen responded in more of a sigh then speaking his husband’s name. 

“Is everything alright?” Jared questioned.

“Sorry. I’m just tired. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night and I was trying, unsuccessfully, to nap.” He bit his bottom lip at the sound of his words. He could hear how irritated his own voice sounded to him and could only wonder what Jared was thinking right now. “The flowers are beautiful, thank you, but you didn’t have to.”

“I know. I wanted to. I wanted to put a smile on your face, even though I’m not there.” He heard the hitch in Jensen’s breathing. “Are you sure you’re alright?” Jared asked in concern.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Nothing to worry about.” He hated lying to Jared. Things were not fine. He was not fine and he never would be again. He fought back the urge to tell Jared what had happened to him. He wanted to beg for Jared’s forgiveness and wanted Jared to come home to him, yet he remained quiet about last night. “How’s Megan doing?” He could hear the smile in Jared’s voice when he began to speak about Megan and Alisa.

“She’s great. Bouncing back from giving birth. She’s a natural and has finally figured out how to get Alisa to stop crying. She sticks a bottle in her mouth, stuns the baby into silence. So, my ears are no longer bleeding, but Megan’s gonna have to figure something else out or Alisa is gonna be one big baby,” Jared responded with a chuckle. “I’m having dinner with your parents tomorrow night. I really wish you were here with me so I don’t have to go alone.”

“Why, my parents love you?” Jensen asked in a tired voice. He was trying to keep himself together and felt like he was failing miserably. 

“Because, I swear your dad still remembers seeing me kiss you for the first time. He gets all squinty eyed at me every time he sees me,” Jared said. “It’s like he knows what I want to do to you, in the privacy of our own home,” he said in a hushed voice. 

This conversation would have made him laugh if he hadn’t been worried about keeping his secret from Jared. “Yeah, well . . .” Jensen let his words die off. He had no comeback and could feel himself beginning to tremble.

“You must be tired. Usually you would have something witty to say to me. Tease me or something.”

“Sorry,” Jensen whispered. “I guess I’m just not at my best today.”

“I understand,” Jared acknowledged; he wasn’t at his best either. He missed Jensen and hated sleeping alone. “I miss you. I wish you were here with me.”

“Yeah, me too,” Jensen responded automatically. 

“I’m gonna let you go so you can try to get some sleep. You’re taking care of yourself, right?” He was worried at hearing how tired Jensen sounded. Jensen didn’t sound like himself at all; he sounded like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

“Yes, I am. I told you, I’m just tired,” Jensen reiterated.

“Okay, I just worry about you, you know, like a good husband is supposed to,” Jared responded good-naturedly, trying to lighten Jensen’s dark mood. 

Jensen bit back the sob that was trying to wrench itself free from his chest. He took a deep breath before responding to Jared. “You are . . . you’re a great husband and I’m so lucky to have you. I love you so much. More than I could ever tell you.”

“I’m the lucky one and I feel the same about you. Go get some rest. I love you and before you know it, I’ll be home. I’ll call you later,” Jared said in a wistful voice.

“I love you,” Jensen choked out as he ended the call and hung the phone up. He sagged down into the couch, not bothering to register his pain as the tears began to flow. He missed Jared terribly. He wanted Jared there with him; wanted Jared’s comfort, his love. He wanted to feel Jared’s arms around him, holding him and keeping him safe. He wanted to hear Jared’s voice telling him everything would be alright; that Jared believed him when he told Jared he hadn’t wanted this, that he never meant to cheat on Jared, and most importantly, he wanted to hear Jared tell him that Jared still loved him, no matter what. But, he knew that what he wanted and what he deserved were two very different things. 

When the tears finally subsided, he staggered to his feet. He gathered what strength he had and made his way to his bedroom. He picked up the discarded pharmacy bag and brought it into the bathroom with him. He pulled out the medicated wipes and cream, set them on the counter, placed the bag next to the items and turned toward the bathtub. He turned the water on, letting it fill the tub to what looked like the halfway point with warm water. He knew he didn’t need to fill the tub the way he had, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to submerge himself in the water. He stripped off his clothes, letting them carelessly fall to the floor as he stepped into the tub. He hissed in pain as the water made contact with his abused body. He scooted down as best as he could to allow the bath to help aid his body in healing. He shifted several times until he could find a position he could tolerate, closed his eyes and prayed this sitz bath would help soothe his battered body. He could feel himself drifting off to sleep; his eyes were heavy and his body was finally relaxing. 

He didn’t know how long he had dozed in the bath, just that when he woke, the once warm water had turned cold. As he emptied the tub, he watched the water funnel down drain. He continued to sit in the cold tub, not wanting to leave the confined space. He felt secure there; no one could touch him. When the cold got to be too much for him, he resigned himself to getting up and dressed. He stepped out of the tub and grabbed the towel, drying himself off before he moved on to the next step that he was dreading, using the medicated wipes and cream. He opened the cream and smeared some of it on his fingers. He reached behind himself, and closed his eyes as his fingers delved between his ass cheeks. He cried out in pain as his fingers and the cream made contact with his swollen rim. He pitched forward and had to grab hold of the counter with his free hand to stop himself from losing his balance as he saw stars behind his closed eyelids. He bit his bottom lip as he worked his fingers around, spreading the cream over the abused area before he pushed his index finger in to work the cream inside his body. He couldn’t stop the tears that sprang to his eyes as he did this. He felt nauseated at the thought that he had to do this to himself; that he would have to continue doing this to himself until his body healed. When he was done, he cleaned his hands and redressed. 

He picked up the stool softener and fiber supplements and carried them downstairs into the kitchen. He read the directions on both bottles before grabbing a glass of water. He took a sip and then popped the pills into his mouth, followed by another sip of water and swallowed the pills. At least they didn’t taste bad, he thought to himself as he finished drinking the water and placed the glass in the sink. He turned to the fridge, thought about food, but his stomach roiled, and he knew that attempting to eat anything would only result in him revisiting it in the bathroom as soon as he had finished eating. With a sigh he made his way back out to the couch and laid down on his side. He turned the TV back on and drifted off to sleep to the sound of a movie playing in the background.

When Jensen woke, he realized it was early Sunday morning and that he had managed to get several hours of dreamless sleep. He was thankful for that. He felt rested, at least more rested than he had before he had laid down. He felt the need to go to the bathroom and slowly he got to his feet. He was dreading what was to come next as he dragged himself upstairs and into his bedroom where his supplies were. He flipped on the bathroom light and stared at the toilet. He felt his legs turning to jello as he stood in the doorway, his left hand was white knuckled from holding onto the door jamb to steady himself. He knew this wasn’t going to be pleasant, but he forced himself to walk over to the toilet. He pushed his sweatpants down, turned away from the toilet and hesitantly sat down. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. 

He couldn’t stop the scream that erupted from his lips as he used the toilet. His body began to shake and he broke out in a cold sweat as he finished. He hurt so badly, he had never known pain like this before. It felt like Mark was . . . He cut that thought off as he tried to focus on his body. With a shaking hand, he reached for the baby wipes and wadded up a few. He whimpered as the soft wipe came in contact with his body. He didn’t want to look, but he knew he had to. After wiping himself several times, he dared to look and saw the baby wipe was streaked with blood. He felt his resolve crumble and he began to cry from the pain. His tears began to subside as he fought to get himself under control. He wondered how the hell he was going to get through this. He wasn’t strong enough to do this on his own, but he had to. He reached over to the counter for the medicated wipes, opened the package and said a silent prayer that this wouldn’t hurt nearly as badly as what he had just experienced. He took several breaths as he plucked one of the thin wipes from the package and brought to his ass. He bit down on his bottom lip as the cold wipe hit his heated body. He wiped several times; he had read the directions and knew he had to clean himself, despite not wanting to deal with any of this. 

When he was done cleaning himself, he stood and shuffled to the counter and reached out for the medicated cream. He looked down at his hands. They were shaking again; he wondered if they had even stopped shaking as he tried to unscrew the cap from the tube. His fingers slipped off the cap and he had to concentrate on what he was doing in order to get the tube opened. With ragged breaths, he squeezed the cream out and onto his fingers. He closed his eyes as he brought his hands to his ass, one hand separating his cheeks as the other sought out his rim. His fingers circled his rim, applying the cooling cream to the inflamed skin. He yelped in pain when he pushed a finger inside to work the cream in. He slid his finger out and felt his stomach cramp in pain. He grabbed onto the counter with both hands, leaned over the sink and vomited. He felt the burn of the bile in his throat and the sting of tears in his eyes. He rested his head against the edge of the counter and waited to see if he was going to throw up again. He reached for the faucet and soap when he was sure that his stomach had settled. He turned the faucet on and washed his hands before splashing his face with water. 

As he reached for his toothbrush, he caught sight of himself in the mirror. His normally pale skin was white and pasty looking. His freckles were pronounced and his green eyes were bloodshot. The purplish bruise on the left side of his face jumped out at him. He tore his eyes away from his reflection and concentrated on brushing his teeth. Without looking, he dropped his toothbrush and toothpaste onto the counter and shuddered. He looked down and realized he had yet to pull his sweatpants up. With a dry laugh, he bent down and pulled his pants up to redress himself. He staggered out of the bathroom and made it as far as the bed before he felt his legs buckle. He let himself fall onto the bed with a wheeze as his bruised body connected with the mattress. He lay there as the pain radiated through his body. He closed his eyes and clenched his fists, willing himself not to cry out. When the pain had subsided and he was able to open his eyes, he drew in a sharp breath as he pushed himself up and off the bed. He needed to distract himself, he decided as he left the bedroom. He walked into his art studio, turned on the light and grabbed one of his sketch pads. He flipped the pad open, turned to a fresh page and placed it on his easel. He picked up a pencil and let his mind wander as he began to draw. 

Hearing the scrape of the pencil as it scratched against the paper began to soothe Jensen’s frayed nerves. His arm arced across the paper; moving back and forth as he drew. He saw swirls of black across the paper, his art filling the page. Not bothering to look at what he had created, he flipped to the next clean page and began to draw again, losing himself in his art. He dropped his pencil onto the lip of the easel and turned away to rummage through his art cart for his charcoal and began to draw using that. This charcoal allowed him to blend and smear it across the paper as he wanted. When he was done, he replaced the charcoal in the drawer and stepped back from the easel. He looked down at his hands to see they were covered in the black charcoal he had been using. Not wanting to touch the pages of his sketch pad with dirty hands, he walked into the bathroom and washed his hands. After drying them, he walked back into his studio to finally look at what he had created. 

A gasp escaped his lips as he raised his eyes to the sketch pad still resting against the easel. The image was dark; not like one of his usual lighthearted creations. He realized, as he looked at the sketch, the image was of him; his face. A hand was covering his mouth and his own hands were raised, grasping the hand as if trying to pry it off his mouth. But it was his eyes that had drawn the gasp from his lips. His eyes were wide and stared back at him from the paper. They appeared scared; haunted, like they were holding onto a secret. The corners of his eyes were wet with tears and a single tear rested against his right cheek. The image was one that spoke of terror to him. The edges of the image were blurry, the charcoal smeared; giving it a frayed quality.

He flipped back to the first image he had created. His hands went to his head; scrubbed down his face as he tried to make sense of the image he was looking at. It was the profile of a man, sitting with his knees drawn up toward his chest and his arms hanging over his knees. The man’s legs were fully drawn and colored in, but as his eyes moved over the image, he saw tiny cracks crawling up the man’s body and at the waist, the image began to fade in color. The man’s side and back looked as if it was blowing away; pieces of the man were scattered as if carried on an unseen breeze, like the man was ceasing to exist. At the top of the sketch, he had written the words;  _ Forgive Me _ , having made them dark and bold. The words jump off the page at him. He picked up his sketch pad, flipped the cover back, closing the pad before he placed it on his drafting table. He rubbed at his tired and strained eyes as he padded back into his bedroom, hoping to get some sleep. 

Jensen couldn’t sleep. Not in the bed he shared with Jared, not in the guest room nor on the couch. Whenever he closed his eyes, he was flooded with images of Pellegrino’s face and the memory of what the man had done to him. When he tried to push everything from his mind, Jared would appear to him. It would start out nicely, with Jared telling him that he loved him. Then, Jared’s warm eyes would turn dark and Jared would start screaming at him, telling him how he had betrayed their love, their marriage vows, how he was dirty. He couldn’t take what his own mind was doing to him. So, sleep was out of the question, for now. He thought about trying to paint or draw, but he hadn’t liked what he had created earlier; the images were angry. So, taking solace in his art was off the table for the time being. The only other thing he could think of was to grab his laptop. 

He sat on the couch, his back resting against the arm of the couch with his legs out straight and his laptop perched across his thighs. He pulled up a blank document and began to write. He had shown Misha a few of his stories and to his surprise Misha had thought they were good enough to be given to Morgan to read through. He had laughed at that thought. He loved the written word, he just never imagined his name attached to a byline or published as an author. With a shake of his head, he cleared his mind and began to type. It wasn’t until the words became blurry and he was no longer making sense that he stopped for a break. He closed his eyes, trying to get his bearing on what he wanted to write next. 

When he opened his eyes, he noticed his laptop screen had gone dark and that five hours had passed since the last time he had typed anything. He wiped at his eyes, trying to clear away the sleep from them. He shifted and placed the laptop down on the coffee table in front of him. He stood up and stretched, despite the pain that shot through his body. His stomach growled; when had he last had anything to eat, he thought to himself. It was Sunday, that he was sure of. He had tried to eat yesterday, but ended up throwing it up and tossing the food away. Maybe toast would do the trick, he hoped. He walked into the kitchen, grabbed the bread and placed two slices in the toaster. When they popped up, toasted to a golden brown, he picked one up and nibbled on it, waiting to see what his stomach would do. He managed to eat the entire piece of dry toast and the second without incident. Well, that was something, he thought to himself as he walked back into the living room, sat on the couch and brought his laptop back to life. He stared at the screen. What he had written amazed him. It was his story; how he had been alone, a lonely child with a love for books and art. The only differences were the names and places where the story took place. Then the thought came to him; this story needed to be told, even if no one else ever read it. And he wanted to tell the story. He already had a clear picture of where he wanted the story to go; childhood, adolescence, those awkward teenage years and possibly ending the story as the character went off to college. Images began to flood his mind for art. He jotted them down to work on later, happy that he had something to take his mind off of things. He didn’t know if he’d ever allow anyone to read this story or see his art, but he felt an overwhelming need to get this story written.

Jensen’s phone rang and he jolted at the sudden sound filling the room and stifled a groan of pain. He reached over and grabbed the phone as he placed his laptop down on the coffee table. “Hello?” he said.

“Jensen, sweetheart, it’s Mom,” Donna’s soft voice stated.

Jensen felt his blood run cold in his veins. Why was his mother calling him? “Hey, Mom. Is everything alright?” He bit his bottom lip and waited for his mother’s response. He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard her response.

“Yes, sweetheart. Jared’s here and we wanted to call. Make it feel like you’re here with us,” she explained.

“Hi, son. How are you?” His father’s voice called from the other end of the line. 

Jensen smiled at hearing his father’s voice. His parents had always been supportive, and he missed them; he needed their support right now. He would need them even more when his world ended. He brought his thumb and forefinger up to the bridge of his nose and squeezed, trying to put that thought out of his mind. He didn’t want to think about things; he wanted to pretend for as long as possible that everything was great, that Jared loved him and always would. He heard his father’s voice calling to him. “Sorry, got a slight headache,” he lied; he didn’t have a headache, he just didn’t have an excuse for his silence. “But, I’m fine. How are you and Mom?”

“We’re good. We love having Jared here, but it’s not the same without you,” Donna said before Alan could answer Jensen’s question. 

Alan chuckled into the phone. “Donna, leave the boy alone.” Alan’s voice was muffled as he had the phone covered so he wasn’t yelling at Jensen. “Jensen, talk to Jared while I try to stop your mother from offering him everything in the refrigerator.”

Jensen laughed, the first laugh since that night, as he pictured his mother opening the door to the fridge and listing item after item to Jared in hopes of feeding him until he was full. He heard the shuffling of the phone and then Jared’s warm voice filtering through to him.

“Hey,” Jared said and smiled as he watched Alan walk into the kitchen, his arms out in front of himself as he tried to reign Donna in from offering him everything they had. “Your parents are something else. I think your Mom misses having you here and I’m just a poor substitute. How are you?”

“Good, slight headache, like I told Dad. How are you?” he managed to ask. 

“I’m good, missing you. I sent you something. Did you get it?”

Jensen scrunched his face up in confusion. “You sent me something?”

“Yeah, sent it to your email. Do me a favor, check it out after we hang up. Promise me you will and that you’ll text me afterward,” he said, not bothering to hide the pleading sound in his voice.

“I promise. So, what did Mom make you for dinner?” he asked, changing the subject.

“Everything,” Jared chuckled out. “I love you and I can’t stop missing you.”

Jensen swallowed and had to force the words out. “Me, too. I miss you. I love you,” he whispered into the phone. He loved Jared and missed him; he just didn’t feel worthy of Jared’s love. If Jared knew . . . 

“Your Mom and Dad want to say goodbye. Check your email and then text me. I’ll talk to you later,” Jared said as he handed the phone to Jensen’s parents and backed away to give them a moment to speak to their son. 

“Mom, Dad?”

“Jensen, you sound tired. Have you been sleeping? I know it can be hard to sleep when you’re alone. Are you eating?” Donna questioned. 

“Leave the boy alone. He’s an adult. He said he had a headache,” Alan responded, not giving Jensen a chance to speak.

“Headache? You didn’t say anything. Did you take anything for it?” Donna asked in a concerned voice.

Jensen heard his father muttering something to his mother and he laughed. “Yes, I did,” he lied, again. He didn’t want to get into anything over the phone with his parents. They knew him well enough to know if something was really wrong with him. He didn’t want to tip them or Jared off to anything being wrong. “I’m gonna go get some sleep. I have work in the morning. I’m sure the headache will be gone by then.”

“Oh, good. Alright, sweetie, you go get some rest,” his mother replied.

“We love you,” his parents said in unison.

Jensen could hear Jared’s voice in the background telling him that he loved him. “Love you all, too,” he responded and then ended the call before his emotions broke through what resolve he had and they heard him cry. He hung the phone up and grabbed his laptop, pulling up his emails. He clicked on the one from Jared and sat back as soft music began to play. His breath hitched as a video began to play. Pictures of the two of them played across the screen, ones from when they had met, prom, graduation and of them up to the present. He wiped at his wet eyes as the last picture played across the screen; one of a smiling Jared holding a white sign with the words  _ ‘Jensen I will always love you _ ’ printed in red. The word love had been replaced with a heart that had been colored in. He ran his fingers over Jared’s smiling face, longing to touch his husband. He recognized the background; Jared’s parent’s house. He watched the video several times, crying as he did. 

Once he was able to get himself under control, he went in search of his cell phone. He found it and returned to the couch. While his hands shook, he managed to text Jared that he loved the video and that he loved Jared’s thoughtfulness. Jared responded with a heart shaped emoji which made Jensen smile through his tears. Then, Jensen responded that he didn’t deserve Jared; his heart felt heavy with the secret he was keeping from the man he loved. Jared responded that Jensen deserved everything in the world that would make him happy, as long as that included him. Jensen shook his head as he read the message. If Jared only knew how he had betrayed him, Jared wouldn’t be singing his praises. He managed to text back that he was turning off his cell phone and going to bed. He received Jared’s reply of sweet dreams and then turned his phone off. He powered down his laptop, plugging them both in to charge overnight and then climbed the stairs to their bedroom. He set his alarm and then laid down on the bed, not bothering to cover himself. He balled himself up into the fetal position and laid there, wishing for sleep to claim him; to take him away from his thoughts and memories. Sometime in the middle of the night he finally drifted off into a dreamless sleep. 

When he woke to the sound of his alarm, he didn’t feel like he had slept. With a groan, he pushed himself from the bed and stumbled into the bathroom to get ready for the day. He followed his new routine of caring for his abused body and then took one of his anti-anxiety pills, hoping that it would help him deal with the day. He had never relied on medication before and he wasn’t thrilled to do it now, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to step foot into his office without it. He dreaded coming face to face with Mark. Just the thought of the man’s name had him shaking. He sat in his car that was still parked in his driveway trying to find the courage to start the engine and drive to work. He gripped the steering wheel and waited for the urge to vomit to pass before he started his car and made the drive to his office.

He pulled into his parking space, cut the motor and pocketed his keys. He glanced at himself in the mirror; there was no hiding the bruise on the left side of his face, not the way he had been able to do with the bruises underneath his clothing. He rested his head against the back of his seat, closed his eyes and took several breaths. “I can do this,” he mumbled to himself several times. With a shake of his head, he opened his eyes and looked at himself again. “No one will know what happened, no one.” He just needed to think of a plausible excuse as to why he had the bruise; one that everyone who saw him would believe. He couldn’t say he had been in a car accident. There was nothing wrong with his car. He couldn’t use the lie of some type of sports incident, he didn’t play sports. Walked into a door? Well, that might work, he thought to himself. It was really the only thing he could come up with that would actually be believable. At least no one would think that Jared had done this to him, everyone knew Jared was in Texas right now. 

So, door it was. He couldn’t just say he walked into a door in his own home, because that was just pathetic. He hadn’t gone anywhere over the weekend; at least not out with friends; that excuse was out. So, the new question was where had he managed to walk into a door? Shopping. He had actually stopped at a store; it was just that no one needed to know which store or why. So he would say he had been in the local market, had stopped at the frozen food section, turned to place something in his basket and the person to his left had flung the freezer door open, hitting him. Plausible. Shit like this could happen, at least he hoped so. He just had to stick to his story and give as few details as possible. That way, he didn’t get tripped up in his own lie. With a heavy sigh, he pushed open his door, grabbed his messenger bag, closed the car door and made his way to his office. He saw the questioning looks of some of the other staff members he knew but didn’t regularly speak to and ignored them as he made his way to his office. 

Misha looked up as Jensen entered their shared office. He opened his mouth to say hello to his friend, but couldn’t. He sat there with his mouth hanging open taking in the bruise on the left side of his Jensen’s face. If he hadn’t already known that Jared was in Texas, he would have been seething with anger at the thought that Jared had raised a hand to Jensen. But, he knew Jared; they were friends and while Jared was built like a brick shithouse, he wasn’t a violent man. He knew that Jared would never raise a hand to Jensen, as he doted on Jensen. Misha forced himself to close his mouth and gather his thoughts, only to blurt out, “What the hell happened to you?” 

Wearily, Jensen sat in his chair. “I was grabbing something from the freezer section of the market, turned around to put it in my basket. I didn’t realize that the woman standing next to me had pulled the other door open and I slammed right into it. So, the klutz of the year award goes to me,” he offered with a small smile on his lips. 

“Are you alright? That looks like it was painful?” Misha asked, showing his concern for his friend.

“Yeah, more embarrassed than anything else. Good thing Jared’s not here. People would be thinking he did this to me,” he offered with a half-hearted chuckle. 

“Well . . . okay, the thought had crossed my mind. But, I know Jared. He would never,” Misha responded with a sheepish grin. “Look, if anyone asks, I’ll tell them it was a sex act gone wrong.” He threw his head back and laughed, missing the fact that the color had drained from Jensen’s face.

Hearing Misha’s last words, Jensen’s heart rate sped up. Misha had no idea how close to the truth he was. He turned away from Misha, grabbed his laptop and quickly placed it in front of him, blocking their view of each other. “Yeah, you’re a great friend,” he grumbled and began to focus on his work. He needed to prepare for the meeting with the author that Mark had so helpfully set up. He hoped no one else would make a big deal about the bruise, or make a comment like Misha had. 

He had managed to remember his lie and told it convincingly to everyone who asked him about the bruise. He had even managed to eat lunch; well one or two bites of it any way. He had been shocked when Genevieve announced that there was a delivery for him. He had stood up and turned to her to find her holding takeout from one of his and Jared’s favorite sandwich shops. 

“Jensen,” Genevieve said as she placed the food on his desk, “Boy, Jared might not be here, but he’s sure making his presence known.” She gave him a wink and left the office to return to her desk. 

Jensen gingerly sat down, trying not to wince or make his discomfort known to Misha, who was watching him. He forced a smile onto his face as he looked down at the sandwich and began to unwrap it. His mouth actually watered at the sight in front of him - a bacon cheeseburger and fries. Jared definitely knew the way to his heart. He couldn’t help himself, he picked up the burger, took a bite and moaned as the taste exploded over his tongue. “God, this is so good,” he managed to get out as he took another bite. He may pay for eating this later, but he didn’t care right now. This had been the first time since Friday that he actually felt the desire to eat. He licked his fingers as he finished the last of his fries. 

“What? Haven’t you eaten since Jared left?” Misha asked as he watched Jensen devour his food. 

“No, I’ve eaten,” he responded as he got up to toss the wrappers in the breakroom trash, take care of the food he had started to eat, and wash his hands. He returned to his desk and busied himself with going over the edits for the chapter he had finished editing. He had just settled in and managed to find a comfortable position to sit in when his desk phone rang. He picked up the phone and placed the receiver against his ear, “Hello, this is Jensen Ackles,” he said and stiffened when he heard the voice on the other end.

“Jen,” Mark Pellegrino’s voice called to him from the other end of the phone. 

He gagged and fought down the desire to be sick at the sound of the man’s voice in his ear. “Mark,” he responded evenly. 

“I’d like to see you in my office,” Mark replied.

“I’m in the middle of something, can this wait?” Jensen asked.

“Jenny, this isn’t a social call. I’m not calling to see how your day is going. We’re not there, yet. So, you’ll get your tight little ass in my office, right now,” Mark snapped out and then hung up the phone. 

Mark forced himself to take several breaths and fought the urge to storm into Jensen’s office and drag him out by the scruff of his neck. Who did that little bitch think he was to try and put him off? And then Jensen had the nerve to ask him if he could wait! He waited for no one. He took what he wanted, when he wanted it and others waited for him or on him. Jensen would learn that in due time. He brought his fingers to his forehead and massaged the skin above his eyebrows before turning his attention back to what he had been working on prior to his call to Jensen.

Jensen tried to control the shaking of his hand as he hung the phone up. He had been summoned to Mark’s office; the last place he wanted to go to. He felt dread rising up from the pit of his stomach at that thought. He would be alone in Mark’s office with the man who had . . . He pushed that thought from his mind. If he didn’t dwell on it, what Mark had done to him, perhaps he could convince himself that it had never happened. With a groan, he stood up.

Hearing Jensen groan, Misha looked up from his computer screen. His brows furrowed as he took in the sight of his friend and co-worker. The man was pale and he looked like he was about to pass out. “Are you alright?” Misha asked, starting to stand up. He feared Jensen was actually going to pass out and wanted to be able to catch him if Jensen did.

“What? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Why?” Jensen inquired.

“It’s just, you’re really pale and you look like your either going to pass out or be sick or both,” Misha offered with a concerned look on his face.

“I just got summoned to Pellegrino’s office,” he offered as a way to explain his appearance. They both knew he hated being summoned by Mark. He quickly made his way out of their office before Misha could question him any further. If his friend did, he might not have been able to keep everything a secret and he really wanted his secret to stay buried, forever. 

“Hey, Jensen,” Danneel called to him as they passed in the hall. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He gave her a tight smile as he continued down the hall to Mark’s office. He stood outside the open door, trying to get his breathing under control. He could feel his chest heaving just standing on the opposite side of the door and he hadn’t even knocked yet, let alone set his sights on the man. Knowing he couldn’t put off the inevitable, he raised his hand and knocked on the door. He watched as Mark turned his attention from his computer screen to him and he fought the urge not to shrink back under the weight of the man’s eyes on him. 

With a wave of his hand, Mark motioned for Jensen to enter his office. “Close the door and have a seat,” he said as he turned his attention back to his computer screen. He looked up, a perplexed look on his face when Jensen hadn’t complied. “Didn’t you hear me?” he asked in an irritated tone. He hated when his orders weren’t followed. And really, Jensen should know better by now not to test him. Just because they had shared the first of what he planned to be many more pleasurable nights between them, didn’t mean that he wasn’t Jensen’s supervisor first. The younger man would do well to remember that he thought to himself.

Jensen didn’t move from the spot he occupied, standing in the open doorway. “I did. I’d prefer to stay where I am, if you don’t mind.”

“Well, I do mind. Are you being insubordinate?” Mark slammed a hand down on his desk. “I told you to come in, close the door and take a damn seat. We have a few things to go over. Now, Jensen,” he barked out.

Jensen glanced over his shoulder and then took a step forward, closing the door behind himself. 

When he looked back, he saw Mark looking at him, a knowing smile on his face. He felt his stomach flip violently and he worried that he was about to be sick. He reluctantly took a seat, thankful that the desk was between them. He felt the blood drain from his face as he looked at the desk, remembering what Mark had done; how he had been forced over the desk. How Mark had . . . Mark’s voice cut through his thoughts and his eyes snapped up to glare at the man.

“Why are you so sullen today? Have a bad weekend, Jenny?” He smiled as he took in the man across from him. He licked his lips as he remembered the feel of Jensen’s skin against his own. He ran his fingers over the desktop, recalling how Jensen had looked bent over it as he had fucked him. He noticed the bruise on Jensen’s face and fought the desire to caress the battered skin; to soothe the pain he had inflicted in his haste to have Jensen that night. 

“Jensen. My name is Jensen, not Jenny,” Jensen spat out at the man.

“Feisty today, aren’t you? Well, maybe we can put that to good use later. How about we get together later? Maybe at my place, for a repeat performance?” Mark suggested.

“Of when you . . . forced me . . .” He couldn’t say the word; rape, as much as he wanted to. He just couldn’t.

“Oh, Jenny, that’s not how I remember it.” Mark leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers together. “I know, regret is coloring your memory. But, you have nothing to regret. What two adults do together after hours is no one’s business but their own.” He brought his right hand up to rub at his chin. “Is this about Jared? Don’t worry, our little secret love affair is safe. He won’t hear a word of it from me.”

Jensen started to open his mouth to protest, but again, Mark cut him off.

“But, I think we need to keep things professional while we’re at work. We don’t want tongues wagging. Now, have you finished with your editing of that last chapter and completed the drawings for it?” Mark inquired.

“Yes. I’m due to meet with the client in an hour,” he told Mark, desperately trying to only think of work.

“Good, good. I’ll look over your edits and then pop in to say hello when the author arrives. I want to see the author’s reaction to your latest sketches.” 

“Of course,” Jensen responded automatically, trying to move this farce of a meeting with Pellegrino along so he could get out of the man’s office.

“We’re done here,” Mark said and turned his attention back to his computer screen. He waited until Jensen had started to walk out of his office to turn back and watch him leave. Jensen was hostile to him right now, but that was only because he was coming to terms with what they had shared together Friday night. The younger man would settle down and then, he would be able to coax Jensen into his bed. He was sure of it. 

When he was done speaking with Mark, he ran to the bathroom. He felt the bile rising. He crouched over the toilet and emptied the contents of his stomach. With a shaking hand, he reached out and brought his hand down to flush the toilet. He stood and leaned his head against the cool metal of the bathroom stall. It was soothing against his inflamed skin. When he felt like he wasn’t going to throw up again, he exited the stall to find that he wasn’t alone in the bathroom. Wide green eyes focused on the man standing next to him. Tom. The man was too close to him for his comfort. He took a step away from Tom as he turned on the faucet, letting it run. He cupped his hands and splashed his heated face with the cool water and then rinsed his mouth.

“Are you alright?” Tom asked as he stared at Jensen through the large mirror before them. The man was pale, paler than normal and he looked like he was terrified of something. 

Jensen nodded as he turned the water off. “Yeah, just . . . Must have eaten something that didn’t agree with me,” he offered with a shrug of his shoulders. 

“Yeah,” Tom replied, not hiding the uncertainty in his voice as he looked Jensen over. “If you say so.” Tom shrugged and gave Jensen a tight smile before leaving him alone in the bathroom.

Jensen looked at himself in the mirror. He saw a man with pale skin and wide terrified green eyes staring back at him; he didn’t recognize the man he was looking at. “Get yourself together, Ackles,” he murmured to his reflection. He felt the urge to punch his reflection, but fought against it, knowing it wouldn’t help him in the long run. The last thing he wanted was to have to explain why he had broken the mirror, or his hand, or both. He closed his eyes and took several calming breaths before opening his eyes. This time, the man who was looking back at him was one he recognized; the one who was determined to deal with the Hell he was living through. He had done that before; lived through the Hell that had been his life. Even before he had met Jared, he had been determined not to let his tormentors get the best of him. He had to be that way now. Sell the lie until it became his truth. 

He walked out of the bathroom and back to his office. Without a word to Misha, he sat back down at his desk and pulled up what he had been working on before Mark had interrupted him. He nearly jumped out of his chair when his phone rang again. He prayed it wasn’t Mark as he answered the call. “This is Jensen,” he said into the phone and braced himself as he waited to hear whose voice it was on the other end.

“Hi, Jensen, it’s Katie. I just wanted to let you know you’re three o’clock is here. Mark asked my to call and let you know he’s walked Lauren into the conference room and they’re waiting for you.”

“Uh, thanks, Katie. Um, did Mark . . . Did Lauren ask for Mark?” Jensen was confused. 

Lauren Cohen, the author he was meeting with, normally never asked to speak with Mark. He knew she preferred to deal with him directly. She and Mark had had a heated argument over her first published book and Mark’s approach to editing it several months ago; she had refused to speak with Mark since then. Jensen had been the one not only editing her current chapters but also creating the art for the chapters as well. He knew that new authors could be temperamental and easily offended and Lauren had been one such author. She had stormed out of Mark’s office, screaming that she would ruin him and pull her latest story from Morgan Publishing if he ever tried to edit one of her stories again. Her antics had caused several employees to step out of their offices to investigate the cause of the disturbance. He had been one such employee and when Mark had seen him standing there, Mark had suggested that Jensen would work with Lauren in editing her book and that he would also create the artwork to go along with it. 

At first he had been angry at Mark for offering his services, but then again, Mark was his supervisor and had the authority to do just that. Once he had calmed Lauren down and gotten to know her, he understood why she had been so upset with Mark. The other man had been dismissive toward her work and had wanted to edit out a lot of what made the story interesting. Since then, they had been working on her second novel together; she writing it then sending him the chapters to be edited. He would read through the pages, edit and make suggestions. He would then forward his edits to Mark for his review, knowing most times Mark just green lighted what he had been sent without really reading through the pages. Mark did that with most everyone’s work. It was just recently Mark had begun to question Jensen’s work and he now understood why. The older man had been using the guise of mentoring him as a way to get him alone.

“Jensen?” Katie called over the phone.

“Sorry, I got distracted,” he admitted. “What did you say?”

“Mark happened to walk out just as Lauren walked in.” she explained.

“Thanks,” he responded and ended the call. Initially he had been surprised, but then realized that Mark had probably planned this to see how he would react. Mark had after all set this meeting up. Mark had told him that he had planned on stopping in to see how things were going between himself and Lauren. With a deep breath, he stood, gathered his laptop, notes and sketches and headed to the conference room, determined to be professional and not let that son of a bitch’s presence bother him. 

He plastered a smile on his face and entered the conference room. “I apologize for keeping you waiting.” He offered Mark and Lauren a smile as he placed his things on the table. “I’m glad Mark was able to keep you company until I was able to get here. Thanks, Mark.” He took a seat, trying not to show his pain as he sat. He didn’t miss the look of shock on Lauren’s face when her green eyes rested on his bruise.

“Are you alright? What happened?” she asked with a slight gasp. “It looks painful,” she added with a sympathetic smile.

Jensen glanced at Mark briefly and then looked down at his hands. “It’s really an embarrassing story. I wasn’t paying attention when I reached for something in the frozen food section. The woman standing next to me opened the door as I was leaning in and ended up hitting me with the door.” He reached up and ran his fingers gently over the bruise before trying to turn the conversation back to why they were meeting. “Are you ready to discuss the edits?”

“You didn’t have a concussion, did you? Those can be rather nasty,” she offered.

Inwardly he sighed. He knew he had to answer the question. He looked up to see Mark smirking at him. He wanted to get up and run from the meeting, but he couldn’t. “Thankfully, no.”

“That’s something, at least,” Lauren offered.

“Yes, you were very fortunate,” Mark added in a saccharine sweet sounding voice and his lips twitched up into a leering smile

Jensen fought down the urge to shudder as Mark looked at him like he was his. He chose to forego any further discussion regarding the bruise, especially with Mark sitting across from him. “Has Mark gone over anything with you?” he asked as he turned his gaze toward Lauren.

Lauren drummed her fingers on the table and then gave the older man an irritated look before looking at Jensen again. “No, I thought this meeting that Mark had set up was between you and I.” She turned toward Mark and gave him a smirk. “So, to what do I owe this pleasure? We both know how I feel toward you.”

Mark cleared his throat, sat back and steepled his fingers together. “I just wanted to see how everything was going between you and Jensen. You’re both two of my stars,” he added in a voice that sounded anything but sincere. 

“Well, lucky us,” Lauren replied, not hiding her sneer or sarcasm as she spoke to Mark.

“That’s where you’re wrong, I’m the lucky one,” Mark said to Lauren, not taking his eyes off of Jensen as he spoke. 

Jensen sat back in his chair and closed his eyes and counted to ten before opening his eyes. He hoped to God that Lauren and Mark would be civil to each other. He knew that the quicker that happened, the quicker Mark would leave so he and Lauren could get on to what they were both there for. “So, Mark, why don’t you start? That way we won’t keep you. I’m sure you have other pressing matters that need your attention. Do you have any concerns over what you’ve looked over? Anything that you think needs to be added or removed?” 

“Yes, Mark,” Lauren added sarcastically, “Is there anything you have to add to our meeting?

“No, I have no issues,” he added with a shrug of his shoulders. “So, why don’t we see what Jensen has to present for art and then I’ll get out of your hair,” he offered, knowing he was irritating Lauren, who wouldn’t hesitate to place a call to JD complaining about him. 

Without a word, Jensen flipped open his sketchbook to show Lauren and Mark the latest sketches he had created based on the chapter he had read and edited. He raised his eyes from his artwork to meet Lauren’s. He saw a look of joy on her face as she took in the characters from her book coming to life.

Lauren reached out and ran a finger over the pages as she flipped from one image to the next. She tore her eyes away to look at Jensen, a smile on her face. “Jensen, these are beautiful. You’ve captured what was in my head, what I managed to put down in words. These are fantastic. I can’t wait to see the finished artwork in print. Your art complements my words, my vision of what I had hoped to convey to my reader.” She sat back, handed the sketchbook back to Jensen and then clasped her hands together. “There’s nothing I want to change.” She smiled at Jensen. “You agree, don’t you Mark?” she asked as she turned to the man sitting next to her. 

“If you’re happy, then I’m happy,” Mark said as he returned Lauren’s smile. 

“Well then, if there’s nothing else that you need to add, I think Jensen and I have some things to go over. I don’t want to bore you with the details,” she said as she turned away from him, dismissing Mark. “Jensen, why don’t we start with the edits you’ve made and then go over your suggestions.”

Jensen’s green eyes ticked from Lauren to Mark. He tried to gauge Mark’s reaction at being dismissed by the woman sitting next to him. He could see the anger in Mark’s eyes and tried to defuse the situation before it got out of control. “I just want to make sure that Mark is satisfied with everything. He is the man I report to. How do you feel about the sketches, Mark? Are you happy with them?” He bit his bottom lip as he waited for Mark’s reaction. He could see Mark visibly relax at having Jensen defer to him and having asked for his opinion.

“Jensen, everything’s great. You’ve created something wonderful here and Lauren is right, your art does complement her words.” Mark turned to Lauren “Remind me, how many chapters are still to be written for this book?”

“Three more,” Lauren replied as she glared at the older man. 

Mark broke out into a smile. “Fantastic. I look forward to reading the rest,” Mark said as he pushed himself away from the table and stood up. “As always, Lauren, it was a pleasure seeing you. Jensen, we’ll go over things later,” he said as he left the conference room. 

“God, I thought he’d never leave,” Lauren huffed out. “I don’t know how you manage to work with that pompous ass.” She shuddered as she settled back into her chair. “Doesn’t he give you a bad vibe? Like he’s trying to undress you with his eyes? He leers at you, talks to you like he’s superior to you. I mean, I’ve heard he’s gay, or at least plays both sides of the field . . . He hit on me, that’s one of the reasons I threw a fit the last time he and I worked together. I threatened to go to Morgan and tell him what Pellegrino had done. That was when he brought my writing into the mix and I totally freaked out on him. Pull that sexist crap with me, that’s one thing, but bring my writing into it, tell me that I’m not fit to be an author, then you’ve got a fight on your hands.” She grimaced at Jensen. “But still I can’t imagine being with him. You must hate the way he acts toward you.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Jensen said. “Anyway, why don’t we go over what we’re here for.” He turned his attention to his laptop and brought up the copy of Lauren’s manuscript he had been working from. 

Lauren gave a harsh laugh, one that had Jensen looking up at her. “You don’t know what I mean? He practically drools over you, it’s sickening. Unless you like that sort of thing,” she suggested as she cocked her head to the side and regarded the man sitting across from her.

“What? No! I’m happily married to my husband,” Jensen replied, trying gain to change the subject. “Now, can we look at the edits?” 

“Damn it! I had hoped it was a woman you were married to. Now I see why all my flirting has gone unnoticed by you,” she responded and then threw her head back and laughed at the stricken look on Jensen’s face. “Relax, I may flirt occasionally, but I would never try to break up someone’s marriage. Alright,” she said as she clasped her hands together, “Let’s get down to work. Show me the edits,” she suggested as she pulled the laptop closer to herself.

The rest of the time that Jensen and Lauren spent together was focused on the working manuscript, the edits he had made and the suggestions he had offered. He was relieved to find that Lauren had been receptive to everything he had suggested or requested be changed. She had worked with him; listening to him on his thoughts for the upcoming chapters and his advice on how to wrap up the story without drawing it out. 

Lauren pushed herself away from the table and stood. She gathered her notes that she had taken. “Thank you for your help,” she said as she offered her right hand to him. “Your insight has been incredible and a great help. I really hope Morgan knows what a valuable employee he has in you. If you ever choose to write something yourself, I have feeling not only will it be spectacular, but your artwork will be something that astonishes people.”

Jensen felt himself blushing and he looked away from her. “Thank you. That means a lot,” he said as he gathered up his belongings and walked Lauren to the front door. 

Before shaking hands and bidding each other goodbye, Lauren turned to Jensen, “You’re married. How did you know he was the one, if you don’t mind me asking?” She blushed and looked away from Jensen.

Jensen could feel his heartbeat quickening at the thought of Jared. He loved the giant of a man. He just feared what would happen if Jared ever found out his secret. With a deep breath, he answered her, “Jared and I met in high school; he moved into my neighborhood my sophomore year. He stood up to those who were bullying me because they found out I was gay the year before. He ended up announcing it to everyone that he was gay and didn’t care what anyone thought of him.” He gave a small smile. “My parents knew and didn’t care; just accepted me for who I am. It was the same for Jared’s parents. He kissed me right outside my house; my dad saw it happen.” He could feel his cheeks burning as he spoke. “But, it was when he stood up for me, put me first before himself and any possible retribution from the bullies, that was when I knew he was the one. We’ve been together ever since.”

“You’re so lucky,” Lauren breathed out as she wiped away a tear. “I wish I had that. Someone like your husband.”

Jensen nodded his head and swallowed several times as he fought back his emotions. He knew he was lucky to have Jared in his life, let alone be married to the man. “I am lucky. Very lucky to have Jared.” He looked at Lauren and saw the tears in her eyes. “You’ll find the right person for you in the end,” he offered, hoping to alleviate some of her obvious pain.

Lauren let out a shuddering breath. “God, I hope so. I’m so tired of being alone. Thank you for confiding in me. And, I hope Jared knows how lucky he is to have you.” She didn’t give Jensen time to react to her words, before she leaned in and hugged him. “I’m glad we’re working together,” she whispered to him before she let Jensen go and walked out the front door. 

Stunned by Lauren’s actions, Jensen stood there looking out the glass door that Lauren had disappeared through. He finally turned away from the door when he heard someone clearing their throat to see Katie watching him with a bemused smile on her face. He blushed and looked away from her.

“Who knew that the dragon lady had a heart,” she murmured before picking up the ringing phone. 

Jensen chose not to engage with Katie and quickly walked back to his office. He sent the changes that he and Lauren had agreed on to Mark and was wrapping up his day when Misha walked in.

“So,” Misha said and wiggled his eyebrows at Jensen. “Does Jared have some competition?”

Jensen’s head snapped up at Misha’s words, his eyes were wide as he regarded Misha as he tried to figure out if the man was joking with him or not. He decided that Misha was actually joking and grimaced at him. “Ha, ha, ha. Very funny,” he shot back at his friend. “Yes, I’ve suddenly decided to switch sides and bat for your team.” Jensen watched as Misha’s lips twitched and then began to laugh.

“Yeah, like that would ever happen. Hell would freeze over first. You my friend are gay, and Jared has nothing to worry about,” Misha said with a laugh.

“No he doesn’t. So, let me guess, Katie told you.” He groaned. Katie was a sweet girl, but loved to gossip and that was all he needed right now, for her to tell everyone what she had witnessed happening between Lauren and himself, now with everything else he was dealing with. “She’s probably going to tell everyone she comes in contact with. That’s all I need.”

Misha placed a hand on Jensen’s shoulder and felt him tense. “I told her not to repeat it to anyone else or I’d start a rumor about her dating Pellegrino. She nearly passed out. Once she recovered she agreed to keep her mouth shut.” Misha snickered as he remembered how Katie had had to sit down before she had readily agreed to keep her lips sealed. 

“You’re a cruel man, and also my hero,” Jensen stated. In that moment he realized he was feeling like himself, before Mark had . . . He cut himself off from that thought and went silent as another thought hit him. He would be home alone again tonight. He would be at the mercy of his own thoughts all night long. 

Misha noticed the change in his friend. “Hey, are you alright? You know, the offer still stands if you want to come over for dinner. You don’t have to be alone while Jared’s in Texas. I told you, Vicky loves having you over and the kids would love to see uncle Jensen again.”

Jensen shook his head. “No, I’m tired and I have a few things I want to take care of before I crash.”

“You sure? Because Vicky would love the chance to mother-hen you over your bruise.”

Jensen’s hand shot up to the side of his face. He had managed to forget about the bruise until now. “Yeah, I’m sure. But, thanks for the offer.”

“So, are you ready to head out?” Misha asked as he grabbed his jacket.

“I am,” Jensen responded as he slipped his jacket on and grabbed his messenger bag with his laptop. “Come hero, walk me out,” he said as he followed Misha out and to the parking lot. They parted with goodbyes as they walked to their respective cars. Once inside his car, Jensen made sure that the doors were locked before heading home. He texted Jared to let him know that he was home, that the house was locked up tight and he had a few things to work on before turning in early for the night. He waited for Jared’s reply before he pulled out his laptop and pulled up the story he had started writing. He had managed to write another chapter in the life of a boy who had been an outcast before setting aside his laptop to grab his sketchpad. He needed to sketch several images he had in his head before he lost them. Satisfied with what he had drawn, he made a few notes for the next chapter and then put everything away for the night. 

He sat on the couch trying to build up the courage to climb the stairs to his bedroom. He knew he needed to take care of his body; he was beginning to feel the effects of working all day. He was sore and had been putting it off; not wanting to deal with what he had to do. With a weary sigh, he forced himself to his feet and then dragged himself up the stairs. He could feel the dread building in the pit of his stomach and his hands were starting to shake. Slowly as if his feet were encased in cement, he managed to get himself to the bathroom and pulled out the supplies he needed. Without looking at himself in the mirror, he undressed, tossing his clothing in the hamper. He bit his bottom lip to stop himself from whimpering as he pulled out one of the medicated wipes and began to clean himself. He moaned in pain as the wipe connected with his ass, working over the still inflamed area. Once he was sure he had accomplished that task, he pulled out the medicated cream, coating two of his fingers with it. With his free hand he gripped the counter as he forced himself to apply the cream to his rim and then gingerly pushed one of his fingers inside himself to coat the raw flesh. A groan of pain escaped his lips and as much as he wanted to pull his finger free, he didn’t. He made sure he had worked the cream in as far as he could before finally withdrawing his fingers and washing his hands. He managed to slip his shaking legs into his sleep pants and pulled his t-shirt on before collapsing in a heap on the bed. He was asleep within minutes of his head hitting the pillow. 


	7. Chapter 7

The rest of the week went by in a blur for Jensen. He continued to work on his story; writing and creating artwork for whatever captured his imagination. He had even come up with a title for the story;  _ Freak Like Me _ , feeling that it fit with the theme of the story. While he modeled the story after what he had gone through as a child, he hoped that the story, should it ever see the light of day, would speak to others who had similar experiences and give them hope that although life could be cruel, you could still find joy, love and acceptance; even if it was only from yourself. 

He continued to care for his abused body, which exhausted him. He tried to put the incident behind him, but most nights he woke shaking from a nightmare, and found himself drenched in a cold sweat. He missed having Jared’s warm body next to him in bed and hated sleeping alone; he wanted Jared there with him, to comfort him, to hold him and tell him that everything would be alright; he wanted Jared to tell him that he still loved him. 

Every day, Jared texted him or they spoke on the phone and Jared still continued to shower him with affection, even from afar; sending him cards, having lunch delivered to him again at work and a countdown video of when Jared would be returning home. He missed Jared with all his heart and couldn’t wait for him to return home, but he also dreaded the idea of Jared’s return. With that came the realization that he had to hide things from Jared and he hated that. He had to make sure he moved his self-care items into the second bathroom so when Jared returned he wouldn’t find them and question him. He had no idea how he was going to keep his secret from Jared. And when Jared eventually found out, Jared would despise him, and their marriage would be over. Whenever he thought about that happening, it felt like his heart seized up on him and his lungs stopped working. He hadn’t a clue how he was going to survive without Jared. 

On Thursday, he had his meeting with the new author, Jake Abel **.** Jake was young, in his early twenties and came across as cocky. When he had first read through the three chapters Mark had assigned him, he had shuddered. The writing was horrible; Jake was barely stringing actual sentences together, and he knew he had his work cut out for him. He had no idea how Jake had managed to get Mark to even consider looking at the drivel he had managed to put together, let alone convince Mark to sign him on as a new author. 

Since this had been their first meeting, Jensen had made sure to be at the reception area when Jake had arrived. He had watched as the tall lanky man had walked in, dressed in ripped jeans and a wrinkled shirt, and had sauntered over to Katie’s desk. He had draped himself over the desk, reached out and ran his fingers through Katie’s long blond hair. “Jake Abel, I’m sure you’re expecting me, or well Jensen is.” He had winked at Katie and then puckered his lips as if he was offering her a kiss. Katie had looked shell shocked at the man’s antics as she sat there. That was when Jensen had stepped in, offering Jake his hand.

“Jake Abel, I’m Jensen Ackles, I believe we’re meeting today. It’s nice to finally place a face to the writing I’ve been reading.” 

Jake had turned to Jensen, a stunned look on his face as he looked Jensen over. “Oh, you’re Jensen,” he stated as he shook the offered hand. 

“Why don’t we move into the conference room and go over the chapters I’ve been given to edit,” Jensen suggested as he started to lead the younger man down the hallway toward the room he had set his laptop up in earlier. “Here we are,” he said as he offered Jake a seat and took one opposite him. 

“So, what did you think of my story so far?” Jake inquired as he wiggled his eyebrows at Jensen.

Jensen pursed his lips together, trying to find the right words to use without offending one of Morgan Publishing’s newest author. “Well, what was given to me was rough, but that’s why it’s called a rough draft,” he said as kindly as he could.

“But it was good, right? I’m mean you were interested in the story,” Jake persisted.

“With some work, I think your story has potential,” Jensen countered back and watched as the man across from him settled back into his chair.

“My uncle was right,” Jake said as his eyes raked over Jensen. “You are pretty,” he purred at Jensen. 

“Excuse me?” Jensen asked in disbelief. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Your uncle?” he questioned.

“Yeah, Mark Pellegrino, he’s my uncle. My mom’s his sister.” Jake smiled at him and then snickered. “You didn’t know? Mark never said a word to you that we’re related. That’s why he set me up with you as my editor because we’re family and Morgan refused to allow Mark to work on my manuscript with me.”

“No, he never said a word,” Jensen replied with a shake of his head. 

“You’re married?” Jake asked as he eyed the wedding band on Jensen’s finger.

“Yes, not that it matters,” Jensen said evenly.

“Happily?” Jaked asked in a hopeful voice.

“Yes, not that it’s really any of your business,” Jensen found himself responding.

“That’s a shame that you’re married, happily,” Jake pouted as he sat back in his chair.

“Why don’t we get to work and make the most of our time together,” Jensen suggested as he pulled up Jake’s edited chapters. “I’ll send you a copy of what we go over,” he said as he began to point out areas that needed to be worked on.

“Cool,” Jake had responded, seeming interested in what Jensen was going over with him.

Jensen was thankful that Jake had taken his suggestions without fighting him. As he walked into his office after his meeting with Jake, he slumped down into his chair and cradled his head in his hands. Pellegrino’s nephew. 

“How did it go?” Misha inquired as he took in the sight of his friend sitting at his desk. The man looked defeated.

Jensen raised his head up to regard Misha and gave him a frown. 

“That bad?” Misha said.

“Yes and no,” Jensen replied. “He’s Pellegrino’s nephew, so now I know how that crap got past our boss and assigned to me. But, once we actually started to go through the edits and suggestions, he seemed to really be interested in how he could turn in something worth reading.”

“You’re a sap,” Misha added as he started packing up for the night. “But, you’ve got a good heart. Although,” he said and gave Jensen a pointed look. “I think you really should pursue your writing; getting yourself published. I’ve read a few of your short stories that you’ve let me see and you’ve got talent. I’ve told you that.” He held up his hand, stopping Jensen from interrupting him. “You’re wasting your talent just being an editor or even an editor and artist. Some of the authors we publish aren’t half as gifted as you are. Some of their books only make sense because we had a hand in helping them. With you, you not only weave an interesting and complete story, you can illustrate it. You can give me your stories to read and edit. And, you don’t have to submit it under your own name. We can come up with a pseudonym for you. No one will ever know you wrote it until you want them to,” Misha cajoled him.

Jensen bit his bottom lip as he listened to Misha trying to persuade him into submitting his stories. Eventually, he shook his head no. Now wasn’t the time to follow through with his dream of being published. He had too much going on in his life. He just couldn’t put himself out there. Not now and maybe not ever. “I can’t. At least not now. I’ve got a lot going on right now. But, thanks for believing in me,” he added.

“Is this about Jared?” Misha asked as he narrowed his eyes at Jensen.

Jensen felt himself tense at Misha’s question. What the hell did he mean by that? “What?” he asked with a frown. “What do you mean? What are you asking me?”

Misha held his hands up in front of himself. “That came out wrong. I just meant that maybe you’ve never shared any of your stories with him. Sometimes one spouse is afraid to show their talent for fear of being ridiculed by the other spouse.” Misha grimaced at his own words; hearing what he had just said. He had basically just accused Jared of belittling Jensen when he knew Jared would never do anything like that. “I’m a moron. This is so not coming out right. I know Jared would never do anything like that to you. Look, just forget I said that. Clearly my mouth and my brain have never gotten along, and I tend to say things without thinking things through.”

Jensen huffed out his breath as he turned away from Misha. “I’ve got to get home,” he mumbled as he grabbed his belongings and bolted for the door. 

“Jensen, wait!” Misha called after Jensen’s retreating form. God, he had really fucked things up. He ran after the younger man, catching up with Jensen as Jensen approached his car. “Jensen, please wait. Let me apologize. I fucked up. I’m sorry. I have no idea why I just said what I did.” He saw the coldness reflected in Jensen’s eyes at him. He knew he had just possibly ruined his friendship with the man staring at him like he was a stranger. “I tend to get carried away when I’m enthusiastic about something.” He raised his hand, tried to clasp Jensen’s shoulder and was shocked by Jensen’s reaction.

Jensen flinched as he saw Misha raise his hand to him. Before he knew what he was doing, he raised his left arm, trying to protect himself from Misha. “Don’t touch me,” he hissed at Misha and tried to back away, only to find himself colliding with his car. He yelped in surprise at realizing he was trapped between Misha and the unyielding metal of the car. He looked around, wide-eyed trying to find a way to escape. His breathing was coming in panicked hiccups and his body was shaking as he fought to regain control over himself and the situation he found himself in. His mind was flooded with images of Mark; of the memory of what Mark had done to him.

“Jensen,” Misha said in a low, soothing voice. He raised both hands with the intent to place them on Jensen’s shoulders to calm him, but remembered the other man’s reaction and dropped them down to his sides. “Jensen,” he called again when he didn’t get a response. “Jensen!” he called sharply, hoping this would get Jensen’s attention. It must have, as Jensen finally looked at him. He gave the other man a soft smile. “Are you alright?” he asked in concern. He had never seen Jensen react like that before. Something had clearly frightened him. “Jensen?” 

Jensen opened and closed his mouth several times before finally answering Misha. He focused his eyes on the man standing before him. “I’m fine,” he answered automatically. “I’m fine,” he repeated with a nod of his head. “Just . . . Let’s forget the last half hour happened,” he offered with a weak laugh. “I’m tired . . . Haven’t . . . I haven’t been sleeping well lately,” he finally admitted. 

“I know how that can be. Whenever Vicky goes out of town on business, I don’t sleep as well as I usually do,” Misha responded in sympathy. “Jared’s home tomorrow, right?” he asked and watched as Jensen shook his head yes in response. A wide grin broke out over his face. “Then everything will be back to normal for you. Once he’s back, tomorrow night you’ll sleep like the dead.” 

“Yeah,” Jensen agreed non committedly. 

“So, are we good?” Misha asked tentatively.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jensen said. “We’re good. All’s forgotten, all’s forgiven.” He smiled weakly at Misha. 

“Okay, good,” Misha responded, giving Jensen a relieved smile. “I’ll let you get home,” he said as he backed away from Jensen, giving him space to open his car door. 

“I’ll, uh . . . I’ll see you tomorrow,” Jensen responded as he cautiously slid behind the wheel of his car, closed and locked his door. He gave Misha a little wave goodbye as he started his car.

Misha returned the wave and started for his car. He turned back to watch Jensen. He saw the other man bring his hands to his face; rubbing them over his eyes several times. Jensen looked like he was breathing heavily and trying to calm himself down before he finally pulled out of his parking spot and disappeared from Misha’s sight. As he sat in his car, Misha thought about calling Jared, letting him know that Jensen seemed out of sorts, but thought better of it. He didn’t want to interfere in Jared and Jensen’s private life, even if what he had just witnessed worried him. He had never seen Jensen act like that, not even when Pellegrino was giving Jensen a run for his money. Maybe it was because Jensen hadn’t been sleeping well with Jared not being home; but that excuse just didn’t sit well with him. Jensen had acted like he had been actually frightened of him; like Jensen thought he would have harmed him, which he never would, not in a million years. It was just oddly out of character for Jensen to act that way. He decided to keep quiet this time, but would mention it to Jared if Jensen ever acted like that again. With his decision made, he pulled out of his parking spot and began his drive home. By the time he had made it through his front door, all thoughts of what had transpired with Jensen earlier had been forgotten as he was met at the front door by two screaming children looking for his attention. 

Wearily, Jensen closed and locked his front door. He was exhausted from everything that had taken place with Misha. He laid down on the couch, closed his eyes and tried to relax. He needed to get a grip on himself. He couldn’t react like that again. If he did, he knew people would begin to question him. He couldn’t have that happen. The ringing of his phone jarred him and he scrambled up to answer it. He hissed at the jolt of pain that shot through his still healing body as he grabbed the phone. “Hello?” he said and waited for the person on the other end to speak to him.

“Hey,” Jared said in his baritone voice. He smiled at hearing his husband’s voice. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” Jensen responded quietly. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to hold his emotions in check. He did miss Jared. He wanted his husband home with him; wanted everything to return to normal, to be the way it had been before . . . But, now, he was dealing with the  _ after _ . He would always be dealing with that.

“Good,” Jared said with a soft chuckle. “So, you haven’t replaced me.”

“No, never,” Jensen whispered. There was no one else for him except Jared. And, then possibly no one if Jared ever found out that he had broken his vows. If Jared ever found out about what had happened with Mark, he was pretty sure Jared would go off the deep end. In a rage, Jared would most likely go after Mark, try to do as much bodily harm to the man as he could, and by doing so would jeopardize his job. He shook his head no at that thought. He couldn’t let that happen. He wouldn’t let Jared ruin his career because he had been unfaithful. He was determined to protect Jared and do everything he could to hide the truth from him, he had to. His breath hitched with this thought and he fought back the desire to tell Jared and then beg for his forgiveness; to beg Jared not to leave him, not to toss him away like the trash he was. 

Jared heard Jensen’s stuttered breathing. “Hey, are you alright?”

“Yeah, just can’t wait for you to get home,” Jensen responded, hoping that would distract Jared from probing further.

“That’s actually why I’m calling,” Jared said excitedly. “I was able to switch my flight; no more layover. It’s now a direct flight and I’ll be home two hours earlier.” He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet as he spoke to Jensen. He couldn’t wait to get home, to see his husband, to kiss him and make love to him. It had been too long since he had been able to touch Jensen’s pale freckled skin, kiss those full plush lips or wrap Jensen’s legs around his waist as he eased himself into his husband’s body. Just thinking about Jensen laid out underneath him had his cock twitching in interest. He palmed himself, thankful that he was alone in his hotel room and not in public or around their family. That would have been embarrassing. “You’re still coming to pick me up, right?” he asked as a way to distract himself from any other sinful thoughts of what he wanted to do to Jensen.

“Yeah, of course. What time should I be at the airport?” Jensen asked without thinking. “Wait, never mind,” he said as he realized what he had just said to Jared. “You were supposed to get in around eleven tomorrow night. So, that would make your arrival time around nine with the change. Should I make you a ‘Welcome Home’ sign’? Or maybe just stand there at the arrival gate holding a sign with your last name just spelled wrong?” he joked with Jared, feeling like himself for a brief moment.

“Very funny. You’re a real comedian,” Jared shot back at his husband. 

“Yeah, I know. In fact, I’m taking my show on the road,” Jensen quipped, feeling happier as the light mood between himself and Jared lifted his spirits, making him forget about his secret and his fears, if only for a short time.

“Really? Will you be coming to a comedy club near me?” 

“Maybe, just remember to tip your server,” Jensen laughed out.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Jared said in a husky tone. “I know just how to tip my server. I’ll have him giving me great service.”

“Jared,” Jensen breathed out. He felt reality slam back down on him when he realized that Jared was flirting with him over the phone. He was torn in two; wanting to continue, to hear Jared speaking to him in that sexy tone he was using right now and wanting to shut Jared down before things got out of hand. His fear got the better of him. “Hey, why don’t we save this for when you get home?”

Jared felt like he had been doused with cold water by Jensen. Any arousal he had been feeling was instantly gone. “O . . . kay,” he stuttered out. Had he done something wrong? It wasn’t like this had been the first time for them to flirt over the phone. 

“I . . . I’ve just got to get a few more things . . . I have to . . . I need to . . . get done tonight before I turn in and . . .” Jensen knew he was babbling as he tried to come up with an excuse to give Jared; to make Jared understand why he had put a stop to their flirting. “Distraction,” he managed to say.

“What?” Jared asked.

“You’re a distraction. You’ll get me going, get us going and then . . .”

“Then you won’t be able to concentrate,” Jared huffed out. “Yeah, I get it,” he responded uneasily. He wasn’t getting a good feeling from Jensen right now. He felt like he was being dismissed by his own husband. “Are you sure that’s all this is?” 

“Yes,” Jensen said as he tried to rein in his emotions. “What else could you think it meant?” He felt his panic beginning to rise as he listened to Jared. He knew he was making a mess of things between them right now. 

“Nothing,” Jared replied. “Alright, I’ll let you go so you can get whatever it is you need to do done,” he said in an even tone. “Do you want me to call you tomorrow before I leave for the airport or do you think you’ll be too busy?” He could hear the anger and hurt in his voice, but he was hurt by Jensen’s brush-off. He missed Jensen and all he wanted was just a few minutes to hear his voice, to flirt with his own husband, not be dismissed by Jensen in favor of Jensen’s work. 

“Jared, please,” Jensen responded quietly. “Please don’t be mad. I’m sorry,” he said in a near whisper.

“Yeah, I know. I am too.” He took a deep breath, making sure he was calmer when he spoke next. “We’re both tired and I’m sorry I snapped at you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I love you,” Jensen said. “Will you call me tomorrow?” Jensen bit back the sob that was threatening to overtake him. “Please?” he questioned and even to his ears, his voice sounded small, frightened.

Jared felt his heart melt at hearing Jensen. His husband sounded so frightened. “Of course I will,” he said in a softer tone. “I love you, too. Don’t stay up too late working.”

“No, I won’t. See you tomorrow,” Jensen replied as they ended their call. He hung the phone up and sat on the couch, letting the tears that had been building in him flow. He had messed up with Misha earlier and now Jared. God, how was he going to keep himself together? How was he ever going to be able to look Jared in the eye? How was he ever going to get through this? He forced himself to get up from the couch and climb the stairs to his bedroom. He made sure their room was straightened up and then moved into the bathroom. He went through all the drawers; needing to check that everything that he had picked up from the pharmacy had been hidden away in the other bathroom. He would have to figure out a way to slip into the bathroom unnoticed to continue to take care of himself until he was fully healed. Satisfied that anything that would have given him away had been hidden out of sight, he walked into his studio. He felt the need to draw, to lose himself in whatever he created when he placed pencil to paper. 

He picked up his sketch pad, opened it to a clean page and placed it on the easel. Slowly he picked up a pencil and turned back to the blank page. He cocked his head to the side as he cleared his mind of everything he had been thinking about. He placed the tip of the sharpened pencil to the page and began to draw. As he let his mind wander, he listened to the soothing sound of the pencil as it scratched against the paper. By the time he had finished drawing whatever came to his mind, he had filled five pages and he felt exhausted. He turned back to the first page to look at the image and then flipped through all five and then back again. The drawings were all of Jared; his face was contorted in anger and he was screaming in each drawing giving him a menacing appearance on each page. 

The last drawing bothered him the most; aside from Jared, it also contained an image of a man curled up in the corner with a screaming Jared looming over the figure. He shuddered at the image before him. He knew whom the curled up figure was; him. He felt his breathing quickening and he broke out into a fine sweat as he studied the image. With shaking hands, he closed the sketch pad and dropped his pencil back into the drawer he had retrieved it from earlier. He turned his back on his easel, shut off the light and left the room returning to their bedroom to ready himself for bed. As he entered, he groaned remembering that everything he needed was now in the second bathroom. He grabbed his sleep pants and t-shirt from the bathroom and trudged back to the second bathroom where he stripped out of his clothing and cared for his healing body. When he was done, he made his way back to their bedroom, threw his clothes into the hamper and climbed into bed. He lay awake thinking about Jared’s return. He rolled over onto his right side, facing Jared’s side of the bed and curled up in the fetal position. When sleep finally claimed him, he tossed and turned most of the night. When he woke to the sound of his alarm forced himself into the shower, hoping that would help energize him for the day. 

By the time he had made it into work, and he was sitting at his desk, he was on his third cup of coffee. He held his mug, ready to take another sip and looked over the lip of his mug as Misha made his way in to their office. “Misha, rough night?” he inquired as he took in the disheveled state of his friend.

“You have no idea,” Misha grunted out as he flopped into his chair. “Both kids were hopped up on sugar and running around for hours last night. I could have used you as backup,” he exclaimed as he rested his head on his desk. He heard Jensen’s chuckle and lifted his head to look at the younger man. “Hey, Jared’s coming home tonight. You must be excited.”

“Yeah,” Jensen responded with a shake of his head. “Yeah, I am,” he said as he drank the last of his coffee. He did feel excitement, but it was mixed with trepidation. He turned his attention back to his empty coffee mug and slowly stood up. “Want some coffee?” he asked over his shoulder as he started for the door of their office. He heard a faint ‘Yes, please’, as he walked out and toward the breakroom where he poured two cups of coffee. He turned around, a mug in each hand to find Pellegrino standing in the doorway, blocking his route of escape. “Mark,” he said quietly and then looked away. If the man approached him, tried to touch him at least he had two cups of steaming hot coffee in his hands he could use to his advantage. 

“Jenny,” Mark crooned out and smiled as he watched Jensen looked up at him with those wide green eyes. He took a few steps toward the younger man and then stopped when he noticed the coffee in Jensen’s hands. He didn’t think Jensen was above throwing hot coffee on him right now. He knew Jensen was still feeling guilty over their budding sexual romance. He could understand that. Jensen was married and had yet to come to terms with what had happened between them the other night.

“Jensen, my name is Jensen,” he automatically responded. 

“Yes, of course it is, but I prefer to call you Jenny.” Mark clapped his hands together. “So, I was thinking that we should get better acquainted. This way, you’ll know my favorite positions. How I like to have my cock sucked,” he purred to Jensen.

Before Jensen could respond, Misha walked into the breakroom. “Hey, where’s my coffee? Did you get lost daydreaming about Jared’s return tonight?” Misha asked as he stopped and stared at the two men. Jensen looked a little off and Mark looked like he was ready to devour Jensen. 

“I was about to bring it to you,” Jensen replied as he scooted around Mark, making sure that he didn’t come into contact with Mark in any way. “Here you go,” he said as he handed Misha his cup and walked out of the breakroom. 

Misha eyed their boss. He watched as Pellegrino’s eyes hungrily followed Jensen’s movements. “He’s married,” Misha said evenly and watched as Mark’s eyes darkened before he managed to school his features.

“I’m aware of that. Why does everyone keep telling me that?” Mark muttered.

“Maybe it’s because you seem to watch him. You have seen what Jared looks like, right?” he asked. “The man is huge. I’m pretty sure Jared works as a bouncer and I wouldn’t be surprised if he busts heads for a living,” he offered before he turned and followed Jensen back to their office, leaving Mark alone in the breakroom to ponder his words. “Was he bothering you?” Misha asked Jensen as he sat down at his desk.

“No more than usual,” Jensen replied. His cell phone rang and he reached for it, answering the call before Misha could question him further. “Hi,” he said softly into the phone and felt butterflies flit around in his stomach. God, he loved Jared and was still amazed at how Jared’s voice affected him. 

“Hi, yourself,” Jared replied.

“So, tonight you’re coming home,” was all he could think to say to Jared. He could feel his social awkwardness rearing its ugly head. It didn’t matter that he was married to the man, he was still shy around Jared at times. Hell, he had had a breakdown right before Jared had left and now . . . He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down as he felt his fear rising. He knew he was running the risk of saying something that Jared would question him on. “I mean . . .” 

Jared heard the panicked sound of Jensen’s voice and knew his husband was about to spin out of control. He gave a chuckle, hoping this would calm Jensen. At times, Jensen was still the socially awkward sixteen year old he had fallen in love with. “Hey, it’s fine. Take a breath,” he replied in what he hoped was a soothing voice for Jensen to listen to. “I know it’s been stressful being away from each other,” Jared continued as he sat on the bed in his hotel room. He looked around the room, making sure that he hadn’t left anything out that needed to be packed. “But, I’ll be home tonight and we have the weekend to spend together. I don’t have to go back to work until Monday and I’m hoping you’ll be able to put aside whatever projects you’re working on so we can reconnect. How does that sound?”

“Sounds nice,” Jensen replied as he felt himself beginning to calm down. Jared had always known the right way to speak to him, to calm him down. Jared never made him feel self-conscious, Jared was his rock, the one who protected him and grounded him when he was ready to spin out of control. How was he going to deal with things when Jared found out and wanted nothing to do with him? He had been lonely before he had met Jared. He didn’t think he could go back to that life, having no one in his corner, no one to love or be loved by. Not the way Jared did. He didn’t know if he’d survive without Jared and he never wanted to find out. That was why it was so important to keep this secret from Jared, he reminded himself. Maybe over time, he would be able to feel like he was worthy of Jared’s love; it was just hard to face the fact that he had been unfaithful, that he had allowed another man to touch him. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t wanted it, but it had happened and there was no coming back from that. “I love you,” he said as he turned away from his desk so that he didn’t feel like Misha was watching him. “I really do, more than I can ever put into words. I hope you know that.”

“Hey, I’m not questioning that. I’ve never doubted your love; your sanity for being with me, but never your love,” he added as he tried to lighten their conversation. “I know it’s not easy being married to a cop. And, in case I’ve never said this to you before, I appreciate everything you do for me.” Jared looked at the clock on the desk in his hotel room and noticed the time. “I’ve got to get going. I’ve got to check out and return the rental car. Mom and Dad are taking me out for something to eat and then dropping me off at the airport. And then before you know it, I’ll be home.” 

“Yeah, be safe. And, I love you,” Jensen whispered into the phone.

“You too, be safe and I love you,” Jared said as he ended the phone call and slid his phone into the front pocket of his jeans. He stood up from the bed and walked into the bathroom and then out into the bedroom, making sure that he hadn’t left anything behind before he grabbed his jacket and suitcase. He gave the room another once over before heading down to the front desk to check out. An hour later he was sitting with his parents in one of their favorite restaurants when his mother, Sharon, placed a hand on his arm. He looked down at her hand and then up at her concerned face. His brows scrunched up as he looked at her, not knowing what had caused the look on her face. “Mom?”

“Is everything alright?” Sharon asked. “You seem distant. You and Jensen didn’t have a fight did you?”

“Sharon, don’t get involved,” Gerald cautioned his wife. He looked over at Jared. “Son, your mother means well . . .”

“No, it’s alright, Dad,” Jared jumped in, cutting his father off. “And no, Mom, Jensen and I didn’t have a fight. Not really. I mean, it’s been difficult being away from each other. I hated that he wasn’t here with us and I know he missed seeing everyone. He just seemed preoccupied last night when we talked. But, I think it was because of work, he needed to not be distracted,” he added with a shrug of his shoulders. He grabbed his knife and began to play with it, twirling it around on the table before his mother reached over and plucked it out of his hand.

“And?” Sharon cajoled, knowing her son had probably reacted badly when his feelings had been hurt. 

“Nothing,” Jared pouted.

“You didn’t maybe, react in some way that might have upset Jensen?” Sharon coaxed.

“Alright,” Jared said with an eyeroll. “I may have gotten mad, but I apologized and things were good when we ended the call. But, today, he just seemed . . . I don’t know. Not himself.”

“Well, it’s probably like you said. He’s been working a lot and maybe hasn’t been sleeping,” Gerald reasoned. “It’s not easy to be separated, like you said.”

“Yes, and I bet he hated not being able to come home for a visit. Donna was so upset over that,” Sharon added.

“I offered to postpone the trip until he could come,” Jared replied as he sat back and folded his arms over his chest.

“And knowing Jensen, he was opposed to that idea. There’s no right answer here, Jared,” Gerald responded.

“So, you’ll be home tonight, and you don’t have to work this weekend. Just be with each other. That’s probably all Jensen wants,” Sharon added.

“I guess you’re right,” Jared murmured as their waitress appeared with their food. Two hours later, Jared was hugging his parents before he disappeared into the airport to wait for his flight to board. He dug out his phone and sent Jensen a text.  _ ‘Waiting for my flight to be called. Waiting to get home and see you again sucks!’ _ He hit the send button and listened to the familiar swoosh sound as his text was sent. A few minutes later he heard the telltale ding indicating that he had received a text. He looked down, read Jensen’s response and smiled.  _ ‘It will all be worth it in the end. I’ll be the one holding the welcome sign. Hey, how do you spell your last name? Pada- something, right?’ _

“Boy, I know an ‘I can’t wait to get home to the love of my life look’, if I ever seen one,” a woman sitting across from him commented. 

Jared looked up at her through his bangs from his phone gripped in his hand. “Yeah, my husband,” he responded with a smile.

“Damn, it’s true, all the good-looking ones are either married or gay, or apparently both,” she said with a giggle. “I’m Cindy by the way.”

“Jared,” he stated and gave her a smile.

“Mind if I join you?” Cindy asked. “You can tell me all about your husband. I love a good love story,” she said.

“No, not at all,” Jared responded good-naturedly. 

“Thanks,” Cindy replied as she moved to sit next to Jared, keeping an empty seat between them. “It gets lonely without someone to talk to when I’m traveling. So, what’s your husband’s name?”

“Jensen. We met when we were sixteen,” Jared answered with a fond smile on his face.

“Sixteen? Wow, so how did you two meet, if you don’t mind me asking?” Cindy saw Jared shake his head and continued, “Did you spy him from across a crowded lunchroom?” she asked with a giggle.

“No, my family relocated and we ended moving into Jensen’s neighborhood; we lived three doors down from each other. Our parents still live in the same houses and are the best of friends. Jensen and his mother stopped by with an apple pie and a pitcher of lemonade to welcome us to the neighborhood. That’s how we met,” Jared explained with a dimpled smile.

“Oh, that’s so sweet. So, where’s Jensen?” Cindy inquired.

Jared frowned. “Home, as his boss denied his vacation time. We were supposed to come back home to visit our families. My sister just had a baby, a little girl.”

“Oh congratulations on the little one, but that sucks, so unfair. So, what do you do for a living? I work for a pharmaceutical company, so I’m always traveling. Living out of a suitcase is not as fun as it sounds, but I manage. I’m flying into Seattle and then continuing on to Canada, then I’ll fly back to New Jersey where I live. I’ll have about a week off and then it’s off to Boston,” Cindy told him.

“I’m a detective with the Seattle police department. My husband’s an editor for a publishing company,” Jared told her.

“Got any pictures of Jensen? I’d love to see what this man looks like, the one that was able to snag you,” she said with a laugh.

“Yeah, I do, and I managed to snag him,” Jared said as he pulled up the most recent picture of Jensen that he had on his phone. “He’s also an artist,” Jared told her as he looked at the picture. Jensen had been standing by his easel, lost in whatever he had been working on and hadn’t noticed Jared standing there. He had snapped Jensen’s picture before Jensen had had a chance to protest. Jensen looked unguarded with a soft smile on his face in the picture that showed off his freckles and his piercing green eyes. He offered her a glimpse of the picture and watched as her eyes went round. He smirked at her reaction, knowing what was most likely about to come out of her mouth.

“Damn, Jared! He’s . . . he’s breathtaking. God, look at those eyes. And you left him alone? Are you crazy? I hope you have his ass lojacked,” Cindy said with a giggle. “You must hate letting him out of the house. I bet he gets hit on all the time. Well, you probably do as well,” she said sheepishly as she handed Jared back his phone.

Jared tossed his head back and laughed. “Yeah, his eyes were what I noticed about him first when we met. I couldn’t get them out of my head. And there have been times when I’ve had to fight the urge to punch some guys’ lights out when they’ve looked at him a little too long. Not too thrilled when the women do either. But, he seems to be oblivious to it. And I trust him, I’ve never worried about him looking elsewhere, so no lojack,” he said as they continued their conversation until their flight was called. They parted ways as they took their assigned seats at opposite ends of the plane. “It was nice passing the time with you,” Jared called to Cindy as she made her way to the back of the plane.

“Thanks for keeping me company,” Cindy called back and gave him a little wave as she took her seat.

Jared took his seat, buckled his lap belt and waited for the plane to take to the sky. It would only be a few more hours before he was home and back with Jensen.

Jensen stood outside the terminal, waiting for Jared to emerge. He paced back and forth on the sidewalk, his hands clenching and unclenching as he tried to calm himself. Jared’s flight had landed fifteen minutes ago and he knew Jared had to retrieve his suitcase from the baggage claim area before he came to find him. He hoped that he could keep it together until they got into the car. He could feel himself shaking at the thought of Jared touching him. He didn’t know how he was going to handle that; Jared wanting to touch him, kiss him, hold his hand. And then once they got home . . . It had been a little over a week since they had been intimate, and he knew Jared would most likely want to make love. He felt his stomach roll at that thought and he fought hard not to vomit on the sidewalk. How was he going to put that off? He knew Jared wouldn’t push him, but they had a pretty damn good sex life; well, at least they had before. He shook his head. No, he wasn’t going to allow himself to think about that night. He would figure something out, he had to, even if that meant he had to lay there with his eyes closed and pray he made it through Jared having sex with him without giving himself away. 

“Jensen!” Jared called out as he stepped outside. A wide happy smile split his face as he took in the sight of his husband standing on the sidewalk waiting for him.

Jensen turned toward the sound of Jared’s voice calling his name. He found himself smiling at Jared as he made his way over to him, wheeling his suitcase behind him. He stood rooted to the spot as his heartbeat quickened. “Jared,” he managed to get out, hoping it sounded like he was happy to have Jared home. He was happy, and despite everything he wanted Jared home with him. 

Jared closed the distance between them, let go of his suitcase and pulled Jensen into his arms, wrapping him into a tight embrace. 

Jensen fought the desire to flinch as Jared pulled him into his arms. He forced himself to wrap his arms around Jared’s back and lean into Jared’s embrace. He heard the sound of Jared’s voice cutting through the haze that was overtaking him.  _ Don’t panic _ , he told himself.  _ It’s Jared, it’s just Jared. He loves you, _ he had to remind himself and then found himself wondering how long Jared would love him if Jared ever found about his betrayal.

“I missed you so much,” Jared murmured as he nosed at Jensen’s neck. 

He breathed in deeply, taking in Jared’s scent, reminding himself that Jared was his husband, not the man that had hurt him. He could trust Jared to never hurt him in that way, if Jared found out about his secret, he was sure Jared would leave him. He would do his damnedest to make sure that never happened. “Missed you to,” Jensen responded as he turned his face up to meet Jared’s. 

That was when Jared noticed the bruise on the left side of Jensen’s face. He reached out to touch the bruise and felt a spike of anger. Jensen had never mentioned the bruise or what had happened to cause it. “What happened?” 

Jensen’s hand flew up to his face as he tried to block Jared from touching the bruise he had forgotten about. “Oh, that . . . I uhm, it’s really an embarrassing story. I wasn’t paying attention when I reached for something in the frozen food section. The woman standing next to me opened the door as I was leaning in and ended up hitting me with the door,” he said weakly. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? Are you alright?” Jared questioned.

“Like I said, it was embarrassing. And yes, I’m fine,” Jensen replied. “Nothing to worry about, except that I can’t be trusted in the frozen food section when other people are around,” he said jokingly, hoping Jared would drop the subject.

“Okay, as long as you’re alright,” Jared said as he leaned in and kissed Jensen, capturing Jensen’s lips in a needy kiss. A kiss that Jensen broke. Jared’s face scrunched up in confusion as Jensen pulled away from him. 

“Let’s go home. There’s way too many people here. Don’t want to give them a show,” Jensen said and then shyly looked away from Jared.

“Yeah, you’re right. Lead the way,” Jared responded as he grabbed the handle to his suitcase and began to follow Jensen to his car. He looked at Jensen; he seemed tense, but this hadn’t been the first time his husband had put a stop to their public displays of affection. “Everything alright?” he asked as they neared Jensen’s car.

“Just a long day,” Jensen said as he opened the trunk for Jared to toss his suitcase in. “Are you hungry? Do you want to stop for something to eat? We can stop if you want,” he offered as he slid in behind the wheel of the car.

“No, I’m good. Let’s just go home,” Jared responded as he closed his door and turned toward Jensen. He reached out and placed his left hand on the back of Jensen’s neck and pulled Jensen to him, needing to touch Jensen again, to kiss him. He heard Jensen’s soft gasp as he leaned in to kiss Jensen’s lips. He didn’t feel Jensen respond to him and he pulled away, letting go of Jensen and looking at him, confusion clearly etched in his features. His brows were furrowed, and he cocked his head to the side as he watched Jensen turn away from him and start the car. He thought about saying something, asking Jensen what was wrong, but remained quiet.

Jensen felt like he had been caught off guard when Jared had touched him and pulled him close in the confined space of the car for a kiss. The only thing that had gone through his mind was that he couldn’t get away. Jared’s hand had been on him, holding him, pulling at him and he had been trapped. When Jared let go of him, he gave Jared a weak smile, started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. The drive home was a silent one with Jared giving him an occasional look, which he tried not to notice. As they pulled into the driveway, he shot Jared another smile, hoping that would cut the tension he felt was growing between them. “Well, we’re home,” he stated as he got out of the car and went around to open the trunk. “Why don’t you get the front door? I’ve got this,” he suggested to Jared as he pulled the suitcase out of the trunk.

“Uhm, sure,” Jared said with uncertainty as he started for the front door. He glanced over his shoulder to see that Jensen had his suitcase on the ground and had closed the trunk. He fiddled with his keys and got the door open as Jensen started up the walkway. He held the door open for Jensen and noticed that Jensen seemed to hesitate before entering. It seemed to him like Jensen was actively trying not to touch him. He breathed out heavily at that thought. He had to be imagining things. He was tired from all the traveling he had done that day and Jensen had already told him that he had had a long day himself. Hopefully after a good night’s rest, they would both be back to themselves. “So, I met this woman, Cindy, at the airport,” he started to say and watched as Jensen stopped and slowly turned to him, letting go of the suitcase. “We kept each other company until our flight was called. We talked about you the entire time. I showed her a picture of you and she thought I was crazy for leaving you alone for the week. She said I should lojack your ass,” he said with a laugh. “But I told her there’s no reason for that, that I’ve never had to worry about you looking elsewhere.” He watched as Jensen paled at his words.

Jensen listened to the story that Jared was telling him. At first, he had thought it might be a funny anecdote, a detail from his trip, but as he listened, he thought the story was hitting too close to home. Maybe Jared suspected something. Had he said something when they had been on the phone with each other that made Jared wonder about their week apart from each other? Had his lack of affection toward Jared sparked Jared’s doubt? He felt the color drain from his face as Jared said,  _ ‘I’ve never had to worry about you looking elsewhere.’ _ He shook his head no as he tried to find the words to tell Jared that he would never willingly look for anyone or anything outside of their marriage. “Jared . . .” he started to say. “I never . . .”

Jared stepped closer to Jensen and placed a hand on Jensen’s cheek. “Hey, like I said, I’ve never worried about you. I know you’d never . . .” he started to say but stopped as Jensen quickly reached up with both hands and dragged him down for a kiss, swallowing whatever else he had been about to say. He was left panting when Jensen broke their kiss. “Wow,” he managed to breathe out. “So, what was I saying?” he jokingly asked when his breathing finally evened out. 

“I don’t remember,” Jensen responded with a small smile. “Hey, I’m tired and you must be, too. How about turning in for the night?” he suggested as he moved past Jared toward the stairs. He had kissed Jared as a way to distract him from saying anything else. Another betrayal, he thought to himself. He could feel himself shaking as he reached out to place his right hand on the banister to steady himself. He could hear Jared speaking as he tried to get himself under control; Jared was going to make sure the house was locked up. “Okay,” he responded as he started to climb the stairs. As he reached their bedroom door, he stopped. He still needed to follow his daily routine to care for his body. He hadn’t fully healed yet. How was he going to explain to Jared why he was using the second bathroom? He hadn’t really thought that through and now that Jared was home, he didn’t know what to do. Maybe he could change for the night and then slip into the other bathroom when Jared was asleep. With that plan in his head, he walked into the bathroom and changed into his t-shirt and sleep pants quickly before Jared came into their bathroom and saw his still healing body. Because if Jared saw him now, Jared would figure everything out and he couldn’t have that. He managed to make it to the bed as Jared strolled smiling as he watched him pull back the comforter and climb into bed.

“I’m gonna grab a shower. Wash the grime from traveling off, care to join me?” Jared asked as he quirked an eyebrow up suggestively. 

“Raincheck?” Jensen requested. “I’m feeling sleepy,” he said as he tried to settle himself comfortably on the bed.

“Sure,” Jared responded, feeling a little hurt at the rejection. However, he couldn’t blame Jensen. For one, Jensen was already changed and in bed, and he knew it had been a long day for them both; for him traveling home and for Jensen having to work and then pick him up at the airport. He walked over and planted a soft kiss to Jensen’s forehead before he disappeared into the bathroom and started the shower.

As soon as Jensen heard the shower start he scrambled out of bed and into the second bathroom. He worked as quickly as he could without hurting himself so he could get through his daily regimen without Jared discovering what he was doing. He had to remind himself that this wouldn’t be forever. Soon his body would be healed and he could stop; soon he could discard the medicated wipes, the medicated cream, the antibiotics, the pain medication and the anti-anxiety medication along with the fiber supplements and stool softener. Thankfully, he had hidden the last three items in his messenger bag, as he knew Jared never bothered to look through that. When he was finished, he climbed back into their bed, rolled onto his side, facing away from Jared’s side of the bed and tried to relax enough that sleep would claim him. 

Jared stepped out of the bathroom in only a pair of sleep pants to find Jensen asleep. He gazed down at Jensen; he looked so peaceful curled up on his side. Gently he slid under the covers, hoping not to wake Jensen as he molded himself against Jensen’s body. He had missed this, having Jensen in bed with him. He felt himself beginning to relax as he placed his right arm over Jensen’s waist, nosed at his neck, breathed in the familiar scent of Jensen and drifted off to sleep. 

Jensen jerked awake. Something was touching him and he had no idea what it was. He tried to move, only to have his back hit against something solid and then he felt whatever was holding him around his waist tighten its grip. He bit back the scream threatening to tear lose from his throat, he had to stay quiet. His body stiffened as he tried to lay there and figure out where he was and who or what was touching him. He could feel his heart beating rapidly and then he flinched when he felt warm breath ghosted over his neck. With that, he couldn’t lie still. He bolted from the bed, nearly falling to the floor as his stomach bottomed out. He vaguely heard a voice, someone calling to him as he stumbled to his feet and ran to the bathroom. He managed to turn the light on and flip the lid to the toilet seat up before he crashed to his knees and vomited up the meager contents of his stomach.

“Jensen?” Jared called out in a sleep-filled voice when he felt the man laying next to him, secure in his grasp, practically fall out of bed. He rubbed at his eyes as he sat up and looked around the darkened room. Movement caught his attention when Jensen ran past the bed and into the bathroom. He was momentarily blinded when Jensen flicked on the bathroom light, and he raised his arm up to cover his eyes until they started to adjust to the change in light. He heard Jensen retching and he ran into the bathroom. He found Jensen kneeling on the floor, one hand holding up the toilet lid and the other braced against the seat as he emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet. “Oh, God, Jensen,” he whispered as he tried to place a comforting hand on Jensen’s back.

Jensen flinched and shuffled away from Jared. “No, don’t touch me,” he yelled out as he recoiled from Jared’s touch and threw up again. 

Jared backed away from Jensen, turned and grabbed a facecloth. He picked it up and ran it under cold water before bringing it over to wipe Jensen’s forehead and face. He crouched down beside Jensen and brought the cloth to his face. He heard Jensen muttering to him, “No, don’t touch me”, but he ignored him, wanting to take care of Jensen. “Shh, it’s okay. Let me take care of you,” he responded to Jensen’s protests.

Jensen tried to bat Jared’s hand away. “Sick . . . might catch it,” he managed to say, hoping Jared would back away from him. He felt clammy from the sweat covering his body. He began to shake as Jared reached out to him. 

“Yeah, I get that you’re sick and I don’t care if I catch it. Just let me take care of you,” Jared said in a soft voice as he wiped the wet cloth over Jensen’s forehead, hoping to cool his heated body down. 

“Oh, God,” Jensen uttered before he heaved into the toilet again. He tensed when he felt Jared’s hand on his back, rubbing in a circular motion and then he felt the damp cloth against the back of his neck. He managed to flush the toilet, but remained where he was in case he felt the need to throw up again. He stayed that way for a while until he felt his stomach settle. 

“How are you feeling?” Jared asked as he backed away from Jensen and moved to sit on the edge of the tub. 

“Like I died,” Jensen murmured as he slowly got to his feet. He turned away from Jared, grabbed his toothbrush and brushed his teeth. He used the facecloth to wipe the sweat from his face and then placed it on the counter. He knew this had all been caused from a panic attack. He had been disoriented when he had woken up and found Jared’s body pressed against his, and his arm draped over him. 

“Let me get you a dry t-shirt and then you need to lay down,” Jared commented as he stood up and left the bathroom. He rummaged through Jensen’s dresser until he found a t-shirt for him and returned to the bathroom with it. “Here,” he handed it to Jensen and then leaned against the doorframe. “Can I get you anything else?” 

Jensen shook his head. “I don’t think I can sleep right now. Maybe I should just go downstairs, lay on the couch and watch TV. You go back to bed,” he suggested to Jared. 

“No, I’ll come with you. We can lounge on the couch together. I won’t be able to sleep knowing you’re not feeling well and downstairs. Or, we can just lay in our bed and watch TV. Seems a waste to go all the way downstairs to watch TV when we have one in our bedroom.”

“I don’t want to get you sick,” Jensen responded, hoping Jared would just leave him alone. “I’ll be fine downstairs.” 

“Yeah, not convinced,” Jared countered back.

He knew he wasn’t going to be able to convince Jared to go back to bed, Jared would only hover over him. The only thing he could do was relent. “Yeah, okay,” Jensen said as he stripped the sweat stained t-shirt off and pulled the dry one on. He tossed the t-shirt into the hamper and then followed Jared back to their bed. He climbed back into bed and propped his pillows up against the headboard to lean against. He watched from the corner of his eye as Jared did the same, and then reached for the TV remote to turn it on. He flipped through a few channels until he settled on a movie they had seen before,  _ Pirates of the Caribbean _ . “This good?”

“Sure,” Jared said as he nestled into his pillows and pulled the comforter up over them. “Looks like it’s gonna be a marathon of the Pirates movies,” he said as he pointed to the TV and the ad that flashed across the screen for the upcoming lineup. “Come here,” he suggested as he extended his left arm to allow Jensen to lay against him. 

Jensen eyed Jared, showing his uncertainty. “Are you sure?” he questioned and watched as Jared shook his head yes. Slowly, Jensen shifted closer to Jared, allowing himself to rest against Jared’s solid form. He held his breath as Jared wrapped his arm around him, but relaxed as nothing else happened. As he watched the movie, he began to feel his eyelids getting heavy. He closed them, starting to drift off only to jolt awake. He did this several times, his body jerking as he warred within himself to relax and let Jared hold him, while trying to stay awake to make sure nothing happened; that Jared wouldn’t hurt him. Exhaustion won out and he drifted off to sleep, as he heard Jared’s baritone voice speaking to him, soothing him into unconsciousness.

Jared nuzzled at Jensen’s forehead. His lips ghosted over the freckled skin as he felt Jensen relax against him. He tensed whenever he felt Jensen’s body jump against him. “I’ve got you, just relax and get some sleep,” he murmured as he felt Jensen finally relax enough to drift off to sleep. When he heard Jensen’s soft even breaths, indicating that Jensen had finally drifted off, he allowed himself to close his eyes and follow Jensen into sleep. 

The next day, Jared had Jensen remain in bed, so he was able to recover from whatever illness he had been suffering from. Every time Jensen tried to get up from bed, he stopped Jensen from moving. Jared stood in the doorway of their bedroom and watched as Jensen shifted in the bed. His husband looked ragged; like he hadn’t slept in at least a week. Why hadn’t he noticed this when Jensen had picked him up at the airport, he wondered to himself. He had been excited to get home, to spend time with Jensen, maybe he had just overlooked things. “Can I get you anything?” he asked as he crossed over to the bed. He placed a hand gently on Jensen’s forehead to try and judge the man’s temperature and felt Jensen flinch at the touch. “Well, you don’t feel hot,” Jared stated as he pulled his hand away.

“No, I’m not really hungry,” Jensen responded with a shake of his head. He turned his face away from Jared when he tried to kiss him. “Don’t,” he said as he rolled onto his side. “Don’t want to get you sick,” he murmured as he closed his eyes as he heard Jared utter his name. “You have to go back to work on Monday. It won’t look good if you call out sick after taking a vacation,” he said in a tired voice. 

“I’m not worried about that. I’m worried about you,” Jared responded. “I’m gonna run out to the store, do some food shopping so we can survive for the next week. Is there anything you want me to pick up?” 

“Maybe some soup,” Jensen suggested, not really feeling hungry for food. He couldn’t remember the last time he had actually eaten anything. It had been at least two if not three days since he had tried to eat more than a cracker. His stomach didn’t seem to like anything but coffee in it right now. He knew he was lying to Jared about the reason he was sick, what was causing him to throw up, he just couldn’t stop himself. If he told Jared the real reason behind why he had been throwing up, he knew Jared would be angry with him. He just could bear the thought of losing Jared.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll stock us up on soup and whatever else we need. Get some rest while I’m gone,” Jared said as he left the bedroom. 

Jensen lay in their bed, listening to the sound of Jared moving around downstairs before he heard the front door open and close and the sound of Jared’s SUV being started and pulling out of the driveway. When he was sure that Jared had left, he tossed aside the comforter and dragged himself out of bed. He needed to shower and take care of his body before Jared got back. He didn’t want to have to explain anything to Jared if he happened to walk in on him. He still had a few bruises in different states of healing that he wouldn’t be able to explain if Jared saw them. He had been lucky last night when he had stripped off his soiled t-shirt; in the darkness of their bedroom, Jared hadn’t been able to see the abuse he had suffered at Mark’s hands. When he was done, he climbed back into bed, rolled onto his side and began to cry. He felt so lost, he had no idea what he was doing or what he was going to do, he just wanted to turn back time to the hour before his world had been ripped apart. If he had only opted to go home when Misha had begged him to, or if he had had Misha stay with him, nothing would have happened; and he and Jared would be happy, and he wouldn’t have this crushing secret to keep. He wiped away his tears and closed his eyes, wishing for sleep to claim him, to take him away from his thoughts and his pain.

After unpacking and putting away the groceries, Jared climbed the stairs to their bedroom to check on Jensen. He saw Jensen lying on the bed and went to him. He wasn’t sure if Jensen was asleep, so he gently placed a hand on his shoulder, only to pull back when Jensen gasped and sat up quickly, Jensen’s arm knocking at his to push him away. He watched as Jensen rolled away from him, putting some distance between them. Slowly he sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Jensen to realize where he was; he had clearly woken Jensen up and he was disoriented. “Hey, it’s just me,” he said with a smile.

“Ja . . . red,” Jensen responded in a groggy voice. He looked around the room and realized he was in their bedroom and that it had been Jared that had scared him. He had been drifting in and out of sleep when he had felt something touching him, a weight on his shoulder and he had sat up to get away from whatever it was that had come into contact with him. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest. “Sorry,” he said as he dipped his head to look away from Jared. “Didn’t mean to . . .”

Jared held up a hand, stopping Jensen from further explaining. “Don’t worry about it. I woke you up. Are you hungry? Want me to make you some soup?” he offered with a smile, hoping Jensen would want to eat. Jensen hadn’t eaten anything since he had gotten back from Texas, something that was beginning to concern him. 

“I don’t really feel like eating. My stomach still doesn’t feel like it could handle much,” Jensen replied as he rubbed the back of his neck. He forced himself to stop, lowering his hand to rest on the bed. They both knew he rubbed at the back of his head when he was nervous and he didn’t want Jared asking him what was bothering him.

“Well, you still need to eat something,” Jared countered back. “How about you just rest and I’ll bring up some chicken broth? You can at least try that, see if your stomach can keep that down. Then we can just watch some TV.” He stood up from the bed and started to walk out of the bedroom. He turned back when he heard Jensen’s tired sounding voice calling him.

“Jared?” Jensen called out.

“Yeah?” Jared asked.

“I’m sorry I’m so much trouble,” Jensen said, not looking at Jared.

Jared walked back over to the bed, reached out and cupped Jensen’s cheeks, lifting Jensen’s eyes up to meet his. He smiled softly at Jensen. “You’re no trouble at all. Whether you’re feeling well or not, I enjoy taking care of you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, just . . .” Jensen let his words die off.

“Just what?” Jared questioned.

“Just, I’m not sure if I deserve you,” Jensen whispered. 

Jared let go of Jensen and sat back down on the bed. “Hey, we’re not gonna do this again, okay. I know you’re not feeling well and you’re kind of down because of that. But, I love you. There’s no one else I’d rather be with, whether I’m taking care of you while you’re puking your guts up or you’re the picture of health. Got it?” he asked as he stood up and walked out of the room not giving Jensen a chance to reply.


	8. Chapter 8

Jensen sat on the bed, watching as Jared walked out of the room. He forced himself to get up and go into the second bathroom. He needed to take care of his body again and hoped he had enough time to do that while Jared was downstairs. He didn’t make it very far, stopping to look at the open sketchpad he had left on his easel. “Shit, I don’t need Jared seeing this,” he said as he looked at the picture, the image of a man curled up in the corner with what appeared to be a screaming Jared looming over the man. He heard Jared clear his throat and he spun around to find Jared standing behind him, his hazel eyes staring at the drawing. “Uhm . . .”

“Can I see?” Jared asked as he handed the mug of chicken broth to Jensen.

Jensen looked down at the mug and then accepted it. “You might not like them. They’re . . . they don’t . . .” He wanted to explain that these drawings didn’t actually represent his feelings for Jared, but couldn’t. He stepped aside and let Jared flip through the pages. 

Jared looked at the images before him. They were darker than anything he had seen Jensen create before; but he could feel the raw emotion coming from them; pain, fear, anger and isolation. It wasn’t lost on him that his face appeared in all of them or that the only other figure resembled Jensen. “Wow, these are incredible. They have such emotion in them,” he said as he turned to Jensen. He saw that Jensen was clutching at the mug with both hands. “Are they for one of the stories you’re working on?” he inquired, hoping Jensen would open up to him

Jensen shook his head no and saw the look of confusion that passed over Jared’s face at his answer. “I was having a bad day and this is what came out,” he explained as he took a step away from him. 

“Hey, you can’t fight your muse, right?” Jared offered with a lopsided smile.

“Yeah,” Jensen responded weakly as he sipped the broth. “I have to clean up. Make sure my brushes are put away. Give me a few minutes?” he asked.

“Of course. I’m gonna go make myself something to eat and then I’ll meet you back in bed. Don’t push yourself.” He pointed to the mug in Jensen’s hand. “Are you done?” he asked.

“Yes, thanks,” Jensen answered and handed the mug back to Jared. He stood still as Jared leaned in and kissed the side of his face. Almost on autopilot Jensen turned and ghosted his lips over Jared’s cheek before Jared left the room. He breathed a heavy sigh as he closed the sketchbook and replaced it on the easel before walking into the bathroom to pull out the supplies he needed to take care of his body. When he walked back into the bedroom he wearily sat down, wincing as his ass made contact with the bed. He had just managed to find a comfortable position when Jared walked in. He watched Jared as he moved around the room, getting his stuff ready for the morning. He really should get up and do the same, get his clothes ready too, Jensen thought to himself, but he didn’t have the energy to get up again.

Jared looked over at the bed and saw Jensen’s eyes following his every movement. He smiled at Jensen and then turned back to getting his clothes out. Since he was just returning to work from being on vacation and he didn’t have any open cases, he was able to go in to the precinct in jeans and a Henley pullover. “How are you feeling?” he asked as he finished. He turned back to the bed and waited for Jensen to answer him. He heard Jensen make a ‘hm’ sound and he frowned. “Listen, if you’re still not feeling well tomorrow, why don’t you call out sick? They can manage one day without you.” He heard Jensen’s whispered ‘Maybe’ which did nothing to remove the frown from his face. “Do you want me to pull out some clothes for you, just in case?” He heard a mumbled ‘Yes’ and walked back to their closet, pulled out a pair of pants, a button down shirt and a tie for Jensen and laid them out with his clothes before he disappeared into the bathroom to take a shower. When he returned, he found Jensen on his side, asleep. He climbed into bed, curled up around Jensen and drifted off to sleep. 

A few hours later, Jared was pulled awake when he heard a strangled cry. He bolted upright and nearly got hit in the face by Jensen’s flailing arm. He caught the limb in his hand and tried to stop Jensen as he continued to flail. “Jensen, Jensen, calm down. You’re having a nightmare,” he said as he tried to soothe Jensen awake.

A scream tore from Jensen’s throat as he tried to sit up, only to find that he couldn’t. He thrashed at what was holding him down, trying to get himself free. He could feel his panic rising, his heart was hammering in his chest and he was gulping to get air into his lungs. Vaguely he heard a voice calling his name. Wide-eyed, he turned his head to the voice and found Jared next to him. Jared was the one holding him so he wasn’t able to move. “Don’t,” he cried out and tried to move away from Jared. “Don’t . . . please,” he begged.

“Jensen, don’t what?” Jared asked in confusion. 

“Don’t touch me,” Jensen managed to gasp out.

“Hey, calm down,” Jared said as he raised his hands, letting go of Jensen. “You were having a nightmare,” he said as he moved to touch Jensen, to run a hand through his hair but stopped when he saw Jensen flinch away from him. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“N . . .no,” Jensen stuttered out. With a shake of his head as he rolled onto his side and then sat up. “No . . . don’t really remember,” he muttered as he stood up and started for the bathroom. “Sorry I woke you,” he said over his shoulder as he slipped into the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. When he stepped out of the bathroom, he found Jared still sitting up in bed, waiting for him.

“Is there something bothering you?” Jared asked. “I mean aside from your stomach?”

“No, it was just a dream,” Jensen responded. “Everyone has a bad dream now and then, right,” he said and then caught his bottom lip between his teeth.

“True,” Jared replied as he patted the bed. “Come on back to bed,” he said.

Slowly Jensen took the few steps toward the bed and laid down. He tried not to tense up when Jared moved closer to him and draped an arm over his chest, pulling him so he was flush against Jared’s body. He finally relaxed when he heard Jared’s even breathing, but never fell back to sleep. He lay awake in bed until his alarm went off. He dragged a hand over the alarm, hitting the snooze button several times until Jared gently shook him, prodding him to get up. 

“I’ll go start the coffee,” Jared stated as he left the bathroom, already dressed for the day.

Jensen slipped into the second bathroom to get ready for the day before getting dressed and joining Jared in the kitchen. Slowly he shuffled over to the kitchen table and picked up the steaming cup of coffee that Jared had poured for him. He turned to see Jared leaning against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest, watching him. He gave Jared a weak smile and then took a sip of his coffee. 

“You still don’t look like you’re one hundred percent. Why don’t you call in? I’d feel better knowing that you’re getting some rest, especially after last night.” He watched as Jensen shook his head no.

“Can’t, I have a lot going on. I’ll be fine,” Jensen replied as he took another sip of coffee. 

“Fine, there’s no sense in trying to fight you,” Jared huffed out. “But, I want you to take it easy,” he said as he pushed himself away from the counter and walked over to Jensen. He took the cup out of Jensen’s hands and heard Jensen make a small plaintiff sound in the back of his throat as he placed the cup on the table. “Don’t worry, I’ll give it back,” he said as he wrapped his arms around Jensen and kissed his forehead. “I mean it, take it easy today,” he said as he pulled away. He picked up the cup and handed it back to Jensen. “See, kept my promise,” he said as he started to walk out of the kitchen. “See you tonight,” he called as he left the house to make the drive into work.

Jensen looked at the cup in his hand. He heaved a heavy sigh before he drained the last of his coffee, went to the sink and rinsed his cup out. He had put off going into work as long as possible. He grabbed his laptop, jacket and keys and headed to his car. 

Jensen’s day had been filled with meetings for upcoming deadlines and going through press releases for the books due to go to print. Thankfully, Pellegrino had been out of the office for most of the day and when he had been in, Jensen had managed to stay off his radar. When he was done for the day, he grabbed his belongings, and mumbled a goodbye to those still in the building before getting in his car and making his way home. 

Jared and Chad had been handed a new case involving a robbery at a store where they had spent the better part of their day walking through the crime scene and interviewing witnesses before returning to the precinct to go over their notes. They still had to schedule follow up interviews and contact the insurance company before they could determine their next course of action or who the actual criminal was. He had parted ways with Chad, happy to be on his way home to see Jensen. 

When Jared pulled into the driveway, he noticed a light had been left on in the living room but other than that, their house was dark. That was unusual. Whenever Jensen got home first, Jared would find him in the kitchen cooking, or more than likely, in his art studio. He closed and locked the front door behind himself and made his way into the kitchen to find it empty. He checked the office on the off chance that Jensen was in there. Every once in a while he would find Jensen sitting at the desk, his laptop open with Jensen feverishly typing away. Finding the room empty, he stood at the bottom of the stairs and called out to Jensen. “Jensen, are you up there?” When he received no response he climbed the stairs, stopping at the door to Jensen’s studio. The room was dark. With a frown at seeing that, he crossed over to their bedroom to find Jensen lying on their bed in the dark. “Jensen?” he called out.

Jensen stirred on the bed when he heard Jared’s voice. At first he remained quiet, not wanting to have to speak, but he knew Jared wouldn’t let up. “Tired, Jared,” he responded.

Jared walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. “Did you eat anything?” he questioned.

“Not hungry,” Jensen said in a quiet voice. He felt Jared place a hand on his arm and he fought not to flinch at the touch. 

“How was your day?” Jared asked as he rubbed his hand along Jensen’s bicep. He felt Jensen tense against his hand and then relax to his touch. 

“Long, boring. Nothing to really talk about,” he responded. After a few moments of silence he spoke again. “How was your day?”

“Caught a new case, robbery. Spent the better part of my day at the crime scene.” Jared shifted on the bed so he could stretch out next to Jensen. “But, it’s good to be home. How are you feeling?”

“Stomach made it through the day without issue, if that’s what you’re asking me,” he responded in a tired voice.

“Well, yeah, but also how you’re feeling in general. You seem depressed,” Jared commented.

“Just tired and I just want to sleep. I don’t want to have to deal with anyone or anything. Okay? Not tonight,” he pleaded.

“Sure. I get it. You’re not feeling your greatest. Do you want me to make you some soup? I can bring it up to you,” Jared offered.

“Not really in the mood to eat. I just need some sleep,” Jensen replied quietly. 

“Okay, well, I’ll be in the kitchen if you change your mind. Just yell down to me and I’ll heat something up for you,” he said before he kissed the side of Jensen’s face and left him to get some rest. 

When Jared left, Jensen rolled onto his side, drew his legs up to his stomach and closed his eyes, hoping that sleep would actually come to him and take him away from his thoughts. He lay there drifting in and out of sleep, feeling his body jerk awake only to relax and float back into a light slumber before finally being dragged down into unconsciousness.

When Jared climbed the stairs again, he found Jensen blissfully asleep in their bed. He shed his clothing from the day, showered and changed into a pair of comfortable sleep pants, then climbed into bed next to his husband. He molded himself against Jensen’s back, snaked an arm around Jensen’s waist and drifted off to sleep, happy to have Jensen next to him.

Over the next few weeks, Jared noticed a change in Jensen; he had always been shy and quiet by nature, but he was becoming more so. Also, Jensen often seemed to be fighting with himself to get up and go to work. Jared had even commented on it, because he knew Jensen loved his job. He also knew that Mark had been keeping Jensen in limbo over the possible transfer. 

“Hey, are you gonna get up and get ready for work?” Jared had questioned Jensen, only to receive a shrug from Jensen as an answer. “Are you gonna tell me what this is about? You love your job. You’re usually up and ready before me and now, you’re barely making it in to work on time.”

“I’m just tired, Jared,” Jensen had replied.

Jared turned to look at Jensen who was still sitting on the edge of their bed. His husband did look tired and he knew Jensen hadn’t been sleeping well. He had been having nightmares, when he did manage to sleep. And, Jared wasn’t sure of the amount of sleep Jensen had been getting. Jensen was either already in bed when he got home or when he came to bed after he had already fallen asleep. Once or twice he had woken up to find Jensen’s side of the bed empty. When he had searched for him, he had found Jensen seated at their kitchen table, his laptop open and typing away. When he had asked Jensen what he had been up to, Jensen just looked up at him with those damn green eyes he loved and then had closed his laptop.

“What are you doing up?” Jared had asked as he wandered into the kitchen.

“Just couldn’t sleep,” Jensen answered with a shrug of his shoulders.

“What are you working on? Tell me it’s not something work related. That can wait until business hours,” Jared had remarked.

Jensen shook his head. “No, it’s something of mine. A story. I don’t know if it will ever see the light of day but . . .” Jensen had shrugged again and let his words die off.

“Can I read it?” Jared had asked.

“No, it’s not ready.” Jensen had run his fingers along the closed laptop and then looked up at Jared again. “Misha’s been asking me to submit something; even if it’s under another name, see if I can get published.”

“So, do it. You’re talented. I’ll support you, you know that,” Jared had told him and then kissed the crown of his head. “It’s late, why don’t you come to bed?” Jared had suggested.

“In a little while. I want to finish this; I need to get what’s in my head out.” Jensen opened the laptop and then paused to look at Jared. “Don’t be mad, please,” he had begged.

“I’m not mad,” Jared had replied with a dimpled smile. “I just worry about you,” he said as he left Jensen in the kitchen to hopefully grab a few more hours of sleep before he had to go into the precinct. 

And, it only seemed to get worse with Jensen, with his withdrawal from everything, and Jared had been at a loss as to what to do. He knew part of it had to do with the possibility of Mark denying Jensen the transfer he had wanted so badly. Jensen had just seemed to close himself off even more and when he tried to talk to Jensen about it, Jensen had refused.

“Just drop it. There’s probably not gonna be a transfer and I just want to forget about it. Pellegrino has me right where he wants me and Felicia has started looking at other candidates,” Jensen had said bitterly.

“Please talk to me. I know you’re upset,” Jared had begged.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Just let me have some space. I just need some time . . . I’m gonna go upstairs . . . draw or something,” Jensen had told him.

Before Jared could say anything else, Jensen had walked away from him and he heard one of the bedroom doors being closed. Later that night he had gone upstairs to find that the door to Jensen’s studio was closed. He had knocked softly on the door and heard a mumbled ‘Yeah’ before he opened the door. “Hey, Chris and Steve are gonna be in town. How about we make plans to get together with them?” Jared had offered, hoping this would spark Jensen’s interest. 

“Yeah, okay,” Jensen had responded halfheartedly. 

It was better than nothing, Jared thought to himself. “Alright, I’ll work everything out,” Jared had said and then left Jensen alone for the rest of the night. 

Jensen tried to act as if nothing was wrong with him. It seemed to be working, or at least he hoped it was, because Jared hadn’t made any comments about how closed off he had become. Jared was so easy going that if he had noticed the change in him, he would have just overlooked it as part of his idiosyncrasies. He could be quirky at times and Jared just took it all in stride when dealing with him.

He was jittery at work, especially when Mark was around him. He could feel his heart beating faster and he could barely breathe, even when Pellegrino’s name was mentioned. He had to fight against the desire to be sick. Misha had asked him about it and he had tried to pass it off as if he had been drinking too much coffee and that his dislike for Pellegrino was showing through.

“Have you said anything to Jared about Mark?” Misha questioned.

“No,” Jensen responded softly as he tried to hide behind his laptop.

With a shake of his head Misha stood up to get Jensen’s full attention,” You need to tell Jared, or I will.”

Jensen’s head snapped up at hearing the threat issued by Misha. He narrowed his eyes at Misha and scowled at him. “You need to stay out of my personal life. What I choose to tell my husband is between us,” he said in an even tone. 

Misha threw his hands up in defense of Jensen’s uncharacteristic outburst. “Sorry, I just . . . I’m just trying to help,” Misha tried to explain. 

“If I want your help, I’ll ask,” Jensen spat out and then saw the hurt look that passed over Misha’s face. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly, trying to smooth over his biting words. “I’m just dealing with a lot right now . . . Mark . . . the projects . . .” he let his words die off as Misha shook his head in understanding.

“I get it and I’m sorry for overstepping,” Misha said as he watched Jensen stand and start to pack up his laptop.

Jensen grabbed his things and headed for the door. He stopped and glanced over his shoulder at Misha before leaving without saying a word to him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Misha called but didn’t receive a response from Jensen. With a sigh, Misha sank down into his chair. He had messed up again with Jensen. He meant well, he cared for the man as a friend and he just hated seeing the way Pellegrino treated Jensen, and what it did to Jensen. He had to admit to himself, Jensen was right, what he told Jared was between the two of them and he had no right to get involved. 

That night, Jensen had gotten home before Jared. He stripped off his work clothes, took a shower and slipped into the second bathroom to take care of his body before Jared got home. He had already had a trying day and his exchange with Misha had pushed him over the edge. All he wanted was to climb into bed and fall asleep before Jared got home, he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle answering any of Jared’s questions - how was your day, did you hear anything about the transfer? He managed to remember to leave a light on for Jared so he wouldn’t have to walk into a darkened house when he got home before he curled up under the comforter and drifted off to sleep.

The next day, Jared had come home to find the house dark again. Jared turned on the hall light, slowly climbed the stairs and walked into their bedroom. His eyes roved around the room until they came to rest on the figure lying on the bed, facing away from the door. “Jensen?” he called out and waited for Jensen to answer him. He walked over to the bed when Jensen didn’t answer him. He reached out and placed a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. He felt Jensen flinch and pull away from his touch. “Hey, didn’t mean to startle you,” he said, his brows furrowing with concern. “I thought we were going out? We’re supposed to meet up with Chris and Steve.”

“You go. I’m tired. Not really feeling that great. I must be coming down with something,” Jensen responded in a weary voice.

“I’ll call them and let them know you don’t feel well, that we’re staying home,” Jared offered.

“No, you go. Tell them I said hi and wish them luck for me for their upcoming gigs,” Jensen replied.

“Are you sure? I don’t feel right leaving you home and going out when you don’t feel well,” Jared asked. 

“Yeah, I just want to stay home, alone and sleep. So, you should just go.” There was an edge to Jensen’s voice as he spoke to Jared. 

“Sure, I can give you whatever you need,” Jared said sadly as he moved away from the bed and disappeared into the bathroom to shower and change before he went to meet up with Chris and Steve. 

Jensen heard the sadness in Jared’s voice and it cut through his heart. He wanted to go see his friends, spend time with his husband and to be himself again. He just couldn’t find the desire to do anything. It was another thing Pellegrino had stolen from him. He felt his body begin to shake at the thought of Pellegrino, what that bastard had done to him, and now what he himself was doing to Jared. He was so lost in his thoughts that he startled when he heard Jared’s voice.

“Are you sure you can’t come? It won’t be the same without you,” Jared said solemnly as he walked toward the bed. 

“Yeah, you don’t want me there,” Jensen remarked quietly.

“Of course I do,” Jared replied softly. He stood by the bed, looking down at Jensen, a sad smile on his face. “Is there anything I can do? Is there anything you need?”

“I just need you to go and have a good time. Tell me all about it when you get home,” he replied and then shifted on the bed.

Jared leaned down and kissed Jensen’s cheek. “I love you,” he whispered into Jensen’s ear and then backed away. As he crossed the threshold, he heard Jensen’s barely audible reply, ‘Love you, more than you know’. He stopped and cocked his head to listen, it had sounded like Jensen was crying. “Jensen?” he whispered. When he was only met with silence, he glanced over his shoulder to see that Jensen appeared to be asleep. He hesitated for a minute before walking back over to the bed to make sure he wasn’t crying. Seeing that Jensen was asleep, he walked out of their bedroom, finally leaving Jensen alone. He grabbed his keys as he walked by the entryway table and went out to start his SUV. 

Jared looked around the bar to try to spot Chris and Steve. He heard someone yelling his name and smiled when he saw Steve waving at him, drawing his attention to the high-top table he and Chris had claimed as theirs. He walked over to them and saw the questioning looks on their faces at seeing he was alone.

“So, where’s your boy?” Chris questioned as he looked past Jared, apparently seeking Jensen out.

Jared frowned as he took one of the two empty stools. “Home. He said he wasn’t feeling well, but he told me to say hi to you both and wish you good luck on your upcoming gigs,” he said as he signaled for the waitress to come over. He ordered a beer and then waited for Chris and Steve’s reactions.

“What? He just came down with something?” Steve questioned.

Jared shrugged. “He’s been off lately. Really stressed from work.” Jared paused as the waitress returned and set his beer down in front of him. He smiled at her and then grabbed the bottle and took a sip from it.

“So, he didn’t want to come? We were really looking forward to seeing you both. It’s been a while,” Chris said as he fiddled with his beer bottle.

“I tried to get him to come tonight, but you know how he is at times. He was already in bed by the time I got home.” He took another sip of his beer and then placed the bottle on the table. “I think he’s really upset over his boss denying him his vacation time. I know he was really looking forward to us going back to Texas. Then, his asshole boss is giving him a hard time over his request for a transfer.”

“So what, he’s just gonna roll over and take it?” Chris asked in a heated voice.

Steve placed a hand on Chris’ arm to calm his boyfriend down. “Chris, you know how Jensen is. He’s not one for a confrontation. Also, how long did it take him to finally warm up to us?”

“Yeah, you’re right. It took him a month to even do anything more than give me a look like I was crazy for saying hi to him,” Chris replied sullenly. “He’s shy, I get it.”

“Always has been, you know that,” Jared confirmed. 

“So what are you doing about it?” Chris demanded.

“Stay out of things,” Steve cautioned to Chris.

“Giving him the space he needs to figure things out,” Jared said as he reached for his beer and took another sip. “You know I’ll support him with whatever he wants to do. I think he just needs time to get his thoughts straight. He won’t admit it, but I think it was a real blow to him, being denied the vacation time. He really needed the time away, but I can’t just call his boss, demand the man to give Jensen what he wants. And believe me, I want to,” Jared replied firmly. 

“Well, I think you need to step in, take care of things,” Chris responded, not willing to drop the issue.

Steve tightened his grip on Chris’ arm. “Stay out of things,” he hissed at Chris again.

“Look, I appreciate that you care about Jensen. But, honestly, Steve is right. You need to stay out of this,” Jared stated as he leveled a pointed stare at Chris. “If and when Jensen wants to deal with things, he and I will deal with them together.” He watched as Chris opened and closed his mouth several times as if he wanted to say something before Chris nodded his head, picked up his beer and took a mouthful. 

“Yeah, I hear you,” Chris finally relented. 

“So, what’s next for you?” Jared asked, changing the subject from Jensen to Chris, Steve and their band.

“We’re gonna be touring. We leave in a few days,” Steve informed him. “Maybe if you and Jensen can find a little bit of time, you can join us for one of the shows.”

“You never know,” Jared said as he drained the last of his beer. He stayed for another hour; catching up with Chris and Steve before heading home to Jensen. 

Another busy week had gone by for them both. Jensen had been working on the story he had been writing, the one that he had decided not to share with Jared, yet. He had also been working on the projects Mark had assigned him and trying his best to stay out of the man’s way. Thankfully, Mark had been out of town for the last few days, giving Jensen some time to breathe at work.

“Hey,” Misha said as he walked into their office. “We’re all gonna head out for a drink. It’s the end of the week and we need to have at least one drink together before Mark returns. You up for it?”

“Um, no. Jared and I have plans,” Jensen replied, not looking up from his laptop.

“Oh, plans? What plans? Sounds so mysterious,” Misha joked, trying to get Jensen to open up. 

“Nothing special, just dinner,” he stated.

“Then come out, have one drink. You never join us anymore,” Misha pouted. 

“Sorry,” Jensen said as he began to pack up his laptop. “Maybe another time,” Jensen added, as he left their office. He made it out to his car as he felt a panic attack coming on. He sat behind the wheel, forcing himself to take deep breaths until he felt he could drive home. 

Jared had just closed his latest robbery case; arresting the perpetrators and booking the stolen property into evidence. He had finished the last of his paperwork and was ready to leave for the night, happy that he had the weekend off and that he and Jensen could spend some time together. He pulled into their driveway to see that the house wasn’t dark. “That’s something,” he said to himself as he got out of his SUV and walked to the front door. “Jensen,” he called out as he closed and locked the front door behind himself. He was met with the all too familiar silence that he had been coming home to. With a weary sigh, he climbed the stairs and stopped outside of the closed door to Jensen’s studio. “Jensen,” he called out. He reached out and tried the door, only to find that it was locked. He frowned at the that. They never locked the doors. He knocked on the door, “Jensen, why is the door locked? Are you alright?” He knocked louder when he didn’t receive an answer. “Jensen, answer me!” he yelled. He stepped back from the door and walked into the other bedroom stopping at the adjoining bathroom door. He tried the handle, only to find that was also locked. He banged on the door, feeling his panic rising at Jensen not answering him. “Jensen, answer me or I’m going to kick this fucking door in!” Jared yelled as his fear began to rise from not hearing Jensen answer him.

Jensen pulled the bathroom door open to find Jared standing there, looking like he was ready to break the door down. He stumbled backward as Jared took a step toward him. He dropped the trash bag that he had been holding and pulled his earbuds out. “Ja . . . Jared,” he stuttered in surprise.

“Why was the door locked? Didn‘t you hear me calling you, banging on the door?” Jared asked harshly. “Christ, I thought something was wrong with you,” he bellowed before slumping back against the counter and running his hands through his hair. 

“N . . . No,” Jensen shook his head. “I had my earbuds in, I was listening to music,” he explained as he fingered one of the buds nervously. “I was cleaning,” he said as he eyed the trash bag, hoping Jared wouldn’t want to look in it, then he’d have to explain the medical supplies he was throwing out. His body had finally healed to the point where he no longer needed the medicated wipes, the cream, pain medication, fiber supplements or stool softener. He had locked the doors in case Jared had come home. “I . . . I guess I didn’t realize I had locked the door. I’m so . . . sorry,” he mumbled.

Jared reached out for Jensen, pulling him to his chest in a hug and felt Jensen flinch in his arms. “No, I’m sorry. I guess I overreacted. I didn’t mean to scare you or yell. I just panicked when I found the doors locked and you didn’t answer me.” He kissed Jensen’s forehead and whispered, “I’m sorry,” to the warm skin against his lips. 

Jensen nodded and then pulled away from Jared. “It’s okay,” he said as he reached down and picked up the trash bag. “I’m gonna go throw this out,” he said as he slipped past Jared and out of the bathroom. He descended the stairs quickly before Jared could say anything else to him. As he reached the trash barrel outside, he could feel his heart beating rapidly. He took a few minutes to try and regain some control over himself before he walked back inside. As he entered the kitchen through the back door, he was met by Jared.

“So, am I forgiven?” Jared asked hesitantly. 

Slowly Jensen shook his head, but didn’t look at Jared. “Yes,” he answered quietly. 

“I really am sorry,” Jared said as he took one of Jensen’s hands in his.

“I know,” Jensen replied. “Let’s just forget about it,” he said as he finally raised his head to look at Jared. He tried to give Jared a reassuring smile as he took in the pained look on Jared’s face. “It’s been a long week . . .”

“Yeah, it has. But we have the weekend off together,” Jared said with a smile. “How about I make us something to eat and we watch a movie?” he offered, hoping Jensen would say yes. Jensen was still barely eating at times. 

“Okay,” Jensen agreed. “I think we have a frozen pizza. I’ll . . . um . . . I’ll go pick a movie out,” he offered as he pulled his hand out of Jared’s.

“Why don’t you get comfortable in bed? I’ll bring it up when it’s ready and then we can eat, watch the movie and see where the night takes us,” Jared suggested.

Jensen felt the color drain from his face at hearing Jared’s words. He dug his blunt nails into his palm to stop himself from shaking. Jared was intimating sex. He couldn’t. It was all he could do to let Jared touch him, kiss him without screaming at Jared not to touch him. He couldn’t let Jared have sex with him. “Um,” he said as he dropped his gaze to look at the floor. 

“Jensen?” Jared said as he watched Jensen’s reaction to his suggestion. Jensen’s body was stiff. He placed a hand on Jensen’s bicep and he felt the tremors running through Jensen’s body. 

Jensen could feel his breathing quickening. He felt like he was going to pass out and he did his best not to. “Would you be upset if I asked for a raincheck?” His mind raced as he tried to find a believable excuse as to why he didn’t want to make love to his husband. “I . . . um . . . I’m kind of tired and . . .”

“Say no more,” Jared said softly. He wasn’t about to push Jensen if he was tired. “Just promise me that you’ll actually eat the pizza and not pretend to,” he remarked.

Jensen shook his head yes and then walked out of the kitchen. He stood at the bottom of the stairs, trying to get his breathing under control for the second time that night before going upstairs to their bedroom. That night, they had eaten pizza, watched a movie and Jensen had fallen asleep in Jared’s arms.

Saturday morning, Jared was up and dressed before Jensen. “I’m gonna head to the gym,” Jared said as he looked over at the bed. Jensen was just lying there, staring up at the ceiling. “Maybe when I get back we can do something?” 

“Maybe,” Jensen responded without conviction as he rolled onto his side.

“I’ll see you later,” Jared said and leaned down to kiss Jensen. He felt Jensen flinch at his touch and pulled away. He walked out of the house with his gym bag in hand to his SUV, really feeling the need to blow off some steam at the gym. He was feeling frustrated with everything that was going on with Jensen. He had no idea what was wrong with his husband, but he wanted to get to the bottom of it. The time he spent at the gym would do him some good and maybe by the time he got back, he and Jensen could talk.

Jared pulled his SUV into their driveway and looked over at the ‘67 Impala parked next to him. He chuckled at the sight. No matter how many times he had tried to talk Jensen into getting rid of that car, the man had dug his heels in. Jensen loved that car. He could still remember the day, like it was yesterday, when Jensen had come across the car at a police auction they had attended, and had fallen in love with it. Jared had still been assigned to patrol duty, but had just passed his detective’s exam, and every once in a while, they attended the auctions made up of property seized during investigations. After the investigations were over and the criminals were safely behind bars, the property was put up for auction if it had been bought with ill-gotten gains by the criminals. The department made every attempt to return the items to the rightful and legal owners when they could. But many times, the owners had been killed by said criminals in their attempt to steal the items. The money from the auction went back into the city’s coffers to help cover budgetary shortages. The car had been in bad shape; the body was rusty, the seats had been ripped apart and the engine hadn’t run in years. But, Jensen’s eyes had lit up when he saw the car and, and much to Jared’s shock, Jensen had placed a bid. 

“Jared, look at that,” Jensen had said as he pointed to what looked like a pile of junk to Jared.

“Look at what? Scrap metal?” he had responded and had heard Jensen huff in disgust at his words.

“No, that neglected beauty,” Jensen as he pointed again in the direction of the car.

Jensen had sounded breathless to him, quickly getting his attention, Jared had taken a second look. “Still don’t see anything but a pile of metal ready for the junkyard.”

“Jared, that’s a 1967 Chevy Impala. It’s only one of the greatest American-made cars. I’m going to bid on it,” Jensen told Jared excitedly.

Jared had nearly swallowed his tongue when he heard his husband’s words. “Wait! What? Why?” he exclaimed in disbelief.

Jensen had turned back to him, his green eyes shining with excitement. “Because that baby needs a good home. Besides, we’re here at a police auction. Don’t all the proceeds from the sales go to the widows and orphans of fallen police officers?”

Jared had chuckled at Jensen’s words. “Are you living in the 1950’s? That’s what we have pensions and life insurance for. The money made from the sales goes back into the budget to help purchase the tech needed for us to stay one step ahead of the criminals.”

“See, all the more reason for me to bid on it. Plus, it will look good for you, your husband bidding on something. Might help you get a good assignment or something since you’ve just been promoted to detective.” Jensen had rolled his eyes at Jared’s lack of comprehension.

“You do realize that I got my promotion because I passed my exam, not because of anything you may have bid on in the past. All these items are from seized property owned by criminals. Besides, even though I’ve made the grade of detective, I still have to wait for a position to open up,” Jared had replied in a huff.

“Yeah, whatever Padalecki. I’m still going to bid,” Jensen had said as he eyed the car like it was a coveted treasure.

When Jensen got it in his head to do something, there was no stopping him. All Jared had done was shake his head and sat back as Jensen placed his bid. Thankfully, no one else had tried to offer a bid; no one had been foolish enough to want the junk pile as he had taken to calling it. Jensen had won the bid and had nearly knocked him over in his excitement. At seeing how happy Jensen had been, all he could do was congratulate him as his coworkers, superiors and the public had looked on. 

That had been five years ago, with a lot of time and money spent on restoring the Impala to its former glory since then. But, it had made Jensen happy and Jared had sworn that he would always do everything he could to make his husband happy, even if that meant supporting him in his crazy dream to own, restore and drive his Baby, as Jensen had taken to calling the car.

As he grabbed his gym bag from the passenger’s seat of his SUV and made his way inside their home and to their bedroom, he thought about the change in Jensen. Jensen had been quiet lately; subdued, almost unreachable. He would be happy when this latest work project of Jensen’s was over. It seemed like there was one project after the other for Jensen. One had come up and caused him not to be able to take some much needed time off so they could go back to Texas and meet the latest addition to the Padalecki clan and it had bothered both of them to be away from each other. He had taken a ton of pictures of their niece to show Jensen, but it hadn’t been the same. He had wanted to share this with Jensen, and he had wanted Jensen to be able to relax. He knew Jensen had been worried over his boss, Mark Pellegrino, and the man’s possible refusal of his request for a transfer on to another team at Morgan’s Publishing. 

Usually Jensen was able to talk to him, open up about his day. Lately, Jensen hadn’t wanted to talk about work; neither his projects nor the possible transfer. He had a suspicion that Pellegrino had denied the transfer and Jensen was just trying to quietly deal with his disappointment. He knew Jensen would have been perfect for Rosenbaum’s vacated position. Rosenbaum had worked for Felicia Day, who was also a friend of theirs. Her team dealt with Science Fiction and Fantasy writers whereas Jensen’s team dealt with Romance and Mystery writers. He was great at his job, but Jensen had wanted a change and he was willing to back Jensen in anything he wanted, help him in any way he could. 

Jared thought the stress from everything had Jensen pulling away from him. It had been about a month since they had been intimate. And while he missed that aspect of their marriage, he wasn’t about to tell Jensen to relax so that he could get laid. Jensen had put up with him when he had been stressed out with studying for his detective’s exam. He could afford to give Jensen the leeway he needed to deal with things in his own way. And it wasn’t so much the lack of sex; it was the way he just missed Jensen. He missed just talking with Jensen, relaxing with him and being together. 

Quietly, Jared crossed over the threshold and walked up behind Jensen and reached out for him; just needing to touch his husband. It had been a while since Jensen had even kissed him; not since the time he had returned from visiting his family. Had something happened, he wondered. Had Jensen met . . . He forced himself to tamp down his thoughts. He knew his husband. There was no way that Jensen would ever be unfaithful to him. Jensen had been stressed due to work. He had been under pressure, trying to meet deadline after deadline. It seemed like Jensen’s boss, Mark Pellegrino, was demanding more and more from him. He knew Jensen was talented - a writer, editor and an artist - so it came as no surprise that his skills were in high demand at Morgan Publishing. When Jensen wasn’t working on editing, or even helping new writers craft their skills, he was creating book art for those lucky enough to get Jensen’s time. Still, he wanted to kiss Jensen, touch him, make love to him. He stood behind Jensen in their bedroom. Clearly Jensen hadn’t heard him come in. He reached out and placed a hand on Jensen’s arm. He didn’t miss Jensen’s reaction, how he flinched and then tensed. He watched as Jensen stepped away from him. Something was wrong. He could see that now. 

“Jensen?” he questioned as he took a step closer. 

Jensen whirled around, eyes wide and scared as he took in the man standing behind him. Jared. He hadn’t heard him come in. He hadn’t even been aware that Jared was home. Now, Jared was here and there was no way for him to get away from him. He saw the questioning, pained look on Jared’s face. He tried to smile, to reassure Jared that everything was alright, even if nothing was. He wasn’t. He was broken. He had been unfaithful to the man he loved. It didn’t matter the circumstances. He had had sex with someone other than Jared. He had broken his vows and there was no way back from that. 

“J . . . Jar . . . Jared,” he stuttered out. He smiled weakly. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.”

“What’s wrong?” Jared asked, stepping closer. He reached out again for Jensen, only to see Jensen flinch and move away from him. His insides churned hot and heavy. He needed to get to the bottom of things. “What’s wrong Jensen? Please talk to me. All you do is flinch when I try to touch you. You won’t touch me. I try to kiss you and you . . . Don’t you love me any longer? Don’t you want me? Is there . . . is there someone else?” His words had come crashing out of his mouth before he had even had a chance to think about what he had intended to say. But they had been said. Now he needed answers from Jensen.

“What? No,” Jensen responded, shaking his head. There was no one else for him, only Jared. But once Jared knew the truth, Jared would no longer want him. Jared would no longer love him. 

“Then talk to me,” he pleaded with Jensen. At this point he wasn’t above begging. He just needed answers. He needed to understand why Jensen had begun to pull away from him He just wanted to fix whatever was wrong, whatever was broken between them

“I can’t . . .” Jensen looked at Jared and saw the pain he was causing the other man. Jared’s hazel eyes looked at him, pleading with him. Jared was breaking him down to his core and he couldn’t have that. He wanted to reach out to Jared, to tell him everything. He just wanted to know that Jared would always love him. 

Jared saw love and devotion in Jensen’s green eyes but also fear and pain. “You can tell me anything. I love you. Nothing will change that. Please, just talk to me.” He had managed to stand within a foot of Jensen while they had been dancing around whatever this issue was. He reached out and cupped Jensen’s cheeks in his large hands and that’s when he saw it, the terror reflected in those green eyes. Jensen was terrified. It broke his heart to see that. It also confused him. What did Jensen have to be terrified of? Certainly not him, he had never done anything to cause this reaction from Jensen. He hardly ever raised his voice to him and he had never raised a hand to harm him. 

Jensen registered how close Jared was to him. Jared was touching him. Jared was telling him how he loved him; how nothing would change that. 

“No!” He pulled back knocking Jared’s hands away from his face with his own. “No, you can’t, you won’t . . . dirty.” He wrenched himself free of Jared and turned away from him, trying to look at anything other than those kaleidoscopic eyes or that soft smile he loved so such. “I’m dirty . . . I’m not good enough. Not for you. I’m sorry,” he sobbed out. He breaths were coming in starts and stutters as the words were punched from his lips. “I can’t . . . you deserve better . . . I’m dirty,” he managed to croak out between strangled sobs. “Betrayed you . . . I didn’t want it . . . dirty.” He didn’t give Jared time to process his words. He managed to take his wedding ring off and placed it on Jared’s dresser. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he whispered before he turned and fled from their bedroom. He didn’t stop running until he was out of their home, then he had found himself speeding down the highway in his car. 

Jensen wiped at the tears that were obstructing his vision. He needed to stop, he needed to rest and then figure things out. He couldn’t go home. He no longer had a home, not with Jared. He couldn’t go to his friends or family, they would all side with Jared once they found out what he had done. But he was so tired. He noticed a sign for a motel that was coming up in a few miles. He drove on until he reached the motel and pulled into the parking lot. He parked, walked into the office and rented a room for the night. Wearily he made his way from the office to room 110. It was on the first floor, and was the last room. He closed the door behind himself and sank down onto the bed, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. He wanted so much to be wrapped up in Jared’s strong arms, let Jared care for him and protect him, but that would never happen again. 

Jared finally knew the truth. He had betrayed Jared. He had tainted what they had. He was dirty. Mark’s words rang in his ears,  _ ‘slut, take my cock so nicely, love it, don’t you, can’t deny you’ve been wanting this’ _ , and he shook his head, trying to shake the words from his mind. He ran his sweaty shaking hands over his jean clad thighs and his breaths were coming in short bursts. He forced himself from the bed and into the bathroom. His stomach was doing flips and he knew he was about to be sick. He barely made it to the toilet before he was down on his knees, heaving up what little was in his stomach. He stayed in that position until the dry heaves had stopped, thankful that he didn’t really eat much anymore. When he was sure he was no longer in fear of being sick, he dragged himself to his feet and to the bathroom sink. He turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on his face. He cupped his hands and brought the water to his mouth, trying to wash away the taste of bile. He turned off the water and made his way back to the bed. He climbed onto the bed and closed his eyes. He was assaulted with the image of Jared looking so confused and hurt. “I’m sorry, Jared. So sorry,” he repeated over and over again until he finally succumbed to exhaustion.

Jared looked around their bedroom in confusion. What the fuck had just happened? One minute he was talking to Jensen, trying to get him to open up to him, to tell him what was wrong, then the next, Jensen was running from him. Jensen had left.  _ Jensen was gone! _ his mind screamed at him. He turned and started for the door only to stop when he saw Jensen’s wedding ring laying on his dresser. Seeing it there was a punch to his gut. All the air in his lungs left him as he sank down nearly going to his knees, the only thing holding him up from hitting the floor was the piece of furniture he clung to. He leaned against the dresser, using it for support as he got his feet back underneath him. He picked up Jensen’s ring and ran it between his fingers. Then Jensen’s words came back to him, hitting him hard.  _ ‘I’m not good enough. Not for you. I’m sorry’ _ . Those were the words of someone who had done something he regretted. But, then Jensen had said something else,  _ ‘Betrayed you’ _ , those were the words of a cheating spouse. He shook his head, no Jensen wouldn’t, couldn’t. Could he? Then more of Jensen’s words replayed in his mind.  _ ‘I’m dirty. I didn’t want it . . . dirty’ _ . Those were the words of someone who had been hurt, who had been forced to . . . who had been raped. 

His vision whited out as the realization of Jensen’s words washed over him and he crashed down onto his knees, still holding Jensen’s wedding ring. He recalled Jensen’s reactions to him, how Jensen flinched away from his touch, how Jensen had been withdrawn from him. And how Jensen no longer wanted to be around their friends, how he forced himself to go to work. Jensen had been raped. His husband had been raped.  _ Raped! _ His mind screamed and he hadn’t even noticed it until now. He was a fucking detective and he hadn’t even noticed the signs from his own husband. 

He got to his feet and slid Jensen’s smaller ring into his pocket. He had to find Jensen, tell him that he still loved him, that nothing would ever change that. That the rape . . . Jared felt his stomach roil and he ran to the bathroom. Bile rose in his throat as he emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet, and then groaned as he reached to flush the toilet. Standing on shaky legs, he turned to the sink and brushed his teeth. He splashed water on his face, trying to clear his thoughts. As he turned off the water he looked at himself in the mirror. He didn’t like what he saw staring back. He had failed to protect his husband, and he hadn’t even noticed that he was traumatized. He raised his right hand to his head and ran his fingers through his hair as his left clutched at the bathroom counter. As he lowered his hand, he balled it into fist and punched at his reflection with the force of all the anger he was feeling, shattering the mirror into shards of glass. He pulled away from the counter and made his way back into the bedroom. He walked over to their closet and rummaged around in it until he found a black duffle bag. He tossed some clothes into it for himself and Jensen, in case he needed to search for his husband, then he made his way to the living room. He dropped the bag next to the front door and then began to pace the room. He needed to formulate a plan. 

All he could think about was the pain Jensen was going through, all the pain he had been hiding from him. Jensen was alone, he was scared, hurt and convinced that he had betrayed him. His heart broke at the idea that Jensen thought that he was no longer loved or wanted by his own husband. He picked up his cell phone from the entryway table and called Jensen, hoping he would pick up. He heard the ringing, “Come on pick up,” he muttered. 

“You’ve reached Jensen, please leave a message,” Jensen’s voice instructed from the other end of the line.

Damnit, voicemail, he thought to himself. “Jensen, please call me as soon as you get this. I love you. Nothing has changed that. Nothing ever will. Please, just call me. I love you. Please . . .” the voicemail cut off, ending whatever else he wanted to say. He realized he was crying and wiped angrily at his tears, feeling he had no right to cry. He wasn’t the one who had been raped. He dialed Jensen’s work number, hoping against hope that he might have gone there. That call also went to voicemail, and he left another message. “Hey, Jensen. It’s Jared. Call me when you get this, okay? I love you,” he said in a slightly calmer voice. He wanted to call his partner, and get the entire force out looking for Jensen, but knew he couldn’t. Not yet, at least. But he did have resources at his fingertips that he would use if it came to that. He wasn’t a dirty cop. He played by the rules and never used department resources for anything other than legitimate and actual police work, but right now, he wasn’t above using everything at his disposal to find Jensen. He knew he had to give Jensen time to calm down and hopefully then Jensen would come home on his own before he resorted to that. 


	9. Chapter 9

Six hours had passed since Jensen had left and Jared was starting to lose his shit. He had driven around their neighborhood, to the mall, a few of the places their favorites places and even Jensen’s work, hoping to spot his car, without luck. He hadn’t heard from Jensen and he knew he had to work on his plan to call anyone he could to find Jensen. He picked up his phone and dialed Christian’s number, hoping Jensen was with him. If Jensen was, at least he would know that he was safe. The tricky part would be how to explain why he was calling Christian and not Jensen. He didn’t want to give anything away because clearly, Jensen had kept everything bottled up until he had finally fallen apart. 

“Hey Jared,” Christian drawled from the other end of the line when the call had been picked up.

“Hey Chris,” Jared responded as calmly as he could.

“Hey, how’s Jensen? I’ve been calling, leaving messages and I haven’t heard from him. Everything okay? You two okay?” Chris inquired.

So, he had his answer, Jensen wasn’t with Christian. “That’s what I was calling about. He’s been really stressed lately. He’s been working around the clock on some project for work. I figured he could use some down time. I wanted to talk about maybe getting together, going out for a few drinks, help him unwind, ya know?” 

“Yeah, sounds good. Steve and I have a couple of gigs coming up, but we’ll be free in the next week when we get back into town. We’re getting ready to go on stage in about a half hour. Gotta go warm up. Give your boy a hug for me,” Chris said as he ended the call.

Jared hung up and sagged down onto the couch. Chris and Steve were out of town and there was no way that Jensen was with them. 

He thought about calling Jensen’s parents, then hung up his phone. As much as he would have liked to have hoped that Jensen would have sought solace from them, he knew Jensen wouldn’t be at his parent’s home since they lived out of state. Plus, he would have heard from Alan Ackles the moment Jensen walked through the door without a suitcase, and possibly upset. That also ruled out his own parents. His mother would have been on the phone to him the minute she laid eyes on Jensen questioning why Jensen was there without him.

He dialed another number, hoping against hope that Jensen was there. “Hey, Misha, it’s Jared.” He could hear voices in the background, kids yelling and a woman’s voice, most likely Vicky, Misha’s wife.

“Jared,” Misha responded before partially covering the phone to yell at his kids to quiet down. “Sorry about that. Vicky and I are trying to get the kids ready for bed. Nothing amps them up more than knowing we’re looking forward to when we can have alone time. Have kids they said, it will be the most rewarding experience of your life. Well, they lied!” Misha chuckled into the phone. “So, what can I do for you?”

“I was just wondering if you and Vicky were able to get together for drinks. I’m guessing that would be a no since it sounds like you two have your hands full,” Jared responded with a chuckle, trying to make the call appear like it wasn’t a way to find Jensen’s whereabouts.

“I’d loved to, but can’t. We wouldn’t be able to get a babysitter at this time of night. Really, don’t have kids, I mean I love them, but, just don’t,” Misha responded and laughed at his own joke.

“Yeah, I hear you. Although that’s kind of out of the question for me and Jensen,” he laughed softly into the phone. “Well, I’ll let you get back to taming the beasts. Tell Vicky hi from us.”

“Will, do. Night Jared,” Misha responded and ended their call.

That had been another dead end and now he had another call to make. “Felicia, it’s Jared.”

“Jared, how are you? How’s Jensen? He’s been so off lately. I know it was a real blow to him when Mark refused to let him join my team. I thought he’d be perfect to take the position that Rosenbaum vacated when he jumped ship for some other publisher. He really should take that up with JD. The position is still open and I’d love to have him on my team. He’s talented and a damn good editor. Mark’s wasting him on these projects that aren’t really going anywhere,” Felicia rambled before she took a breath. “Sorry, you didn’t call to listen to me babble, did you?”

“Well, I was calling about Jensen. He’s been off, like you said, and I was wondering if it was work related. He hasn’t really wanted to talk about work, just that Mark has him working on project after project. I just wanted to see if there was anything I could help him with,” Jared offered as an excuse for calling. 

“Oh, how sweet. You’re a good husband. My other half never notices if something’s wrong. Only if I’m withholding.” Felicia giggled into the phone. “Sorry, TMI. You need to get him to talk to JD. I’m stalling as long as I can before I’m forced to hire a replacement.”

“Yeah, I will. Thanks,” he said as he ended the call. 

He had two more people he could call and then, if those didn’t pan out, he’d be forced to call his partner, Chad for help. Both calls had ended up being useless as far as finding out where Jensen was. When he placed a call to Danneel under the guise of why she hadn’t shown up at their home for drinks, he discovered that she had been out of town on vacation and had no idea what he was talking about. He had apologized for the misunderstanding before ending the call. 

He then placed a call to Genevieve only to find that she had seen Jensen on Friday before they had left work. Jensen had been quiet, but he hadn’t mentioned anything about getting together for drinks so it had been a surprise when Jared had called wondering where she was. ‘It must have slipped Jensen’s mind’, had been his excuse as he ended the call, having figured out that Jensen wasn’t with any of their friends.

He dialed the last number out of desperation. In between calling their friends and coworkers, Jared had tried Jensen’s phone several more times, leaving him messages until Jensen’s voicemail no longer accepted any recordings. “Chad, meet me at the precinct in a half hour,” he said in a serious tone when Chad had picked his call. 

“Sure, Jared, whatever you need,” Chad had simply replied and then ended the call. 

Jared walked over to the entryway table, pressed a hidden button underneath the table top that released a cleverly disguised drawer and punched in the code to open his gun case. He grabbed his holstered gun and slipped it onto his belt. He withdrew his badge, shoved it into his front pocket of his jeans and closed the drawer. He picked up the duffle bag along with his coat, made his way to his SUV, tossed his belongings into the backseat and then slid in behind the wheel and drove to the precinct. 

Jared was sitting at his desk waiting for Chad to arrive, drumming his fingers on his desk in agitation. The floor that housed their shared detective’s office he was on was nearly deserted, not many detectives were on duty at the moment and he was happy about that, it meant he would be questioned as to why he and Chad were back when they were supposed to be off for the weekend. He had nodded an acknowledgement to the two who were there, Sheppard and Speight. He didn’t know Sheppard,  _ the Brit _ as he was referred to, all that well, but the guy was friendly enough to him. He had worked with Speight in the past and he and Chad had gone out for drinks with the man a few times. He knew both were honest, hardworking detectives. But, right now, he didn’t trust them enough to confide in them. He looked up from his computer to see Chad approaching him, with a look of concern on this partner’s face. 

“Hey, Jared, what’s up?” Chad questioned quietly as he approached Jared’s desk.

Jared pushed his chair back from his desk and stood up. “I need your help with something,” he said without a trace of a smile on his face.

Chad could see how tense Jared was. “Sure, whatever you need man,” Chad responded, knowing it had to be important by the way Jared was acting.

“Not here,” Jared said in a whisper as he nudged his head in the direction of the other two men. He turned and led Chad out of their office and down the hall to an interview room, which offered privacy from prying eyes and eavesdropping ears. He closed the door behind them and lowered the blinds, cutting them off from the outside.

“This must be serious,” Chad said as he turned to face Jared. Any trace of his usual wiseass ways were gone as he regarded his partner.

“It is, and you can’t tell anyone,” Jared replied in a somber tone.

Chad sucked in a breath, “What the fuck man, you’re scaring me.” 

“It’s Jensen,” he uttered and looked at Chad,with tears in his eyes. “He’s gone. I can’t reach him. He’s not answering his phone, and the GPS on it is turned off.”

“So what you guys got into a fight. Maybe he needs some time to calm down,” Chad suggested.

“No,” Jared said as he shook his head, feeling as if his world was breaking apart. He reached into his pocket and withdrew Jensen’s ring. He held it out and heard the sharp intake of breath from Chad. “He said some things. Some things that . . .”

“That what? That he wants to end things between the two of you? No way man,” Chad said with a shake of his head, “he’s devoted to you. Just like you think he hung the moon.”

“No, I think someone hurt him.” Jared forced himself to swallow. He forced himself to say the words he had yet to actually say out loud. The words that would make this real once he said them out loud, giving a voice to his thoughts, turning it into reality. “I think someone . . . raped him.” He felt his knees buckle and reached out to steady himself against the table. Then he felt Chad’s arms on him, helping him to stay upright.

“Jesus Christ,” Chad uttered as the blood drained from his face. “What makes you think that?” he asked as he added his strength to Jared, helping the man to stand again.

Jared related everything that had happened between himself and Jensen that morning. Then he began to explain how Jensen flinched away from him even when he was only trying to give him a kiss on his cheek, how Jensen really wasn’t eating or sleeping all that well, and how Jensen had distanced himself from everyone, including him. “He said he was sorry, that he betrayed me, that he didn’t want it,” he whispered as his voice broke, “that he was dirty.” He felt Chad’s hand tightened on his arm. “You know what that means. We’ve heard it enough times from our investigations when we’ve talked to rape victims. I didn’t even notice it. I didn’t see what was happening with my own husband. I didn’t protect him!” He let out the anguish he was feeling as he repeatedly smashed his fists down on the table in front of him. “I should have protected him,” he managed to get out from behind clenched teeth. 

“Okay, so you’ve made calls right? You’ve tried to find out where he is? Have you talked to his friends and family?” Chad asked, the detective in him coming out in full force as he began to ask the standard questions as to what had been done to locate Jensen. 

“Yeah. No one’s seen him or heard from him. His family lives out of state so I didn’t even bother calling them.” Jared shook his head. “He wouldn’t tell them something like this. He didn’t even tell me. I need to find him,” he said, not hiding the desperation he was feeling.

“We will. How long has it been since he left?” Chad asked.

“I got back from the gym around ten this morning. That’s when everything went to shit. So, maybe ten hours or so,” Jared replied as he thought back over everything.

“Okay, he didn’t take anything with him when he left, did he?” Chad questioned.

“No, not that I saw,” Jared said with a shake of his head.

“Okay, he’s upset. He’s scared. He has nothing with him. He was driving his car, right? So, GPS is out of the question with that. You gotta get him to give up on the ‘67 Impala and get something modern. That way I could have at least traced the navigation system.” He gave Jared a weak smile and then continued on. “Okay, maybe he stopped and an ATM or a gas station. You didn’t try searching, did you? Cause if you did and this thing goes to court, we’re fucked. A guy who happens to be a detective putting a trace out on his own husband’s movements won’t look good.”

“No, I’m not braindead,” Jared huffed out. “That’s why I called you, moron.”

“Watch the name calling. You want my help, right?” Chad asked hotly.

“Yeah,” Jared shook his head and then smiled an apology at his friend and partner.

“Let’s go find Jensen.” Chad said and then led them back to their desks. He sat at his desk and began to go through Jared and Jensen’s financial records. “I think I might have found something,” he said in a low voice, conscious of them not being alone.

“Hey, boys. Everything okay?” Mark Sheppard asked as he walked over to them. He was joined by Richard Speight a moment later. 

“Working on a case?” Speight inquired.

“A lead in a possible investigation,” Chad responded. 

“Anything we can help with?” Sheppard offered. 

“Not yet, but I’ll let you know if we need your help,” Jared replied. If he was right and Jensen had been raped, he and Chad wouldn’t be allowed within fifty feet of the investigation. Hell, Chad was taking a chance in what he was doing right now, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to find Jensen. He’d deal with the rest later. 

Sheppard nodded his head and started walking back to his desk. “Ready to help, if you need us,” he said over his shoulder. 

Speight cocked his head to the side and regarded Jared for a moment. “If you need anything, let me know,” he said and then walked back to his desk.

Jared turned his attention back to Chad. “What did you find?” he asked anxiously

“A credit card under your account was used several hours ago to rent a room at a motel. It’s only fifty miles from here.  _ Sparrow’s Nest _ . Go find him, bring him home,” Chad said as he looked up at Jared, sympathy for his friend and partner clearly showing in his eyes.

“Thanks,” Jared responded and then he was on the move. He made his way out of the precinct and to his SUV; he typed in the name of the motel into his GPS before he left to find Jensen. Less than an hour later, he was pulling into the motels’ parking lot. He breathed a sigh of relief at seeing Jensen’s car still parked in the lot. He pulled up to it and got out. He walked around the car and then placed a hand on the hood. The car was cold; it most likely hadn’t moved since Jensen had parked it. He walked into the office and waited for the woman behind the counter to look up the book she was reading a book to acknowledge him. He cleared his throat to get her attention and then offered her a small smile.

“Help you?” the woman asked with a smile. 

Jared pulled out his phone and his badge. “I’m hoping you can,” he said as he pulled up a picture of Jensen and walked closer to the counter. “I’m looking for someone,” he told her as he showed her his badge and then the picture. “Have you seen him?”

The woman studied the picture before looking up into Jared’s concerned face. “He done something? I don’t want any trouble.”

“No, I think someone hurt him. I’m just trying to find him. Please, have you seen him? Is he here?” Jared asked in a near panic.

The woman, Connie, as her name tag stated, nodded her head. “Yeah, he checked in right after my shift started. He seemed tired and sad, heartbroken, really. He’s in room 110, first floor, last room. You’re a cop, but I’m guessing you’re not here on police business,” she stated as she grabbed the spare key for room 110. 

Jared shook his head. “No, he’s my husband, but I’m not lying. I think someone hurt him,” he said grimly.

“Yeah, he had that scared look about him.” She slid the key over to Jared and then turned her attention back to her book. “You didn’t get that from me,” she said as Jared thanked her and walked out of the office.

Jared almost ran to the room and stood in front of the door, hand raised to knock, and then lowered it. He stepped closer and placed his ear against the door. When he didn’t hear any movement from inside the room he quietly slipped the key into the lock and turned it. He heard the soft click of the lock and then turned the doorknob. He pushed the door open, letting the streetlight cut through the darkness of the room and saw a lone figure laying on top of the bed. “Jensen?” he called out. He watched as the figure stirred on the bed, lifting his head and trying to look in the direction of what had woken him.

Jensen heard Jared’s voice calling to him, pulling him from his sleep. “Jared,” Jensen instinctively responded. He moved on the bed, trying to find Jared as he lifted his head and looked toward the doorway. He saw the figure standing in the doorway, taking up the entire space. “No, no, no,” he whimpered out, remembering where he was. It couldn’t be Jared standing in the darkness, blocking the door. Jared had no idea where he was. He scrambled off the bed, landing on the floor. “Please, no.” He heard the door being closed and tried to make himself as small as possible. Maybe whoever this was would realize he was in the wrong room, and would leave without touching him. He felt hands on his body, a hand on his shoulder and the other cupping his face. Even though the touch was tender, he squeezed his eyes closed and prayed the man would leave without hurting him.

Jared closed the door and stepped closer, trying to get to Jensen. He had watched as Jensen had scrambled off the bed and fallen onto the floor. He knelt down next to Jensen, placed a hand on his shoulder and then cupped Jensen’s face with his other hand. “Hey, it’s me. Nothing to be scared of,” he said soothingly. “Jensen, I’ve been so worried about you. Please, look at me.” He pulled Jensen into his arms and rocked him as he felt Jensen’s body begin to shudder with his sobs. “It’s okay. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I love you,” he said softly. 

They stayed that way until Jensen’s tears stopped, his breaths coming in soft hiccups. Every time he tried to move away, Jared’s hold on him tightened and then relaxed. He heard Jared speaking to him, uttering nonsensical, soothing words and he allowed himself to relax into Jared’s body. He had wanted this, Jared’s arms around him, protecting him. He opened his eyes to find the once darkened room was bathed in soft light. 

“How? How are you here? How did you find me? Why?” he questioned and tried to pull himself free from Jared’s arms. 

“Did you forget you’re married to a detective?” Jared chuckled out softly. “I had to find you. I had to make sure you were alright and to return something to you.”

Jensen looked at Jared in confusion. Jared had something to return to him? He looked down as Jared’s right hand lifted his left one. His mouth gaped open as Jared slipped his discarded wedding ring on his finger and then felt the hot tears as they began to slide down his cheeks. “Why?” Was the only thing he could think to say. He tried to pull his hand away from Jared’s, but Jared held onto his hand firmly. “No, Jared you don’t want me,” he said as his voice cracked. “I . . . betrayed you. Please . . . please just leave.” He felt his panic rising to the surface as he tried to pull himself free from Jared’s hold. 

“You didn’t betray me. You did nothing wrong.” Jared let go of Jensen, fearing he was doing more harm than good at the moment as Jensen struggled to free himself of his hold. He watched as Jensen scrambled away from him and he saw the look of heartache on his husband’s face. He wanted to reach out and take Jensen into his arms, but knew right then that act of love and compassion would only push Jensen further away from him. 

Jensen stood up and moved away from Jared, needing to get some distance from the other man. Jared just didn’t understand, yet; in time he would, and then Jared would want nothing to do with him. “You shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t have returned this to me,” he said as he started to remove his wedding ring, 

Seeing what Jensen was attempting to do had Jared up and on his feet. “Please, stop,” Jared begged and raised his hands in front of himself. “Don’t take it off.” He dropped his hands and closed his eyes, trying to figure out how to connect with Jensen. There was only one way. He opened his eyes and looked at Jensen. “I know . . .” He was cut off by hearing a sharp intake of breath from Jensen, but didn’t let that stop him. “I know someone hurt you. Please just tell me. Who was it? Jensen, who raped you?” He saw Jensen pale and then sprang forward to catch him as his legs gave out on him. He cradled Jensen in his arms as he gently lowered them to the floor. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me. I’m your husband. I love you, that will never change. You’re not dirty and I know you didn’t want this to happen to you. It’s not your fault.” He held Jensen as Jensen cried. He rocked Jensen in his arms, occasionally running a hand down Jensen’s back or through his hair, hoping this was soothing to him and remained quiet until he felt Jensen begin to relax in his arms.

Jensen heard Jared’s words. He heard Jared telling him he knew someone had hurt him, that someone had raped him. Then his world had bottomed out and he had been falling. He was sure he would hit the floor, but he had been caught by Jared and Jared was still here with him. Jared hadn’t turned his back on him, he hadn’t left him. He fisted his hand into Jared’s shirt, rested his head in the crook of Jared’s neck and cried. He wasn’t sure where the tears had come from, he had thought he had no more to shed. “I’m sorry,” he managed to get out between gulps of breath. “I’m so sorry. Please . . .” He took a ragged breath. “Please forgive me.”

“Jensen, there’s nothing to forgive,” Jared replied tenderly and then kissed the side of Jensen’s head. “Just, don’t leave again. We can get through this, together.” He felt his own tears pricking at his eyes and he let them fall freely. He had been so panicked trying to find Jensen along with the realization of what Jensen had gone through alone, that he hadn’t had time to deal with his own emotions. “Why don’t we get up from the floor? There’s a bed we could be sitting on at least.” He felt Jensen nod his head in agreement and waited for Jensen to let go of him and move to the bed. When Jensen was sitting on the edge of the bed, he stood and walked into the bathroom, grabbed one of the motel facecloths, ran it under cold water and rung it out. He brought it out to Jensen and gently wiped his face, before wiping at his own. He tossed the used cloth onto the bathroom counter and then sat down next to Jensen, taking his hands in his own. “When? When did it happen?” he asked, needing to know the answer. 

Jensen bit his bottom lip, a sign that he was agitated, before he answered Jared. “When you were visiting your family,” he whispered, not daring to look at Jared. He felt shame washing over him as he waited for Jared’s response, waited for Jared to walk out on him. 

Jared shook his head in disbelief. “A month ago,” he whispered. He felt a stab to his heart as he tried to wrap his head around Jensen’s answer. Jensen had been dealing with this on his own for a month. He wanted to ask so many more questions. Why hadn’t Jensen said anything? Why had Jensen kept it to himself? Why had this happened to his husband? Who had done this to the man he loved? Was it done by a stranger? Did Jensen know the rapist? Did he know this person who had raped Jensen? Had Jensen been hurt, physically? Had Jensen sought medical attention? Why hadn’t he noticed the changes in Jensen until now? Why had he failed to protect his husband? 

He looked over at Jensen, and saw the dark circles under his eyes, the paleness of his skin, how he had clearly lost weight. “I’m a fucking idiot,” he muttered. He felt Jensen shift on the bed. “I should have noticed before now.” He gave a weak smile to Jensen. “Some detective I am, huh? I couldn’t even figure out something was wrong with you. I’m so sorry.”

Jensen shifted again so he was looking fully at Jared rather than looking at the motel room’s door. “What are you sorry for?” Jensen asked, confusion coloring his features.

“I didn’t protect you.” Jared could feel the anger rising within himself. He had made a promise to Jensen when they had said their vows, he had promised to protect him and he had failed his husband.

“How could you? You were away and I didn’t tell you,” Jensen finally admitted.

“Why didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me? Did you think I’d blame you?” Jared asked, trying to remain calm as he spoke to Jensen, even though he wanted snap the neck of the man who had hurt Jensen. He wanted to yell, he wanted to punch holes in the wall, he wanted to break something, anything, but he couldn’t. He had to stay level-headed for Jensen’s sake. 

“No, I blamed myself enough for the both of us. I didn’t want to burden you with it. I thought . . . that you would think I cheated on you,” he whispered. “I thought that you would hate me, that you would leave me and I didn’t want to lose you. I thought I could deal with it, make it go away.” Jensen gave a harsh laugh. “It didn’t work, did it?”

“No, but we can deal with it together from now on.” Jared tilted his head to the side to look at Jensen. “You were attacked and raped. You didn’t cheat on me.” He closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to find the right words to say to Jensen. “I could never hate you and I would never leave you. I love you. You’re never gonna lose me, you’ve got to believe that,” Jared said in earnest.

Jared took a deep breath, steadying himself for his next question as he sat quietly processing everything he had just heard from Jensen. What he had feared was true, Jensen had been raped, but he hadn’t said by who. “Jensen,” Jared said softly, the last thing he wanted was to upset Jensen by speaking harshly to him. “Jensen, who was it? Tell me, please, I need to know, was it someone you know? Do we know the person who raped you or was it a stranger?” He watched as Jensen shook his head and pulled away from him.

Jensen felt his mouth go dry, his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. He couldn’t answer Jared, all he could do was shake his head as he pulled away from him. He knew Jared had the right to know who it was, but he was too afraid to tell Jared who had raped him. He could tell Jared was trying to keep his emotions in check, especially his anger, and he just wasn’t sure if telling him at that moment was the right thing to do. He feared what Jared might do to Mark out of anger. He needed to protect Jared, to make sure he didn’t do something that he would later come to regret and possibly ruin his career over. 

“Please, Jared . . .” Jensen responded as his voice broke and he began to cry. He turned back to Jared, not able to hide his fear and heartbreak at not being able to tell Jared who had raped him. “I can’t,” he managed to say as he reached out for Jared, fearing that if he didn’t touch Jared, hold onto him, that Jared would disappear on him.

Seeing Jensen’s distress, Jared backed off from pressing any further for the name of the man who had raped him. With a shake of his head, he reached out, wiped away Jensen’s tears before taking his hands in his. “Okay,” he responded with a sad smile. “Okay, when you’re ready.” 

“What now?” Jensen asked cautiously, still trying to comprehend that Jared was there with him. 

“Right now?” Jared asked. “Right now, we rest. You’re exhausted, I can see the dark circles under your eyes, and I just need to hold you. Then, in the morning we go to the precinct so you can give a statement.”

“Jared . . . your coworkers will know. Everyone will know. I can’t put you through that,” he said as he started to pull away from Jared.

“I don’t care about that, the only thing I care about is you. You’re not going to be okay until this bastard is caught. I’ll be with you every step of the way,” Jared promised. 

“Are you sure? I mean . . . it was a month ago. Who would believe me?” Jensen asked, uncertainty ringing in his voice and disbelief written across his features.

“I believe you,” Jared responded with certainty. “The detectives I work with will believe you.” He reached out for Jensen, pulling him into his arms and lowering them down onto the bed. “Get some sleep. I’m here. I’m not gonna let anything bad ever happen to you again. I promise,” he vowed as he placed a tender kiss against Jensen’s cheek.

Jensen willingly relaxed into Jared’s embrace, enjoying the feel of his strong arms around him, making him feel safe. He felt Jared’s lips against his cheek, kissing him softly as he began to drift off to sleep, the first real uninterrupted sleep he had had since he had been raped. 

Jensen woke to find Jared still laying next to him, looking at him. He smiled at Jared and reached out for him; entwining their fingers together. “Morning,” he said quietly. “What are you doing?”

“Watching you sleep. You looked so peaceful,” Jared answered in a soft voice.

Jensen rolled away from Jared, the scrutiny was too much for him to take. “I know you said all those things to me last night,” he said as he swung his feet over the side of the bed, sitting with his back to Jared, “that you love me, still want me.” He closed his eyes and clenched his hands into fists. “I can’t stop myself from feeling like I betrayed you. I let another man touch me.” He felt like he was going to be sick, his stomach was doing flips as he tried to breathe through the rising panic. “I know things look different in the daylight, clearer. I’ll understand if . . .” He had to get the words out, he had to give Jared the chance to leave, even if it broke his heart to watch Jared walk out that motel room door. “If you had second thoughts, or third, and don’t want . . .” 

Jared jumped up from the bed, rounded the foot of it and crouched down in front of Jensen’s legs, placing his hands on Jensen’s thighs. “If you think that I’m willing to let you go, then you’re out of your mind. In the clear light of day, there is still no one I want more than you. There is no one I love more than you. Nothing changes that. If I have to keep telling you that every day for the rest of our lives, then I will,” he said lovingly before his voice took on a more serious tone. “But, you have to stop thinking this way. I don’t blame you for what happened. You didn’t let some other man touch you, not willingly. What happened to you is called rape. Someone hurt you, violated you. Someone forced you to have sex without your consent. It’s an act of sexual violence, of dominance. That’s not betraying me. That’s not cheating on me.” He could feel his anger rising, not at Jensen, but at the person who had done this to Jensen. He wanted to pound his fists into the man who had taken his loving and caring husband and turned him into a shadow of his former self. 

He took a moment to calm himself as he stared into Jensen’s terrified eyes. Jensen was feeding off of his emotions and right now he was scaring Jensen. “Look, I’m angry, but not at you. I want to fucking kill the man, no, not man, the piece of shit that did this to you. I’m angry at myself for leaving for a week. For coming back and not noticing that something was wrong, that you were hurt and scared. But, please don’t ever think for one moment that I would be better off without you. Because, Jensen Ackles-Padalecki, I would be lost without you. We’ll get through this. We’ll go to counseling, whatever you want, whatever you need. We’ll go at your pace, however long it takes you, but I’m not giving up on you or us.” 

“Thank you,” Jensen responded quietly. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and let Jared’s words sink in. Jared still loved him, Jared still wanted him, and Jared didn’t blame him. He opened his eyes and shook his head. “You’ll be with me?” he asked and watched as Jared shook his head. “I want to report it, what he did to me, that I was raped.” He expected to feel like he was being crushed under the weight of his words, but he hadn’t been. He had never said the word out loud. He had never wanted to give a voice to it, thinking that if he didn’t say the word, then it had never happened to him. 

“I’ll be with you the entire time. I’m so proud of you,” Jared replied.

“Thank you, it means the world to me,” Jensen smiled sadly, adding, “we should probably go home and get cleaned up.” 

“I’ve already got it covered. I packed some things for us, just in case I had to search for you. Why don’t you go grab a shower, and I’ll be right back.” He stood up and walked to the door. He cast a glance over his shoulder as he heard movement and watched as Jensen disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door after himself. His heart was heavy at seeing that. Before, Jensen wouldn’t have closed the door, but this was about supporting Jensen, even if he felt that he had to close the bathroom door to shower. He retrieved the bag from his SUV and returned to the room. He looked at the closed door, knowing Jensen would need his clothing, he knocked on the door and waited for Jensen to answer him. He heard a muffled ‘Jared’ through the door and cautiously opened the door a crack. “It’s just me. I’m just gonna leave the bag on the counter so you can change when you’re done.” He heard Jensen respond ‘Okay’ as he closed the door and waited for his turn in the shower. 

When Jensen was done in the bathroom, he emerged dressed, and towel drying his hair. He felt awkward as Jared passed by him. He had let Jared hold him last night, touch him and even kiss him, but he wasn’t in control of his emotions and couldn’t offer his husband anything more right now. He heard the shower turn on and turned to look back at the bathroom. The door was closed, something Jared never did. He sat down on the edge of the bed and waited for Jared to finish. He watched as the door opened and Jared stepped out carrying the bag containing their dirty clothes, his usual happy hazel eyes anything but. “You closed the door,” he said quietly.

Jared looked up when Jensen spoke to him. He looked back at the door and then over to Jensen. “Only because you did. I figured you weren’t ready for me to see you naked or to see me naked.”

“Oh.” Jensen bit his bottom lip, worrying it between his teeth. “I didn’t realize I did that. I’m sorry,” he said softly.   
  


“Don’t apologize. I’m not gonna push. I can sleep in the second bedroom when we get home. I’ll move some of my things in there so you don’t feel uncomfortable,” Jared offered. It would be hard to sleep apart from Jensen, even if they were only a room away from each other, but he’d do it. He’d give Jensen whatever time and space he needed to heal.

Jensen stood up and walked toward Jared. “No, that’s not what I want. I felt safe with you last night. I feel safe around you. I just need to feel like I can be safe without you.” He offered Jared a smile and then slotted himself into Jared’s arms. “Just give me some time.”

“Whatever you need,” Jared mumbled into the top of Jensen’s head. 

Jensen pulled away from Jared. “So, now what? We just show up at the precinct?” Jensen questioned and he felt his fear beginning to rise. He had stepped foot inside a police precinct before, but only to visit Jared while he had been at work. Now, he would be walking in to report his rape. He reached out to Jared, grabbed his arm and held on as his breathing began to quicken. He could feel himself starting to shake as a panic attack started.

Jared looked down at the hand that was gripping his arm tightly and then up to Jensen’s pale face. He could see that Jensen was being gripped by a panic attack. “Hey, breathe, just breathe,” he said softly as he led Jensen over to the bed to sit down. “I’m right here with you. Nothing is going to happen to you, I promise,” he murmured as he held Jensen until his breathing returned to normal. “Better?” he asked as he dropped his hand to the small of Jensen’s back and began to rub circles there. 

“Yes,” Jensen answered in a small voice as his breathing began to return to normal. 

“Okay, good,” Jared replied as he pulled his arm away from Jensen. “Let me call Chad. I should let him know that I found you, and that we’re on our way in. I know two detectives that I would choose to work this; other than myself and Chad.” He watched as Jensen nodded his head and then pulled out his phone and dialed Chad’s number. The call was picked up on the first ring and he didn’t even get to say hello before Chad was speaking.

“Jared, did you find him? Is he alright?” Chad’s voiced rushed out over the line.

“Yeah, thanks. We’re going to the precinct. Will Sheppard and Speight be there?” Jared inquired.

“No, they won’t be there for another few hours. Why?” Chad asked.

“Call them in, I’d like them to handle this. We’ll be there in about an hour,” Jared said. 

“Sure thing, man,” Chad said and ended the call, only to pick up his phone and place calls to the two detectives as Jared had requested, before driving to the precinct himself. He along with Jared wouldn’t be allowed to be involved in the investigation, but he wanted to be there to support his friend and partner through this. He knew Jensen; he had become friends with him as well when he and Jared had been made partners. Jensen had always been nice to him, invited him and his wife over for dinner or out for drinks. He couldn’t imagine what Jared and Jensen were going through right now. All he knew was that whoever it was that had raped Jensen had better be adept at hiding, because if Jared found him first, there was no way the son of a bitch would make it out alive. And then he would have to help Jared dispose of the body and create a solid alibi, because he was just that great of a partner and friend.

“Ready?” Jared asked as they stood at their cars.

Jensen gave a tentative shake of his head before he opened his car door. “So, do you want me to follow you?”

“Yeah,” Jared answered and watched as Jensen got into his car. Jared started his car, pulled out of the parking lot and watched as Jensen did the same, following him from the motel to the employee parking lot of the police precinct. He could see the fear on Jensen’s face as he got out of his car. He reached out and took Jensen’s shaking hand in his. “I’ll be with you every step of the way. They’ll believe you,” he said in a soft voice. Jensen just nodded to him and let him lead the way through the employee entrance and up to the fourth floor of the red brick police precinct. He could feel Jensen clinging to him, pressing his shaking body against his. They stepped off the elevator and saw Chad first as they walked into the large room. He nodded to Sheppard and Speight who returned his nod, but remained seated. He heard scraping as Chad pushed aside a chair and walked toward them.

“Hey, so, they came in. I haven’t told them anything and they haven’t asked any questions,” Chad said, glancing over at the other two detectives. “How you doing?” Chad asked as he turned his attention to Jensen. “Is there anything you need?”

“Water?” Jensen asked, feeling his throat go dry. He was standing in a police precinct, about to report a rape, his rape. He started to feel dizzy as his chest began to tighten. He closed his eyes, willing himself to stay calm. His eyes snapped open when he heard Chad’s voice. 

“Sure, you got it,” Chad said and moved away to the breakroom to get Jensen a bottle of water. 

Jared turned to Jensen and placed his arm around his shoulder. “You okay?” He felt Jensen nod before he continued. “I’m going to bring you over to the detectives. You’ll need to tell them why you’re here. I’ll stay with you, but I can’t get involved, not as a cop.”

“O . . . okay,” Jensen managed to get out. He felt Jared moving them forward, walking them toward the other two men. 

“Jared,” Sheppard said as they drew near. He rose from his chair, walked around his desk and leaned against it. 

“This is my husband, Jensen. This is Detective Mark Sheppard. You’ve met Richard before,” Jared said as he nodded toward Speight.

“Hey, Jensen,” Richard acknowledged and turned to Jared. “So, Murray called and asked us to come in. What’s this about?” he questioned.

Jared looked at the two men before turning to look at Jensen. He wanted to shield his husband from what he was about to go through, reporting his rape. He would gladly shoulder the burden if he could, but he knew he couldn’t. Jensen had to do this on his own. It would be the first step for Jensen to take back his life, to end the fear and pain that the man who had raped Jensen had inflicted on him. 

“So, tell us, what’s going on?” Sheppard echoed as he took in the state of the two men before him. He knew that Jared was generally good-natured, but at that moment he looked angry, like he was ready to strike out at something or someone, especially if anyone approached Jensen in the wrong way. He was also making it very clear to anyone who looked at him that he was visibly protecting Jensen with his own body. Jensen, on the other hand looked exhausted. He had dark circles under his eyes and he seemed ready to jump from every movement, or possibly collapse. “What can we do for you?” he asked in a non-threatening manner as he directed his attention to Jensen. “How can we help?” 

“I need to . . . report . . . a crime,” Jensen stammered.

With that Sheppard took a step away from his desk. “A crime?”

“Rape. I was raped,” Jensen whispered. He felt his legs buckle and the tears on his face as he admitted his secret to someone other than Jared. 

Jared caught Jensen as his legs gave out from uttering those words. He pulled Jensen to his chest and let his husband cry, not caring who was around or what anyone might have thought. The only thing going through his mind was that he needed to comfort and support Jensen in any way he could. 

“Why don’t we take this somewhere we can sit, and you can tell us what happened?” Sheppard asked in a soft voice. He turned and started to lead them to the same room that Jared had pulled Chad into just the night before.

“Sure,” Jared said solemnly and then walked Jensen to the room. He was about to enter when he felt a hand on his chest, stopping him from following Jensen into the room. 

“It’s best if you stay out here,” Speight said to him as Chad walked over with the bottle of water. “You can’t be involved.”

Jensen turned to see why Jared had let go of him and hadn’t followed him into the room. He heard Speight’s words and started to shake. “No, I need my husband,” Jensen responded in a terrified voice. 

Speight turned and looked at Jensen. “That’s not a good idea. He’s a detective here in this precinct. Jensen, I’m sorry, but he can’t be involved.”

“Please, I need Jared. I can’t . . . ” Jensen responded in a panic laced voice. He started to back away, shaking his head no.

Seeing the pain etched in Jensen’s face, Speight relented; he wasn’t about to traumatize the man any more than he already had been. “Of course,” he turned to Jared. “You’ll remain quiet, but if I tell you that you need to step out, then you step out. Is that understood?”

“Yeah, understood,” Jared agreed as he walked into the room and stood next to Jensen. He felt Jensen slide his hand into his and he gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Here, this is for Jensen,” Chad offered the bottle of water to Speight. “I’ll be out here, if you need anything,” Chad said as he turned and walked back to his desk. 

Speight waited for Jared to join Jensen and for Chad to leave before closing the door. “Please, have a seat.” He waved a hand at the two men and the empty chairs as he and Sheppard sat across from them. He placed the water bottle down on the table and pushed it toward Jensen who accepted it with a weak smile

Sheppard produced a box of tissues and slid them across the table toward Jensen. “Why don’t you start by telling us when this happened.” He reached into his jacket and pulled out a slim notebook and pen, flipped it open and waited for Jensen to begin.

Jensen looked at Jared. He saw anger and pain clouding his husband’s usually bright eyes. His lips were pinched together, forming a thin line where there was usually a dimpled smile. He swallowed, slid his hand into Jared’s, needing the comfort of his husband’s touch and then turned back to the two detectives sitting on the other side of the table. “It happened about a month ago. Jared’s sister had given birth to our niece. He was out of town visiting our family when . . . when it happened, when I was raped.” He felt Jared tightened his hold on him and he looked over at Jared, and saw the look of pure fury on Jared’s face. 

“Go on,” Sheppard encouraged, drawing Jensen’s attention away from Jared.

“I was working late. I had to make up the time I had taken off the day before to drive Jared to the airport and I thought I was alone,” Jensen explained.

“And where do you work?” Sheppard inquired as he took notes.

“Morgan Publishing. I’m one of the editors in the Romance and Mystery department. I’m also an artist, I create some of the art for the book jackets and the chapters. I was coming back from the bathroom. I heard someone call my name. I was alone, I was sure of it. I remember checking the front door to make sure it had been locked. I have a set of keys to the building so I could lock up when I was ready to leave,” Jensen explained. 

“Do you typically stay late or by yourself?” Speight asked Jensen.

“I’ve stayed late before, and I’ve gone in on the weekends to handle an emergency,” Jensen replied.

“And you said you have a set of keys to the building?” Speight inquired.

“I live the closest and that’s one of the reasons I have a set of keys. It’s just in case something happened and JD, the owner couldn’t be there,” Jensen explained. 

“Alright, so you thought you were alone and then you heard someone call your name,” Sheppard stated. “Did you recognize the voice?”

“Yes,” Jensen responded and looked down at his and Jared’s joined hands. “It was Mark. Mark Pellegrino . . . my boss,” he choked out as he heard Jared shocked response of ‘It was Pellegrino’. “Mark wasn’t supposed to have been there. He had left earlier to meet someone for dinner. I remember turning to my right when I heard Mark’s voice and then pain. He hit me in the back of the head. The next thing I knew, I felt hands on me, dragging me into an office and my hands were tied in front of me. He used his tie to do that and then he was shoving me against a desk. I tried to fight him,” he said as he turned to Jared. A sob tore loose from his throat as his eyes met Jared’s. All he could see was rage in Jared’s eyes. “I tried . . .” Jensen gasped out, wanting Jared to understand that he had tried to fight Mark off.

Jared let go of Jensen’s hand and brought both of his hands up to Jensen’s face. Gently he brushed away Jensen’s tears. “I know, I believe you,” he said in a quiet voice. On the inside he was seething with rage, but he forced himself to maintain an outward sense of calm for Jensen. He tilted Jensen’s head toward him and kissed Jensen’s forehead. “I love you,” he murmured.

“Jensen, do you need to take a break?” Sheppard asked, trying to direct the man’s attention back to him rather than Jared.

“No,” Jensen replied as he focused his attention on the detective sitting across from him. “My vision was blurry, and it hurt to move my head. I was yelling at him, telling him to get off me. He used my own tie to gag me. He had me pinned against the desk. He said . . .” Jensen’s breath hitched as he tried to get the words out. “He said . . . he was going to give me what I wanted, what I needed.” He took several breaths as he tried to get the next words out. “He told me I . . . I didn’t have to pretend, that he . . . he knew I wanted him as much as he wanted me.” He shuddered as he remembered Pellegrino’s words. “He said . . . he said, Jared wasn’t there, that I could just give in to what had developed between us.” He shook his head  _ no _ several times as he recalled what Pellegrino said to him, the words were burned into his memory. “He called me a little cock slut. He kept touching me. I kept screaming no, even though he had gagged me. I didn’t want him . . . I didn’t want him . . . touching me,” he managed to stutter out and felt Jared’s hand tighten on his. He looked over at Jared and felt his fear rising. All he could think was that Jared was hearing this and then Jared wouldn’t want him anymore. He had to explain to Jared, make him understand that he had never wanted Pellegrino to touch him. “Jared, I didn’t. I didn’t,” he repeated. “I didn’t want him,” he sobbed out.

Jared reached over with his free hand and cupped Jensen’s cheek. “Jensen, I know. I know you didn’t,” he said to Jensen in a soft, reassuring voice. He knew his husband, there was no way Jensen had ever wanted that to happen. There was no way Jensen had wanted Pellegrino to touch him. “I believe you,” he assured Jensen.

“Jensen,” Sheppard said, trying to get the man’s attention back on him. “Can you tell me what happened next?”

Jensen turned away from Jared to answer the question. “I tried to headbutt him, hoping to get Mark off me. He dug his fingers into my hair, pulled my head back and then slammed the left side of my head down on the desk.” 

Jared shifted in his chair and growled low in his throat, remembering the bruise Jensen had sported when he had picked him up at the airport. The story Jensen had told him about getting hit by some woman in the grocery store had obviously been his attempt at covering things up. He saw Jensen flinch and rubbed his thumb over the back of Jensen’s hand, hoping that small ministration would soothe him.

“He told me that he had done a lot of thinking about fucking me,” Jensen continued. “He pulled away from me and I thought Mark had finally come to his senses, but he dropped a condom pack in front of me. He said we’d do this right, that he . . . he didn’t fuck without protection. I tried to push him away but he shoved me back down again. Then Mark’s hands were working the button and zipper on my pants. He pulled my pants and underwear down and kicked my legs apart as much as he could. I heard the condom packaging being ripped open and him working it on. And then . . . and then he was forcing himself into me. It hurt . . . it hurt so much. I thought I was going to pass out from the pain, but I fought not to. I was afraid of what he’d do to me if I passed out,” he whispered and then looked away from everyone. “He kept talking about what we’d do next time, like we were dating or something. I don’t know why. I never did anything to give him any kind of impression that I was interested in him. He’s met Jared, he knows I’m married,” he said as a sob tore from his throat. 

Speight pushed the box of tissues closer to Jensen, giving him a moment to calm down. He looked at Sheppard and saw the man wore the same expression on his face; one of horror mixed with sympathy for the two men sitting across from them. “Are you alright to continue?” Speight asked and watched as Jensen nodded his head yes.

“He kept talking about Jared. He said it wasn’t fair that Jared got to keep me all to himself. He said that we were gonna do this again, that he wanted more from me,” Jensen said as he felt his face begin to burn from the shame he was feeling. “While he was . . . I just kept thinking that he had at least used a condom. When he . . . when he . . . was done he didn’t seem happy that I hadn’t responded to him. Then he said something about there was always next time. He untied my hands and took his tie back. He told me to clean myself up and that we’d just keep this between ourselves, no one needed to know. He told me to have a good night, said sweet dreams, that he knew he’d be having them before he left,” Jensen managed to get out before he began to cry.

“I’m going to kill that fucker,” Jared exploded after hearing what Jensen had suffered through. He pushed himself away from Jensen and the table, knocking his chair over. “He’s not gonna have to wait for anyone to arrest him. He’s a fucking dead man. You better get to him before I do,” he said as he pointed his finger at the two men across from him. He could feel his body shaking with raw hatred for the man who had raped his husband. He would make good on his words, he knew that and judging by the looks on the faces of the two men sitting across from him, they knew that as well.

Speight was quick to stand. He came around the table and cornered Jared, herding him out of the room and into the hallway where he called for Chad. “We’ll forget we ever heard you say that. You gotta think clearly, man. You can’t go around saying shit like that. Not as a cop with a badge and gun. You want to jeopardize this investigation? Put Jensen through this only for this case to be thrown out because you were overheard making threats against the accused? You wanna go back to being a patrol cop or worse, lose your badge altogether? Think about your husband,” he said and pointed to the open door of the room they could see Jensen sobbing. Sheppard had come around, picked up Jared’s chair and was sitting next to Jensen, speaking in hushed tones to the man. “Chad, take Jared for a walk. He needs to calm down. Give us a few minutes.”

“Yeah, sure thing. Come on, Jared,” Chad said and wrapped his hand around Jared’s bicep. He felt Jared flinch and pull away. 

Jared wrenched his arm away from Chad’s grip. “No, I need to be with Jensen. He needs me,” Jared said from behind gritted teeth.

“Right now, he needs you to be calm. You getting upset isn’t helping him or yourself. I’m not asking, Jared, I’m telling you, go take a walk.” Speight turned and walked back into the room, shutting the door on Chad and Jared.

“Jared, come on. You look like you’re about to kill someone.” Chad pulled Jared along with him until they were in the breakroom and away from Jensen and the other detectives, giving Jared a moment away from what had been going on in that room. 

“Not too far off from it. It was Pellegrino. That fucker, he was the one. He used his ability to deny Jensen his vacation, made up shit so he couldn’t go back home with me. He’s the one who raped Jensen. He’s gonna regret what he did to my husband!” Jared yelled, flipping over the wooden table near him. It was the best he could do at the moment, because what he wanted to do was pay Pellegrino a surprise visit. He’d start with punching the man in the face, and then move on to breaking every finger Pellegrino used to touch Jensen with. When he was done with that, he’d cut the bastard’s dick off and feed it to him before he placed a well-deserved bullet between the man’s eyes. 

“Fuck, Jared, what are you gonna do?” Chad asked as he leaned against the doorframe, cutting off Jared’s possible attempt at leaving. Jared had four inches on him and at least more than twenty pounds of pure muscle over him, but he could still give the larger man a run for his money, if push came to shove. He hoped it didn’t; he didn’t like the idea of having to explain that to Beaver, their hard-nosed lieutenant. The man was likely to shoot them first then ask questions later.

“What can I do? I have to follow the law,” Jared said as he sank down into a chair. “I won’t be any good to Jensen if I do something stupid.” He slammed his fist down on the table. “I want that fucker to pay for what he did.”

Chad flinched. “I know you do. I can’t even imagine what I’d do if it was my wife in there, going through this. Just know that I’m here for you. Anything you need or Jensen needs, you let me know. We’ve got a good group of detectives here. We’ll do everything we can to bring this bastard to justice.”

Jared stood and looked Chad in the eye, “See that you do, or I will,” he said in an even tone.

“Jar . . .” Chad managed to get out as he watched Jared turned on his heel and stalked out of the breakroom. He quickly followed Jared and stopped when he saw Jared calmly knock on the door to the room Jensen was still in. 

Speight opened the door and nodded to Chad. “We good here?” 

“Yeah, he just needed a minute to blow off some steam. He’s good to go back in. I’ll be at my desk if you need me,” Chad replied and then went to take up his position at his desk in case he was needed again.

As Jared tried to enter the room, Speight placed a hand on his chest. “I can’t even begin to understand what you’re going through. But Jensen needs you to remain calm. After that little display of yours, he shut right down. So, get your shit together. We don’t want to drag this out for him any longer than we have to. Got it?” Speight asked, still blocking the doorway.

“Yeah,” Jared said as he pushed past Speight and walked over to Jensen. He crouched down next to him and took Jensen’s hands in his. Gently, he lifted them to his lips and kissed them. He watched as Jensen slowly looked at him. It felt like his heart had stopped beating when he looked into Jensen’s green eyes. The once vibrant orbs were clouded over with so much pain. “Hey, I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t because of you. Okay? I’m not angry with you,” Jared said quietly.

“You’re not?” Jensen questioned in a whispered voice. He looked at Jared in disbelief, wondering how Jared couldn’t be angry with him for what had happened.

“No, of course not,” Jared responded. “I could never be angry with you, I love you,” he murmured as he moved to sit back down. He looked over at Sheppard and Speight. “Do you need anything else from Jensen? I’d like to take him home now. I think he’s been through enough.” 

Sheppard held up his hand, stopping Jared from speaking further. “I have a few more questions before we can stop,” he said and then turned his attention to Jensen. “Did you do anything after he left you?”

“I . . . I untied my tie from my mouth, and then I got dressed. I drove to a clinic out of town. There was . . . there was blood and . . . and I hurt so much,” Jensen answered quietly.

“Clinic?” Sheppard asked. “What clinic?”

“The Sanderson Clinic. I was seen by Doctor Huffman. She wanted me to call the police, but I couldn’t,” Jensen stated and then turned to Jared. “I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want anyone to know. I thought . . . I thought you’d hate me . . . that you’d leave me,” he whispered.

“Never,” Jared answered with conviction. “That’s never gonna happen. You’re never gonna lose me.”

“Did this doctor do anything for you?” Sheppard coaxed.

“She took pictures,” Jensen answered slowly. “I let her examine me. She did . . . she did a . . . rape kit, bagged evidence in case I reported it,” he managed to finally say. 

“Good, this is good,” Sheppard said. “We can work with that, good thinking,” he reassured Jensen. “Whether you reported it that night, or now, evidence was gathered that will help us nail this bas . . .” Sheppard coughed. “Excuse me,” he said as he patted his chest. “This will help us with our investigation into Pellegrino.”

Speight pushed himself away from the table and stood up. “I’m gonna go make some calls. For what it’s worth, I believe you, Jensen. And, I’m sorry this happened to you. I can only imagine the courage it’s taken you to come in here today to talk to us.” He placed a hand on Jared’s shoulder as he walked by him. “I’m here if you need anything. Just let us do our job,” he said before leaving the room.

“Is there anything else you can think of that we should know?” Sheppard asked. 

“I think Pellegrino used this as a way to deny my request for a transfer. I had put in for one the day he denied my vacation.” He looked down at his hands which were still joined with Jared’s and then up at Sheppard. “I never wanted this. I never did anything to give him the impression that I had the slightest interest in him. I was waiting for Jared to get back from his trip to tell him about Pellegrino; he’s always calling me Jen or Jenny, even though I keep telling him my name is Jensen. He just always rubbed me the wrong way.” He turned to Jared. “I just didn’t want to burden you with that, especially right before your trip. And then this happened . . .”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about that now,” Jared replied. He turned his attention to Sheppard. “I think we’re done here. You know how to get in touch with Jensen if you need anything else,” he said as he stood up, helping Jensen to his feet. 

“Jensen,” Sheppard called out, stopping the two men from leaving the room. “Speight’s right, we do believe you, and we’ll do everything we can to arrest this bastard,” he said and then watched as Jared placed an arm around Jensen’s shoulders and walked him out.

Jared and Jensen were met by Chad as they made their way to the elevator. “Anything you need me to do?” Chad asked as he walked up to Jared and Jensen. 

“Can you pick me up tomorrow?” Jared asked and watched as Chad nodded his head. “Thanks, I don’t want Jensen driving,” he said as he and Jensen stepped into the elevator. When they reached the ground floor, he led Jensen out to the Impala. He got Jensen situated in the passenger’s seat before he slid in behind the wheel and drove them home in silence. Jared kept looking at Jensen as he drove; he was cowered against the door, not looking at him. His heart ached at seeing that, how broken Jensen was. He felt his anger building again at the thought of what Pellegrino had done to the man he loved, how Jensen had shouldered this burden alone because of the shame he felt. He could only imagine how alone Jensen had felt because of his fear that once he had admitted what had happened to him, that he would have left Jensen. 


	10. Chapter 10

Jared didn’t break their silence until he had helped Jensen inside and to the couch. “Can I get you anything?” he asked as he looked at Jensen, who still wouldn’t look at him and hadn’t spoken to him since they had left the precinct. Jensen’s silence was beginning to worry him. He ran his hands through his hair, trying to figure out what to do next. Did he leave Jensen alone until he was ready to talk to him? Should he push at Jensen, force him to talk to him? He was at a loss as to how to reach out to the man he loved more than anything in the world. 

Jensen sat in stunned silence, trying to piece together everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. He had left Jared, but Jared had searched for him, and found him. He had admitted to Jared that he had been raped and then with Jared’s support he had reported his rape. He looked down at his left hand, specifically his wedding ring. Even after finding out his secret, Jared still wanted him. Jared still loved him. He still didn’t understand why. He heard Jared’s voice cutting through his thoughts and he forced himself to look up at him. The moment he laid his eyes on Jared he felt his stomach lurch and he ran for the bathroom. He heard movement and then Jared’s voice as he leaned over the toilet. He couldn’t look at Jared, not when he was like this. He felt a hand on the small of his back and he made a hurt sound low in his throat and flinched at the touch, but he didn’t try to pull away from Jared.

As Jensen ran past him, Jared turned and followed him to the bathroom. He stood a few feet away as Jensen hunched over the toilet. Slowly, he made his way over to Jensen, crouched down next to him and gently placed a hand against the small of Jensen’s back. He heard Jensen make a sound and felt him flinch. He stilled himself and waited for Jensen’s reaction. When Jensen didn’t pull away, he began to rub circles on his back, hoping this would soothe him. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. I love you,” he murmured to Jensen. 

“Why . . .” Jensen croaked out at hearing Jared’s words.

“Because I do. I always will. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you standing on the porch holding an apple pie in your hands,” he whispered. “Nothing is ever gonna change that.” 

Jensen began to sob at Jared’s words. He couldn’t hold in his pain or his anger any longer. “I don’t understand!” he yelled. “I don’t understand why he did this to me. Why? Why me?” he screamed as he moved away from Jared to lean against the wall of the bathroom, feeling the need to put some distance between himself and Jared. “Why would you still want me?” He shook his head from side to side. “I’m . . . I’m broken. He . . . broke me. He . . . he took everything from me!” 

Jared’s heart broke as he listened to Jensen’s cries. He wanted to take Jensen in his arms, offer him love, comfort and support, but he knew at that moment that was the last thing Jensen needed in the state he was in. He brought the lid to the toilet down, flushed it and then perched himself on it, waiting for Jensen calm down enough to hear him. He brought his hands up to his eyes as he tried to hold back his own tears. He took a deep breath, held it and then exhaled. “Jensen, I can’t give you an answer as to why that bastard did what he did. You may feel broken right now, but in time you will heal. And, he didn’t take everything from you,” he said as he slid to the floor, coming to rest on his knees in front of Jensen. He reached out and cupped Jensen’s face with his hands, gently lifting Jensen’s face up so they were able to look at each other. “You still have me. You will always have me,” Jared assured him.

Jensen slumped forward, causing Jared to drop his hands so he could support his body. He leaned his forehead against Jared’s shoulder and fisted his hands in Jared’s shirt. He let himself cry as Jared held him. He didn’t flinch away from Jared’s touch, he held on to Jared, needing his love and comfort as he cried for everything he had gone through, for everything that had been taken from him until his breathing came in hiccuped gasps and his tears had finally stopped coming. 

Jared held onto Jensen as he cried, as he let go of everything he had been holding in, his pain and anger at what had been done to him. Jensen’s fear at the possibility of losing him, of their marriage ending and having Jared turn his back on him. As Jensen cried, he allowed himself to cry over what Jensen had suffered through, and that he hadn’t been there to protect him, that he hadn’t noticed something was wrong with Jensen until everything had blown up on him. He would never let that happen again. “Hey, why don’t we get you up? Get you to bed? I think you really need to get some more sleep,” Jared suggested and felt Jensen nod his head yes in a silent response.

With Jared’s help, he stood up and waited as Jared stood. He swayed on his feet and felt Jared’s hands on his hips, steadying him. Together, they made their way up to their bedroom. Jared led him into their bathroom to help him wash up and change. He still didn’t know what to do or say to Jared. He had apologized, but he wasn’t sure if Jared truly believed him.

“Shit,” Jared uttered as he looked at the shattered mirror and shards of glass that had fallen into the sink and along the counter. “Sit here,” Jared directed as he helped Jensen over to the closed toilet. “Let me clean this mess up,” he muttered as he picked up the trash can.

Wide-eyed, Jensen looked at the mess. “Jared, what happened?” he asked. When he had run from their home the other day, their bathroom mirror had been intact. 

“I put my fist through the mirror,” Jared simply said as he swept the shards of glass into the trash can.

“Why?” Jensen asked as he tracked Jared’s movements. 

Jared snorted and then winced when he realized it sounded harsher than he had intended it to sound. “Why? Because of what happened between us. Because when you left, I realized what happened to you. That I had been blind to what you had been dealing with on your own. I was angry. I was angry at myself for not noticing,” Jared replied as he washed down the counter and sink so the bathroom was clean and safe for them to use. “Okay, all set,” Jared said when he was finished with his task. 

“Did you hurt yourself?” Jensen was quietly.

A sad smile passed over Jared’s face. With everything that Jensen had been dealing with, he was still concerned for his well-being. “I’m fine. My hand is a little sore, but my knuckles aren’t busted up.”

“Let me see,” Jensen demanded as he held out his hand and watched as Jared complied. He took Jared’s larger hand in his and inspected it, making sure the skin wasn’t broken. “Let me see the other one,” he said as he let go of Jared’s left hand. 

Jared chuckled as he offered Jensen his right hand to examine. “See, I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about,” he said as he withdrew his hand from Jensen’s. He watched as Jensen just nodded his head in agreement.

Jensen stood up and looked around the bathroom to see if anything else had been broken before he turned his back on Jared and changed into his sleep pants and a t-shirt. He heard Jared clear his throat and turned back to him. He looked at his husband, not knowing what to do. Jared was leaning against the door frame watching him.

“Do you need my help with anything?” It was all Jared could think to ask Jensen. He knew he was hovering in the doorway, but he wasn’t ready to back off. He still felt the uncontrollable need to protect Jensen. Normally he would have just reached out and taken Jensen into his arms, comforted him in anyway he could, but he was afraid of making any sudden movements that would scare Jensen. 

Sensing that Jared was waiting for him to tell him what he needed, he shook his head yes. He saw the look of relief that passed over Jared’s face as admitted he needed Jared. He forced himself not to flinch when Jared reached out and wrapped an arm around his shoulder to lead him to their bed. He crawled into bed and watched Jared as he pulled the covers to his chest and then moved out of his sight. He lay there with his eyes closed, listening as Jared moved about the room. He opened his eyes when he heard Jared going through his dresser to see him holding an armful of his clothing. “What are you doing?” Jensen asked as he sat up.

“I told you I’d give you the time and space that you needed. I’m just going to move into the other bedroom,” Jared replied. 

“No, I need you with me. I want you with me,” Jensen stated. He reached out for Jared with both arms. “Please don’t leave me,” he begged.

“I’m not leaving you. I’m just gonna sleep in another bed until you’re ready for me to be next to you,” Jared said quietly.

“No, don’t leave me now . . . ever. Please don’t go into the other room. I want you here with me,” he said as he lowered his arms and started to push aside the comforter so he could get up. “I want to fall asleep with you next to me. I may have nightmares, but I want to wake up with you next to me.”

Seeing how broken Jensen looked, Jared placed his clothes on his dresser and walked toward him. “Are you sure?” Jared asked hesitantly as he stood by their bed. 

“Yes. Yes, I am,” Jensen answered as he moved to give Jared space to sit down if he wanted. A look of confusion crossed his face as Jared rounded the end of the bed and walked around the bed to his side.

Jared climbed in and lay there, waiting for Jensen to make the first move. When he didn’t, Jared turned to him. “I won’t push you for anything. I want you to feel safe and comfortable around me. I want you to know you’re always safe with me.”

“Logically I know that,” Jensen told Jared. “It’s just hard to separate everything. I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Jared gave him a sad smile. “There’s no reason to be sorry,” he said as he settled down against his pillows. 

“Will you hold me?” Jensen asked in a small voice. 

“Any time you want,” Jared answered as he opened his arms to Jensen so that he could be held. He watched as Jensen moved slowly closer to him and then settled into his arms. 

Tentatively, Jensen moved toward Jared. He could feel his breathing quickening as he got closer and had to remind himself that he was with Jared. He was with the man who loved him, who had never hurt him. He pressed up against Jared and laid his head against Jared’s chest. He could hear Jared’s heart beating rapidly and smiled as he realized Jared was just as scared as he was. With that realization, he felt his breathing begin to slow down. “Your heart’s pounding,” he commented as he snaked an arm around Jared’s waist. 

Jared gave a soft chuckle, “I’m a little afraid of making the wrong move here. I don’t know what to do that won’t upset you right now,” he admitted as he lowered his arms to loosely rest around Jensen.

“I guess we’ll just have to figure out as we go along,” Jensen replied. He closed his eyes and let the sound of Jared’s beating heart soothe him. “Jared?”

“Yeah?”

“What happens now?” Jensen questioned. “With . . . everything?”

“We take it one day at a time,” Jared responded. “But, there will be an investigation and an arrest warrant issued.”

“People will find out,” Jensen said in a hollow voice. “Our parents . . .”

“Will stand behind you. They’ll be with us every step of the way. Don’t worry about that right now,” Jared assured him.

“I can’t tell them . . .” Jensen said in a strangled voice. “I can’t. It was hard enough . . . I don’t want them here. I can’t see them right now,” he begged.

“Hey, take a breath. You don’t need to worry about it right now,” Jared said as he kissed his head. “I’ll handle things.”

“Okay, okay,” he said with a shake of his head. “Thank you,” Jensen whispered and closed his eyes. He felt exhaustion hit him all at once and began to drift off to sleep to the sound of Jared’s even heartbeat in his ear.

With Jensen finally asleep, Jared slipped out of their bed and padded quietly downstairs. He dropped onto the couch and picked up the phone, dialing a number he knew by heart. He listened as the phone rang until it was finally picked up. 

“Jared? What’s wrong?” his mother’s panicked voice questioned from the other end of the line.

“Mom, can you get Dad on the line?” He heard his mother telling his father to get the other phone from downstairs and then he heard his father’s questioning voice, “Jared?” He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled it. “I have to tell you something and you have to promise me you won’t say anything to Jensen’s parents, not until I have a chance to tell them. Please,” he begged.

“Of course,” his parents responded in unison. “But what’s going on? You’re scaring us. Is Jensen alright? Is he hurt? Are you hurt?” his mother asked.

“I . . . he . . .” He had no idea how to start this conversation. “Jensen . . . When I was in Texas . . .” He took another breath trying to steady himself. “He . . . he was hurt by someone . . . he was raped,” he said as he let his tears fall. He could feel his heart breaking for his husband, all the pain he had gone through. How Jensen had tried to hold himself together even though he had lived in fear of telling him what had happened that night. 

“Oh my God,” his mother said in a strangled voice and began to cry. 

“Son,” was all Gerald could say and then listened as Jared cried himself out. “Why are we just finding out about this now?” Gerald asked. “I don’t understand.”

“He was ashamed and scared. He thought if I found out that I’d leave him. As if that would ever happen,” he said with a harsh laugh. “He just told me, and we’ve been dealing with things.”

“Who was it? Has he been arrested? What can we do?” Gerald demand. 

“Jared, he has nothing to be ashamed of. We love him. We’ll stand by him and you,” Sharon cut in. 

“I know, I told him that,” he said. “I can’t talk about the case or who the accused is.”

“Son, how are you doing?” Gerald asked. “I can only imagine how hard this is for you,”

“Right now, I’m angry. I wasn’t here to protect him. I knew I should have postponed that damn trip,” Jared spit out. “If I had, Jensen wouldn’t have been . . .”

“You can’t blame yourself,” Gerald cut in. “This wasn’t your fault or Jensen’s. It was that sick son of a bitch who did this. It’s on him.”

“How’s Jensen?” Sharon questioned. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s scared, hurt, angry. He’s just starting to accept what happened to him. He’s gonna have a long road ahead of him for healing,” Jared explained.

“If there’s anything either of you need, don’t hesitate to call us,” Gerald told his son.

“This is going to be hard for Donna and Alan to deal with. It’s going to devastate them. Especially after what Jensen had to deal with while growing up,” Sharon stated. 

“I know some of what Jensen went through, but not all of it. He’s never really wanted to talk about it, the bullying, and I’ve never pushed,” Jared replied quietly. He knew first hand how protective Alan Ackles had been over Jensen. He knew this was going to devastate Jensen’s parents, but they had to be told. They couldn’t hide something like this from them, especially if this went to trial. Jensen needed all the support he could get. They both did.

“It’s not going to be easy for a parent to hear that their child was raped,” Gerald commented. “Just prepare yourself. And we’ll do what we can to help Alan and Donna. Jensen may not be our flesh and blood, but we’ve always thought of him as one of our own, even before the two of you married. He has our love and support. Tell him that,” Gerald said sadly.

Jared sucked in a breath at hearing those words from his father. “Thanks, Dad. That means a lot to me and I know it will to Jensen. Can you do me a favor?” he asked.

“Of course,” Gerald responded. “What is it?”

“Can you tell Megan and Jeff? I don’t think I’ll have it in me to talk to them after I speak to Jensen’s parents,” Jared admitted. He was already feeling apprehensive at the thought of making that call to the Ackles. 

“Yes, I will,” Gerald confirmed. “Don’t worry about anything else, except taking care of Jensen and yourself.”

“Call us anytime you need to. We love you both. Tell Jensen that. Make sure he knows that,” Sharon pleaded.

“I will. I love you both,” Jared said and heard his parents’ voices telling him that they loved him as he ended the call.

He sat on the couch with the receiver to his forehead as he worked up the courage to call Jensen’s parents next. He hated the idea of delivering this crushing news to Donna and Alan over the phone, but it had to be done. With a heavy sigh, he hung the phone up briefly and then picked it up again to dial the Ackles’ number. He felt his heartbeat quickening as the line rang. 

“Hello?” a groggy male voice answered the phone.

“It’s Jared, Mr. Ackles,” Jared spoke into the phone quietly.

“Jared? What time is it?” Alan asked.

“It’s late and I’m sorry to call you at this time of night,” Jared stated.

“What’s wrong?” Alan asked as he realized that the only reason Jared would be calling their home in the middle of the night was if something had happened to Jensen.

“I need to speak to you about Jensen, you and Mrs. Ackles,” Jared explained. “Is she able to come to the phone?” He heard Alan telling Donna to take the phone while he went to get on their other cordless phone. 

“Jared?” Donna questioned. “Sweetheart, what’s going on?”

“Jared, where’s Jensen?” Alan asked. “What’s going on? Has he been hurt?”

Jared closed his eyes and slumped down on the couch as he listened to the panicked questions from Jensen’s parents. “He’s upstairs, asleep.”

“Then what’s going on?” Alan questioned.

“There’s really no easy way to tell you this,” Jared said. “Just know that Jensen is loved. I will always love him. I will always want him as my husband.” He took a stuttered breath and then spoke again. “When I came home to meet our niece, he was hurt by someone,” Jared felt his breathing quicken, his heart felt like it was trying to beat out of his chest as he tried to explain the situation to the Ackles. 

“What do you mean he was hurt? Hurt how?” Alan asked.

“He was . . . he was raped,” Jared finally managed to say.

“No . . . no . . . NO!” Donna screamed into the phone. “Not my baby!” she said in a strangled voice as she began to cry.

“Tell me!” Alan yelled. “What the fuck happened? How did this happen? Why are you just telling us now if this happened a month ago?” Alan demanded.

“Jensen hid it from me, from everyone. He just finally told me. He was ashamed. He was scared. He thought that if I found out that I would leave him,” Jared admitted. “Just know that that will never happen. I love him. I will always love him.”

“Who? Who did this to our son?” Alan asked. “Did he report it? Did he get medical treatment?”

“I can’t discuss it. As his husband, I’m not allowed to be involved in the investigation. I was with him when he gave his statement. And, yes, he did seek medical treatment after . . .” He bit back a sob as he tried to keep his resolve to not to lose control. “Just know that this bastard will pay, one way or the other,” Jared stated in a heated voice. “You have my promise on that.”

“Jared!” Donna gasped. “You can’t say something like that.”

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t here to protect him. I should have been here. I should have protected him,” he said as his tears began to fall. ‘You must hate me. You have every right to hate me.” 

“Jared, we don’t hate you. This wasn’t your fault,” Donna said through her tears. “God, my little boy . . .”

“Put Jensen on the phone. I want to speak to him,” Alan demanded. 

“He’s sleeping. He’s finally getting some rest,” Jared responded firmly.

“Jared!” Alan said firmly. “Put our son on the phone.”

“I’m sorry but no. He’s exhausted and I’m not going to wake him right now. He asked me to call you, to let you know what’s happened. He can’t deal with anything else right now, that’s why I’m calling, so he won’t hear this conversation. I know he’s your son and you want to speak with him, but he just can’t handle that right now. I wasn’t there to protect then, but I’ll do everything I can now to protect him,” Jared responded.

“You think you need to protect him from us? We’re his parents,” Alan replied hotly. 

“I know and I know you love him, but I’m his husband. He told me he can’t handle speaking to you about this right now. I’m respecting his wishes. Please do the same,” Jared requested. “I’ll let him know that I called you and you want to talk to him. That’s the best I can offer at this time. I hope you can understand that.”

“Yes . . .” Donna said, only to be cut off by Alan.

“Donna, he’s our son,” Alan reasoned.

“And Jensen is Jared’s husband. The three of us fighting won’t help Jensen. Jensen went through something horrific, something traumatic. Do you really think demanding to speak to him right now will help him in any way?” Donna yelled.

“He’s my son. He’s already had to deal with so much. He was finally happy and now this,” Alan’s voice cracked as he spoke. “Why? I don’t understand why this happened to him,” he uttered as his emotions got the better of him and he began to cry. “Tell me why!” 

“I wish I knew,” Jared responded quietly. “I keep asking myself the same thing.”

“Jared, you take care of my boy,” Donna said fiercely. “You’ve made him so happy. He was so lost and lonely before you came into his life. You promise me . . . promise me you won’t let that happen to Jensen again.”

“I promise you,” Jared assured her. “I made a vow to Jensen when I married him. I meant it then and I mean it now,” he said with conviction. 

“Thank you,” Donna whispered into the phone. “I need to . . . I need to hang up now. You tell my son that I love him and to call me when he’s ready,” Donna said and then hung up the phone before Jared had a chance to answer her.

“You make a promise to me, Jared,” Alan added in cracked voice, “as my son-in-law, not as a cop, you promise me that Jensen will get justice. If the justice system fails my son, that you will make this piece of shit pay. Promise me, please,” Alan begged.

“That’s a promise I will happily make,” Jared said in an even tone. “You should know, I spoke with my parents. They’re aware of what’s happened. I needed their support before I could make this call to you,” Jared said solemnly.

“Thank you for letting me know,” Alan responded in a tired voice. “I don’t hate you and I don’t blame you. You’ve been the best husband I could have ever wished for my son. I told Jensen that he would find someone who would see him for who he really was. That this person would love him with all his heart and you’ve done that. For that, I’m thankful. Tell Jensen that I love him, that he has nothing to be ashamed of and that I’m here when he’s ready to speak to me. That goes for you as well, we love you and if you need to talk, you can call us.”

“Thank you,” Jared said. “I appreciate that. When he’s ready, he’ll call you. Just give him some time,” Jared said before ending the call. He hung the phone up and sat there, waiting for his emotions to settle before he made his way back to their bedroom. He climbed into bed and lay there, watching over Jensen until it was time for him to get up and get ready for work. 

“Hey,” Jared smiled when he noticed that Jensen was awake and watching him. “I need to go in to the precinct for a little bit today. Chad will be here in a while to pick me up,” he explained as he walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. “How are you doing?” he asked and hesitated to reach out to place a hand on Jensen like he normally would have. 

“Okay, I guess,” Jensen answered with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I spoke to our parents last night. They wanted you to know that they love you. Your Mom and Dad would like you to call them. They’re upset and worried about you, but they understand that you’re not ready to speak to them.” This time Jared reached out to touch Jensen, but dropped his hand onto the bed when he caught himself. “Jeff and Megan know, I asked my Dad to tell them. They texted me, they didn’t want to bother you right now, but they send their love and said to call if we need anything.” Jared stood up from the bed and leaned down to kiss Jensen, but stopped. “Can I . . . can I kiss you?”

Jensen looked up at Jared with fear reflected in his green eyes. It wasn’t fear of Jared, but fear of being touched, of being hurt. He drew in a stuttered breath and then shook his head yes, giving Jared his permission to touch him, to kiss him.

Jared saw the fear in Jensen’s eyes and he felt his heart clench in his chest. He just wanted to take Jensen in his arms and keep him safe, but he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t just wrap his arms around Jensen without scaring him and he wouldn’t do that to Jensen. Seeing Jensen’s response, he leaned down again and kissed him on the cheek. He felt Jensen flinch slightly at the touch of his lips against his skin, but he was relieved that at least Jensen hadn’t pulled away from him. “I’d like for you to stay home today, give us, well Sheppard and Speight, some time to figure out their next step in the investigation. Is that alright with you?” Jared asked.

“Yes, that’s fine,” Jensen agreed and reached for the phone. He dialed the phone number for Morgan Publishing and waited until the answering machine picked up. “This is Jensen Ackles. I’m calling to let you know that I will be out sick today,” he said and then hung up the phone. “There, taken care of,” he murmured as he rolled onto his side and closed his eyes

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Jared explained as he walked to the doorway of their bedroom and then stopped. He turned back to Jensen. “Just think about calling your parents. They just want to hear your voice. They love you. I love you, never forget that.”

“Jared,” Jensen called out. “I love you, too. Will you call me?” 

“I will,” Jared promised before he left. He stood at the front door, with his badge and gun on his belt, waiting for Chad to arrive. When he heard Chad pull up and honk the horn, he grabbed his keys and headed outside. “Thanks for doing this,” he said as Chad pulled out of his driveway.

“No problem,” Chad said as he glanced over at Jared. “How are you doing? How’s Jensen holding up?” he inquired. He saw how tense Jared was, sitting ramrod straight in his seat, keeping his eyes on the road even though he wasn’t driving.

Still looking forward, Jared answered him, “He finally got some sleep after he broke down. He asked me to explain things to our parents.”

“Christ,” Chad muttered. “That couldn’t have been easy.”

“Yeah, understatement of the century. My parents were upset, but Jensen’s parents were devastated. It didn’t go well at first.” Jared heaved a heavy sigh. “Alan demanded to speak to Jensen, and I had to refuse him. Jensen was finally resting and I wasn’t going to wake him.”

“That couldn’t have been easy for you or his dad,” Chad replied as he placed a comforting hand on Jared’s shoulder. 

“No, it wasn’t, Donna had to step in and remind him that Jensen is a married man. By the time we ended the call, he was calmer,” he told Chad, choosing to keep Alan’s request to himself as they pulled into the precinct’s parking lot. 

Jared, followed by Chad, stepped off the elevator and started to walk toward their desks when he heard someone yell his name. 

“Padalecki, in my office. NOW!” Jim Beaver, Jared’s lieutenant barked out from the doorway of his office.

Without looking back at Chad, Jared veered from walking toward his own desk toward Beaver’s office. He entered the man’s office and looked around the room to see Sheppard and Speight standing against the wall.

“Close the damn door!” Beaver commanded as he took his seat behind his desk.

Jared turned, closed the door and then turned back to meet Beaver’s steely stare. 

“What the hell did you think you were doing?” Beaver demanded as he stared Jared down. He watched as Jared stiffened, his body showing the tension he was obviously feeling. He leaned back in his chair and sighed heavily. “Let’s start again,” he said in a slightly less irritated tone. “Look, Sheppard and Speight filled me in on what happened. I’m sorry to hear what happened to Jensen. No one deserves that. How is he?” Beaver questioned as he watched Jared.

“How do you think he is?” Jared shot back at the man and then held up his hands. “Sorry, you don’t deserve that. He’s barely keeping it together. He’s home today. I didn’t want him going back there until Pellegrino has been arrested.”

“Good, good,” Beaver replied and then looked over at the other two detectives. “There’s been a development in Jensen’s case,” he started to explain before Jared interrupted.

“What? Tell me,” Jared angrily demanded. His gaze swept over at the other two detectives before he looked at Beaver again and took a step forward. “Why I am only hearing about this now?” he gritted out from behind clenched teeth.

“Son, watch your tone with me. I know this is difficult for you, but you keep this up and I will put you out on paid leave until this is over. Do I make myself understood?” Beaver asked.

Jared felt himself bristle at Beaver’s words. “Yes,” Jared responded.

“Take a seat,” Beaver said as he pointed to one of the empty chairs across from his desk. He watched as Jared took a seat before he continued. “I’m only including you in on this out of loyalty because you’re one of our own, and Jensen’s family. Speight contacted the clinic, and spoke to the doctor. She backed up Jensen’s story,” he stopped speaking when Jared sat forward and opened his mouth as if he was about to interrupt him. “No one here thinks that Jensen lied about being raped, and Huffman did mention the state Jensen was in that night when she saw him at the clinic. She documented everything and kept his clothing and evidence that she took.”

“And?” Jared questioned.

“And, we have all the evidence we need to issue an arrest warrant. Speight and Sheppard will be leaving shortly to take him into custody,” Beaver told him.

“I want to be there when they slap the cuffs on him,” Jared replied in an angry tone. “I’m going with them.” He started to rise from his seat, but stopped when he heard Beaver barking at him.

“Sit down!” Beaver yelled. “No, you’re not going. As Jensen’s husband, you can’t be there.”

“I’m going with Sheppard and Speight, with or without your approval. So, you might as well sanction my being there,” Jared said as he glared at his lieutenant.

“Damn it, Jared, you better not get involved. You stay back and let them do their job, you hear me!” Beaver bellowed. “It won’t be only your ass on the line, but this case.”

“Look, I know the owner of the company. He’s a decent guy. Let me make a call to him, see if Pellegrino is even gonna be there today. Maybe I can get Morgan to keep that bastard there late and we can go in and arrest him then. I want to give Jensen as much of his dignity back as I can. He deserves that before we go in and arrest Pellegrino and announce why he’s being arrested. Please,” Jared requested of his boss.

“That might work to our advantage,” Beaver said and then looked over at the other two men. “You stay with Jared at all times, make sure this is done aboveboard. I don’t want there to be any way that this son of a bitch’s lawyer can argue otherwise.” He turned back to Jared. “You are not part of this investigation. You let them do their job, understood?”

“Yeah, I got it. I won’t do anything to jeopardize this for Jensen,” Jared said quietly.

“See that you don’t, and keep me posted of any problems,” Beaver said and then picked up his phone. He looked at the three men still in his office as his hand hovered over the number pad. “What? Get out of my office and back to work,” he ordered gruffly and watched as the three men filed out of his office.

Chad looked up from the file he had been pretending to read as the three men walked out of Beaver’s office. “That looked intense,” he said as he focused on Jared. “Everything alright?”

“Beaver wasn’t too happy to find out how things went down the other night, but we kept your involvement out of it and Jared’s to a minimum,” Sheppard said. 

“Thanks, but you didn’t have to,” Chad said. “I’ll take whatever Beaver dishes out. This is Jensen we’re talking about. He’s a great guy, he’s gotta be since he puts up with Jared’s shit.,” he said as he looked up at Jared with a tight smile. “You two have been together since you were sixteen, right?” 

“Yeah,” Jared breathed out. He could feel the tension in his body as he rolled his shoulders. All he wanted was to have a few minutes alone with Pellegrino, to teach him a few lessons on respect; respect to Jensen, to their marriage, to everything he held dear to him.

“Wow!” Speight remarked in surprise. “I think I’m gonna nominate Jensen for sainthood,” he quipped trying to lighten Jared’s mood. He heard Jared’s response, a low ‘Hm’, and swallowed any other jibes he had been about to make at Jared’s expense.

Seeing how tense Jared was, Sheppard spoke up. “How about we move over to our desks,” he said as he swept a hand between himself and Speight, “and talk so we can figure out how we’re gonna work this out.”

Jared nodded and followed the two men back to their desks. He stood, with his arms crossed over his chest as they took their seats. He could feel his anger simmering just below the surface and knew the slightest thing would set him off. He narrowed his eyes and watched as the two men pulled out their notes. “What did this doctor have to say?” Jared finally asked.

“Jared, you know we can’t . . .” Sheppard said and was cut off by his partner.

Speight pulled out a folder from his top desk drawer and dropped it on his desk. “Why don’t we get a cup of coffee, give Jared a minute to collect his thoughts,” Speight suggested to Sheppard. “Come on, I’m buying,” he said as he stood up. “I’ll grab you one, Jared,” he called over his shoulder as he made his way to the breakroom.

“You’re buying?” Sheppard breathed out in exasperation. “The coffee is free here in the breakroom,” he complained as he followed Speight. Once they were in the room, he turned to Speight. “Why did you do that? Leave the file where Padalecki can get his hands on it?” Sheppard questioned.

“You know as well as I do, he’s not gonna stop until he has seen every piece of evidence we have,” Speight replied. “It’s better to just give him this and deal with the fallout. Trust me.” 

Sheppard opened his mouth to reply, but stopped himself and just shook his head in response. He knew he would have been the same way if it had been him in this situation, demanding to know every aspect of the case. He stood in the doorway watching Jared as he reached for the file, opened it and began to look through it. He turned back to Speight, “Well, get ready for any fallout, because he’s looking over the file.”

Jared reached out, grabbed the folder and opened it. As he placed it down in front of him, he was met with the image of a bruised and frightened Jensen staring back up at him. He felt his knees give out and he quickly sat down in the empty chair next to Speight’s desk. He sucked in a breath as he looked over the images of Jensen from that night, seeing several photos of his husband with bruises on his face, the back of his head, his wrists and his abdomen. His fingers gripped the file in his hands as he read over the doctor’s report, what that bastard had done to Jensen and the trauma that Jensen had suffered. When he was done, he closed the file and placed it back the way he had found it on Speight’s desk. He took several deep breaths and closed his eyes as everything swirled before him and his vision started to blur. He wiped at his eyes and willed the tears he felt forming not to fall. He had investigated his share of sexual assaults and knew that they could be brutal for the victim to deal with. Those victims had been strangers to him, but this was his husband and it was personal. How was he ever going to make this right for Jensen? 

“Everything alright?” Speight asked as he placed the promised cup of coffee down in front of Jared. He took his seat again and waited for Jared to acknowledge him. He could see that Jared was pale, the color having drained from his face, and knew the reaction was from seeing his husband’s medical report. He wanted to clasp the man on the back, tell him everything would be alright, but he couldn’t, he had to maintain his professionalism. He had been with Jensen when he had reported his rape, but hearing what had happened and seeing the report with pictures, were two very different things. 

Slowly, Jared opened his eyes and then reached for the coffee cup, hoping his hands weren’t shaking. He shook his head and swallowed several times. “Yeah, everything’s fine,” he said and then took a sip of his coffee. “Thanks,” he whispered to Speight.

Speight gave Jared a sly look, “Don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said and then took a sip of his own coffee.

“So, this Morgan fellow, what type of man is he?” Sheppard inquired as sat back in his chair and watched Jared. He was waiting for Jared to lose his grip on his emotions after seeing the file. He would understand if he did, the man was only human.

“Like I said, he’s a decent guy, a family man. I think he’ll help us out in any way he can,” Jared replied as he turned his attention on the man who had asked him the question.

“So, how do you want to play this?” Sheppard asked.

“I’ll call him, and ask if I can stop by and pick up a few things for Jensen. I’ll see if Pellegrino will be there and explain that I need to speak to him regarding Jensen’s assignments, see what he needs Jensen to do while he’s out sick,” Jared offered.

“Okay, that sounds reasonable,” Sheppard responded. 

With the other detective’s approval, he reached into his pocket, pulled out his cell phone and dialed the phone number for Morgan Publishing. The call was answered by the receptionist.

“Morgan Publishing, how can I direct your call?” Katie said as a greeting.

“Hi, this is Jared Padalecki, Jensen’s husband . . .”

“Oh, hey, Jared. How’s Jensen?” she asked.

“Not feeling that great. I was wondering if I could speak to JD, if he’s available,” Jared requested.

“He’s in his office, let me put you through to him,” she said before placing him on hold and then transferred the call.

“Jared, how’s Jensen feeling?” JD asked as he picked up the call. 

“Not great, I think he’s going to be out for a couple of days. I was hoping I could stop by after work. Jensen needs me to pick up a few things for him. I was also hoping that maybe I could speak with Mark, touch base with him on what he needs Jensen to work on while he’s home,” he said and then waited for JD to answer him.

“I don’t think that will be a problem, but Jensen really should be getting the rest he needs,” JD commented. 

“You know Jensen, even when he’s sick, he still wants to make sure things are covered,” Jared said.

“We’ll both be here until around six tonight. How does that work for you? Everyone should be gone by then, so Mark can give you his full attention,” JD offered. “I’ll make sure the door is left unlocked, just let me know when you’re in the building.

“Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks for doing this, JD,” Jared said and then ended the call.

“Well?” Speight questioned.

“Pellegrino will be there,” Jared replied as he tried to hide his anger. “I’m gonna head home for awhile. I need to check on Jensen,” he said as he stood up. “I’ll be back in plenty of time for the arrest to be made,” he said over his shoulder as he bypassed the elevator and ran down the stairs, needing to burn off some of his anger and energy before he drove home. When he reached his SUV, he slipped behind the wheel and grabbed his phone to call Jensen. 

“Jared?” Jensen said as he answered the phone.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t call sooner. I got caught up in a few things at the precinct, but I’m on my way home. Do you need me to pick anything up for you?” he asked.

“No, just come home,” Jensen nearly whispered into the phone. 

“Is everything okay?” Jared asked in a worried voice.

“I want you here with me, need you, just come home. Please,” Jensen begged.

“I’m on my way,” Jared promised as he ended the call and made the drive home.

After he had fully woken up, Jensen rolled onto his side and with shaking hands grabbed the phone off Jared’s nightstand. He dialed his parents’ phone number and waited for the call to be picked up. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he waited and the sound of his own blood pumping in his ears.

“Hello?” his mother said as she answered the call.

“Mom,” Jensen whispered into the phone and waited for his mother’s reaction.

“Oh my God! Jensen, sweetheart. Wait,” she said as she covered the phone and called for Alan. He could hear her muffled voice calling for his father, telling him that the call was from their son.

“Jensen,” Alan said in a worried tone as he picked up the call. “Son, how are you? Please, tell me you’re alright. I need to hear . . .” Alan’s voice broke as he spoke. “I need to know you’re okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Jensen whispered into the phone. “I’m sorry, I let this happen.”

“Jensen, you have nothing to be ashamed about. This isn’t your fault,” Donna managed to get out before she began to cry. “I’m so sorry . . .”

“Mom, please don’t cry,” Jensen begged. He could feel himself becoming overwhelmed and starting to lose control of his emotions, and he hadn’t wanted that. He had just wanted to call his parents, hear their voices and let them know he was at least surviving. He had hoped that since Jared had called them, explained to them what had happened that the hard part would have been over with. He should have known better. His parents would always worry about him, despite the fact that he was a married adult. 

“I just can’t stop,” Donna explained in between sobs. “You’ve already dealt with so much. How much more . . .”

“Mom, please.”

“Jensen,” Alan said as he regained control over his emotions. “Your mother’s right, how much more? It just breaks our hearts, to think of what’s happened, that someone hurt you. But, please don’t think this was ever your fault.”

“Dad . . .”

“No, let me say this, I need to say this. Life has never been easy for you, but your mother and I have always been proud of you, proud to be your parents. We love you, never think otherwise.”

“That bastard . . . he hurt my baby,” Donna whispered into the phone. 

Lost for words, all Jensen could do was sniffle into the phone.

“Son, we love you and we worry about you, we always will. I just don’t understand . . .” Alan said and then went silent.

“Understand what?” Jensen choked out. 

“I just don’t understand why you couldn’t confide in us, why you thought you needed to keep this a secret. We never would have blamed you, or thought less of you. We would have helped you in any way we could. Please, can you explain that to me? Why did you hide this from Jared, from us?” he finally asked.

“I couldn’t admit it to myself, let alone anyone else,” Jensen responded.

“Jared said that you thought he would leave you if he found out. Jared loves you with his entire heart, like you do with him, he would never turn his back on you. You’ve got to believe that.”

“Dad, it’s easy to look back on things now with clarity,” Jensen replied. “Look, I just wanted to let you know I’m alright, and that Jared is taking care of me.”

“We’re coming to see you,” Donna told Jensen.

Jensen shook his head no, he could feel his mouth go dry and he started to shake. “No,” he managed to breathe out and then forced himself to swallow. “No, I can’t deal with that right now,” Jensen heard his mother’s gasp.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Alan inquired.

“I’m already dealing with a lot, and having you both here . . . I just can’t have that right now. Maybe if and when this goes to trial you can come up. You can give me and Jared the support we’ll need to get through that,” he offered, hoping that his parents would accept his request. “Right now, I just need to make things right with Jared.”

“Jensen, please . . .” Donna begged.

“Please understand this is what I need,” he said quietly into the phone.

“You don’t need to make things right with Jared,” his father told him. “Your husband loves you. Jared’s not going anywhere, and he doesn’t blame you.

“I feel like I do, please just give me some time.” Jensen closed his eyes and tried to prepare himself for a fight with his parents. He was sure there was still one coming from his refusal to allow them to visit.

“Of course we’ll give you some time,” Alan replied. “The Padaleckis asked us to give you their love. Just know that we love you, that will never change. Jared loves you with all his heart.”

“It might not seem like it right now, but you will get through this. You will heal,” Donna said softly.

“Maybe, hopefully,” Jensen replied. “I’m gonna let you go. I want to take a shower before Jared gets home.”

“Jared’s not there with you?” Donna asked, shocked to hear that Jensen was alone.

“He had to go in to work for a while, but he’ll be back shortly,” Jensen explained.

“Are the doors locked?” Alan asked in concern for his son’s safety.

“Yes, Dad, they are,” he answered. He hadn’t actually checked the doors, but he knew that Jared would not have left him vulnerable. 

“Good, we’ll talk to you later,” Alan said.

“We love you, and Jared,” Donna confirmed.

“We love you both,” Jensen said and then ended his phone call. He lay in their bed, not wanting to get up. He felt drained after speaking with his parents. It wasn’t until the phone rang that he moved from laying in the fetal position. He answered it and hearing Jared’s voice had him begging his husband to come home.

Hearing Jensen’s words had Jared’s blood running cold. He heard the panic in Jensen’s voice and wondered what had happened as he closed the front door behind himself. “Jensen?” he called out. He heard Jensen faintly calling to him from their bedroom. He took the stairs, two at a time to get to Jensen. “Jensen,” he said quietly as he walked into their bedroom and found Jensen lying in the middle of the bed, with his pillow hugged tightly to Jensen’s body. He smiled at seeing that. “What are you doing with my pillow?” he asked with a chuckle.

Jensen rolled toward Jared, still clutching the pillow. “Getting comfort from it,” he said as he wiped at his wet eyes.

Jared sat down on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on Jensen’s arm. “What’s wrong? Did something happen while I was gone?” 

“I called my parents. I just wanted to hear their voices and let them know that you’re taking care of me,” he replied softly. “They wanted to come out here. I had to tell them no, not right now. It was just draining.”

“What can I do?” Jared questioned.

“Can you just be here, lay down with me?”

“Whatever you need,” Jared replied and settled down next to Jensen, not touching him. He felt the bed shift and found Jensen pressed up against him. 

“Can I . . . can I . . . will you hold me?” Jensen asked as he turned his green eyes up to look at Jared.

“Whenever you want me to,” Jared replied and moved so he would be able to have Jensen lie in his arms. He felt Jensen rest his head on his chest and then Jensen’s arm came to lay across his waist. He lay there, wanting to wrap his arms around Jensen, to hold him and keep him safe, but he remained still, letting Jensen take from him what he needed.

Jensen sighed in contentment. “I’ve missed this,” he murmured as he closed his eyes and let his body relax against Jared’s. He felt himself drifting off to sleep, but fought it long enough to tell Jared something. “I love you. Please just give me some time, don’t leave me. I don’t want to be without you,” he whispered.

“You never have to worry about me leaving. I made a vow to you the day we got married. I will never break that vow, no matter what has happened or will happen between us. So, if that’s something you’re still worried about, you can stop. I love you,” Jared replied in a soft and soothing voice.

“Thank you,” Jensen breathed out before he drifted off to sleep.

“No need to ever thank me for loving you,” Jared whispered to the sleeping man in his arms. He tried to close his eyes as he lay there holding Jensen, but the battered and bruised images of Jensen flooded his mind. He couldn’t believe what Jensen had endured at the hands of Pellegrino. Jensen hadn’t just been raped, he had been brutalized, and he couldn’t believe that Jensen had dealt with that by himself. 


	11. Chapter 11

The sound of a ringing alarm broke the silence of their bedroom, causing Jensen to stir in Jared’s arms. “Ja . . . Jared?” Jensen said groggily. He tried to focus on the sound, trying to figure out what it was that had woken him. He heard Jared’s voice as he came into wakefulness.

“Sorry,” Jared whispered as he shifted to dig his phone out of his pocket. “Forgot I had set the alarm. I have to go back to the precinct,” he explained.

“Oh,” was Jensen’s response as he shifted off of Jared so Jared could get up. He rolled over onto his side so he could watch him. “Why do you have to go back?” 

“Pellegrino is going to be arrested tonight.” He heard Jensen’s sharp intake of breath and he sank down onto the bed to sit next to him. Hesitantly, he placed a hand on Jensen’s arm and waited as he felt Jensen’s muscles tense under his hand. “I need to be there, to see this happen,” he explained. “I don’t want you to worry. It will happen after everyone is gone. I spoke to JD and he thinks I’m coming in to pick up a few things for you and to speak to Pellegrino regarding what he needs from you workwise. We’re doing it this way so no one will be there when he’s told why he’s being arrested. We wanted to give you as much privacy as we can right now,” Jared said solemnly.

“Oh,” Jensen whispered and nodding his head as he let Jared’s words sink in. Pellegrino was going to be arrested for raping him. People would find out, whether it was today or when it hopefully went to trial. He felt his chest tightening at that thought, but knew it was inevitable. He moved, brought his hand up and clutched Jared’s wrist. 

“Jensen?” Jared questioned and cocked his head to the side.

“Will you . . . will you speak to JD for me? Will you tell him why?” Jensen asked in a near whisper. His breathing had quickened and he was starting to shake.

“You don’t have to make any decisions right now,” Jared responded, seeing that Jensen was starting to panic. 

“I know, but it will be easier. JD will have questions,” Jensen replied. “He can . . . he can tell the staff, everyone will find out eventually,” he said as he closed his eyes, feeling shame wash over him.

“Jensen, you don’t have to do this. No one has to know right now . . .”

Jensen opened his eyes and looked up at Jared. “No, tell him, I don’t want to worry about dealing with it,” Jensen said as he cut Jared off. “I just want it over with,” he stated as he let go of Jared’s wrist.

“Okay, whatever you want,” Jared told him and then leaned over to give Jensen a quick kiss on the cheek before getting up. “I’ll be home as soon as I can,” he said as he left their bedroom. 

Jared was met by Chad as he stepped off the elevator. “Chad,” he said in way of a greeting.

“Dude, they were beginning to think you were gonna handle things on your own,” Chad supplied as he hitched his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of Sheppard and Speight. 

Jared looked over in Sheppard and Speight’s direction and saw them anxiously watching him. A wicked smile played over Jared’s lips before he answered Chad, “Don’t think I don’t want to, but I’m not gonna fuck this up for Jensen. He deserves justice,” he stated as he walked in to join Sheppard and Speight at their desks. “Were you worried about me, boys?” he joked as he took an empty chair, dragged it over and straddled it, waiting for one of them to make a comment.

“Well . . .” Speight started, only to be interrupted by Jared.

Jared leaned forward and leveled a pointed look at Speight. “This is my husband’s case. There is no way I’m going to jeopardize this for him,” he said darkly. “Got it?”

“Yeah, Padalecki, I’ve got it,” Speight retorted.

“Right, let’s go arrest this bastard,” Sheppard interjected. 

Jared walked into Morgan’s Publishing behind Sheppard and Speight. Jared knew they weren’t happy about him being there for the arrest, but he had to be there, he had to see the bastard arrested for himself, and promised he wouldn’t interfere. He had to do this for Jensen. He hadn’t given the two detectives or his lieutenant a choice in the matter. Unknown to Pellegrino, he was about to be arrested at work for raping Jensen. “Pellegrino’s office is this way,” he stated as he turned to his right and walked past the empty receptionist’s desk. He led them to Pellegrino’s office and then stepped back, allowing Sheppard to take the lead.

“Mark Pellegrino?” Sheppard asked sharply and watched as Pellegrino looked up from his desk, clearly not amused to be interrupted.

“Can I help you?” Pellegrino said angrily as Sheppard pushed the door to his office open. “Who the hell are you?” he demanded before he looked up to see Jared standing there behind the other two men. “Jared? What the hell is going on?”

“That would be Detective Padalecki to you,” Sheppard replied in answer to Pellegrino’s question. 

“Detective?” Pellegrino repeated as the color drained from his face. 

“Yes, you also know his husband, Jensen Ackles-Padalecki. You see, Mr. Ackles doesn’t use his full name for work, nor has he ever disclosed what Detective Padalecki does for a living, seems it makes people nervous sometimes to know that their coworker is married to a cop.”

“I don’t understand?” Pellegrino stated as he looked at the three men standing in his office.

“Maybe this will clarify things for you,” Speight said as he stepped forward, holding out his handcuffs. “You’re under arrest for the rape of Jensen Ackles-Padalecki. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Turn around,” Speight commanded. When Pellegrino refused to move, Speight stepped behind his desk and forced Pellegrino down across his desk. “Hard way it is.” Speight grabbed one arm and wrenched it behind the man’s back, slapping a cuff on him and then repeated his actions with the other arm before reading the cuffed man his rights

Jared stepped forward. “Is that what you did to Jensen? You forced him down over a desk?” he snarled at the cuffed man. 

“He loved every minute of it,” Pellegrino sneered and brought his eyes up to defiantly look at Jared.

Jared balled his hands into fists, wanting to beat the man into unconsciousness. Maybe he wouldn’t stop at unconsciousness, maybe he wouldn’t stop until the piece of shit was dead. Pellegrino deserved nothing less as far as he was concerned for what the man had done to his husband. He felt Sheppard’s hands on his chest, holding him back from doing just that. He narrowed his eyes at Sheppard and was about to tell the man to back off when Sheppard spoke first.

“Don’t. You’ll only make things worse,” Sheppard cautioned.

“He’s only crying rape now because I refused to grant him his transfer request,” Pellegrino spat out as he tried to raise himself off his desk. “That’s what this is. He’s such little slut.” He grinned up at Jared when he took a step forward. “Yeah, that’s what he is, a little cock slut. You got yourself a fine piece of ass. He was so tight. Had I have know, I would have bent him over my desk sooner. I made him scream. Practically split him in two. He pretended like he didn’t want it, but he did. He begged me not to, but I knew he wanted it. He cried so prettily. You should have seen the tears in his eyes. I wanted to lick them off him. I had to tie his hands so he wasn’t able to fight, and I had to gag him so he couldn’t keep telling me no. I knew he wanted it, I knew he wanted me, and I gave him what he wanted,” he said defiantly. 

“I want to thank you Mr. Pellegrino,” Sheppard said and watched as Pellegrino turned his head to him. 

“For what?” Pellegrino asked in confusion..

“For making this case easy for us. You just admitted to raping Mr. Ackles-Padalecki,” Sheppard shot back at him, bringing his hand up to the body camera he had clipped to the outer pocket of his suit jacket. Before he could explain, Pellegrino cut him off.

“The fuck I did. You can’t prove a thing,” Pellegrino snarled at the three men. “It will be your word against mine. Who do you think they’ll believe? Me, that’s who!”

Speight pointed to his body camera, the one clipped to his lapel, and tapped the screen. The office was filled with Pellegrino’s angry and defiant voice relating what he had done to Jensen.

“You tricked me! You had no right to record me. I know my rights. I want my lawyer,” Pellegrino screeched at the men.

“You’ll get your chance to explain everything once we get to the precinct and your lawyer is present,” Sheppard stated and then raised his hand to stop Pellegrino from interrupting him. “And before you try to say you weren’t apprised of your rights, you, were. You just chose to ignore them, but don’t worry, we got it all recorded. There have been too many accusations against the police. So, we’ve taken to using body cameras to record our arrests. And everything is automatically downloaded to a police server. There’s no way for us to tamper with it. Isn’t that wonderful?” Sheppard mocked in a questioning voice.

“Everyone has the right to remain silent. Lucky for us, this one didn’t heed the warning,” Speight said as he hoisted Pellegrino up and around the desk. He started to lead the man out of the office, but stopped when he heard Jared’s voice.

“Wait!” Jared yelled, stopping everyone from moving. “Wait,” he repeated as he moved to stand in front of Pellegrino. He felt hands on his chest; he looked down at them and then up to see it was Sheppard trying to hold him back. 

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Sheppard hissed out.

Jared shook his head in response, “You raped my husband,” Jared said in a tight voice. “For that, I will do everything in my power to make sure you never see the light of day again. I won’t rest until Jensen gets justice,” he gritted out from behind clenched teeth.

Despite being under arrest and in handcuffs, Mark gave Jared a cocky grin. “Jensen loved every minute of it. You should have seen him, bending over, taking everything I gave him. He’s definitely the stuff of wet dreams,” Mark cackled when he saw Jared’s face darkened in anger.

Jared took another step forward, clenching and unclenching his fists in anger, wanting desperately to punch Pellegrino in the face. “You son of a bitch,” Jared hissed as he raised his right fist to strike at Pellegrino. 

Seeing Jared’s reaction to Pellegrino’s words, Sheppard applied more pressure to his chest, trying to get Jared to focus on him and not Pellegrino’s taunts. “Don’t,” he cautioned and watched as Jared shook his head in response and took a step back.

“Let’s go,” Speight said as he maneuvered the cuffed man past Jared and out of the office to the waiting police car.

“You won’t get away with what you did. You’ll pay for this. They’re gonna love meeting you in jail. Do you hear me?” Jared screamed as Pellegrino was led away. 

“Let us take it from here, as hard as that will be. You need to calm down before you go home. You can’t let Jensen see you like this,” Sheppard said as he clapped Jared’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. 

Jared took several breaths before shaking his head. “You’re right,” he said as ran his hand through his hair, “you’re right,” he repeated. 

“Go home to Jensen and let him know that we arrested the smug bastard. He needs you. Take care of him and yourself, and if you need to talk, give me a call, or if you don’t want to talk, and you just need to grab a beer let me know,” Sheppard replied.

“Thank you, for everything,” Jared said solemnly as they walked out of Pellegrino’s office. He watched as Sheppard joined Speight, got into the car and drove away. 

“Jared!” a gruff male voice called out. The commotion of Pellegrino being arrested had drawn him out of his office.

Jared turned in the direction of the voice calling him to see JD Morgan, the owner of the company standing there. The commotion of Pellegrino’s arrest had drawn him out of his office and he had watched everything that had transpired. He watched as Morgan walked closer to him. He braced himself for what was coming; he squared his shoulders and raised himself to his full height, looking Morgan directly in the eyes. “JD,” he said in a tight voice.

“You arrested Mark Pellegrino for rape?” JD’s voice was laced with anger as he asked the question.

“Yeah, thanks for your help in making sure he stayed late and that the place would be empty.” Jared eyed the older man, waiting for JD to defend Pellegrino.

“I can’t believe it. I never thought . . .” JD seemed lost in his thoughts. “Jensen? Mark raped Jensen?” he asked in confusion.

“Yes,” Jared spat out. “Yes, he raped Jensen, my husband.”

“When?” JD asked in disbelief.

“It happened the week I was away in Texas,” Jared answered and watched as a pained look crossed JD’s face.

“How’s Jensen? Is there anything I can do for him, or for you? How are you holding up?” JD asked in rapid succession.

“He’s amazing,” Jared managed to say. “Me? I’m still trying to deal with the fact that this happened to my husband. That I never noticed. I’m a cop for Christ sakes,” he murmured, more to himself than JD. 

“You’re also human,” JD said as he stepped forward and cupped Jared’s shoulder. He felt the man tense, but then relax at his touch. “If I had known . . . I confronted Mark about Jensen. I warned him to leave Jensen alone, not to do anything stupid.” He gave Jared a pained look. “I even asked Jensen if everything was alright with him and Mark, if there were any problems. I believed them when they said things were fine. I shouldn’t have. Jensen’s not one to draw attention to himself. I knew what Mark was like. I just never thought he was capable of this . . . of raping someone.” JD shook his head. “I was so stupid. I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt. He was my friend before he became my employee. I just couldn’t see past that until it was too late.” 

“There is something you can do for Jensen,” Jared supplied. “He can’t bring himself to tell the people who work here, those he considers his friends. He asked if you would do that for him. It will make it easier for him when he comes back.”

JD visibly paled as he listened to Jared. “Of course, if he wants me . . . if that’s what he wants,” JD replied sadly. “Tell Jensen to take as much time as he needs. He has nothing to worry about, his job will still be waiting for him when he’s ready to come back. I’ll make sure he’s paid for whatever time he takes; it won’t come out of his sick or vacation time,” he said more to himself than Jared. “Tell him . . . tell him that I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, we’re all sorry, but it’s my husband who’s paid the price,” Jared spat out. Without another word, Jared turned and walked out of Morgan Publishing. 

When he made it home, he walked in to find Jensen pacing their living room. “Hey,” he said as Jensen turned to him. “We arrested Pellegrino. He admitted to raping you.”

Jensen stood there, looking at Jared in shock. Pellegrino had been arrested. Pellegrino had admitted to raping him. He felt his knees buckle and he reached out to grab on to something, anything to steady himself. His hand met air and then he felt Jared’s hands on his body, catching him and gently lowering them both to the floor. He let Jared hold him as he tried to catch his breath. “He . . . he admitted it? He told you . . . the other detectives what he did to me?”

“Yes, and we have it recorded. Speight and Sheppard were both wearing their body cams. Since technically I wasn’t actually there as a detective, I wasn’t wearing mine,” Jared explained.

“You didn’t do something you’ll regret did you? You won’t get into trouble for being there?” Jensen asked.

“No, Beaver sanctioned my being there, as long as I didn’t interfere, and I didn’t,” Jared replied in a tight voice. “But don’t think I didn’t want to bash his brains in.” He kissed the top of Jensen’s head and wrapped his arms tighter around him, not wanting to break their contact, but he knew he had to. They needed to get up from the floor and he could feel Jensen’s body shaking from his hold on him. “Do you think you can stand?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Jensen said as Jared helped him up. That night Jensen let Jared take care of him, letting Jared cook for him and he actual ate everything on his plate. Jared had suggested watching a movie and he had agreed and even asked if they could watch it in their bedroom. He had fallen asleep with his head resting on Jared’s shoulder.

The news of Pellegrino’s arrest had been quietly announced the morning after at Morgan Publishing, shocking everyone. With Jensen’s permission, JD had called everyone into the conference to discuss the situation. Jensen had taken another day off, calling out sick. He hadn’t wanted to be there when JD told them why Pellegrino had been arrested, or to see the looks of pity or horror on the faces of the people he worked with when JD disclosed to them why Pellegrino had been arrested.

JD stood at one end of the conference table and watched as his employees filed in and took a seat. He cleared his throat, but couldn’t find the words he needed. He looked at the people before him, his employees and friends, and finally spoke. “I need to discuss a very delicate situation with you. Before I begin, I want to make it perfectly clear that what I’m about to tell you is not to be discussed outside of this room.” He watched as everyone shook their heads in understanding. “Last night, Mark Pellegrino was arrested.” He heard the shocked murmurs and waited until they died down. “He was arrested on suspicion of rape. When arrested, Pellegrino admitted to raping . . . to raping Jensen.” He heard several gasps and curses ripple throughout the room and he held up his hands to stop them. “Jensen gave me his permission to speak about this on his behalf. He’s obviously not here today for that reason, and he took yesterday off because he knew about the arrest. His husband is a detective with the Seattle police department.” He heard more gasp at that news and held up his hands. 

“Jared contacted me yesterday, asking if he could stop in after work to pick up a few things for Jensen and also to speak to Mark. All I can assume now is that he was trying to make the arrest go as smoothly as possible for Jensen’s sake. So, after everyone left for home last night, the police served Pellegrino with an arrest warrant and took him into custody.” He gave his employees the time they needed to process the news before speaking again. “When Jensen returns, I expect you all to treat him with the dignity he deserves and to respect his privacy. He and his husband are trying to deal with this horrific event. Please respect his boundaries. If anyone needs to speak to me, to express their concerns, my door is open,” JD said as he motioned for his staff to return to their offices. He slumped down into an empty chair, needing to take a moment to compose himself before he left the room. He heard movement and looked up to see Misha, Felicia, Genevieve, Danneel and Tom standing there.

“What can we do to help Jensen?” Felicia asked as she waved a hand at those standing with her.

“Honestly, I have no idea,” JD responded.

“I knew something was wrong,” Misha said heatedly. “Jensen was off, he didn’t seem himself. Why didn’t he say something? None of us would have thought less of him. We would have done anything to help him. He’s our friend.”

“How are he and Jared doing?” Danneel asked.

“They’re doing their best to cope,” JD told them.

“When did this happen?” Tom asked.

“Did this happen when Jared was away?” Genevieve questioned and watched as JD shook his head yes. 

“That fucker was always eyeing Jensen. He was always showing too much interest in Jensen. He always made Jensen uncomfortable,” Misha said angrily. “I knew I should have said something to you or to Jared.” 

“The only one to blame here is Pellegrino. He’s the one who raped Jensen. He’s the one who chose to do what he did. But, Jensen is paying the price, he paid dearly and now, so is Jared.” JD scrubbed his hands down his face and then stood up. “I don’t know how we can help Jensen through this, or if he even wants our help. Just give him the time he needs to deal with this. Take his lead and go from there. Now, as hard as this is, we need to get back to work,” he said with a tight smile as he walked the five people out of the conference room. 

JD walked into his office, picked up his cell phone and sent a joint text to Jensen and Jared letting them know that he had spoken to his staff, that they had been filled in on what had happened. He received a simple  _ ‘Thank you’ _ , in response from Jensen before he placed a call to his wife. He smiled when he heard his wife’s voice on the other end of the call. “Hi sweetheart,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I just needed to hear your voice. I broke the news to everyone about Jensen, it wasn’t easy.” He listened to his wife telling him she loved him before he ended the call and picked up his office phone to start making calls to the clients Pellegrino had been working with. Rather than mention Pellegrino’s arrest, he chose to go with the story of him being on leave due to personal reasons and assure them that they were still in good hands. He wasn’t sure if Pellegrino’s arrest would make the news, but he’d deal with that if and when it happened. 

Misha sat in his office, his eyes staring at Jensen’s empty desk. God, if he had only manned up and said something to JD or even Jared. He had tried to coax Jensen into saying something, but that had backfired. Jensen was too shy to do something like that. Jensen preferred to fly under the radar whenever possible, never wanting to draw attention to himself. But, this time Jensen had somehow managed to draw the attention of the worst person imaginable; the man who had raped him. And he could have done something to prevent this. How was he ever going to be able to look Jensen in the eyes again? He reached for his phone and dialed Jensen’s number. He wasn’t sure if Jensen would even take his call or what he was even going to say to his friend. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or saddened when his call went to voicemail. “Jensen, it’s Misha. JD filled us in. I’m so damn sorry . . . Just call me if you need to talk. I’m here for you. Take care of yourself,” he said and then ended the call. 

An hour later his phone beeped, indicating he had received a text. He picked it up and sucked in a surprised breath when he saw that the message was from Jensen. 

_ JA: Got your message - thanks.  _

Misha took a chance and responded.

_ MC: How are you? Anything I can do? _

_ JA: Still dealing with everything. Just give me some time. _

_ MC: Of course, you’re my friend & I’m here for you. _

_ JA: Thanks for your support. Talk to you later. _

Misha tossed his phone down, knowing that he had at least reached out to Jensen and that Jensen had been receptive to him. He breathed a sigh of relief at that. He hadn’t lost his friend and he would be there for Jensen when Jensen needed him.

That night, with Jared sitting next to him, Jensen had called Chris and Steve. 

“Jensen, well it’s about time you came out from under the rock you’ve been hiding under,”   
Chris taunted.

“Pay no attention to that asshole,” Steve countered back. Chris had placed his cell phone on speaker so they could all be heard.

“Right,” Jensen replied quietly. 

“What’s up?” Chris asked, sensing that Jensen wasn’t in a joking mood.

“I have something to tell you,” Jensen said in a somber tone. “It’s the reason why I’ve pulled away from everyone.”

“Okay, we’re listening,” Steve said, trying to encourage Jensen to tell them his news. 

“When Jared was in Texas . . . I . . . I,” he started to say and then began to cry. He looked at Jared, silently pleading with Jared to help him. 

“Jensen, what’s wrong?” Chris and Steve asked in unison, worry clearly laced through their voices at hearing Jensen cry.

“Want me to?” Jared asked quietly and was handed the phone by Jensen. He moved the phone to his right hand, extended his left arm and waited for Jensen to lean into him. With Jensen tucked up against him, Jared began to speak, “Hey, it’s Jared. It’s hard for him to say the words,” he started to explain.

“What’s going on?” Steve asked.

“You’re scaring us,” Chris admitted.

“When I was in Texas, Jensen was attacked,” he heard Chris and Steve’s flabbergasted responses,  _ ‘Are you serious?’ _ ,  _ ‘What happened?’ _ , and waited for the two men to quiet before continuing, “he was raped.”

“Who the fuck hurt him?” Chris demanded. “I’m gonna fucking kill him. I don’t give a fuck if you’re a cop or not. He’s a dead man!” Chris screamed into the phone.

“Is Jensen okay? I mean . . .” Steve let his words die off. How could Jensen be okay? How could Jared be okay for that matter? “Are you okay?” Steve asked.

“What are you gonna do about this?” Chris yelled into the phone.

Hearing Chris’ reaction had Jared counting to ten before answering. “He was arrested yesterday. I was there when it happened. He admitted to raping Jensen,” Jared explained.

“Who was it? And is he dead?” Chris spat out.

“Chris!” Steve admonished.

“He’s not dead, but believe me, he’s gonna wish he was. It was Mark Pellegrino . . .”

“Jensen’s boss?” Steve asked in disbelief, cutting Jared off.

“That fucker is a dead man. He just doesn’t know it yet,” Chris spat out.

“Listen, right now, Jensen’s just done the hardest thing in his life, going to the police to report his rape. He needs our support, not death threats against the man who did this,” Jared chided. “Can you do that? Can you just support him?” Jared asked of their friends.

“Of course, whatever he needs,” Chris said as the anger in his voice bled out.

“Jared?” Steve said quietly. “Can I ask, why are we just being told now? Why was he just arrested if it happened a month ago?”

“Did Jensen think we wouldn’t believe him?” Chris asked indignantly. “We’d back him . . .”

“No,” Jared responded, cutting Chris off. “He was scared. He thought . . .” He took a deep breath and then exhaled it before continuing to speak. “He thought if I found out that I’d leave him. That I would think he had wanted . . . that he had cheated on me.”

“Oh my God,” Steve uttered, astonished at hearing what Jared had just told them. “How could he think that?” 

“That would never happen,” Chris replied. “He’s gotta know that.”

“Yeah, well, when you’re scared and hurting, you don’t always think logically.” He leaned in and kissed Jensen’s forehead. “He knows the truth. I’m still here with him. He knows he’s never gonna lose me.” Jared murmured, “I love you,” to Jensen to reassure him before continuing his conversation with Steve and Chris. “He’s been through a lot, but he knows I will always love him.”

“Can I . . . I need to tell him something,” Chris said.

“Let me put you on speaker,” Jared muttered as he fumbled with Jensen’s phone with one hand. “Okay,” he responded, letting Chris know he had switched the call to speakerphone.

“Jensen, are you there?” Chris asked.

“Ye . . . Yes,” Jensen stuttered out. 

“Hey, you have us in your corner. Whatever you need, we’re there for you,” Chris told him.

“We love you, man,” Steve confirmed. 

“Yeah, always, man,” Chris added.

“Thanks,” Jensen managed to say and then waved his hand at the phone indicating he was done talking.

“Alright, he’s exhausted. I’m gonna end this now so I can get him to bed,” Jared explained.

“Jared,” Chris called out, “take care of him, and yourself.”

“We’re here for you, too, Jared. Anything you need from us, let us know,” Steve said. 

“Thanks, we both appreciate it,” Jared said before he ended the call. He placed Jensen’s cell phone down on the coffee table and then helped Jensen to his feet and to their bed. 

Two days later Jared came home early from work. He had been working reduced hours to be with Jensen whenever possible while Jensen took time off from his job to heal. “Jensen,” he said as he walked into the kitchen to see him sitting at their kitchen table, his laptop in front of him. He knew Jensen was working on something that he wasn’t ready to share with him.

Jensen looked up from his laptop as Jared walked into the kitchen. “Hey,” he said as he closed the laptop. He had been working on his story. He knew he would eventually share it with Jared, but the story wasn’t finished yet. He had a few more things to add and he wanted to finish the artwork to go along with it before he showed Jared what he had created.

Jared pulled out the chair next to him and sat down. “There’s been a development in your case.”

Jensen felt his heartbeat quicken. A development, and so soon, that couldn’t be good news, he thought to himself. “What does that mean?” he finally managed to ask Jared.

“Pellegrino took a plea deal. He was charged with Rape in the Second Degree and will have to serve a minimum of twenty years before he can even petition for release. When he’s released, if he’s released, he’ll be placed on the Sex Offender Registry.” Jared reached out for Jensen’s hand by placing his on the table and waited to see if Jensen would entwine their fingers. “He’s also been ordered to never have contact with you. If he does, the deal is voided and he’ll serve the full sentence, which could be life in prison.”

Jensen reached out and placed his hand in Jared’s upturned hand. He curled his fingers with Jared’s and just sat there, letting Jared’s words settle over him. “It’s over,” he whispered. “It’s over. He’ll never be able to do this to anyone else,” he said as his tears of relief began to fall. “I never thought . . . I never thought he’d see jail time,” he admitted. 

“Well he is, and I’m so proud of you. You should be proud of yourself,” Jared said and watched as Jensen’s eyes snapped up to look at him. “You took that first step. You reported your rape. You stood up for yourself.”

“Yeah, a month later, not when it happened,” Jensen countered back.

“No, you’re not gonna beat yourself up over that,” Jared said with determination. “It took so much courage to come forward, no matter when it was. You dealt with it on your own. You have no idea how in awe I am of you, or how much I love you,” Jared said as his voice broke.

“I love you, too,” Jensen said as he reached over and wiped away Jared’s tears. “You have no idea . . . I’ve loved you since the first day I met you. I just never thought you’d want someone like me. I guess I got lucky,” he whispered. 

Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand. “Someone like you?” he replied with a shake of his head. “You mean amazing, and just for the record, I’m the lucky one.”

Two weeks later Jensen had made a few decisions in his life. With Jared’s support, he had returned to work. He had worked it out with JD that he would work part-time, needing to ease himself back in. It had been hard walking in that first day, but he had found everyone to be supportive. At first he couldn’t look at the office where he had been raped. When he had, with Misha standing next to him for support, he had found that JD had stripped it of anything having to do with Pellegrino and had turned it into a storage room; one he would never have to go into. 

There had been a few changes made to Morgan Publishing; a restructuring within the company. To Jensen’s surprise, Felicia now oversaw the team he had worked on. He had been happy to find that out, he liked Felicia and got along well with her. The other change was that JD offered him Felicia’s position. 

“I know it’s a lot to take in right now,” JD said with a chuckle at seeing his stunned look. “Take your time. You don’t have to give me an answer right away, and if you say no, there’s no hard feelings. It’s just with all your hard work and talent, you’ve more than earned it.”

As soon as he left JD’s office, he placed a call to Jared. Breathlessly, he told Jared the news. “Jared, something’s happened. You’re never going to believe it,” he rapidly said into the phone, not giving Jared a chance to respond before he continued. “JD put Felicia in charge of my department, but that’s not the unbelievable part, JD offered me her position. He wants me to head up the Science Fiction and Fantasy department. He said that with all my hard work and talent that I’ve earned it. Can you believe it, me!” he asked in disbelief, and then laughed.

“JD’s right, you’ve earned it, but you do what’s right for you. I’ll support you, whatever your decision is,” Jared had told him.

“I love you,” Jensen replied before ending the call. A few minutes later he walked into JD’s office and accepted the job, with one condition; he wanted Misha on his team, if Misha was willing. Happily, Misha had jumped at the chance to move into the realm of Science Fiction and Fantasy, joining him and Danneel. 

Jensen sat at his kitchen table after having arrived home from one of his last days working part-time and pulled out the crumpled business card that Doctor Huffman had given him. He didn’t know why he had saved it, why he had kept it when his first instinct had been to throw it away. He read the name, Samantha Smith, Therapist. Maybe it was time to make the call. Maybe it was time to start dealing with what had happened to him. It was time to forgive himself. It was time to heal. He picked up the phone, dialed the number and waited for his call to be answered. The sound of a woman’s voice on the other end jarred him, he had been expecting an answering machine to pick up his call. 

“This is Samantha Smith,” she said, “how can I help you?”

He coughed and cleared his throat before speaking. “My name is Jensen Ackles. I was given your card by Doctor Huffman. I was hoping I could make an appointment to come in and speak to you. I was also hoping I could I bring my husband?”

“I know this is short notice for us both, but I actually had a cancellation. It’s tomorrow at three and yes, you’re more than welcome to bring your husband,” Samantha told him. “Would this work for you?”

“Yes, we can come in tomorrow. Thank you,” he said and ended the call.

Jensen was still sitting in the kitchen when Jared came home. He looked up from his laptop, smiled at Jared and then set his laptop aside. “Hi,” he said as he raised his face to Jared, accepting the chaste kiss Jared gave his cheek with a smile. “I need to talk to you,” he said and waited for Jared to sit. He didn’t miss the look of concern that flashed across Jared’s face as he sat down. He reached out for Jared’s hands. “I made a call earlier today to a therapist,” he explained.

Jared sat across from Jensen, letting Jensen hold his hands. These days, he let Jensen set the pace, all too painfully aware that Jensen flinched whenever he moved to touch him. He had dared to kiss Jensen because Jensen had allowed him to. He only ever touched Jensen when Jensen allowed him to. He shook his head, letting Jensen know he was listening to him. He was curious to know where Jensen was going with this.

“I made an appointment for tomorrow, at three. I’d like you to be there,” he said as he looked at Jared, uncertainty clearly etched in his features. He wasn’t sure how Jared would take this news. He knew Jared was willing to do whatever it took to help him heal. It just seemed so soon to be able to get an appointment to see a therapist.

Jared smiled at Jensen, knowing how hard this was for his husband. “Of course, whatever you need,” Jared replied.

“What I need is to be whole again. What I need is to feel safe. What I need is to be me again. I know things are strained between us. I want to get back to where we were before . . . I was raped. I miss you. I miss us,” he said in a small voice.

Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand. “I miss us, too, but I’m willing to wait until you’re ready, however long that takes. I’m not going anywhere. Why don’t you give me the address and I’ll meet you there, or I could pick you up and we’ll go together.”

“Could you pick me up?” Jensen requested. “I’d like us to go together.”

“Then together it is,” Jared said.

The first visit with Samantha had been equal parts easy and difficult for Jensen. Easy, because at first it seemed like it was just a standard meet and greet, a way to get to know each other and to see if Jensen felt comfortable with her. Difficult, because halfway through their first hour, Samantha had asked why he and Jared were there. It had been difficult for him to say the words, to admit that he was seeking help in dealing with being raped. 

They were at their third appointment when Jared made a decision. He needed to tell Jensen something that he hadn’t been aware of and probably wouldn’t like hearing. 

“Jared, Jensen,” Samantha said as she ushered them into her office. “How are you?”

“Good,” Jensen replied as he took a seat on the couch near Jared. “Things are pretty good for me,” he said, glancing over at Jared with a smile. “Things are pretty good for us, not perfect, but getting better,” he happily admitted.

Jared sat back against the couch and looked over at Jensen who was only sitting a foot away from him. To him this was progress, at least there wasn’t a couch cushion between them, or Jensen sitting in a chair away from him. But he was about to possibly undo all the progress they had been making. 

Samantha turned to Jared. “Jared, you’re awfully quiet. Is there something wrong?” she inquired as she studied him.

“There’s something I need to tell you, Jensen,” he admitted as he turned to Jensen. He watched as the color drained from Jensen’s face. He lifted his hands to reach out to Jensen, but dropped them into his lap. Normally he would just take Jensen into his arms, and as much as he wanted to, he never knew how Jensen would react to what he considered an act of love and comfort. 

“Wh . . . what is it?” Jensen stuttered out. He could feel his body begin to shake in fear. He watched as Jared started to move, to raise and then drop his hands and he felt his heart clench at seeing that. Jared couldn’t even touch him right now. This was it, his mind screamed, this was where Jared told him that he couldn’t handle dealing with him and his issues. He tried to brace himself for when Jared told him he had reached the point of no return. He could understand why Jared wouldn’t want to be with him any longer, they hadn’t been intimate since the night before Jared had left. He was still afraid of being touched and he had no idea how long it would take him to get over that fear, or if he would ever be able to.

Jared could see the sadness on Jensen’s face and the fear in his green eyes and knew that Jensen was going into a panic attack. “Hey, I love you,” he said softly and watched as Jensen nodded. Slowly, he reached out one hand and placed it palm up next to Jensen’s thigh, hoping Jensen would accept the offer. To his relief, Jensen did.

Jensen saw Jared’s hand move toward him. He watched as Jared rested his hand next to him and realized what Jared was doing, Jared was giving him the choice of being touched. He wished that he didn’t always flinch when Jared tried to touch him in any way. He was working on that and hoped that Jared understood. He placed his hand in Jared’s and felt Jared’s fingers entwine with his. He raised his eyes to look into Jared’s hazel eyes when he heard Jared’s voice.

“I saw the pictures and read the medical report from your rape,” Jared said quietly. “I know what he did to you when you were raped. I know what you went through.” He heard Jensen’s gasp at his admission. “I didn’t say anything at first because you were already dealing with so much.”

“Wh . . . why now? Why are you telling me now?” Jensen questioned.

“Because you have a right to know and I couldn’t keep this from you,” Jared replied and watched as Jensen turned his face away from him. 

Jensen heard Jared’s words and his breath stuttered in his chest. Jared knew everything. Jared had seen the pictures from that night, and had read the medical report detailing what Mark had done to him. He turned away from Jared, not daring to look at him, not wanting to see the heartbreak on Jared’s face or wanting Jared to see the pain on his own face. He tried to pull his hand free, but Jared refused to let go.

“Jared, can you give Jensen a moment?” Samantha asked.

Jared turned to look at her briefly and answered “No,” before looking back at Jensen. “No, because if I do that, he’s going to spiral,” he said and then gave Jensen’s hand a squeeze to get his attention. He watched as Jensen turned his tear streaked face back to him and without thinking, he raised his free hand to gently wipe away the tears. “I had to know, but I never wanted to push you into telling me. I knew that was something you couldn’t handle doing then, or possibly ever.”

Jensen nodded in agreement with Jared’s words. He visibly swallowed before speaking. “I couldn’t tell you . . .”

“I know, and that burden has been taken off your shoulders,” Jared replied quietly.

“Jared, can I ask if there is any other reason you’re telling Jensen this?” Samantha inquired.

“Yes, there is,” he replied, never taking his eyes off Jensen.

“Th . . . there is?” Jensen echoed. 

“Yes, there is. I needed to tell you that even knowing what I know about what happened to you that night, I still love you. I still want you.” He gave Jensen a dimpled smile when Jensen looked at him. “You don’t have to wonder what would happen if I knew. You don’t have to worry anymore. I just wish . . .” He stopped speaking, letting his words die as he wondered if he should say any more.

“You wish what?” Jensen asked in a fearful voice.

“I just wish that I could hold you more often, offer you comfort and support. Even if we’re never intimate again, I’m not going anywhere. I love you. I’m just hoping that by me telling you this, that you don’t question my love for you,” he said and then dropped his eyes to their clasped hands. He knew he had probably ruined things between them, but he had to be honest with Jensen and himself. 

“Jensen, do you need time to process your thoughts? Would you like Jared to step outside so we can speak?” Samantha asked as she watched Jensen and Jared.

“No,” Jensen replied to her question. “Because I want that too. I want you to hold me, touch me, kiss me. Even if I flinch, I want you to still do it. Please, just be patient with me.”

“That I can do,” Jared replied with a wide grin and watched as Jensen smiled back at him, a smile that finally reached his green eyes and lit them from within. 

They still saw Samantha, but the visits had gone from weekly to bi-weekly, which to Jensen meant they were making progress. The sessions had helped them both prepare for when they returned to Texas. He felt ready to finally meet Alisa, and to deal with the stress of seeing his parents and Jared’s family. They were also prepared to decompress when they returned home. To his and Jared’s relief, the visit had gone well. His parents had hugged him, told him how happy they were to have him home and that no matter what, they loved him and Jared. Jared’s family had treated him like they always had, like he was family. The only time anyone touched upon the topic of his rape was the first full day they had been home.

The Padaleckis’ had hosted a family gathering and as he sat holding Jared’s hand, he had looked at everyone and asked if anyone wanted to talk about his rape or the plea deal that Pellegrino had accepted. He had known it wasn’t an easy topic to broach, but he hadn’t wanted people to tiptoe round him or Jared. It had been difficult to see their mothers’ tears and their fathers’ rage, but their family had banded together to offer whatever support either of them needed. No one, not their parents, Jared’s siblings or their spouses had looked at him with disgust, nor had anyone looked at them with pity in their eyes. The only questions that had been asked were if he was happy with Pellegrino’s sentence and if he was seeing someone to help him deal with his rape. He had been able to answer truthfully.

“I’m relieved that Pellegrino admitted what he did to me, that he will never be able to hurt anyone ever again. Jared and I are seeing a therapist. She’s helping us both deal with things. It hasn’t been easy, but we’re working through things, day by day,” he had confessed. The fact that he could do that, meant that he was making progress. He was healing and he had even approached Misha about the manuscript he had been working on.

Misha looked up from his desk when he heard a knock at his door. He smiled when he saw his friend and now his boss, standing there. “Hey, come in,” he said with a wave of his hand. He gave Jensen a concerned look when he closed his office door. “What’s up?”

“I’ve been thinking about what you said a while back, about me submitting one of my stories. If I do that, would you take a look at it first?” Jensen asked and then bit his bottom lip and waited for Misha’s response.

“Of course,” Misha said with a chuckle. “Whenever you’re ready,” he offered.

“Okay,” Jensen nodded his head. “Good, when I’m ready,” he repeated and then left Misha’s office. 

Jensen paced back and forth, wearing a path on the living room floor. In his hands he held the only copy of the manuscript that he had created. Yes, he still had everything saved to his laptop, but this copy was special; it was the first book he had written and illustrated, and he would be showing it to Jared. He stopped his pacing when he heard the front door open and close, then Jared’s voice. He turned toward Jared and he couldn’t hide the look of panic on his face.

“Hi, how was your day . . .” The rest of his words died on his lips as Jared looked at Jensen. Jensen had his good and bad days, hell sometimes it was hour to hour depending on how stressed Jensen was, but seeing the panicked look on Jensen’s face had his heart beating rapidly. “Jensen?” He took a few steps toward Jensen, his arms extended, ready to reach out to him and then stopped. Did Jensen need physical contact? Should he touch Jensen? Would Jensen flinch away from him? He knew Jensen didn’t flinch away from him on purpose, but it still hurt to see that reaction, when it happened, and to his relief, it was happening less and less often. He dropped his hands to his sides and waited for Jensen to let him know what he needed from him. 

“I have . . .” Jensen started to say and then held up the manuscript.

Jared’s eyes went to Jensen’s hands to take in what he was holding. He knew Jensen had been working on something. They had talked about his writing in a therapy session, but Jensen had been vague about it and he hadn’t wanted to push. It was something that Jensen kept private and he wasn’t about to invade that privacy. Jensen would tell him when he was ready. It had been that way when Jensen had showed him the pages from his sketchbook; the ones of him where he looked like he was screaming at Jensen. Those had been hard to look at, but they both knew those had come from Jensen’s pain, from his mind trying to deal with the trauma of his rape and keeping everything bottled up. A lot of Jensen’s art up until he had opened up about his rape had been dark, showing his rage and silent suffering at having been violated in such a brutal way. Now, Jensen’s art was slowly taking on a happier tone, showing that he was on a path of healing. 

He would never again be the Jensen that he had met, fallen in love with and married; Pellegrino had seen to that. But, Jensen was finding a way to deal with his rape, finding himself again and his way back to him. And Jared was no longer the same man that Jensen had met all those years ago either. Part of him had died the night that he had discovered that the man he loved had been raped; that he hadn’t been there to protect Jensen. He was still finding a way to deal with his rage over that. He still felt that in his mind he had failed Jensen and it still broke his heart that Jensen had even thought that he would have left him because of the rape, that he would have for one moment stopped loving him. But, they still loved each other, were still in love with each other and he took comfort in that. They would never be the same, but they were healing and finding a way back to each other. “What’s . . .” 

“Don’t say a word,” Jensen warned as he thrust the manuscript into Jared’s hands. “Not until you’ve read it, please,” Jensen pleaded before he turned and walked out of the room. 

“I’ll be in the office,” Jared called out as he watched Jensen disappear upstairs. He knew Jensen had probably sought out the sanctuary of his art studio to deal with his stress. He looked down at what Jensen had given him. The first words that drew his attention were the author and illustrator’s name: Jensen Ackles-Padalecki and he felt his heart swell with pride. Jensen had created this and had taken a chance by sharing this with him. His breath hitched in his throat when he read the title:  _ Freak Like Me _ . 

Jared sat at his desk, the manuscript open before him. His eyes roved over the page he was reading. He reached out and ran his fingers over the artwork that the page ended with. It was beautiful and heartbreaking; a child with bright green eyes being taunted by several other children. His heart clenched as he looked at it, knowing that this child was Jensen, that the story he was reading, the one of a lonely and bullied child, was Jensen’s, even though the names had been changed. He was honored that Jensen was sharing this with him. He wiped away the tears that were pricking at the corners of his eyes and continued to read; the story ended with the boy standing on his front steps, watching as a moving truck drove down his street, stopping three houses down from his home. He drew in a ragged breath as he came to the last page of the story and read the words:  _ This chapter of my life is over, but not my story. The man I fell in love with came into my life and showed me what love, true love is. He’s held my hand through the worst life has thrown at me and he’s never wavered in his support and love for me. I’m blessed to be loved by him and honored to call him my husband _ . 

Reading those words broke the dam Jared had been steadily withholding and he let his tears fall freely. He didn’t hear Jensen as he entered the room, but he felt Jensen’s hand on his arm and he looked up into those green eyes that he still found beautiful. “This is amazing. This needs to be published,” he said as he wiped his eyes. “Jensen . . .” he stopped as he sought out the words he needed. There was so much he wanted to say to the man standing next to him. “I love you. I will always love you,” he said as he stood up and reached out for Jensen.

This time, Jensen didn’t flinch when Jared reached for him. He willingly stepped into Jared’s embrace and held on tightly to the man he loved. He buried his face in the crook of Jared’s neck and breathed in deeply. “I meant what I wrote,” he murmured against Jared’s warm skin. “I always will.” He was finally healing. He was finding his way back to Jared as Jared was finding his way back to him. It would take time, but there was no doubt in his mind that together they would make it. 

The end. 


End file.
